An Index of Babel Filed on Thirty Six 3" x 5" (7.62 x 12.7 Centimeter) Cards

     AGE

Brassbound barkeeps won't vend to a minor, 

using young 'uns' IDs as their gauge.

Spurn'd, some turn'd-away teens turn moonshiner. 

(Adolescents get filed under 'AGE.')

     ARMS 

Axillae, in females and males, 

confer benefits rather than harms.

Despite legends, myths, fables and tales, 

aren't axillae found filed under 'ARMS'...?

     BELLY 

Dead End, Nightmare Alley, The Killing...

How I love watching Noir on the telly!

Femme fatales, anti-heroes: all thrilling...

and all filed, in the dark, under 'BELLY.'

     BJERG 

Emil* makes prints (linos...not mezzotints)

in a yet undisclosed Denmark burg.

Of the home of this prince I've discover'd no hints,

though the man himself's filed under 'BJERG.'

     * Danish linocut artist Emil Underbjerg

     CLASS  

Baldwin was first count of Flanders. 

Tammy's that lesbian lass.

Alec's the ace of right-handers. 

James...? Filed by whites under 'CLASS.'

     COVER 

Margaretha MacLeod -- Mata Hari -- 

was both Captain Vadim Maslov's lover

and a spy, for which snafu she's sorry. 

Mata Hari gets filed under 'COVER.'

     DOG 

Goliath (of barns a great stormer) 

shared the fates of both Gog and Magog.

You will find him filed under 'PERFORMER.' 

(His foe David is filed under 'DOG.')

     DONE 

Julia Child a French cookbook compiled,

with which fame (though no fortune) she won.

An ex-classmate smiled, calling Child "really wild."

(Note: Child's never been filed under 'DONE.')

 

     ESTIMATE

Woman Power! Such a slipp'ry thing! 

Its Babel Index filing's bifurcate: 

While woman's filed (unfairly) under 'LING,' 

her power's never under 'ESTIMATE.'

     EXPOSED 

Though Anthony Wiener showed dreadful demeanor

in sexting, the cove's case is closed.

Next time, unless Wiener makes use of a screener,

he'll not be filed under 'EXPOSED.'

     FED  

Kim's premature-middle-age spread, 

from which fleet North Koreans have fled,

leaves large swaths of the populace dead. 

Filed are most of that host under 'FED.'

     FIRE  

Vlady's assault on Volody (Vlad's fault) 

plops the pair in predicaments dire.

Since Zelenskyy is not Putin's toady (what rot!), 

poor Ukraine is now filed under 'FIRE.'

 

     GONE 

It passes (the year). But that ass is still here.

Share the blame, Laura, Tucker and Sean!

I'll cry "Bravo!" and cheer once those three disappear,

and once Babel files Drumpf under 'GONE.'

     GROUND 

Abolitionist Harriet Tubman was she, 

many Afro-historians found,

who, as porter/conductor, "train'd" slaves to be free. 

(Tubman's railroad's found filed under 'GROUND.')

     HANDED 

Though taking a bow after shaking with Mao, 

Mr. Nixon "a crook" had been branded.

That paranoid whiner and Malcolm maligner 

Dick Nixon's found filed under 'HANDED.'

 

     INDICTMENT  

Drumpf understood what the Right meant 

by their beefs, "We want chiefs with excitement,"

so join'd hacks in foul acts of incitement. 

Mr. Drumpf's now filed under 'INDICTMENT.'

     JI 

Injured one's symptoms...? Abundant they be: 

there's bleeding 'n' swelling 'n' pain, to name three.

Injured through voodoo...? Far be it from me! 

Injured as anagram...? Filed under 'JI.'

     KILL  

Not near enough tanks to prevail in Ukraine. 

Not near enough troops with not near enough will.

V. O. Zelenskyy is Vladimir's bane, 

while Vlady himself is found filed under 'KILL.'

     

     LING 

A verse discussing a filing under 'LING' 

appears above in a verse discussing a 

filing under 'ESTIMATE.'

     MINED 

Them Proud Boys refuse to be mollified. 

