Editors' Dilemma

This week, Light's bards will find inspiring
breaking news of Tucker's firing.
Number of submissions...? In the millions!
Whose job, their prime analysis...?
I feel for those whose task it is
to separate the grim 'uns from the silly 'uns.

Ribbin' Tucker: Ten Takes on T. Swanson McNear Carlson

I. Ribbin' Tucker (U. Poe Kids T. Carlson.)

II. Bib 'n' Tucker (Carlson's Cosplay)

III. Cribbin' Tucker (Carlson Quotes Clown Cars.)

IV. Lib 'un, Tucker (Hey, At Least He Wrote for the Beast.*)

V. Sib 'n' tucker (Pater Sired Two, One You-Know-Who.)

VI. Glib 'un, Tucker (Silver Spoon AND Silver Tongue)

VII. Tribun' Tucker (Only T Can fix It.)

VIII. Ibn Tucker ("What is in your heart...?" Qur'an 12:86)

IX. Gibbon Tucker ("Just shut the fuck up and obey.")

X. Fibbin' Tucker (Carlson's Calumnies)

  I. Ribbin’ Tucker

 
The world, this week, shall hear 'n' see

unfurl'd a streak of repartee,

word bouts about a Carlson christen'd Tucker. 

And when said hebdomad is done, 

I'll tell (Mc)nearly everyone: 

"Please understand. There's countless brands of Tucker." 

II. Bib ‘n’ Tucker

 
Like rich, elite, white prep-school guys,

one Tucker wears his share of ties --

some ascots, some cravats, some clubs, some bows. 

(Then later on, our boy thinks better,

swaps ‘em for a V-neck sweater, 

fabric belts 'n' svelt Caucasian clothes.) 

III. Cribbin’ Tucker

 
One Tuck riles scads of Fox News gangs, 

repeating racist rads' harangues, 

vile puke from David Duke 'n' Charlie Sheen... 

...Hulk Hogan, Nugent, Logan Paul, 

Rush, Alex Jones...nor that ain't all; 

there's Drumpf...'n' Kanye West...'n' Paula Dean...

IV. Lib ‘un, Tucker

One Tucker -- one Forbes** writes about -- 

his foes he chose to straignten out:

"If truth be told, I'm actu'lly a Lib.

Who's pro-free-speech, pro-openness...?

True Liberals would be my guess."

(But, f**k: it's known how Tucker's prone to fib.)

* The Daily Beast ** On October 4, 2018

V. Sib 'n' Tucker

One Tucker has a bro named Buckley.

Tuck 'n' Buck -- though "Jim-'n'-Huck-ly"-

-like there's few who'd choose to view this pair:

both far from broke; both loathe "the woke";

both disinclined to take the joke

that neither be the TV-dinner heir.

VI. Glib ‘un, Tucker

One Tucker hints: "Don't dead folk vote...?"

"Is Joe 'of unsound mind' (close quote)...?"

"Has anyone SEEN Donald's indiscretions...?"

"Aren't 'white supremacists' a hoax...?"

"And why can't Fauci take my jokes...?"

"Hey, don't blame me: I'm only asking questions."

VII. Tribun' Tucker

Oh, why cannot the people see

"The People's Tribune"'s Tucker C...?

A passe-partout who'll stick it to the man...?

A hitman for the GOP...?

A bête noire of the pow'rs that be...?

(Who also is a Grand Turk of the Klan...?)

VIII. Ibn Taqir

Last month, on PBS TV,

Skip's* charting Carlson's ancestry --

an episode call'd "Finding Tucker's Roots."

Turns out his fam'ly hides all ties

to certain Kyrgyztani guys

and divers Turks with whom they're in cahoots.

* Henry Louis ("Skip") Gates, moderator of Public

Broadcasting's family history show "Finding Your Roots."

IX. Gibbon Tucker

One Tucker calls Iraqis "monkeys,

primitives who don't use forks

or toilet paper -- semilit'rate, too." *

It's Tucker, though, who's Prince of Flunkys,

Rex of Racists, Duke of Dorks.

The sure-fire gibbon, Tucker...? That be you!

* Slanders Mr. T expressed in one of the oodles

of emails that got him fired from Fox.

X. Fibbin' Tucker 

The Tucker, though, that takes the cake,

who's broker of the news that's fake,

of all El Rey whose sobriquet be 'Lyin'...

...I post to that Pooh-bah of Fibs,

my manifesto to His Nibs:

"Though you be sellin,' Tucker, I ain't buyin.'"

<-air>s Rock! or, L'Ambiguity Drift: a Meterhyme

      ABCs worth of isometrical lines escape from 

respective partial tautograms to form alphabet.

