"If and only if I've channeled Milt Caniff..." Iff: Nonsense Verse Elaborates Biconditional Connectives

If and only if
I've channel'd Milt Caniff
might my cartoons make any diff' --
though if and only if.
And if and only if
Miff's gif's* prove plu-prolif'
might trombone Joneses get a lif' --
though if and only if. 
     * Miff Mole was one of the greatest 
jazz trombonists ever.

If and only if
some gonif cops his riff
might John Coltrane* indulge in tiff --
though if and only if.
And if and only if
you'd scribble 'hippogriffe'
you'll surely need a brand-new glyph --
though if and only if.
     *John Coltrane was one of the greatest 
tenor sax players ever.

If and only if
I hang with Jimmy Cliff*
I'm loath to take a single whiff --
though if and only if.
And if and only if
your skiff sinks, cast adrif,'
I'll pray your painful passing's swif,' --
though if and only if.
      * Jimmy Cliff was one of the greatest 
Jamaican reggae musicians ever.

If and only if
they ask, "Who here's called 'Biff'...?"
I'll promptly pout and plead the fif,' --
though if and only if.
And if and only if
'toon Tintin* gels with Jif
will said reporter's quiff grow stiff --
though if and only if.
     * Herge's Tintin, officially a reporter, 
was one of the greatest sleuths ever.