Achoo! A Constrained Nonsense Alphabet with Footnotes

"A-…A-…A-…A-…A-…A-…
A-…A-…A-CHOO!" 
(When a sneeze leads a queue,
what bats second is true!)* 

Charleston’s caribou** chew***
on Don's didgeridoo.**** 

* Hungarian superstition has it that a sneeze kicking off a storyteller's tale confirms its truth, no matter how outlandish said tale might sound -- or so insists Zoltan Kodaly in explaining the "sneeze simulation" measures occupying the opening bars of his folk opera "Hary Janos." 
** The plural is formed with or without an 's.' 
*** No doubt a Charleston Chew?
**** Duck? Trump? Ameche? Quixote? Diego de la Vega? Dirk of Dowdee? In any case, the verse saddles an unidentified Don with a taste for offbeat musical instruments. 

Esrom? Fetid! Foul! Whew!* 
(Is that false? Nope, it's true.
Gosh, gents: grant Grant** his due! 
Hush your hullabaloo!)

* A cow’s milk cheese with a pungent aroma.
** Cary? Hugh? Ulysses S.? Possibly. But more likely the reference is to Kenneth Grant, poet, ceremonial magician and advocate for the Thelemite religion.  
 

Smell I Istrian Stew?
Made with Japanese yew?
Says who? Kanga! (Roo, too, 
which leaves loads left to do.)

Do you Methylene Blue
poos? Nope! Not in our loo! 

Off'ring "Ol' lamps for new..." 
Plaited palm? Nope! bamboo.* 

* The "ol' switcheroo" performed upon the cry, "New lamps for old..." heard in Scheherazade's "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves." Precisely who makes the offer here remains unclear, nor do lamps fashioned from reeds or raffia successfully meet local fire safety codes. 

"Make it quick! Put me through!
Really, ree-e-e-ea-ly big shew! 
Sting sings, 'Skip to my Lou.'
Then it's tirami su..."* 

* TV Impresario Ed Sullivan appears to be alerting his audience of his intention to provide "sweet treats for everyone" -- i.e., exotic desserts for all after a round of folk dancing: a (sweet?) suite of special addenda to one of his weekly variety hours. 

What's that goo on your shoe?
Ugh! ‘Tain’t Vitamin Q. 
Oy! The Wandering Jew * 
wonders, "'X' stands for...who...? " **

* The Wandering Jew, interestingly (in light of the first line of this verse) a shoemaker in some versions of his legend, well knows that 'X' stands for the Christ -- the very cove he's been wandering about looking for. Vitamin Q is, of course, a dietary supplement promoting a successful search for answers. 
** Malcolm? Professor? Francis Bushman? Along with the wandering wondering one, we will perhaps never know.

What’s, then, your new world view?
Wa-a-a-a-a-ay more A.C.L.U.?
Climate change? Déjà vu?
Twitter? ZOMBIES?  
                               Adieu!