Jorma Glishen or "If I've Told You Once...": Confessions of an Oulipian ESOL Teacher

"Jorma Glishen"
by Ulysses Poe
chemical marker
on copy paper
digitally enhanced
22" by 22"

Ma glish jor enjorma!
Glishenenma:
jorglishma glishen -- 
jor...?
     Ma joren glishenjor!
Maglishenjor:
glishmama enjor -- 
glish.

Ma jorglish enjorglish!
Enmaglishen:
majoren maglish -- 
jor...?
     Glish major englishjor!
Maenenglish:
jormaen glishma --
jor.

Ma english jorjoren!
Glishmaglishma:
enjorglish joren -- 
ma...?
     Glish enjor majorglis!
Maenjorma:
englishjor enma -- 
glish.

100+ World Heritage Fruit, Vegetable & Cereal Grain Architecture Sites

"Foodcut"
by Ulysses Poe
chemical marker on copy paper,
digitally modified
8 1/2" by 11" 

     Items whose verses and images are completed appear in boldface type.

The Leaning Tower of Peas (Italy)

Lloyd Wright's Falling Watercress (Pennsylvania)

The AlaMorel (Texas)

The Sisteench Apple (Rome)

The Gateway Archichoke (Saint Louis)

The Forbidden Citrus (China)

The Brandenburg Date (Germany)

Hadrian's Walnuts (UK) 

Big Bean (UK) 

Xanadurian (California) 
The Nazca Limes (Peru)
Carrotatids (Greece) 
Kiwi West (Florida)
Yamkee StadiYam (New York)
Fennel Hall (Boston)
The Boyhood Home of Robert E. Leek (Virginia)

Glast-on-Berry (UK) 
La Scallion (Milan)
Rutabodega Ysios (Spain)
The London Tuber (UK)
Grapesland (Tennessee) 

The Magnolia Plantaintion (Charleston) 

The Calabashtille (Paris)
The Temple of Appl'o at Delphi
Centre Pommedeterre (Paris)

Loew's Pearadise Theatre (The Bronx)
Gran Hotel del Pearaguay (Asuncion)
The Lutheran Church in Valpearaiso (Chile)
El Pearaiso Archeological Site in Pearu
Hovde Hall at Peardue University (Indiana)
The Empear State Building (New York)
The Pearis Opeara House
The London Pearlladium
Yellowstone National Peark (Wyoning)
Buckingham Pearlace (London)

Kinderdaikon (The Netherlands)
The Romaine Kaleosseum (Italy)
The Leifeng Figoda (China)
The Pearamids at Giza (Egypt)
The Gateway Archichoke (St. Louis)
The Merchandise Marula (Chicago) 

St. Basil’s Cathedral (Russia)

TiananMung Square (China)

The Statue of Zeuscchini at Olympia (Greece)

The Hanging Gardens of BabylOnions (Mesopotamia)

Disney's Apr'cot Center (Florida)
Frank Lloyd Wright's KohlRobie House (Chicago) 
The Copracabana Supper Club (New York)
The Summer Squash Palace (China)
Navy Pear (Chicago)

Pecandlestick Park (California)

Carnegie Melon University (Pittsburgh)
The Lingon Memorial (Washington, DC)
The Palace at Fountainblueberry (France)
USS Arizonion Memorial (Hawaii)

The Peanutbody Library (Baltimore)

Bell Pepper Works (New Jersey)
Corn Palace (South Dakota)
The Alhambrazil Nut (Spain)

The Cashewbah (Morocco)
Teotihuacantaloupe (Mexico)
The Ruins at El Reysin (Mexico)
The Spinach Steps (Italy)
Fortescuecumber Centre (Australia)

The Palace at Versoy (France) 
The Thyme Warner Building (USA)
Dilliesin West (USA)
The Mosque at Avocadoba (Spain)
The Hill of Taragon (Ireland)

The Ocean Quayenne (Denmark) 

Muscatel el-Amarna (Egypt)
Machu Peaches (Peru)
Mont St-Mishell'd Peas (France)

Trajan's Collards (Italy)
Maiza Verde (Colorado) 

Hoover Damson (USA)

The Royal Mint (UK)

The Space Nettle (USA)
The Gherkin (UK)

Aix-la-Chapple (Germany)

The Chervilla Farnese (Italy)

The Blue Pomplemosque (Armenia)

The Rhubarbican Centre (UK)

The Radishon Hotel (Muscat)
The Tombato pf the Unknown (USA)

The Eiffel Taro (France)

The Chryslaw Building (USA)

Casaba Mila (Spain)

The Pantheonion (Italy)

The Pearthenon (Greece)

The Dome of the Roquette (Israel)

Angkor KumqWat (India)

Westminster Kohlrabbey UK)

Sacre-Couergettes (Montmartre)

The Taj Mahalmond (Acra)

The Sydney Hop'ra House (New South Wales)

The Maizeoleum at Halicarnassus (Turkey)

Villa Savoyam (France) 

Potatola Palace (China)

The Louvrender (France)

The Haricotlosseum (Italy)

Hagia Sofigia (Turkey)
The Khypear Pass (India)

Runcibl'd Spooner: Cue the "Hah-Har-r-r-r"s!

