Aix-La-Chapple
Aix-La-Chapple! Aix-La-Chapple!
Posers four with which to grapple:
(1) Excess wholesaled to Snapple...?
(2) Sweet treats for Sancho's Dapple...?
(3) Who's chapplain...? Father Mapple...?
(4) Chants "Love me, love my apple!"...?
(No response...? Perhaps some Lapp'll.
Aix-La-Chapple! Aix-La-Chapple!)
The Alamorinda
Remember the Alamorinda...?
Damn! Smells (phew!)
like Sam Houston threw up.
Lest more fragrant crops fail
or you're (vagrant!) in jail,
best ignore: 'gest no more
than a sup.
(Had the walls of its halls
been of mangoes,
with a pineapple serving as door,
then the odor put out
might have counter'd the rout
and prevented one more
Tex-Mex war.)
Angkor Kumquat
Phnom
Penh pal Pol Pot dare not boycott
Angkor Kumquat, come what may.
Pol's
told, "Go bold, what!" (If Pot shows not,
all Wat's loquats rot away.)
Auburjine Khalifalfa
To pierce seven heavens it seems on the verge,
this towering tower -- to Arabs, this 'burj.'
Its architect of his convictions the cour'ge
never ceded: indeed, Ade* adhered to his urge
to the tallest e'er florae-themed digs to emerge
from the sands of the planet to raise, and so purge
ev'ry inkling of failure (all architects' scourge).
Thus it rises above us -- Smith's purple-green splurge:
Auburjine Khalifalfa -- towards samaa to surge.
(A rhyming nine liner is rarely a dirge.)
* Adrian Smith of Skidmore, Owings & Merrill
The Autobahnana
I speed. I skedaddle.
I drag race. I dash.
I hotfoot. I hightail.
I'm off in a flash.
Puts the pedal to metal
(my mom thinks I'm rash)
does my Autobahnana Peel.
(Pray I don't crash!)
Baby(lon) Carrots
If in Pentateuchs you trust,
that high-rise built there proved a bust.
Had tougher taproots been employ'd,
we'd not be suff'rin' schadenfreud.'
La Beetrootonda
Beetroot, taproot! Tables for two!
P'lladio, daddy-o: fables for few!
Bitteroot, gingeroot! (Vertigo...nu...?
The beetroot goes on, cuein' hullabaloo.)
Bethlehemlock
O little town of Bethlehemlock,
crib to Jewish kings,
does, too, equip the lethal nip
which Soc* -- condemnéd -- stings.
* The ancient Greek Platonist Socrates,
executed by the Athenian state.
Le Bibbliotheque Nationale
Ev'ry book-(guy or gal)-worm et al.
who find butterhead lettuce "pas mal,"
must its leaves dress, then bind,
then insert them (unsign'd)
in Le Bibbliotheque Nationale.
Big Bean
That melody...? Big Bean.
"Bean" floods each bloody London scene
with small-scale sonic booms
from tempo'd timepiece cum legumes.
Bean echoes like a gong
each hour-long bong: dong-ding, ding-dong.
(This metro-gnomic gent's
one hi-rise rhizomonument.)
with small-scale sonic booms
from tempo'd timepiece cum legumes.
Bean echoes like a gong
each hour-long bong: dong-ding, ding-dong.
(This metro-gnomic gent's
one hi-rise rhizomonument.)
Moscow's Bolchoy Theatre
Rus polloi enjoy choy ev'ry day,
with its vitamins -- C, B and A!
Then, in Balanchine form,
they chassé up a storm.
(There's no rushin' the Russian ballet.)
Bowling Greengage
Folks grow plums in Ohio, Kentucky,
in Missouri and Maryland, too.
New York City, Virginia and South Carolina...
Ontario grows quite a few.
(The Fed'ral Republic of Germany grows 'em...?
I did not know that. How did you...?)
Brandenbergamot Gate
Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek starr'd
and order'd Earl Grey hot.
When visitin' in East Berlin,
decaf was all he got.
"I'm none too keen: there's no caffeine.
I hate this tea...alot!"
(He miss'd, withal, the gate they call
The Brandenbergamot.)
Caper Canaveral
How do astronauts feed
leaving Caper Canaveral...?
What pairs with Tang and a caper...?
What do astronauts need...?
Just your wish of "Godspeed!"
Then a "Bang!" Then a trail of white vapor.
Castel Gandalfalfa
Here lies Castel Gandalfalfa,
where a Pope can grab some rays
and an "Unto Caesar"* salad.
