The Friends of Lady Mondegreen

Forfend! Forfend! Who’d be a friend to Lady Mondegreen?
The woman slew a gnu I knew and laid him on the green.

And yet the gal’s had sev’ral pals: one’s Thomas, Lord DeBoome,
who sued a gnu he knew, on whom Lord Thomas low'red the boom. 

Another mate she’s dated lately? Dr. Juan Muntz-Wayjez.
Juan skinn'd her cat. On top of that, he dock’d her one month’s wages.

I once was told the Lady'd stroll'd with Elder Downen-Growpter.
That man’s a rake. He stalk'd my snake, then held her down and groped her. 

When toothache struck, "'Degreen" had luck with Captain Irv Le Smoler,
who brush’d her gums with just his thumbs, then capp’d a nerveless molar.

Affairs she's had with pairs of lads. There's Ronnie 'n' Bjorn Plummer.

Ron numbers ran. Young Bjorn was an Iranian-born plumber.

This lady knew a host, a slew. The best one? Herr Rhett Henchun.

Rhett danced the jig. And, in his wig and vest, won her attention. 

With husband Fred (she fin'ally wed Alfredo FitzHone-Chaddow)
she's not shared beds. It turns out Fred's afraid of his own shadow.

My verse must end. But I'll not friend the Lady Mondegreen.
She slew her husband. Why? Because! (And laid him on the green.)