Is the Justice Department so blind...?

Insurrectionists...? Filed under 'QUALIFIED.' 

(Our democracy's filed under 'MINED.')

     NOURISHED 

'Sbeen awhile since the island of Haiti 

was on top and its populace flourish'd.

But then Nature (and Fate) proved too weighty. 

Now most Haitians are filed under 'NOURISHED.'

     OVER 

'Tis consider'd at Babel a blunder 

to file Bill Hollman's strip "Smokey Stover"

based on betting book odds 'over-under.' 

It persists, therefore, filed under 'OVER.'

     PANTS 

The jockey can channel the horse. 

Cavaliers can be jockeys in France.

The Index of Babel, of course, 

reveals jockeys are filed under 'PANTS.'

     PERFORMER

A verse discussing a filing under 'PERFORMER'

appears above in a verse discussing a filing

under 'DOG.'

     QUALIFIED 

A verse discussing a filing under 'QUALIFIED' 

appears above in a verse discussing a filing 

under 'MINED.'

     RATED 

Tesler invented the "cut/copy-paste."

Salieri twin musical maestros created.

Petrov refused to turn tables in haste.*

Surely these three must be filed under 'RATED.'

     * Larry, Antonio and Petrov: Google 'em!

   

     SHAFT 

The dad's bâtesseur de munition; 

manufacturing arms is his craft.

The daughter serves soup at a mission. 

The pair are found filed under 'SHAFT.'

     * Andrew and Barbara Undershaft from 

        Shaw's Major Barbara.

     STOOD

Drumpf is a crimin'lly negligent hood,

a sociopath always up to no good,

and a serious flight risk. (If only Drumpf would!)

The fun facts above...? To be filed under 'STOOD.'

 

     TAKERS 

Morticians find stiffs most enchanting.

Here's a list of embalm'd-body makers: 

Jolie, Lynch, White, DeVito and Banting.*

(All morticians are filed under 'TAKERS.')  

     * https://blog.funeralone.com/grow-your-

business/funeral-marketing/5-famous-people-

who-got-their-start-in-the-funeral-profession...

     UTILIZED 

Earth's supersleuth...? Hercule Poirot,

he whose little grey cells work as advertised.

I'm Ulysses. My surname is Poe

and my grey cells are filed under 'UTILIZED.'

     VAXED

Drumpf's devotees (let's call 'em MAGAts)

badmouth libs and are loath to be tax'd. 

They, as well, despise gays -- dub 'em faggots. 

Unlike Drumpf, they're found filed under 'VAXED.'

     WATER 

U-boats propel through the sea 

with the grace and dispatch of an otter.

A Nautilus image there'll be 

next to U-boat -- both filed under 'WATER.'

     WHIRL'D 

When Muhammad Abdullahi Hassan's dervish skirts unfurl'd,

his dance, enhanced in pantsless trance, unhinged his stitches purl'd.

His ecstasy seem'd plain to see as round and round he twirl'd.

Librarians at Babel chose to file him under WORLD.

 

     X 

One finds Underx Diapers for elders,

whether male or of female sex,

worn by butchers and bakers and welders --

and most fittingly filed under 'X.'

     YOUR SKIN 

Is Cole, then, a first name or last...?

One hardly knows where to begin.

Perhaps with this blast from the past:

Cole Porter's filed under 'YOUR SKIN.'

     ZO 

Oumpah-pah and Astérix

he co-created years ago.

Filed under 'CURRENT'...? Fiddlesticks! 

Al's filed 'neath 'Albert UderZO.'

Personal States Of Being

I'm 

Who Am; 

You're 

Who Are; 

She's, He's, It's 

Who Is;

We're 

Who Were; 

You're 

Not Sure; 

They're 

None Of Our Biz.

Other Suits, Other Songs; or, A Decade in Decks

Royals from the House of Hearts have long been celebrated -- witness 

that Queen and her stolen tarts. Is it not well past time for regal clans 

designated by other suits to receive their metrical deserts...?

The King of Spades donn'd Ray-Ban shades, 

exclaiming, "Young King Cool!"

