Spoiler Alerts (A Nonsense Rhyme)

[Ulysses]

Stumblin' through Dublin for twenty-four hours 
through whorehouses, pubs, even one or two towers… 
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
Bloom is a cuckold; wife Molly’s a flirt].

[Citizen Kane]
His spring is spectacular. So is his fall, 
as a man learns, en fin, how he can’t have it all…
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
“Rosebud”s his sled and his ultimate blurt.]

[The Divine Comedy]
A middle-aged Dante runs ranting through Hell, 
someplace okay to visit but no place to dwell…”
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
Though shaken, he’s taken to Heaven unhurt.]

[The Iliad]
The war’s been unending: a bloodbath, by crikey! 
What’s needed’s an armistice nurtured by Nike…
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
The horse houses soldiers: just peek ‘neath its skirt.]

[The Wizard of Oz]
Dorothy departs former area code 
and, with friends, her way wends down a yellow brick road…
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
The Wiz proves an octogenarian squirt.] 

[The Book of Genesis]
Man shall be made on the last day but one: 
he'll be Nature's epitome! By Jove! Well done!
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
The fool will be fashioned from handfuls of dirt.]

[The Book of Job]
God puts his guy to the ultimate test: 
“So: dost thou love Me or thy sorry ass best?”
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
Job loses decidedly more than his shirt.]