/ ...asthmatic Aussies ask for aboriginal air... / 

/ ...because deep breathing's bumm'd. (Buñuel blames bad boutonnieres)... / 

/ ...consiglieres can't control Collodi's corsair... / 

/ ...degreed (doct'ral) Dakotans' deaths decreed debonaire... / 

/ ...evaporates entir'ly emu-egg-nog eclair... / 

/ ...flung further from the folderol of Follyburgh Fair... / 

/ ...great-grandpa Zola's Gorgon's great at grating Gruyère... / 

/ ...his harmonies haunt hummingbirds and haricots verts... /

/ ...itinerating internat'nally in Israir... /

*   *   *   *   *

/ ...performance...? Poor (Prokofiev's piano's a play'r)... / 

/ ...pluperfect pallidectomy pursued by a pear.../

*   *   *   *   * 

/ ...we're willowy as weasel wordings walking on air... /

     

     (a work in progress)

My 'Serve': a Banana-Bred Meterhyme

     Below find a bananagram bred 

from eight pentagrammic seeds. 

Sing a song of Medgar Evers,

one which veers from bad to worse.
Sing one more, of Randy Veres,
one he hears as nonsense verse.
     Sing in Occitan of veser,
in that tongue it means to see.
Sing in French of sev'ral reves --
c'est-a-dire of dreams -- mais oui...?
     Finalize with lines which sever
all things real from fantasy.
Serve with zeal but see you never
denigrate reality.

     The eight seeds are: EVERS, 

VEERS, VERES, VERSE, VESER, 

REVES, SEVER and SERVE. 

All 'IN' & Other Meterhymes

     All 'IN'

 

GINger sINgs, "We're IN the money..."

The Duke's IN an INdigo mood.

Eve's IN-a-gadd-da-vida...

as INtriguINg as Strange INterlude!

     Ramsey is IN with the IN-crowd.

Billy ("The Boss")...? IN like FlYNn.

Bix, some INsist, is, INdeed, IN a mist.

(Me...? Count me out: I'm all IN.)

     Opaque News 

Bjorn Soleil was born today 

while Clyde Sombré has died.

Did someone say Bjorn died today...? 

Said someone clearly lied.

"Nor met Clyde Death: Clyde yet draws breath," 

another someone said,

but then withdrew this view. "'Tis true: 

both Bjorn and Clyde are dead."

     Better Part of Valor

 

Most discover whene'er 

they're pursued by a bear*

they had better, with flair, 

"get the hell outta dere."

     *Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale, Act III.

Spirit of '73

The Comstock Act view’d as salacious 'n' lewd 

peoples' mailing of tools of abortion, 

meaning dilators, speculums, catheters, too... 

and that’s but a miniscule portion. 

Does all this entail I must wind up in jail 

just for purchasing coat hangers sent through the mail...?  

The Urge; or, Demi-Deity Distorts Own Death: a Meterhyme

The Urge seems allergic to Jesus's cheeses:
one sniff -- one stiff whiff -- 'n' divinity wheezes.
(His "Renda' ta Caesa' da t'ings what be Caesa's," tho', 

won't cease to tease us -- albeit displease us.)

The Urge hums a dirge with this parti pris thesis:

if, dude, you'd roam nude, best to update your visas --

lest out of your frying pans into my freeza's

you land, gland-in-hand, joining local mestizas.

Would Urge simply splurge, seize caprice, i.e., Greece's, 

or, better, sublet 'til the legalese ceases,

or even believe in the Tridentine missus, 

he'd purge any urge to converge with the rhesus. 

But Urge, on the verge (infeliz exegesis!),

descends, 'midst amends, iv'ry Babels 'n' Pisas

to, like once rever'd but now obsolete gezza's,

declare, "I'll repair to the realms of King Croesus."

Just Say 'Nose' -- the Eyes No Longer Have It

The 23 Prompts

Babar, Banjo, Barrymore, Our Leader, Cyrano, The Dong,

Hope, Kovalyov, The Maid, Mehmet, Pinocchio, Rudolph,

The Tengu, Tony, Tycho, Barbra, Karl, Adrien, The Babe,

Al-Shabazz, Honest Abe, Auda Abu Tayi & Marsh

The 23 Stanzas

Kangas 'n' joeys, kangas 'n' joes;

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Ngaio Marsh -- one Queen of Crime: a very big nose.

Heart...? Full kiwi.* Artful...? Oui, oui! Fav'rite of Poe's --

that's Uly, not E. Allan, he of "Quoth...'Nevermo's.'"

* Born in New Zealand

Obscure 'n' expose, obscure 'n' expose;

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Honest Abe ("Th' Nose")*...? He has a very big nose --

one of 'n' by 'n' for the people, whites or negroes --

like folks from Upper Grosnez: something sim'lar to those.

* Note that "Th' Nose" is an anagram for "Honest."

Kabukis 'n' Nohs, Kabukis 'n' Nohs:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Barbra Streisand stars as Brice -- and Fanny's big nose

(snout, bill, muzzle, snoot, horn, honker...any of those).

Barb strikes a pose in lots of those old Follies of Flo's.*

*Impressario Ziegfeld

Dextrose 'n' maltose 'n' some other '-ose':

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

"Babe" (George Herman Ruth)...? He has a very big nose --

homage 'tis to Dimaggio's -- not Vince's but Joe's.

