"In utt'ring the A word, I move my mates Mayward..." The A Word & Other Off-Limits Language or Verboten Verbiage: A Constrained Alphabet

(The 'April' and the 'buck')

In utt'ring the A word, 

I move my mates Mayward.

Its spirit? I fear it's 

enmoisten'd, post March,

while the B word Tru* hollers -- 

to guarantee dollars 

pols pass stop, at las,' 

at his desk -- shows tru' starch.

     * Not author Capote but former 

Buck-Backstop-in-Chief Harry S.

(The 'cuckold' and the 'drunkard')

C words go unmentioned 

by nerds ill-intentioned:

the wives of those guys 

toy with boys on the side.

As for D words? They're said 

when too much liquid bread

lets my bro into haut 

dipsomania slide.

(The 'enema' and the 'fart')

The E word shoots shivvers 

up colons, down livers,

'cuz rectal dysfunction's 

no man's mug o' tea.

And, though not what you think 'er, 

that F word's a stinker

once gas up one's ass 

proves one's fate (accompli).

(The 'green' and the 'halitosis')   

The G word, although it's 

the new blue to many,

is banned in all red states. 

(Do you vote in any?) 

The H word? Say they: he said 

she said I've got it.

(I say: Vescere bracis meis*…

or: sod it!)

     * Latin -- vulgar at that --

for "Eat my shorts!"

(The 'Injun' and the 'Jap')

Native American insult -- 

the I word.

Down under, it's 'abo' -- 

though such be not my word.

The J word, in Double U 

Double U Two,

seemed acceptable...then. 

(Oh! The evil men do!)

(The 'kike' and the 'lesbo')

'Round the last ring in hell 

one imagines Herr Ado'ph

pronouncin' the K word...

then laughin' his haid off.

Misogynist man-children 

whisper the L word...

then snort...then continue 

itiner'ries hellward.

(The 'more' and the 'nothing')

The M words gets mentioned 

by Oliver Twist

(all who do do get more...

and no slaps on the wrist),

while the N word,* to die-hard 

creationists? Weird!

They insist this world's made 

by some geez in a beard.

(The 'O-ring' and the 'panties')

It took Richard* to bring up 

the O word; he show'd

how, because rings were frozen, 

the Challenger blow'd.

And the P word: on Seinfeld 

this shorthand for 'scanties'

proves mentionable: 

Elaine mentions "the ______!"

     * Physicist Feinman

(The 'Quik' and the dead 'red')

Don't mention the Q word 

when visiting Hershey:*

they'll soak you in sauce 

till you're beggin' for mershey.

Suspected are you 

as the R word? McCarthy

will ruin your life -- 

till you're beggin' for “marthy.”

     * In Pennsylvania

(The 'shit' and the 'tit')

Swung the hammer 'n' missed. 

Hit the thumb 'n' got pissed.

Formed the agonized fist. 

Now the S word's heard hissed.

The T word means breast, 

like most mammary monikers:

'chesticles,' 'sweater meat,' 

'boobs'...happy 'hon(i)kers'?

(The 'ubu' and the 'vagina')

It's OK if one mentions 

the U word in Art.

Oh, if only we'd see it,* 

and take it to heart.

There were days when the V word 

was strictly forbidden.

Then enter'd Eve Ensler. 

Now, nothing's left hidden.

     * E.g., "Ubu Roi," the theatre- 

of-the-absurd drama by Jarry.

(The 'why' and the 'XXX')

The W word: 

that it's banned is half lie:

it's both outlawed and urged -- 

do (or don't) query, "Why?" --

while the X word's avoided 

when doubled and tripled

in ratings of cinema  

penis'd and nippl'd.

(The 'yoni' and the 'zoff')

The Y word? In Sanskrit, 

it's eas'ly avoided:

Max Wertheimer didn't, 

but Maslow and Freud did. 

Comes, lastly, the Z word. 

Suppressed? No! No! Uttered                    

by me,* well aware on which 

side my bread's buttered).

     * That's the main reason why 
the Z word gets mentioned a dozen 
times during the verse parody 
"Let's Call the Whole Thing 'Zoff'! -- 
a PWWL post from January of 2012)