Runcible'd Spoonerisms and Nearspoons

The Gaza Strip: once holy lands.
The Stasi Grip hunts cold, mean hands.    
     Moral:
Loose lips closed don't get hosed!
When "Get a job!" you're task'd to do,
just jet a gob.* Then ask, "Says who...?"
     * To spurt, spout, gush or otherwise spit out 
a lump or blob of slimy or viscous substance -- 
in this case, a squirt of tobacco juice.
     Moral:
The unemploy'd seem so-o-o-o annoy'd.
The Borden Cow's now still'd her "Moo!"
The Corden Bow's when James gets through.
     Moral: (to come) 
  William, in the Norman Conquest,

crack'd the Saxon battlefront.

Harvey, in a Korman non-quest,

opted not to scavenge hunt.

     Moral:

Who'd vanquish England first must deem

to Plymouth rock and Bristol cream.
Cole Porter cribb'd Shakespeare 

to pen "Kiss Me Kate." 
Pole Courter wild women 
from Warsaw would date.
     Moral:
Taming shrews bests Venetian Jews.*
     * "Kiss Me Kate," based on the Bard's 
"The Taming of the Shrew," was Porter's 
longest-running show. "Shylock," a 1940 
Tamil-language musical adaptation of 
"The Merchant of Venice," failed com-
mercially. (Attention, film buffs: here's 
a film you'll never see on TCM.**)
     ** No prints of "Shylock" survive. 
Stephen Colbert hosts “The 
Late Show” on CBS. (He’s achieved 
household-word status already.)

Kyiv-in-Seoul Bear…? The Ukrainian Zoo
of Korea is home to the cutest darn teddy.

     Moral:
It's an Ursa made yer day.*
     * Suggested by GFH.
Pecos Bill, ol’ cowpokes say,

broke buckin’ broncs -- tye-yippee-yay! --

while Blake O’Spill gets thrown off bulls

at Lone Star cow-town tractor pulls.

     Moral:

No matter if your doggerel be solar or sublunar,

Do not let Herr Udishion run away with Rev’d Spooner!

Bunyan was the giant lumberjack

who ‘Paul’ was christen’d.

Pun-Yan, nicknamed “Bawl”…? 
The Chinese punster. (No one listen’d).

     Moral:

Pilgrim’s Progress…Giant’s Onions...

(Wait! Beware conflated Bunyans!)
Native princess Pocahontas:

John Rolfe loved her. (So did Disney.)

Drumpf derides and mocks this woman.

(Lay’n’ a “Hoax Upon Us,” isn’ he…?)

     Moral:
Ms. Warren ain't foreign!
Casey Jones…? A locomotive driver.

Crush’d! (Too graphic…?)

So: who sets out those orange thingies…?

J. C. Cones, from Traffic.

     Moral:
Stay in your lane 
or 'twill happen again.
Mister Clean – tough is the operative word --

kiss’d her mean. (Rough'd up his girlfriend, I heard.)

     Moral:

Baseboard, sink, tub and tile:

consummated. (With a smile.)
Vale of Tears…? A metaphor

for life’s distress. (Most dread it.) 

“Tale of Virs”…? A roman

‘bout the Roman men who tread it.*

     Moral:

Life before (and after!) death…?

‘Tis thought ’tis naught but shibboleth.

     * ‘It’ is intended to refer to the valley.

If that pronoun is heard as referring to

the metaphor, then the final line must be

amended to read “…men who spread it.”
Charles Dickens crafts a “Carol”

mending Scrooge, once landlord feral.

Darl’s* chickens…? Fancied birds

acknowledged not in Faulkner’s words.    

     Moral:

Charles’s cranks and spooks are curious.

Bundren’s boys…? Un”sound. And furi”ous!

     * Darl Bundren eventually goes mad

in William Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying.