Imagine The Cotton Top Sanctified Singers, featuring Frankie "Halfpint" Jaxon, performing for you a holiday gospel song transmogrified by the
alternative lyrics from Ulysses Poe which are set out below.
I.
Early on one Xmas morn
Were Santa's seven siblings born
In Bethle'm's barn, with yarn for floor'n,'
Well-swaddl'd in a manger's corn.
Early on one Xmas morn,
Soprano's angels roar'd, "Bu'n giorn'!
Hey! Honk that Hallelujah Horn!
Say: let's thy rumpus rooms adorn."
II.
Early on one Xmas morn
Were Santa's seven siblings born.
Weak wusses: weep no more, nor mourn!
Nerd naïfs need not live forlorn.
Early on one Xmas morn,
Tenshis* deplor'd, "Tho' native-born,
They're unicorns, we could have sworn --
Those thread-bare Norns seem, sadly, worn."
* 'Tenshi' is an angel in Japan.
III.
Early on one Xmas morn
Were Santa's seven siblings born.
Soon, Santa, Sr., named 'em: Bjorn
'n' Li'l Jack Horner; David Corn...
'n' Elmore "Rip" Torn; Jason Bourne
'n' Stormy Daniels (femme de porn)...
...'n' Drumpf -- his golden forelock shorn --
Who proves in Santa's side a thorn.
Have a merry Xmas...if you can keep it.
-- Benj. Franklin modified
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