As of today (originally posted in December of '22) it appears likely that Citizen Drumpf will be indicted for one or more of a whole host of crimes. Furthermore, based on the Everests of evidence gathered and presented by the January 6th Select Committee, it's difficult to imagine any scenario in which the former PotUs could be found innocent. Therefore, once the all-but-inevitable guilty verdict is handed down, and in light of the fact that The Donald has so often selected his own judges -- indeed, his own facts -- surely it would be only fair to afford Herr Hair the opportunity to select his own sentence. When sentencing day arrives, then, Don Wan will be presented by the DOJ with a Spinometer similar to the one pictured below. The ex-president will be encouraged to twirl the Mashie-Niblick Spinner and discover his fate. (If he has been determined to have been at all cooperative, perhaps a best two out of three spins will be allowed.) If the Spinometer points to Adolf, Drumpf will be shot in the head and his bodyburned. The ceremonial gun used will be one provided by Marjorie Taylor Greene, drawn from the armory featured in several of her campaign videos. If Benito is selected, Drumpf will be hung upside-down (ideally-- as was Il Duce, with one or several of his mistresses alongside). In place of the traditional noose, one of The Donald's lengthy MAGA-red neckties will serve. If Uncle Joe comes up, Daffy Donald will breathe his last lying in a pool of his own urine. To insure sufficient volumes of fluid are forthcoming, the disgraced ex-POTUS will be force fed from a dozen or so two-liter bottles of Diet Cola prior to his execution. And if the Drumpf spinner lands on Idi, Donald will finish out his days in exile in Saudi Arabia playing a minimum of 36 holes per day -- on a course consisting entirely of sand traps.