(RC's golden olden days!)
* Named for Jesus's "Render unto Caesar
the greens which are Caesar's and to God the
green which is God's." (Prosperity Theology...?)
The Cathedral of Chard
Elderly yet avant-garde,
she stands in Eure-et-Loir’s backyard,
a house of prayer cum postal card:
the green Cathedral – oui! -- of Chard.
Champignons-Élysées
In Paris, a city
where pals are plupretty,
strolls une (per this ditty)
en pull* et beret
dealing buttons, porcinis,
morels and creminis:
my Mushroom Girl
dans Champignons-Élysées.
"I've waxcaps. I've hawk wings.
I've milks," mad'moiselle sings.
"I've oysters and clubs...
even truffles today:
each one tasty and yummy --
nor'll none turn your tummy,"
sings Mushroom Girl
dans Champignons-Élysées.
* Sweater in French
Club Medlar
If inclusive vacations
be right up your street,
turn your thoughts to Club Medlar,
top holiday treat.
Though the food they serve's rotten
(and smells like Dad's feet),
just ignore that --
and count all the bigwigs you'll meet:
Shakespeare's Timon's a guest.
Chaucer's Reeve visits, too,
as Cervantes' Quixote does
(that we all knew).
Francois Rabelais' Pantagruel.
Tom Dekker's Whore.
Philip Pullman's Sir Charles.
(Is that all...? Nope, there's more.)
H. C. Bailey's detective.
Some Saki as well.
Plus a google of others
whose names one daren't tell.
But with vetting and bletting,
fun there's guaranteed.
Re: vacations, Club Medlar's
a whole 'nother breed.
The Cobelisk (aka Cleopatra's Filbert)
Which London column oozes Egyptology allure...?
It's Cleopatra's Filbert. (It's a cobelisk, for sure.)
It's terrific, hieroglyphic...and, specific'lly, obscure.
If you find yourself in London, do include it on your tour.
Cornegie Hall
A tow-headed tomboy
from Cedar Falls, Iowa,
stands at the corner
of Pearl Street and Wall
and quizzes the copper there,
"Officer Affable,
how do I get, please,
to Cornegie Hall...?"
Officer A answers,
"Practice arpeggios
over and over.
But that isn't all.
Then, Clementi. Then practice.
Then Czerny. Then practice...
Just practice: you'll wind up
at Cornegie Hall."
Costa Guava
Costa Guava hosts few fava;
boasts, instead, this drupe so true.
Yo, ho! Let's have a toast to guava.
Come, ye yummy pommes: Salut!
Côte d'Orange
Lor! Now I, unlike before,
adore Cote d'Orange all the more.
Once scornful of its mandarins
(who'd bide those tiny two-ounce tins...?),
I'd tolerate its tangerines.
(Devour'd I dozens...? By all means.)
Forged forward I through bloods and bitters,
though the former gave me jitters.
Then a darling clementine
I dined on, finding it "divine."
Cote d'Orange now's my address placid.
There I sit...in citric acid.
The Dome of the Rocket
The Dome of the Rocket:
esteem'd by the Jews,
no less by the Christians
(not few of 'em Druze),
still's most prized by Muslims --
just hear 'em enthuse...
while all three love arugula
salads and stews.)
Dumbarton Ochras
At Dumbarton Ochras (no 'and', 'but' or 'if')
one's quite likely to spot a pre-C'lumbian glyph --
plus a possibly-Byzantine faux-hippogriff.
(They cook wonderful gumbo there, too.
Take a whiff!)
The Eiffel Taro
We got son'thin' ta say, mio caro,
tho' wethinks this verse stinks -- like stale gar roe...
...but our rhyme won't vamp time 'til tomorrow.
List,' we pray, lest your day ends in sorrow!
Who knows nil scales this Kilimanjaro.
Don't tempt fate! Best to wait in the far row.
Why'd shy guys urge you rise up so far...? Oh,
sigh not "Why not...?"! Cry "Bye, Eiffel Taro!"
El Escarolial
Are you call'd El Escarole...?
Or El Escorial...?
Are your eaves of endive leaves,
a bitch on which to scrawl...?
Or are you more a Castle Dor,
a Spanish Taj Mahal...?
I think I'll call you, after all,
El Escarolial.
At Epricot, Walt's got it all.
Walt's Spaceship Earth is ve-e-e-ry tall.
Walt's Imageworks and What-If-Labs
upon our future lives keep tabs.
Mission: Space and sundry rides
will topsy-turvey kids insides.
