"Belief in the Aawl..." Mystery Menagerie: Abecedarial Hommage à Gorey

Belief in the Aawl 
remains aawlfully small.
What's known of the Bryll 
is, essentially, nil.

Apropos the Clampoo, 
I'm as clueless as you.
Expert probes of the Drune…? 
Discontinued last June.

Concerning the Erd 
I've heard nary a word.
R&D on the Flopt...? 
Ex officio stopp'd.

Should I crossbreed the Glanz...? 
Though I could, I've no plans.
Once endanger'd, the Hyst 
now's been scratch'd from that list.

The Ilk lost its ears. 
(Heaven knows how it hears.)
I disparaged the Jang. 
Then some fat lady sang.

The Klaavoy...? Stillborn 
on a voyage 'round the Horn.
How the Lhugee survives...? 
By ingesting its wives.

Ask'd to take in a Mhanx, 
I said, "Thanks but no thanks."
So: how cool is the Nuyk, 
one part dog, two parts duck!

Pay respects to the Ong, 
but don't tarry too long.
Time reported the Phryfe 
lives in fear for its life.

Have you seen the Qabaz...? 
Face it: nobody has.
Both blogs 'bout the Rholld...? 
Evidently on hold.

The life of the Schtook 
fills one very small book.
What's the knack of the Tyghte...? 
Why, to hide in plain sight.

Sad: the last living Uew 
died in 2002.
Sure, the Vardovalette 
makes a toler'ble pet.

All the Wargs "went extinct" 
once we'd seen how they shrink'd.
Yes, the Xanthano can 
catch the Gingerbread Man.

The Yegarrara pair 
interlaces its hair.
I know the Zeezughzint 
would love to...but doesn't.

"'Bite your tongue'? Control that ire!..." Take a Bite: A Nonsense Glossary

"Bite your tongue"...? Control that ire!
"Bite your lip"...? Halt! Hold your fire!
"Bite your thumb"...? I quote the Bard.
"Bite the bullet"...? Do what's hard.

"Dog bites man"...? That's nugatory.
"Man bites dog"...? Now, that's a story.
"Dog bites God"...? That's an'gram glory.
"God bites dust"....? That's Fred's* furore.
     * Nietzsche

"A is for Aesop. 'Tis I..." Abbreviated Aesop: An Alphabet in Rhyme

Presenting the fab fabulist in 26 distichs (several of 'em expanded), 
his tales encapsulated for any who'd otherwise give these myths a miss. 
For fuller treatments, conduct a web search for 'em or their alternate 
titles as provided in the footnotes.  

A is for Aesop. 'Tis I.
(Who'd act brash spells it 'ash, sigma, omicron, pi.')*


     * Æ, σ, o, π. 

Reads one "Andra moi ennepe Mu-..." here...?*
Not one whit! This lit's wit's writ for you, dear.


       * The opening line of Homer's Odyssey. 

B's for my "Belling the Cat."*
Gist...? To say's not to do. (Dudes like you should know that.)


     * Also known as "The Mice in Council."

C's for "The Cock and the Jew'l."
What's its gist...? Who'd persist fetching frills finds...a fool.

D's for "The Dog in the Manger."
Who accrues without using...? Snarls any cur stranger...?

E is for Ennus, my scion.
Me he jailed. Si! He failed. (Enn's no gens I'd rely on.)

F's for "The Fawn and His Mother."
No raisón favors fight -- not when flight is one's druther.

G's for "The Gnat and the Bull."

It's too true: you're just you. Don't let pride pull the wool.

H...? For "The Hare and the Tortoise."

Read and weep; never sleep! (Ring's a bell does Abe Fortas...?)*
  

     * The Justice's descent into scandal is here considered 
a sort of ethical somnolence.

I's for "The Idol of Clay."*

Not cajoled (to it pray though one may),

it spills gold when one breaks it one day.

(It appears the god hears -- in his roundabout way.)


     * In Aesop's original, the idol is made of wood.

J's for my "Jove and the Monkey."*

Read! Take note! Your son's haut, be he fair-haired or funky.


     * Aesop's fable, called "The Beauty Contest of the Animals," 
features Zeus as the judge.

K's for "The King of the Frogs."*

Moral? Don't for storks sue! Do make do with god's logs.


     * Also called "The Frogs Who Wished for a King."

L's for "The Lion in Love."

Be how passion's irrational cognizant of.

M's for "The Miser's Lost Gold."

Knick'd: the lot. Nor is Cotta consoled.*

Still, some thought: naught he bought, naught he sold:

what's amiss...? Merely this: not one dollar he'd doled!

     * In Aesop's "The Miser and His Gold," the miser 
is unnamed. Cotta is Pope's miser in that poet's 
"Epistle to Bathurst."  

N's for "The Neats' Tongues Adventure,"*
when, on balance, droll talents proved awkward to censure.

     * Not a fable but an incident recorded in various 
versions of The Aesop Romance.

O's for "the Old Man and Death."
Don't entreat Death's relief! Save your breath! Death's a thief.

P's for "The Peacock and Juno."

Point? You can't have it all. Folks will call you...(well, you know).

Q's for "The Quack Frog: a Fable."

First, Docteur, thyself cure! Or deserve your "quack" label.

R...? "The Irrational Raven."*

Change of scene doesn't mean you shall glean all you're cravin.'

     * Search for it as "The Swan and the Raven."

S...? For "The Stag at the Pool."

Don't say "Nay!" to what may prove a life-saving tool.

T's for "The Thieves and the Cock."

Your belief and a thief won't undo you...? A crock.

U's for "Four Oxen, United."*

Graze alone, on your own...? Quick demise you've invited.

     * Better known as "The Oxen and the Lion."

V's for "The Vine and the Goat."

Keep your fast! Who laughs last when lies open your throat...?

W...? "Wolf and the Kid."

Acting smart ain't great art when one's cautiously hid.

X is for Xanthus, my master.*

Had slave not been my lot, would've pastures proved vaster...?

     * Again, not a fable but biographical lore to be found 
in Aesop's Vita.

Y's for "The Youth and His Mother."*
Raised your child to run wild...? Wait: he'll wind up not other.

     * Also called "The Boy and His Mother" or "The Young 
Thief and His Mother."

Z's for "the Zephyr/Sol War."*
What beats force...? Well, of course, domination will... Or...


     * Search for it as "The North Wind and the Sun."

Foam and the Colonel: Caricatures

Foam Chomsky

Colonel Cyclops

Eggcordian Fold, Four Views: A Book Design (Photographs)

"Push Comes to Shuffle..." or Shuffle Stuff: a Nonsense Glossarhyme

When push comes to shuffle,
one shuffles along.
Off to Buffalo shuffle,
like's done in Al's song.*

     * Al Dubin and Harry Warren introduced

their song "Shuffle Off to Buffalo" in the 

1933 musical film "42nd Street." It must 

not be confused with Noble Sissle and

Eubie Blake's 1921 Broadway show

"Shuffle Along."

When shuffleboard's offer'd,
a shuffle pass may
lend one's shuffle dance lev'rage
to carpe the day.

When shuffling one's feet,

as Burt Shevelove does,

price, then purchase, a snow shuffle.

Why...? Just because.

As regards mortal coils

which require shuffling off,

shite's what's shuffled -- from Augean Stables!

(You scoff...?)

"From dreams recollected..." What It Is & Where It's From: A Nonsense Rhyme

From dreams recollected. From fancies confected.
(It's nothing Bill Veeck did, nor reckless Glenn Beck did.)
Debuts unsuspected. D'ja vus resurrected.
(It's nowt Bela Fleck did nor aught Chiang Kai Shek did.) 

Affected. Reflected. Ex more inspected.
Finessed a la Greque, though by Shrek undetected.
(It's nothing no Czech nor no dead Zapotec did,
nor nowt Lech Walesa nor Gregory Peck did.)

Its lemmas? Dissected. Heck! Hypercorrected.
(Nowt Halo nor Breck nor no Antarctic trek did.)
It's ever respected. It's left disinfected.
(Nor -- just for effect -- is it something Cal Tech did.)

Perfection? Neglected when interconnected.
Erected in texts. Into tracts architected.
It's schtick Prilosec, plus an old tarot deck, did...
what "Nescio autem non volo noscito"* did.
     * In Latin, very roughly, "I dunno...an' I don' wanna know."

"Drumpf and his kids to our country's laid siege..." Noblesse, No Less: Drumpf Nonsense

Drumpf and Drumpf's kids
to our country laid siege.
I call it vice.
They cry, "Noblesse oblige!"

Drumpf spreads for Putin
like crackers for cheese.
To each, t'other's "noble."
So: noblesse...? Oh, please!

Senior touts Norquist,
claims Grover holds keys.
I call it blackmail.
Drumpf...? "Noblesse goatees."

Senior's small hands
fondle gals' As and Ts.
They shout, "Abuse!"
Drumpf cries, "Noblesse nookees!"

Junior'd keep Bangalore's
brides on their knees.
He cites, "Their rules."
I cry, "No! Less suttees!"

Senior'd have teachers
pack heat while they teach.
He...? "It's for safety."
Me...? "Shit! Let's impeach!"

"One puff is a pastryt..." Let Me Puff!: A Nonsense Puff Piece (from What A's Not For)

One puff is a pastry. One puff is a gust.
One puff is a sleeve. One's a claim.
One puff's a capacitance unit: pF.
(So: who gave Puff the rapper his name?)