The Queen of Spades removed those shades, 

explaining, "You're a fool."

The Knave of Spades purloin'd those shades, 

"...to pawn 'em," offer'd he.

The King cried, "Stop!" Then call'd a cop. 

(The Queen sang "Let It Be.")

The Queen of Pips Botox'd her lips 

to stave off middle age.

The Knave of Pips French-kiss'd those lips, 

remiss to disengage.

The King of Pips, now in eclipse, 

acknowledged not that pair.

(These royal Pips should come to grips: 

"à trois"es ought to share.)

The Knave of Clubs fill'd sev'ral tubs, 

intent on brewing Cru.

The King of Clubs cried, "'Tis our pubs' 

prerogative to brew."

The Queen of Clubs, as one who snubs 

plu-motivated knaves,

embraced this Jack. "He's got the knack. 

Fresh roads to wealth he paves."

The Knave of Coins King's pelf purloins 

with which to swell his purse.

The Queen of Coins this Knave enjoins 

in supplications terse:

"Let's split that dough, then westward go." 

But Jack's not read'ly trick'd,

so leaves alone. The King cries, "Crone! 

Both thou and Jack be knick'd."

The King of Swords of Mustang Fords 

says, "Mustangs set the pace."

The Queen of Swords of Escort Fords 

says, "Royals need their space."

The Knave of Swords of Edsel Fords 

says, "Who don't love surprises...?"

Their feelings towards their favor'd Fords 

dissolve as Tesla rises.

The King of Cups, once pawn of Krupp's, 

elects to go to war.

The Queen of Cups withholds her "Yup!"s,

 insisting, "Hold the gore!"

The Knave of Cups thereon erup's: 

"I, too, refuse to fight."

The King of Cups two thumbs he "up"s: 

"Awright, awright...awright!"

The King of Di'monds, scourge of hymens, 

searches for a mate.  

The would-be Queen of Di'monds 

guards her hymen's fragile state. 

The Knave of Di'monds, former pieman's 

aid cum royal pander,

declares with pique, "I shall not seek 

more prey for this philand'rer."

The King of Wands prefers young blondes 

as handmaids to his queen.

The Queen of Wands, though, corresponds 

with men of manly mien.

The Knave of Wands digs demimondes -- 

and beds 'em by the dozen.

The King of Wands (surprise!) absconds 

with Juan, a distant cousin.

The King of Leaves as yet believes 

he could have wedded better.

The Queen of Leaves for lost love grieves; 

she's saved ex-lover's letter.

The Knave of Leaves, a prince of thieves, 

the old Queen shall extort.

The King of Leaves this queen he leaves: 

"New queens I now shall court."

 

The King of Roses blows his nose. His 

hankie's full of snot.

The Queen of Roses, one supposes, 

catches what he's got.

The Knave of Roses claims, "I'm Moses," 

Mesmerized en trance.

(These Royal Roses are, God knows, es-

pecial just by chance.) 

A Trip to the Archives by Guest Host "Che" Bar-Tholomew

 

Colonel Cyclops

The Rubaiyaketyÿak of Rabid Rebel Ribald Robin Rublev-Ryback

     Syllables composed of r+vowel(s)+b kick off all words providing material for 

this new lyric. 'Rubai' is pronounced as three syllables (roo-BAH-ee). 'Poem' is 

correctly pronounced as one or two syllables depending upon the dialect of the

pronouncer. (N.B.: it can be pronounced either way in the first line below.) In 

addition to the one or several vowels positioned between the r and the b of each 

key word, an h can position there as well. In Edward FitzGerald's translation of 

Omar Khayyam's poem, lines one, two and four of each four-line verse rhyme -- 

AABA. In Ribald Robin's parody, the pattern is ABCB. The meters of the two  

poems differ completely, though the number of stanzas in each is the same, i.e., 32.

     I 

Rubai be the Persian poem. 

Ribeye be the steak.

Ruby be the gemstone red --

a bleedin' bitch to break.

     II 

Rabbi be the Hebrew teacher. 

Rabies...? The disease.

