He’s pilfered my purple penache, for Pete’s sake.
I just multiply
‘p’s; Athos bathes in feigned bathos.
Said Adam to Eve: “Don’t go b’lieving that snake.
We both know you can’t trust tales some serpent, some asp or
some reptil’an tells. Nope: that rascal’s a rake!”
Said Balthazar: “Melchior! Steer clear of Caspar!
The bloke’s gifting gold to some boychik. You know
ev’ry bloke gifting gold the gods label a jasper.”
Said Curly to Larry: “Show no love to Mo.
He’s intrusive and crude. He’s abusive and rude.
A good poke is okay. As for hugs, just say ‘No!’”
Said Donny to Walter, “I’m drugged with The Dude.
He’s wasted on weed. Dude abides…in a trance.
If he’s late for the tournament, tell him, ‘Get screw’d!’”
Said Evers to Tinker, “Chance hasn’t a chance.
Moving Frank from home plate to first base? Seelee’s folly.
Such switcharoos often seem great…at first glance
Said Frances to Kukla, “I fear for our Ollie.
He plans to sing backup (perhaps I’m too picky)
for Penniman singing ‘Good Golly, Miss Molly.’”
Said Goofy to Donald, “I’m sick of young Mickey.
That rodent’s robustless. That murine lacks mettle.
‘…ridiculus mus.’ (In a word, Mickey’s icky.)”
Said Hansel, chastising the Witch, “Getting Gretel
to chug gin with gingerbread – thanks: I’m full up –
has now ravaged her face and deflated her fettle.”
Said Ignatz to Krazy, “With Offisa Pup.
I’ve an off/on relationship. Pupp’s quite contrary."
On weekdays. Come week’s end. Pupp’s quick to bark ‘Yup!’”
Said Jesus to Joseph, “Tell Momma (nee Mary):
Jews calling her ‘Mrs.’ or ‘Miss’ are in error.
She’s neither. She’s both. And I’m slap-happy – very!”
Said Kate, “Fed up, Jaclyn. I’m fed up with Farrah.
Those hanks of hair flip ever thither and yon –
“fara” less “ the athletic one” – more the chimera.”
Said Leia to Luke, “Cast your eyes upon Han?
Since the Force has deserted him, so has the Knack.
Mr. Solo’s no Gable. Han’s not my Don Juan.”
Said Many to Mo, “He’s a madman, our Jack,
selling gear shifts for Fords – automatic and stick –
telling customers, “Should they not work, bring ‘em back.’”
Said Nora to Asta, “Who’s pickled? It’s Nick.
(Though, when asked, he insists, ‘I’m not ‘sotted, just sleepy…
and epigrammatic…’) In fact, Nick’s just thick.
Said Olive to Popeye, “I’m sick about Swee’Pea.
Both you and I walk. She does nothing but crawl.
While your arms appear weird, Swee’Pea’s crawling’s just creepy.”
Said Peter to Mary, “Appalling! That’s Paul.
Though he’s cracked my guitar, I’ve heard no ‘culpa mea.’
(A Martin? A Cort? I no longer recall.)
Said Quixote to Sancho, “I’ve dumped Dulcinea.
Her manner’s too manly. Her upper lip’s hairy.
She’s tinted that hair using tar from La Brea.”
Said Ron to Hermione, “How d’you bear Harry?
He keeps casting spells though I’ve begged him to stop.
What was once my pet gerbil is now a canary.”
Said Snap to young Crackle, “I’m hopping mad! Pop’s
added chalk to the Krispies. (He’s also poured lime in.)
Here! Hold the cad down while I summon some cops.”
Said Theodore, “A-a-a-a-alvin! So simple is Simon!
While we’re far from fat, he insists, ‘I’m the thinnest’ – er-
roneous, surely…but back to my rhymin’.”
Said Underdog, “Cad! Tell mad Simon Bar sinister:
‘Cast from your eye that malevolent glint!’
(If he’ll not, I’ll be forced my quick fix to administer.)”
Said Vic to young Bullets, “I’m bummed out by Clint.
He’s become the most overweight whale in our pod.
Why he’s packed on that heft I’m bereft of a hint.”
Said Wynkin to Blynkin, “He’s nasty, is Nod.
See that shoe he suggests for our sailing? So scruffy
Plus, going with Nod’s plan will leave me ill shod.”
Said Xander to Willow, “I can’t believe Buffy.
Does vanquishing vampires take more than a minim?
I tell her it can’t, but the girl gets all huffy.”
Said a Yahoo to Lemuel, “Why won’t that Houyhnhnm
desist with his wash tub and ironing board?
Tell him cease and desist or I’ll tackle ‘n’ skin him.”
Said Zaphod to Arthur, “I’m fed up with Ford.
He would none of the galaxy leave unexp-_____.*
Can it be his tank’s empty of rhymes?” Zaphod roared.
* -loited, -loded, -osed, -anded, -edited, -ressed,
-lained, -erienced, -unged…
Said Adam to Eve: “Don’t go b’lieving that snake.
We both know you can’t trust tales some serpent, some asp or
some reptil’an tells. Nope: that rascal’s a rake!”
Said Balthazar: “Melchior! Steer clear of Caspar!
The bloke’s gifting gold to some boychik. You know
ev’ry bloke gifting gold the gods label a jasper.”
Said Curly to Larry: “Show no love to Mo.
He’s intrusive and crude. He’s abusive and rude.
A good poke is okay. As for hugs, just say ‘No!’”
Said Donny to Walter, “I’m drugged with The Dude.
He’s wasted on weed. Dude abides…in a trance.
If he’s late for the tournament, tell him, ‘Get screw’d!’”
Said Evers to Tinker, “Chance hasn’t a chance.
Moving Frank from home plate to first base? Seelee’s folly.
Such switcharoos often seem great…at first glance
Said Frances to Kukla, “I fear for our Ollie.
He plans to sing backup (perhaps I’m too picky)
for Penniman singing ‘Good Golly, Miss Molly.’”
Said Goofy to Donald, “I’m sick of young Mickey.
That rodent’s robustless. That murine lacks mettle.
‘…ridiculus mus.’ (In a word, Mickey’s icky.)”
Said Hansel, chastising the Witch, “Getting Gretel
to chug gin with gingerbread – thanks: I’m full up –
has now ravaged her face and deflated her fettle.”
Said Ignatz to Krazy, “With Offisa Pup.
I’ve an off/on relationship. Pupp’s quite contrary."
On weekdays. Come week’s end. Pupp’s quick to bark ‘Yup!’”
Said Jesus to Joseph, “Tell Momma (nee Mary):
Jews calling her ‘Mrs.’ or ‘Miss’ are in error.
She’s neither. She’s both. And I’m slap-happy – very!”
Said Kate, “Fed up, Jaclyn. I’m fed up with Farrah.
Those hanks of hair flip ever thither and yon –
“fara” less “ the athletic one” – more the chimera.”
Said Leia to Luke, “Cast your eyes upon Han?
Since the Force has deserted him, so has the Knack.
Mr. Solo’s no Gable. Han’s not my Don Juan.”
Said Many to Mo, “He’s a madman, our Jack,
selling gear shifts for Fords – automatic and stick –
telling customers, “Should they not work, bring ‘em back.’”
Said Nora to Asta, “Who’s pickled? It’s Nick.
(Though, when asked, he insists, ‘I’m not ‘sotted, just sleepy…
and epigrammatic…’) In fact, Nick’s just thick.
Said Olive to Popeye, “I’m sick about Swee’Pea.
Both you and I walk. She does nothing but crawl.
While your arms appear weird, Swee’Pea’s crawling’s just creepy.”
Said Peter to Mary, “Appalling! That’s Paul.
Though he’s cracked my guitar, I’ve heard no ‘culpa mea.’
(A Martin? A Cort? I no longer recall.)
Said Quixote to Sancho, “I’ve dumped Dulcinea.
Her manner’s too manly. Her upper lip’s hairy.
She’s tinted that hair using tar from La Brea.”
Said Ron to Hermione, “How d’you bear Harry?
He keeps casting spells though I’ve begged him to stop.
What was once my pet gerbil is now a canary.”
Said Snap to young Crackle, “I’m hopping mad! Pop’s
added chalk to the Krispies. (He’s also poured lime in.)
Here! Hold the cad down while I summon some cops.”
Said Theodore, “A-a-a-a-alvin! So simple is Simon!
While we’re far from fat, he insists, ‘I’m the thinnest’ – er-
roneous, surely…but back to my rhymin’.”
Said Underdog, “Cad! Tell mad Simon Bar sinister:
‘Cast from your eye that malevolent glint!’
(If he’ll not, I’ll be forced my quick fix to administer.)”
Said Vic to young Bullets, “I’m bummed out by Clint.
He’s become the most overweight whale in our pod.
Why he’s packed on that heft I’m bereft of a hint.”
Said Wynkin to Blynkin, “He’s nasty, is Nod.
See that shoe he suggests for our sailing? So scruffy
Plus, going with Nod’s plan will leave me ill shod.”
Said Xander to Willow, “I can’t believe Buffy.
Does vanquishing vampires take more than a minim?
I tell her it can’t, but the girl gets all huffy.”
Said a Yahoo to Lemuel, “Why won’t that Houyhnhnm
desist with his wash tub and ironing board?
Tell him cease and desist or I’ll tackle ‘n’ skin him.”
Said Zaphod to Arthur, “I’m fed up with Ford.
He would none of the galaxy leave unexp-_____.*
Can it be his tank’s empty of rhymes?” Zaphod roared.
* -loited, -loded, -osed, -anded, -edited, -ressed,
-lained, -erienced, -unged…
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