One puff is an adder. One puff is a breather.
One Puff is a ground-attack plane.
One Puff is a slick sonar system for subs.
(So: who's playing with Puff -- Dick or Jane?)

One pouffe is a hairdo. One poof is a gay.
One puff is a public debate.
One Puff is a volcanic ash tracking model.
(So: who puffed that Puffed Wheat we ate?)

One Puff is a folksinger's magical dragon.
One puff's a medicinal herb.
But the best puff's a present-tense, English, cohortative,
first-person singular verb.

"Take a Mother of Invention..." AmalgaMates, AmalgaMarriages & AmalgaMavens: Abecedarial Caricatures

Take a Mother of Invention.
Tack on terminal detention.
Ne'er a cuter persecute.
Alter ego? Sheik Yerbouti.                             Anne Frank Zappa

Poke a '10' -- one lithe and lanky.
Yoke her to the New Yo'k Yankee.                  Bo Derek Jeter

We've been attacked, shellac'd, Iraq'd.
We've sure been meg'lomaniac'd.
Who best to research and redact
our "Tarzan Does the Tal'ban" tract?              Condoleezza Rice Burroughs

He trilled "My Peggy Sue-a-hoo,"
then thrilled us in that tome by Tru                Buddy Holly Golightly

Ubercop (the best of Chester)
spliced his genes with GynoJester.                 Dick Tracy Ullman

Plu-poetess -- no sonneteer --
she won a prize but lost an ear.                     Edna St. Vincent Van Gogh

His lips, 'twixt sips, drip quips sarcastic.
Plastic ears? Attached with mastic.                 Fat Jack Leonard Nimoy 

This tree-tall tourist trots the globe,
becomes Miss McEnroeophobe.                      Goose Tatum O'Neal

Arrives as FDR departs. 
With him, bucks stop but bugg'ry starts.         Harry S. Truman Capote

With friends like these* (all "homes" he had)

you'd think he'd banish boys who're bad.**    Isiah Thomas the Tank Engine

     * Percy, James, Gordon...

     ** Laimbeer, Rodman, Mahorn...

Who quells a Cuban Missile Crisis
yells, "Eleven herbs and spices!"                    JFKFC

Green velveteen? It’s never easy.
This bean’s spleen’s lean, mean and sleazy.    KerMitt the Romney 

He bids his nymphets, “Let’s pretend."

(Are di’monds still this churl’s best friend?)      Lewis Carroll Channing

Dismissed as a harlot by Pinkerton (varlet!),

this missy play’d Prissy to Vivien’s Scarlett.    Madame Butterfly McQueen

He trilled re Gioconda’s smile. 
They killed him. (Bye, Br’er Batophile.)          Nat King Kong 

Mean fiends he beans with beams of light. 
His caffeine beans be outta sight.                  Obi Juan Valdez

This pale, peculiar juvenile 
is Hitler’s tool – and hot as “heil!”                  Pee Wee Hermann Goering 

Her “pot and pan” is Ferdinand. 
She hassles Transylvanialand.                       Queen Isabella Lugosi 

No frump: a goddess, deemed domestic, 
humping iron. (Seems catachrestic.)              Roseanne Arnold Schwarzenegger 

Olympic oro won as minor. 
Famous, though, for one one-liner.                Sonja Henny Youngman 

Eyes? True blue. Skin? Faux-bronze. So: 
how’s his journalism? Gonzo!                         Tab Hunter Thompson   

Hailed ‘has-been” by a “never-was,” 
he’s not your nephew, bro or cuzz.                 Uncle Sam Donaldson

She’d love to lead you to the lighthouse. 
Too far out? How’s ‘bout the White House?      Virginia Wolf Blitzer

His nom de nursey is Edward. 
Does he nudge his nation red-ward?                Winnie the Putin 

“Fretful,” “frightful,” “for the birds.” 
(Not mine but Xenophon’s harsh words.)          Xanthippe Hedrin

Cops to more than fifteen Grammies. 
Tops my list of heinous mammies.                   Yo Yo Ma Barker 

Cinematic. Pre-Socratic. 
Eliatic. Enigmatic.                                           Zeno of Elia Kazan

"There bides a bigly man..." Bigly: A Prediction

There bides a bigly man
who sports an orange tan
'neath bigly yellow hair.
So sad: he's not all there.

Not seldom does he bawl:
"I'll build a bigly wall,
and Mexico will pay.
(I'm bigly, by the way.)" 

Far worse, this bigly dude
with Putin did collude
to guarantee a win --
which is a bigly sin.

But Mueller's on the case.
Rob's bigly database
will prove Drumpf did the crime.
Will Drumpf do bigly time...?