must know what who's not no one knows:
all suits (such duds these dudes drag on!)
aren't suitable for ev'ry john.
Aren't armbands apt for activists?
(Weren't you, once, one of those?)
Aren't boas built for blondes ("Les Gilt")
in pumps and fishnet hose?
Aren't Cardigans collegi'ns costumes --
seen on senior fellows
smoking briars in their libraries
("...the beechwood and the bellows...")?
Aren't dickeys, donned by dapper dons,
to deans and docents sold?
Aren't epaulettes and earmuffs worn
by ensigns catching cold?
Fedoras aren't for females.
They're for fellas -- Indianas,
Michael Landrys, Lester Youngs...
(For their fedoras they're bananas!)
Aren't galluses the garb of grandpas
('zaydes' if they're Jews)?
Aren't H'wai'an shirts "haut cout"
for Honolulu'ns on a cruise?
Aren't ice bags for inebriates,
to keep hung hotheads cool?
Aren't jodhpurs for the jet set
at the Spanish Riding school?
Aren't kilts the kit of Scottish knights --
Kincaid clan kin included?
Legwarmers warm lads' legs,
lest limbs catch chills because denuded.
Don't mousquetaires make mitts
for musketeers -- not mice, not moose?
Aren't neckties for the natt'lly dressed --
knots knotted tight, not loose?
Orchids, pince-nez, quivers, muffs:
for whom might those togs be?
For fleurphiles, Poirots, Quinns, Pierrots
and Royals...suitably.
Are spats not for sophisticates?
I know so few. (You do?)
Are teddies not for Ts and As?
(Transvestites tout 'em, too.)
Aren't underpants default for uncles
unemployed (sans jobs)?
Are vests not viscounts' vestments --
and for vestiges of slobs?
Aren't Wellingtons (originally
worn by Duke of same)
now worn by weekend gardeners?
(Is Monty Don to blame?)
Xylóxabats (they're wooden shoes):
are they not for the Dutch?
Are yarmulkas not for yeshiva boys'
"nice Yiddish touch"?
Aren't zippered and well-padded
body stockings for Zen Buddhists
who, while striving for dokugo,
also relish being nudists?
So: what is Man without his clothes?
I know: one who's not no one knows
that clothes aren't always in demand --
unless they're a designer brand.
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