Robie House...? The house that Wright built. 

(Wrong: 'tweren't wrought by Mies.)

    III 

Rubles be the Rooskie's boodle. 

Rabble...? Bands o' boobs.

Budapest-born Ernö Rubik 

mucks about with cubes.

     IV 

Rabbit (..., Run, ...Is Rich, ...At Rest): 

be best off Updike's shelf. 

Rabindranath Tagore wrote, too. 

(That dude outdid himself.)

     V 

"Ribbit!" be the froggy's call. 

Robb'ry be the crime.

Robey's calling...? Music Hall...

in Good King Bertie's* time.

          * Great Britain's King Edward VII. N.B.: 'Bertie' is a reverse "r+vowel (s)+b"-initialed word.

     VI 

Ribbons grace Milady's gowns. 

Reuben's in the Bible.

Robots soon shall rule the world -- 

at least, one from their tribe'll.

     VII 

Rubber rooms be spaces safe

which house poor folk with special needs.

Rubble...? All that's left of houses

after Mount St. Helens bleeds.

 

     VIII 

Rabe be much like broccoli. 

Rube's the country boor.

Rub ribbings in, "The joke's on you." 

Rebels lose their war.

     IX 

Ribosomes inhabit cells. 

Rubrics...? Red as shirts.*

("I trust these rhymes don't rub thee wrong," 

wry Ribald Robin blurts.)

     * Ala Italian patriot Garibaldi's iconic scarlet garb.

     X 

Rabelais...? That gate's* so-o-o great 

(though never ate a taco).

Rebecca drowns in Daphne's book. 

Rabat be in Morocco.

     * Jazz slang for a swinger: Satchmo was a gate.

     XI 

Rayburn...? Congress office building. 

Ray-Bans "ban them rays."

Rebuses be puzzles 

whose solutions take three days.

          

     XII 

Ray Brown swings -- a gate as well

the fella married Ella!).

Another term for German measles...? 

Might you mean 'Rubella'...?

     XIII 

Rube, whose surname's 'Goldberg,' 

engineer'd bizarre cartoons.

Reuben be the sandwich 

one must ne'er consume with spoons.

     XIV 

Rhombuses* sport equal sides (four!) -- 

yep, they're quadrilat'ral.

Reborn bros be birth'd...again (!) 

(It all seems most unnat'ral.)

     * The Editor elects to allow 'r(hom)bus' as either occupying one modified subset of "r+vowel(s)+b"-type words or as a sort of clinamen in the sense of a rule-proving exception.

     XV 

Rabwah lies in Asia; 

'tis a Pakistani town.

Reboot...? Just one of stuff what's done 

when one's old Dell goes down.

     XVI 

Rabat remains that seaport* 

on Morocco's northwest coast.

Rarebit's the gourmet you get 

when melted cheese tops toast.

     * Cf verse ten above, which mention here reprises.

     XVII

Rubirosa really loved 

the chicks and cars...and chicks.

Rabin...? But one more victim 

of Israeli politics.

     XVIII 

Ribbentrop...? Foul diplomat. 

Reebok be the shoe.

'Rubensque' be, frankly, fat -- 

though not near vast comme vous.

     XIX

A rebec-playing goatherd croons 

to Sancho and the Don.

(Or were it the antique rebab 

that poet play'd upon.)

     XX

Mnemonic'lly, 'Roy Biv' sans G  

prompts colors of the spectrum.

Rebozo  be Dick Nixon's BFF;

he help'd elect 'im.

     XXI

Rebecca cultivates the farm.*

(Does rhubarb Becca grow there...?)

Puts Robinson to Friday post

encount'rin' him, "Hello, there."

     * Sunnybrook Farm in the children's novel.

     XXII 

In Rey Bridge (The of San Luis) 

T. Wilder tells us all.

Rub-rub-a dub'...? Some oral hooey

like to 'folderol.'

     XXIII

Roebuck be the male of deers

once dominatin' Europe.

Roebuck also pal'd with Sears

to peddle soap 'n' syrup.

     XXIV

Robespierre riled up the rabble:

ev'ryone knows that.

