Unlikely Understudies

   “Ladies and gentlemen: in this evening's 
performance of “Tintin Tours Tartarus,” the roles of 
Thompson and Thomson will be played by…

…Ms. Theda Bara and Mr. Yogi Berra.”
…Mrs. Laura Bush and Mr. August Busch.”
…Ms. Willow Bay and Mr. Turhan Bey.”
…Mme. Marie Curie and Mr. Finlay Currie.”
…Ms. Celia Cruz and Mr. Tom Cruise.”
…Ms. Jeanne Crain and Mr. Hart Crane.”
…Ms. Barbie Doll and Mr. Roald Dahl.”
…Little Miss Echo and Mr. Umberto Eco.”
…Ms. Tina Fey and Mr. Michael Faye.”
…Ms. Nadia Gray and Mr. Zane Grey.”
…Ms. Lena Horne and Mr. Paul Horn.”
…Mr. Harold Ickes and Mr. Dave Hickey.”
…Dick’s sister Jane and Alan Ladd’s Shane.”
…Herr Helmut Kohl and Ms Natalie Cole.”
…Ms. Lois Lane and Mr. Frankie Laine.”
…Ms. Mary Lamb and Mr. Wifredo Lam.”
…Ms. Vivien Leigh and Mr. Pinky Lee.”
…Ms. Mary Tyler Moore and Sir Thomas More.”
…Mr. Louie Nye and Mr. Bill Nighy.”
…Ms. Tatum O’Neal and Mr. Eugene O’Neill.”
…Ms. Kimberley Po and Mr. Edgar Allan Poe.”
…Mr. Anthony Quinn and Ms. Butterfly McQueen.”
…Mr. John Rambo and Mr. Arthur Rimbaud.”
…Ms. Rene Russo and M Jean Jacques Rousseau.”
…Ms. Rachel Ray and Mr. Alvino Rey.”
…Ms. Patti Smith and Mr. Ronald Eustace Psmith.”
…Mr. Louis Untermeyer and Mr. Samuel Untermeier."
…Ms. Missouri Vaun and Mr. Robert Vaughn.”
…Ms. Fay Wray and Mr. Man Ray.”
…Ms. Kelly Winn and Mr. Keenan Wynn.”
…Herr Max Weber and Mr. Andrew Lloyd Webber.”
…Ms. Loretta Young and Herr Carl Gustav Jung.”
…Senor El Zorro and Mr. George Soros.”

(Curtain)