Directors filming crowd scenes

urge their extras, ”Start your walla!”

“Peas ‘n’ carrots…” 

(Pisan carrots…?)

“Peas ‘n’ carrots…”

while pirates drafting treasure maps

who lack incentives holla',

“Keys ‘n’ parrots…” 

(Quays ‘n’ parrots…?)

“Keys ‘n’ parrots.”

      Moral:

When photo shoot flies skull ‘n’ bones,

'twill go the route of Davy Jones.

"We're Ready For Our
Closeups, Mr. DeMille"
by Ulysses Poe
colored pencil on copy paper
digitally enhanced
8 1/2' by 11"

Red State Reel

"Meet Demented Meat"
by Ulysses Poe
chemical marker on copy paper
digitally enhanced
6" by 5"

My old man’s a racist.

Whatch y'all think about that...?

He dons a dog ear’d collar.

He sports a MAGA hat.

Obese in biker’s leathers,

he walks in no man’s shoes.

And every day of every year

he retweets racist views.*

And someday, in the Klan,

I’m gonna be a racist, 
the same as my old man.

     * Some mss replace this line with
"And, come what may, you can't but
hear him sing a racist's blues," but
all are early drafts.

Suff'rin' Suffixes! A Medley of Morpheme Bromides

"The Itching Buddha"
by Ulysses Poe
chemical marker
and brushed ink
on copy paper
8 1/2" by 11"

As old as the ‘algia’s 

and as ugly as ‘-aholic.’    

‘-esque’ and the world ‘-esque’s with you; 

‘-ish’ and you ‘-ish’ alone.

He's got his ‘-ance’ 

between his ‘-acity.’

All for ‘-cracy’ 

and ‘-cracy’ for all!

We’re not ‘-ectomy’ing at you, 

we’re ‘-ectomy’ing with you.

     (More "Suff'rin'" to come: a work in progress.)

Runcible's Return: Two from Henry James

A novel penn'd 
by Henry James...?
That's The Golden Bowl.
When Buddy scores 
in soccer games...?
That's the Bolden goal.

     Moral:
Consciousness streams
as a footballer dreams. 

"Maisie Diller"
by Ulysses Poe
chemical marker
and graphite pencil
on copy paper
digitally enhanced
8" by 8" 

What’s that novel by James

where the pretty flirt dies…?

Perhaps it’s Daisy Miller.

Which of Phyllis’s daughters

might Mom satirize…?

Perhaps it’s Maisie Diller.

     Moral:

That wife of Fang’s

says "funny thangs." 

More PI Pairs

"Frackin'Stein"
by Ulysses Poe
graphite pencil on illustration board
digitally enhanced
18" by 36"

Andy 'n' Pete,
Andy 'n' Pete:*
one old sexist cynic, 
one new on the beat.

     * Dalziel and Pascoe



Art 'n' Hercule,
Art 'n' Hercule:*
one Belgian fussbudget,
one live-in tool.

     * Hastings and Poirot
but in reverse order.



Maigret 'n'...qui...?
Maigret 'n'...qui...?
One av'rage eavesdropper,
quatre amis.*

     * Maigret famously boasts 
four colleagues.



Maigret et al.s,
Maigret et al.s:
one froggy constable, 
four tadpole pals.



Stringer 'n' Jane,
Stringer 'n' Jane:
one ain't no Wimsey,
one's ala Vane.


And on the drawing board:

Marple 'n' Jim...
Mason 'n' Street...
Della 'n' Perry...
Perry 'n' Della...

Incorrections or "What I Used to Call 'Em": Mister Ian Kerr-Mudge Boogies Down On His Euphemism Treadmill

"Material Girl: Olive Voile"
from the graphic series
"Men (and Women) of the Cloth:
Profiles in Textiles"
by Ulysses Poe
chemical markers
on prepared cotton fabric 
attached to mounted canvas
16" by 20"

     'N' word, schmen word! What about 
'C' words and 'O' words...not to mention
the additional baker's dozen initialed
cultural IEDs planted below?

I used to call 'em 'slaves,'
singin,' "Boom-a-lack-a-lack...!"
I used to call 'em slaves
which I took as short for 'black.'
Then Brother West purr'd 'twould be best
if I'd right quick fall back.

I used to call ‘em 'cripples,'

singin' “La-dee-do-dum-day.”

I used to call ‘em 'cripples'

‘cuz they tripp'd 'n' flipp'd that way.

Today they’re call’d 'disabled persons.'

