The Book of Kills (Unpub)

     How might the Butterfly Effect set in motion by an ABCs-worth 

of victims of assassination being slaughtered by a set of murderers

different from those who actually did the blood letting impact events

in one pop star's history? (Caveat: these verses play somewhat fast 

and loose with the accents used in the pronunciations of several of 

the following proper names.)

  
     Were
Abe apache'd
by Michele' Angiolillo
nor never by Johnny Wilkes
Booth...
     would Cher's
claques ordain raves,
one-eyed jacks remain knaves –
and would Fox schlock jocks [shock!] stock Drumpf’s
“truth”…?
 
     Or were
Bhutto bid "bye-bye!"
by "By'" De La Beckwith
nor not by Baitullah Meh-
sud...
     would Cher's
tikka taste great,
and that dal that doll ate
allow bowels to behave as they
should…?
 
     Were
Cermak croak'd, "chasten’d"
by Carlos the Jackal
instead of Giuseppe Zan-
gara...
     then would
Cher be a boy,
and Ros'clare, Illinois
reappear south of Guadala-
jara…?
 
     Or had
 Namba Daisuke
deliver’d the deathblow
to "Dimebag" -- and not Nathan
Gale...
     would Cher's
star cease to shine,
and their Great Wall of China fall,
breach’d by our Santa Fe
Trail…?
 
     Lived
Evers by "By" De La
Beckwith uncheck’d –
Dead, instead, at the hands of Ted
Eike...
     then would
Cher's raven tresses
be rank, tangl’d messes –
hanks yank’d thanks to Bono's bal'-
laika…?
 
     If
Fossey's found flay’d
by Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme
as some surrogate Zig'ranyi-
razo...
     would Cher
find herself wed –
"goin' out of her head" –
not to Sonny but Teddy Ran-
dazzo…?
 
     Were [gasp!]
Ghandi garroted
by Violet Gibson
and not gruesome Nathuram
Godse...
     would Cher's
esse get grounded,
her ens grow less rounded,
her glamour seem not so "fa-
cadesy"…?
 
     Were those
two – U. ‘n’ Q. Hussein –
hung out to dry
by John Hinkley and not Task Force
20...
     would Cher's
dreadful duets –
i.e., "Benn' ‘n’ the Jets" –
cease...outpaced by (say) "Pastures A-
plenty"…?
 
     Had
Izamo been iced
by Kalid Islambouli
instead of Jean-Bedel
Bokassa...
     would there
live, on this ball,
simply no Cher at all…?
Like is, Cher-wise, earth tabula
rasa…?
 
     Or were
JFK's jugular
jabb’d by Jovanovic,
not "pinko" Lee Harvey
Oswald...
     would
conditions take place
leaving luncheon plans -- based
on Cher's plot to serve hot vichys-
soise – stall’d…?
 
     If King's
karma (be kill’d by Khalid Sheik Mohammed
and not by that kaffirphobe
Ray)...
     would end
up ringing true,
then who'd channel Nehru…?
(Good bet: Cher'd channel Morgan Le
Fay.)
 
     Lies that
Huey ("The Kingfish") Long
laid low, led lamb-like
to slaughter by Lawrence of
Britain –
    let
loom over Weiss
a new broom. (Hold the rice!
A new groom!...? One with whom Cher’s more
smitten…?)
 
     Had both
Milk and Moscone
been murdered by Mountbatten's
murd'rer McMahon, not
White...
     perhaps
Chastity's Mum'd
be a big bunch less bumm’d –
and poor Chaz'd be less jazz'd, more forth-
right!
 
     Or if
Gabri'l Narutowicz
(nail'd by E. Niewia-
domski) were nixed
by Nidal,
     would Cher's
navel -- informal –
look more paranormal
and rate such success de scan-
dale…?
 
    Had
Orlando been off'd
by one Lee Harvey Oswald
nor not by Contreras and
Townley...
     would Cher
sound less like Callas --  
at bes’ like George Halas…?
Then would the world turn "upside-
downly"…?
 
     Had
Francisco Pizarro been
put down by Richard Paul
Pavlik, not D'ego Al-
magro...
    would fans
roar, "Cher's a whore!"
(Crude Columbians!) Or, would her
fan base within Bogo-
ta grow…?
 
     Had S'if
ad-Din Qutuz
had his quintessence quash’d
by Pham Phu Quoc, not Baibars the
Mamluk,
     betcha
Bono, E. Presley,
G. Allman -- or ('speshly) Tom
Cruise never'd give Cher one
damn look!
 
     Or if
George Lincoln Rockwell'd
been really rubb’d out by
Jack Ruby nor not by John
Patler...
     would Cher's
final "farewells"
be, well, final…? Hell's bells!
Could our lass be less tot'lly a
tattler…?
 
     What if
Anwar Sadat
had got slaughtered
by Sirhan Sirhan, not Khalid
Islambouli...
     would dys-
lexia (Cher's)
prompt the Gilbert LaPierres
to treat Cherilyn any less
cru'lly…?
 
     Or if
Doctor George Tiller'd
been took out by Henning
von Tresckow nor not no Scott
Roeder...
     would Cher's
Bono've not died…?
Plus, would Paul Revere's ride
turn out badly…? (Bet that would have
show’d her!)
 
     Or were
A. Uwilingiyimana undone
by unknowns,
not Bernard Ntuya-
haga...
     would Cher's
stage name be Tori,
and would her life story
seem less like some Icelandic
saga…?
    
     Or were
Hendrik Verwoerd
victimized by Vittor'o
Vidali, not D'mitri Tsa-
fendas...
     maybe
Cher or her sister,
both bumm’d by a blister,
might unearth their Valtrex to
lend us!
 
     Or were
John H. Wood, Jr.,
wiped out by Dan White,
not Chas Harrelson (Woody's be-
getter)...
     would a
different Chaz Bono
(she’d "Yes!" -- though she don' know)
dig life as a "Chuck" so much
better…?
 
     Or if
Malcolm X hadn't been
x'd out by Heyer
and Bradley but X-twenty
three...
     would Cher
cease selling off
all her memorabilia,
willing her best stuff to
me…?
 
     Or were
Tohir Yo'ldosh
yadda-yadda'd by Felix
Yusupov, not drones (you know
who!)...
     would Cher
trample no gypsy,
nor thieve near Poughkeepsie…?
P'raps not: But, chaps -- what would Cher
do…?
 
     Had Giu-
seppe Zangara
zapp’d Yasuda Zenjiro,
not some uyoku dan-
tai...
     then would
nobody care
about anything "Cher"…?
Ergo: there, but for Cher, might go...
I…?