(Whose beak's more burly...? That I surely cannot disclose.)

Ciaos 'n' alohas, goodbyes 'n' hellos:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Al-Shabazz, my grosbeak, has a very big nose.

Immense...? You bet -- as grosbeak etymology shows.

And though it fits, I doubt if it's a label he chose.

Angela Merkle's 'n' Justin Trudeau's:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

The Brody known as Adrien...? A very big nose,

which beak he busted. (Rats!) But trust me: that's how it goes,

it's breaks like those that make for psychological lows.

Sunthin' fer nothin,' much less quid pro quos:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?:

Malden has an extraordinar'ly big nose.

Karl's cast as Streetcar's last (but one) of Blanche DuBois' beaus.

(Some say Karl's nose resembles fledermaus embryos.)

Ringlets 'n' thinglets 'n' buttons 'n' bows:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Whiteside sidekick Banjo has a very big nose.

As limn'd by Jim Durante, Banjo stays. (And he goes.) 

Once Sheldon's mute (or "mummified"...?), Banj -- hat-in-hand -- blows.

Thaw'd 'n' refroze, thaw'd 'n' refroze:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Nikolai's Kovalyov* has a very big nose.

He lost it late one ev'ning in eleventh-hour doze,

but recover'd it days later, back in place, as he rose.

* Gogol's protagonist in his story The Nose.

Aboves 'n' belows, aboves 'n' belows:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

The Dong's long Learic song depicts * a very big nose

deploy'd to heal a void plus its concomitant throes.

(She gave the shove to Dong, her love -- so Lear's lyric goes.

* Putting the lie to an idea that a person can't depict another person's nose.

Rescinds 'n' bestows, rescinds 'n' bestows:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Jean de Bunhoff’s Babar has a very big nose. 

It’s long; it's wrinkly...and distinctly mirrors a hose. 

(These nares King Babar shares with sundry sisters and bros.) 

Catches 'n' throws, catches 'n' throws:

so, who in the world has the world's bigget nose...?

Collodi’s faux*, Pinocchio...? A very big nose. 

And when that youngster tells a lie, my, my, how it grows. 

(Although he tries to hide it, it inev’tably shows.) 

* A puppet, a false boy, and ersatz child.

Forwards 'n' fros, forwards 'n' fros:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Cyrano de Bergerac...? Another big nose. 

Rostand’s verse play about him may be render'd in prose.

Cyr celebrates panache, sine qua non of his clothes. 

Incendies 'n' eaus, incendies 'n' eaus:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Nabob reindeer Rudolph...? Also: very big nose.

It functions like a headlamp, proving key when it snows. 

(I’d say it glows, but that's the meme which Autry bestows.) 

Hustlers 'n' 'ho's, hustlers 'n' 'ho's:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Crooner Tony Bennett has a very big nose. 

When someone chose "BananaNose" to slur him, he froze. 

(Still, such a vis might trigger his success, I suppose.) 

Aces 'n' Lowe's, Aces 'n' Lowe's:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

“Mehmet Özyürek has a very big nose,”

insists my Guinness Record Book; now everyone knows.

(Plus, Google has a pic which this affliction well shows.)

Poems 'n' prose, poems 'n' prose:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

The Maid who sparks that Sixpence Song...? She had a big nose

then gets it snatch'd, detach'd by one of sev'ral black crows

which clip it, snip it off while she stands hanging out clothes.

Columns 'n' rows, columns 'n' rows:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Barrymore's one actor with a very big nose.

As from a fons the spiels of John's flow: John's most verbose.

(What's also true's John's thing for booze turns JB's nose rose.

Unfastens 'n' sews, unfastens 'n' sews:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Tengu bear (who's unaware...?), each one, a big nose,

a long 'n' red bequest ('tis said) of ravens 'n' crows --

most apropos (though 'apropos' ain't voiced 'apropoze').

Fingers 'n' toes, fingers 'n' toes:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Denmark's Tycho Brahe has a very big nose.

One night his view espies a supernova which glows

so brightly it electrifies him down to his toes.

Porc'lets 'n' veaus, porc'lets 'n' veaus:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

In Woody's Sleeper film, Our Leader has a big nose.

When nowt survives (thought nose still thrives), some medical pros

are task'd to knit a clone from it. (We know how that goes.)

Deese, dem 'n doze; deese, dem 'n' doze:

so, who in da woild has da woild's biggest nose...?

Auda Abu Tayi has a very big nose.

To Howeitati people "like a river he flows."

(Portray'd by Tony Quinn, he'd doubtless note how it grows.

Alphas 'n' rhos, alphas 'n' rhos:

so, who in the world has the world's biggest nose...?

Crosby cohort Hope...? Bob has a very big nose.

It isn't bobb'd, though...more a blue-square ski slope sans snows.

(D'ya s'pose, perhaps, I should collapse these lines as I close...?)