(So: what did I say...?)

I used to call 'em 'old folks' homes.'
Sing "Tur-a-lur-a-lur..."!
I used to call 'em 'old folks homes.'
Their inmates...? Plu-mature!
'Assisted living domiciles'
where nurses "has-beens" cure.

I used to call 'em 'orientals.'
Sing "Carroo-carray"!
I call'd 'em 'orientals' 'cuz they 
hail'd from out that way.
But now I call 'em 'Asians.'
(They're still almond-eyed, okay...?)

I used to call ‘em 'coloreds,'

singin' “Wop-a-lop-bam-boom”!

I used to call ‘em 'coloreds'

‘cuz they brighten’d up the gloom.

(Who still must write of 'coloreds'

ought best use a nom-de-plume.)

I used to wish 'em 'Merry Christmas.'
Sing "Hip-hip-hurray!"s! 
But now it's 'Season's Greetings' --
that or 'Happy Holidays.'
(I'll skip that mess and just finesse
my Ebenezer phase.)

I used to call all women 'girls.'

Sing “Chitty-chitty-bang”!

I used to call ‘em 'girls,' which stirr'd 
such sturm. What's more, such drang.

('Tis best to call ‘em 'women' now,

to dodge your girl's harangue.)

I used to call 'em 'homos,'
singin' "Day-o, me-say-day."
I call'd 'em 'homosexuals,'
but now I call 'em 'gay.'
L...! G, B...! T, Q...! I, A...! P, K...!
Be that as it may...

I used to call it 'Frisco,'
singin' "Citee by the ba-a-ay."
I figur'd 'Frisco''d be the lingo
San Franciscans say.
But now I dodge that whole hodge-podge
and visit Monterey.

I used to call 'em 'niggardly.'
Sing "Ja-da-ja-da-jing"!
I call'd 'em 'niggardly' when they 
proved stingy with the bling.
But most misunderstood,
so now I don't say anything.

I used to call 'em 'Indians.'
Sing "Ob-bla-de, bla-da"!
I used to call 'em 'Indians' --
each brave, papoose 'n' squaw.
They're now 'indigenous personas.'
(Cf. Murphy's Law.)

'Retarded''s what I used to call 'em.
Sing "A-lack-a-boom"!
'Retarded' -- as they'd sit sedated
in their rubber room.
Still, better that than layin' flat,
encoffin'd in their tomb.

I used to call ‘em 'mongoloids.'

Sing “Ro-ma-roh-ma-ma”!

I used to call ‘em 'mongoloids.'

Now that's against the law.

They simply live with Down syndrome.

(Drum that -drome down your craw!)

Thought on the evening of 5/30/2020

     Turn your video on.

Harrumph! Scott-Heron 
wrote it wrong. 
Tonight I realized
that, after all, 
the revolution 
will be televised.

"Hogmalion USA"
by Ulysses Poe
chemical marker
and colored pencil
on copy paper
5" by 7"

Sleuths and Their Sidekicks

"If You Were Here
You'd Be Holmes Now"
Ulysses Poe
chemical marker on
copy paper
8 1/2' by 11"

     Today's guest posting comes 
mostly from Erudite in Evanston. 

Dupin et moi,

Dupin et moi:

one ratiociner,

one je ne sais quoi.

Mr. Keene, Mike,

Mr. Keene, Mike:

one tracer of persons,

one stage-Irish tyke. 

Brown ’n’ Flambeau,
Brown ’n’ Flambeau:
one nondescript cleric,
one thief cum chateau.

Joe and/or Frank,
Joe and/or Frank:
one total cipher,
one complete blank. 


Carrados ’n’ Louis,
Carrados ’n’ Louis:
one stone cold blind,
one brief; then...blooey!

Spade ’n’ Archer,

Spade ’n’ Archer,

one gets the dingus,

one takes departure.

     
     With a pair of variants 
(one present tense, one past)
from PlaysWell's editor:

Archer ‘n’ Spade,

Archer ‘n’ Spade:

one draws the dingus,

one death, I’m afraid.

Archer ‘n’ Spade,

Archer ‘n’ Spade:

one bagg'd a birdie,

one Brigid waylay’d.

Wolalay for Sall(a)y on LONG > TALL

"Sally Long 'n' Tall"
by Ulysses Poe
graphite pencil on copy paper
digitally enhanced
8 1/2" by 11" 

        Sal goes 
                (as wide receivers do) LONG.
         Spurts of 
    growth but augment Richard's SONG.
         Like that 
           "Wop-bop-a-loo" song he SANG,
     it per-
suades us, "These Negro's aren't SANE."
       (What some 
               dudes will not do for a SALE!)
       Sal could 
            tell (if she would) y'all a TALE --
       one o-
          blique, though not totally TALL.
     But, as 
Porky might drawl, "Tha-that's all!"