Still, what's the stuff that's mostly seen...?
Great crates of beta-Carotene!
Fallingwatermelons
The house at Fallingwaterlilies...?
Unsafe building site.
The house at Fallingwatercress
gives architects a fright.
The house at Fallingwaterchestnuts
flouts the regs re: height.
The house at Fallingwaterhemlocks
blocks not urban blight.
The house at Fallingwaterkefir
fails to pass for white.
The house at Fallingwaterlettuce
disappears each night.
The house at Fallingwateryams
some fruitcake set alight.
And the house at Fallingwatermelons
ain't no Lloyd Wright, right...?
The Hotel Flamango
What's more sweet
than a Dasheri mango...?
What's more sweet
than a dance suite by Django...?
(There's no suite
sans his Romany tango.)
'Tis your suite
at the Hotel Flamango.
Sweeter far than peignoirs
from Durango
or sure bets placed
in Quetzaltenango.
Sweeter more
than a Marshall Field Frango:
that's your suite
at the Hotel Flamango.
The Forbidden Citrus
Forbidden Citrus! Count the times
I've advocated: "Show your limes!"!
My lungs...? Exhausted, begging you:
"Do let me view your kumquats, too!
And free your lemons, Hidden Cit!"
(Who'd not love fruit which lacks a pit!)
No rhymes for 'orange'...? Wait two mins!:
"I need to see(d) your mandarins!"
The Gateway Archichoke
The great Gateway Archichoke --
USA's heart --
from where pilgrims who'd settle the West
best depart --
is a stainless-steel structure
(it's state-of-the-art).
"Take some food," cries Saint Louis.
"An artichoke heart!"
Grapesland
(Sung to the tune of Chuck Berry's
"Memphis, Tennessee," and best accompanied
by Johnny Rivers's '57 Stratocaster.)
Help me, InfoMaven, to en-
roll each Pinot gris...
each Shiraz, Merlot, each noir Pinot --
plus each Verdot (Petit)...!
'Cuz, when I'm through, we'll (me 'n' you)
enjoy a vintage spree...
through El "Vin" Aros'* Grapesland,
down in Memphis, Tennessee.
* A Spoonerism for "Elvis Aron"'s
Hadrian's Walnuts
Hadrian's Walnuts, extending for leagues
across forest and field, forestall foreign intrigues.
When provocateurs brandishing nutcrackers try
for a land grab, stout stone fruits won't let 'em get by,
thus allowing us time to stage counterattacks.
(Plus, their meats sub as treats, making nourishing snacks.)
Hagia Sofigia
Say "Hiya!" to Hagia Sofigia's
architectur'lly grandiose digs!
Christian church, Muslim mosque, this museum's
been call'd home by binomial bigs.*
Marble floor, nice Nice Door** -- and mosaics
which will flip art-appreci'tive wigs.
But the best part of Hagia Sofigia
are those Malta and Napoli figs.
* Among them Hubert of Silva Candida
and Enrico Dandolo.
** The so-call'd Nice Door is the oldest
architectural element within Hagia Sofigia.
Haricot Versailles
Bonjour, Haricot Versailles!
UNESCO says I must drop by --
the spot to see before I die.
OK, UNESCO: tell me why!
Hari, co'vert...? Mata, spy...?
'A(p)ricot-hued French bean pie...?
But do I crave French beans...? Not I.
Haricot Versailles...? Goodbye!
The Hempire State Building
That building dubb'd The Hempire State
boasts sev'ral reasons why it's great.
As planes about it barrel roll,
it doubles as a dancing pole
for one weed-madden'd lovelorn ape
as crowds of gawkers, mouths agape,
stand ogling in the streets beneath.
(Such would not fly in Hempstead Heath.)
The Hollywood Bowlwara
Hoover Damson
The Impearial War Museum
The Im'pear'ial Musée de Guerre
displays arms in all aspects, all sizes.
Some be guerre-shaped, some Wehr-shaped --
nor not a few pear-shaped --
with lots draped in camouflage guises.
If you darken their door,
Some be guerre-shaped, some Wehr-shaped --
nor not a few pear-shaped --
with lots draped in camouflage guises.
If you darken their door,
note: they claim to hate war
but they're pro-"Nuke the Left" enterprises.
but they're pro-"Nuke the Left" enterprises.
Jubilychee Gardens
The lychee,
boasting stony coat
enfolding fruit
of fleshy note,
enjoys its poison seed
enjoys its poison seed
to tote:
this nesting order's
this nesting order's
absolute.