The robe, as made of fabric,

makes it quite unlike the hat.

     XXV

'Rehab' be an "r+v+b" word;

'Arby's' ain't.

Neither be 'Barack' or 'Arbus.'

(One, though, was a saint.) 

     XXVI

Roblox be the online game.

Raab the British pol.

Rabbiteyes be berries blue.

Rabczewska's* quite the doll.

     * Polish singer known as Doda.

     XXVII

Rebar keeps the concrete strong.

Rebhühns...? Birds. (Unless I'm wrong.)

Rebis forms be dual, double.

(Where've you been...? Inside some bubble...?)

     XXVIII

Rubidium's the alkali.

'Rubato' slows the music down.

Who'd cross the Rubicon...? Not I.

Why not...? The Robocop's in town.

     XXIX

Robur be The Conqueror,

according to Jules Verne.

Robie be the jewel thief,

but he's gone straight, we learn.

     XXX

Ireland's Castle Rheban

must on no count be confused

with the Tasman Sea's port Rheban. 

Of such thoughts be disabused!

     XXXI 

Indeed, 're-' buttin' any word 

initial'd with a b

must qualify as fodder 

for my pot of poetry...

     XXXII

     ...while 'Rybakov''s just one 

of "r+v+b"-type names...

(But let's adjourn before my t(o)urn-de-farce 

goes up in flames.)

                                     -- Rab. Reb. Rib. Rob. Rub.-Ryb.

87 Aptronymic AlphaBettys

     Minnie Arcauld 

Though beginning with nary a stitch,

she paid heed to that Buffett guy's* pitch.

Now of Wall Street she's known as "The Witch."

Meet Millie Anne Ayre: this gal's rich!

 

To our gal 'n' her gig I would offer a toast:

To our pal, let us swig -- to one wholly engross'd

in North African tenderloin 'hoods where she's host. 

Come and raise high your glasses: To Barb Ayre-Ricoste! 

  

     Carrie A. Biggs-Tique

Ada Badde-Muschrume 

     Aurora Borre-Ellis

This next poetic anecdote 

concerns an ingenue of note

who, ruing roads, would rather float. 

Her aptronym...? 'Tis 'Rhoda Bote.'

Though seclusion can often occur,

living single some -- many! -- prefer.

One whose whole life is lived in longueur...?

Xaviera bin Lowen-Leigh -- 'tis her.

Did j'ever wonder how it feels 

to spot the hottest hautest deals...?

Behold this lass's fashion spiels! 

Meet influencer Nyna Cheeles.

 

     Diane B. Dunne-Whittet 

Circe Drecard-Wicke 

     Jude d'Phatt 

Alana Daye-Zwerk 

     Xena D'Kryme 

Another aptronymic dame, 

persona non this gal became.

She did in Yids -- nor show'd she shame.

'Barb Dwyer''s her Schutzstaffel name.

A flygirl from a bygone day,

she piloted Enola Gay,

skywriting in the air: V-J.

Her name was 'Ariel D'Splaigh.'

This chick is tough -- no bit o' fluff.

In manner gruff she brooks no guff.

She'll grab your scruff, assault your stuff...

...then stall. That's all, Yvette Enuff! 

     Faith ("F. R.") Fodders 

N. Janet Forrest 

Though violence she'll e'er abhor

and calls for concord (less or more),

she's no one's fool; she knows the score,

does Alice Ferrin-Luffinwore.

 

     Rita Goodbooke

Aurora de Greezepaynt 

She stands at the start of each game.

Once her gun's cock'd, with circumspect aim

Freda fires -- ever careful to maim

no one. ('Freda Gedd-Reddy''s her name.)

     Tanya Hyde 

Leda Horzta-Waters 

     Beth Hyde-Urthelph

A. Cindy Hohle

Who enlarges upon all she's been...?

Who seems not to know when to say "When!"...?

Who o'erdoes -- nor not just now 'n' then...? 

A. Bridget Hu-Farr does -- again!

     Tamara Issanoth-Urdaigh 

Gladys Ikenbee 

     Xantippe-Dee Izeburgh

What shade be she when she's at home...?

