Uly Poe's Third Voyage 'Round Archaedia: An Alphabet

A is for Alma who’s alter’d her will.
B is for Bob's boast: “I’m under the hill!”
C is for Constance who voted for Hoover.
D is for Den: neither shaker nor mover.
E is for Emma. Her race…? Almost run.
F is for Fenton. He's purchased a gun.
G is for Grace: she has good days and bad.
H is for Hank: calls my iphone “a fad.”
I’s for Inez who has doctor’d her age.
J is for Johann. (Dementia, third stage.)
K is for Kathryn, a petulant scold.
L is for Lon whose great-granddaughter’s old.
M is for Max who’s develop’d a goiter.
N is for Nan: claims the gateman “annoy’d” her.
O is for Oz: keeps a floozie in town.
P is for Paula. Her toenails turn’d brown.
Q is for Quentin. Rose claims Quentin died.
R is for Rose: claims the newspaper lied.
S is for Shirl: mixes hounds tooth with plaid.
T is for Tim who pass’d. (Ulmer’s so-o-o sad.)
U is for Ulmer: he’s taken up snuff.
V is for Vaughn. “Vaughn! Get offa yer duff!”
W’s Walt, who tells sick shaggy dogs.
X is for Xeno: he posts tell-all blogs.
Y is for Yasser. His room lacks a view.
Z is for Zoë. Don’t know her. Do you…?