The Jubilychee Gardens
The Jubilychee Gardens
lie
beneath the gaze
of London's Eye,
which wheel few souls
which wheel few souls
but fools dare try
without employing
without employing
parachute.
The Kaleosseum
Football boasts its sev'ral bowls:
Rose, Cotton, Orange... Still,
a Salad Bowl...? Sure!
Romaine's Kaleosseum fills that bill.
Where blood gets spilt and lives get lost...
...and kale and lettuces get toss'd.
Kinderdaikon
The patch attach'd to Kinderdaikon
fervent tourists like to hike on
(and are seen to ride their bikes on)
(and are seen to ride their bikes on)
tikes are keen to try out trikes on.
Up the road from Amsterdam,
near levees (and a hamster's dam) --
near levees (and a hamster's dam) --
the Kinderdaikon "fad"-ish is --
composed, in part, of radishes.
composed, in part, of radishes.
Kiwi Biscayne
Kiwi Biscayne
perches well south of Maine.
It is not Kiwi West
well assured you may rest.
It is not Kiwi Largo.
(We'd ne'er south tha-a-at far go.)
Its tow'r (polychrome)
crowns what dugongs call home.
Its gooseberry lighthouse
illumines the night,
but its gooseberry fruit
never sea cows shall suit.
It's on seagrass they feed:
that's what manatees need.
(Though they kiwis disdain,
they love Kiwi Biscayne.)
Kohlrobie House
Kyotomato
La Sagradish Familia
Say “Howdy!” to Gaudi.
His building is gaudy.
Some brand it as rowdy,
perhaps even bawdy.
I’d not peg it dowdy,
nor surely not naughty.
It's "head-in-the-cloud"y.
(Be canonized, ought he…?)
The Lingon Memorial
Last seen, years past,
in The North Hjo Pictorial:
red, round, respected...and so-o-o-o gastronorial.
Yipe! Now he's ripe. Let's all
pipe verse sensorial:
♪ "Three for dessert at the
Lingon Memorial." ♫
Yipe! Now he's ripe. Let's all
pipe verse sensorial:
♪ "Three for dessert at the
Lingon Memorial." ♫
Machu Peaches
Who sports a Jones
for fruits, with stones,
from far-flung distant reaches
no worse can do
than tour Peru.
Pick Incan Machu Peaches!
Magnolia Plantaintion
I confess to cessation
of holidays Haitian,
of furloughs Croatian,
sabbaticals Thracian.
Ba-na-na-na-
of furloughs Croatian,
sabbaticals Thracian.
Ba-na-na-na-
nation...? Nah!
Now no vacati'nin'...
'ceptin' in Charleston's
Magnolia Plantaintion.
Magnolia Plantaintion.
Maiza Verde
Who'd yearn fer corn
must earn her corn,
nor turn forlorn 'n' scaredy.
If spook'd by heights,
tour sunken sites:
steer clear of Maiza Verde!
The Nazca Limes
If petroglyphs still ring your chimes,
be sure to tour the Nazca Limes.
Avoiding fall- and wintertimes,
you'll yet endure acidic climes --
though, thanks to plu-colossal climbs,
you'll steer well clear of sour'd slimes.
They'll ne'er be known through pantomimes:
Peru's stupendous Nazca Limes.
Olympickle Stadium
Towards Arena Olympickle,
Montreal,
Madame Fortune's proved fickle.
But that isn't all:
Did I have but a nickel
for each collaps'd wall,
for each shingle which
off it's fail'd roof vault did fall,
ev'ry neighborhood rowhouse
consumed by its sprawl,
I'd have, now, me a mickle.
A bundle! A haul!!
Pearamids at Giza
Scorchees searchin' sere Saharas
for desserts design'd to please a-
ficionados of the phara'hs
plump for Pearamids at Giza.
Quai d'Orsavory
Today it's Quai d'Orsavory.
Mañana...? Quai d'Orsage.
Hasta luego, Quai d'Orsago!
(Sav'ry's now the rage.)
Oui mai: now Quai d'Orsavory
we may -- olé! -- engage.
(And, lest you wish
to grace your dish with kale,
close not this page!)
The Rhubarbican
With no towers numb'ring seven,
with no moat to cap the plan,
with no walls to fortify the town
as 'round that town they fan,
with no hundred-plus embrasures
stretching 'cross those ramparts' span,
any lesser barbicans cannot.
