My Body Abominable: an ABC (Past)

A's for my acne. 

Zits cover my face.
Zits cover my ass as well. 

(Such a disgrace!)

 
B's for my bunions. 

One grim case in point
is my huge 

metatarsophalangeal joint.
 
C’s for the ganglion cysts 

on my wrists.
That I have ‘em remov’d 

my kid-sister insists.
 
D's for my dandruff. 

It pours from each pore.
My friends call me “Blizzard-head.” 

(What are friends for…?)
 
E's for my earwax. 

My hearing’s so hard
I play ear trumpet – third – 

in our National Guard.
 
F’s for my foreskin.
It itches like hell!
At Xmas, my stocking
gets silica gel.
 
G's for my gonads.
Pruritus there, too.
If relief doesn’t come,
I don’t know what I’ll do.
 
H…? For the hammertoe

Dad had as well.

I can deal with the pain

but I can't with the smell.
 
I’s for my instep.

My arches have fallen.

At least they're

my milit'ry service forestallin.'
 
J’s for my jugular,

gone for by thugs.

(When that fail'd, they into me 

pump'd sev'ral slugs.)

 
K’s for my kneecaps.

The same gang of goons

went and broke 'em.

They've swollen like weather balloons.
 
L’s for my larynx:

its scarring's severe,

thereby pulling the plug

on my op'ra career.
 
M’s for my mullet.

It's modell'd on Don's.

My mom thinks it's more like 

a trumpeter swan's..

 
N’s for my nosehair.

It limits the air

getting into to my lungs...

but that's not your affair.
 
O’s for the organ...
(I can't now recall

what it actually does;

it's defective is all.)

P’s for my palm.

Palms are parts of my hands
(And, addition’lly, trees
grown in cyclone-prone lands.)
 
Q’s for my quadraceps --
parts of the thighs
which get hyper-develop’d
in muscle-bound guys.
 
R’s for my rib.
From one, God fashion’d Eve.
(Eve from my rib, of course,
would be hard to believe.)
 
S…? For my shin.
It’s that part which I bark
when yours briefly encounters
my own in the dark.
 
T’s for my tongue.
(White ones, shaped like a fork,
scraped up twenty-four dollars
to purchase New York.)
 
U: my umbilical cord…?
Nope! The uterus.
(Neither's sufficiently suited
to tutor us.)
 
V is my veins.

They're not varicose...but

they're 

which means they're, essentially, shut.
 
W…? Wisdom teeth – all of mine out:
They’re a bane: too much pain
to remain in my mout.’
 
X…? Xiphisternum.
 
Y’s for the yolk sac…
 
Z