One rainbow-hued or monochrome...?

And which (X-...? Y-...?) her chromosome...?

Be 'Uma Jewby' still her nome...?

     Tillie Kauska-Mome

Y. Joanie Kent-Reede

     Billie Klubb

Amber Kerr-Pladder

So: what Renée (that snake!) did,

when little brother Blake hid

and country cousin Jake slid...?

Renée Kidd...? She ran naked.

     Aretha Laura Leeves 

Jane Linque-Phentz

     Zora Louza

Lectures on Lewis*...? Who's guru, who's wiz,

who's master practitioner, best in the biz

and top of her class...? There'll be no need to quiz:

Ms. Y. Isabel Leica-Bollingball is.

     * Carroll and Victorian Nonsense: An Introduction

"No fix'd address" label for Wanda...? A must. 

A wayfaring stranger...? Oh, isn't she just!

Her gypsy galoshes will gather no dust. 

Nom de plume on her passport...? It reads 'Wanda Luszt.'

     Lourdes Meischeppe-Hurd 

Alma Mottar 

     Manon Dee Moone 

Randi Marathon

     Angie Mymah

No slapstick side per likes of Skelton,*

never spied like Barbara Felton,** 

planet-savin' tools she's smeltin':

glacier prophet Isis Melton.

     *Comic Red   ** Agent 99 of TV's "I Spy" 

     Morven E. Nuff 

Fern Nin-Treeg

     Hedy Nach-Lauds

Brooke Noque-Warder

     Amelia Nayre 

Whom do the afternoon shadows affright...?

Who retires early, afraid of the night...?

Who, all atremble, must hide from the light...?

Little Miss Heidi-Nicole Zellar might.

 

     Cosette O'Watschmann 

Jane O'Phules 

     Ayn Ovatillitzova

Marge O'Dymes

     Sharon ("Cher") O'Lyke

Angie O'Graham 

     Claire N. Pressen-Deignger 

Nora Pligh

     Karen Pheeding

Ann O. Penn-Booke 

     Mrs. Sippie Rivers 

Rita Bess Sellar 

     Lauren Sophie Raye-Beeya 

     Faye Studor-Wall 

Denice R. Schott 

     Geri ("Hat Trick") Sind-Rome

Question'd, "Con I hov this donce...?"

she answers me with nonchalance,

"I haven't since the Renaissance."

Typical of Audrey Spontz. 

The need when paupers died...? 'Twere those 

who'd grasp'd the potter's field's MOs.

But none stepp'd up who did, God knows, 

till Roseanne ("Rose") San Rosen rose. 

     Fran Tiggly-Waven

Alba Tross 

     Adelaide Urdayte

"'Tis I, O Lord, who interrupt

to plead with Thou. Remove Thine cup

and overlook my mien abrupt!

Let's leg it, Lord," prays Harriet Upp.

     Vera Vayle-Ure

Allison Von Durland 

 

     Wendy Wynn-Bloze: Meteorologist

Agatha Wurlonnazt-Wring: Wall Street portfolio manager

     Amber Wayffs-O'Grayne 

A hu-u-uge Calvino fan, alright,

she'd read whatever he would write.

Says she, "Italo's outta sight!"

That's her: Ivana Winters-Knight.  

     Nana Yore-Bizness 

As more G&Ts flow'd,

I cried, "One for the road!"

But my waitress me "No!"'d:

She's Bea ("Trudy") Yerkode. 

     Babe Zinn-Toylenn

Yolanda Zmyland

"My cartoon ABCs," she's said,

"in children's books your kids have read

before come's time tots head for bed."

(Kids witty call her 'Ada Zedd.')

     (a work in progress)

Generations of Constrain'd B/W B-Initial'd Color Wheel: a Tutorial

Red, orange, yellow, blue, green, indigo, violet 

Rhett, whore, angel, hope, loo, careen, Indy, cove, viol, hat   

Butler, Babylon, Baradiel, Barack, bathroom, bounce, brickyard, bay, bass, bonnet