But our Rhubarbican!
with no walls to fortify the town
as 'round that town they fan,
with no hundred-plus embrasures
stretching 'cross those ramparts' span,
any lesser barbicans cannot.
But our Rhubarbican!
Sacre-Coeurgettes
Forget about Iceberg 'n'
Cranberry Beans;
skip Endive, Romaine 'n'
Arugula Lett-
uce, Radicchio, Kale 'n' Chry-
santhemum Greens:
pay a visit to Montmartre's
Sacré-Cœurgettes!
pay a visit to Montmartre's
Sacré-Cœurgettes!
The Sydney Hop'ra House
Who’s daft for draft and Johann Strauss
(composer of Die Fledermaus)
must make a point to, with his spouse,
drop by the Sydney Hop'ra House.
The Taj Mahalmond
Which celebrated sepulcher
might please the legume connoisseur
your mum's become...? Just muster Mom und
your mum's become...? Just muster Mom und
tote 'er towards the Taj Mahalmond.
The Wheat House
Comes word you've ne'er heard
of the house built of wheat. Blous-
y pundits who have
even call it The Wheat House.
One tenant proved liar, cad,
One tenant proved liar, cad,
psycho, knave, cheat, grouse,
molester of women --
in short, a complete louse.
He herds his "good words"
He herds his "good words"
into long-winded tweet-
storms he Twitters most morns
storms he Twitters most morns
from the bowels of his Tweet House.
Thrice wedded, he's pull'd
Thrice wedded, he's pull'd
an espousal "threepeat,"
though each bride Blondel beds
though each bride Blondel beds
proves but one more effete spouse.
Yet sleepers awake!
Yet sleepers awake!
Patr'ots take to the street
to protest this tycoon -- nay: ty-
to protest this tycoon -- nay: ty-
rant -- of The Bleat House.
Him (guilty as sin) they'll soon
rightly unseat --
less a man [plus his kin!]
less a man [plus his kin!]
than a now-obsolete mouse.
Let's do it!
(A Weatherman's victory sweet.)
Ah-h-h-h...but how...? Must we now
Ah-h-h-h...but how...? Must we now
this wimp's fam'ly with
"sheet" dowse...?
Or hang the whole gang --
"sheet" dowse...?
Or hang the whole gang --
cronies, kids -- by their feet...
and display 'em across
and display 'em across
the South Lawn of The Wheat House...?
Xanadurian
Hey, Kublai Khan! What's goin' on...?
What for's your corps all hurryin'...?
Say, Charlie Kane! Don't snarl my chain:
How come you scum be scurryin'...?
To quiz you both I'm less than loath:
that bling you've be'in' unburyin'
from far and wide, those bribes you've plied:
whose favor were you curryin'...?
With all that thievin,' be you leavin'
time, without your worryin,'
to fabricate one great estate,
your fancied Xanadurian...?
The Ziggurat of Urly Peas
My father's tomb holds many mansions --
thermal baths, gale-vaulted garrets
form'd from waxy 'taters, alli-
gator pears and baby carrots.
Lettuce and tomato seals
seal labyrinths of broccoli trees --
a monument to meatless meals:
the Ziggurat of Urly Peas.
Gallaudate University
Celeryfridges & Company
Fontainebleauberry
The Yams 'n' Ochra Basilica
at Yamoussoukra, Cote d'Ivoire
The Tater Gallery
The Tomb of the Onion Soldier
Trafalgherkin Square
Tuileries Jardin'jou
The Umayyad Musquemelon
The US Naval Avocadomy
Valenthyme Park
Vassar Collards
The Washington Monumint
Atlanta's Seck'lorama
The Statue of Libertwort
St. Basil's Cathedral
Rocketfeller Center
The Royal Filbert Hall
The Rutabagas of Calais
Red Currant Square
The Parisnips Opera
The Pentarragon
Pharose Hips Lighthouse
Pickle Dilly Circus
The Pimentagon
The Porch of the Carrotatids
Pruneited Nations Headquarters
Onion Station
Palazzo Vetchio
Pall Molive
The Panthenonion
The Pearamids at Giza
Massachusetts Quincetitute of Technology
The Melon Library
The Moscow Artichoke Theatre
Mount Rushmorel
MuscaTel el-Amarna
Navy Pear
The London Eyceberg
The Louvreage
La Scalapeño
The Leaning Tower of Peas
Leek Tahoe
Lettuce 'n' Pear Garden
The Lyberry of Congress
The National Zoocchini
The Guggenthyme Museum
The Giant Figoda
The Grand Trianonion
The Granny Smithsonian
