Hail, Mary, full of grace,
who'd nail canary, bull or dace*
with "c'est la guerre!"s and sprays of mace.
* A small European freshwater fish.
II. The Terse Trinitarian's Prayer
Pater noster Qui es in coelis:
You know I've no clew where Your Jew's holy grail is.
C'mon, Holy Ghost*: give a hint! Please, don't fail us!
* A vernacular riff on 'Veni Sancte Spiritus,' Catholic liturgy's so-called Golden Sequence.
III. Vespers for Virtual Victims
Now I lay me down to sleep.
You’ll get more than a frown if I hear one more peep:
Do not make me come in there, you [BLEEP] little [BLEEP]!
IV. The Grace of the Grateful Giftee
Bless us O Lord and these, Thy gifts:
first, the car (a new Ford!); second, Jonathan Swift's
"On a Very Old Glass"; third, your used pair of lifts...*
* Hitchens was right: the Diety used to be taller -- much, much taller.
V. This I Believe: a Congressional Credo
I believe in God the Father Almighty
(though I vote Progressive while He's quite the righty:
pro-guns, anti-gays -- and so very uptight, He...)
VI. An Orison to Overzealous Ministering Spirits
Angel of God, my guardian dear:
when it comes to companions, I've known not your peer.
Nonetheless, take a powder: my folks think I’m queer.
VII. An Appeal for Imprisoned Androids
May the road rise up to meet you
(though you're jailed, with R2D2
and C3PO -- in situ).
VIII. A Litany for Lost Wallets
God grant me some serenity,
if, buying some amenity,
I misplace my identity!
IX. A Gnosher's Plea
The Lord is my Shepherd: I shall not want
for no tiramisu nor no almond croissant --
nor no artisan cheeses from Cabot, Vermont.
X. A Supplication of the Sceptic
Jesus loves me -- yeah, I know.
And so does last Stooge Curly Joe
and Marilyn Monroe, yes? No.
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