The Walrus & (OPQ) (RST) (UVW) (XYZ)

The walrus and the open quote 
"got sumthin' ta say."*
'Tain't nuthin' from "The Open Boat"**
or "I'm in the Way...?"***

(Let's hope the clause they quote won't cause 
no auto-de-fe.)

     

     *Not unlike To Kill a Mockingbird's 

Mayella Ewell. 

     **A short story by Stephen Crane. 
     ***A short short story by Uly Poe.

  
The walrus and the pinkie ring... 
The walrus and the quarter rest... 
The walrus and the rhombicube... 
The walrus and the slotted spoon... 
The walrus and the turn of phrase... 
The walrus and the unkind cut... 
The walrus and the valdosaur... 
The walrus and the wint'ry mix... 
The walrus and the xylocarp... 
The walrus and the year just pass'd... 
The walrus and the zebrafish... 

The Walrus & (MN)

     M 

The walrus, Mephistopheles, 

Melchizedek and me 

were, it appears, once musketeers -- 

though four instead of three. 

Include, as well, Mehitabel: 

Voila! C'est parti pris!

     N 

The walrus and the Nautilus, 

a model built to scale 

of 38:1 in which

he simulates to sail 

beneath the waves ISO knaves -- 

and one albino whale. 

Herbert Morrison Reporting

This famed reporter's ten most 

recent responses to hot-mic questioning sound eerily similar 

to that iconic outburst issued 

during his historic coverage of 

the 1937 Hindenburg disaster. 

I. 

     Jimmy Kimmel: 

"Which does the Herbster find 

more disturbing: Drumpf's lies 

or Drumpf's locks...? 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Both! They're insanity!" 

II. 

     Rachel Maddow: 

"What in your opinion, Mr. 

Morrison, lies behind Drumpf's unyielding support from 

America's religious leadership...?" 

    Herbert Morrison: 

"Faux-christianity." 

III. 

     Maya Angelou: 

"So, brother M.: what's the title 

of the verse to be recited at the ceremony marking the opening 

of the new Drumpf ballroom...? 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Ode to Nit's Vanity." 

IV.

     Captain James T. Kirk: 

"Kirk to Morrison: which alien 

world in the Delta star system 

should the Enterprise next visit...?" 

     Herbert Morrison:  

"Go there! View Planet D."

V.

     TCM's Robert Osborne: 

"Would you say, Herbie, that it 

was his unusual accent that 

proved Cary Grant's most enduring  characteristic...?" 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Mo' the urbanity."

VI.

    Dr. James "Buddy" Powell: 

"Hey, H.M.: did the sea cow eat 

this algae...?"

     Herbert Morrison: 

"No, the du-...manatee."* 

     *Herb's initial "dugong" response gets inexplicably cut short. 

VII.

     Dr. Divina Balawan: 

"How, Herb, shall science ever 

replace the coconut...?

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Grow the banana tree." 

VIII.

     Sean Hannity: 

Who, my friend, is the world's 

most-respected news source...?

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Sho' ain't, you, Hannity!" 

IX. 

     J. M. Barrie: 

"Which male chauvinist, young Morrison, sexually assaulted our Tinkerbell...?" 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Doh! Peter Pan! It...! He...!" 

X. 

     South Dakotan Kristi Noem: 

Now that our big beautiful POTUS's 

big beautiful face appears on Mt. Rushmore, isn't that monument greater than ever before...?" 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Noem, he's too granity!"

The Walrus & (JKL)

     J 

"The Walrus and the Jabberwock" 
from Tweedles issued not. 
"The Walrus and the Carpenter"'s 
what Dum and Dee begot.
Now: who'll defend the fool who penn'd

"The Walrus and the _______"...?* 

     *Yacht...Sot...Khat...Brät..Jot...

Lot...Knot...?

Scot...Blot...Cot...Motte...Plot...

Shot...Clot...? 

Bot...Dot...Tot...Pot...Spot...

Watt...Snot...? 

Schott...Flot...Gott...Zaht...Slot...? 

YOU decide. 

     K 

The walrus and the Kool-Aid guy, 

who smiles when condensation 

delimns a thin 'n' whimsy'd grin,

one lacking all causation, 

across his cherry-color'd puss, 

suspends my dehydration.

     L 

The walrus and Laocoön  

ill fortune overtakes.

"Like Indy Jones," the walrus moans, 

"before me, I hate snakes. 

They're so-o-o-o the pits!" Whereon he splits. 

Laocoön just shakes. 

The Walrus & (GHI)

     G 

The walrus totes a golden goose 
which harbors hangers-on -- 
kid sisters (three), a parson (he 
construes the goose a swan), 
one sexton and two laborers -- 
their show so-o-o-o woebegone! 

     H 

The walrus pilfers half a loaf 

of pumpernickel bread. 

His cousin who's a harbor seal 

steals loaves of rye instead. 

Their ancestor's both breadless 

and ten million summers dead. 

     I 

The walrus (call him Ishmael), 

a former Isra'lite, 

five oceans sails in search of whales, 

most gray, some blue, one white. 

(Cetacea by walruses dispatch'd...? 

That can't be right.)

 

The Walrus & (DEF)

     D 

The walrus, in his deux cheveaux,  
encounters, in a bar, 
a minister, a rabbi 
(are you following so far...?) 
and a priest. They ask the barkeep... 
(Made I mention of the car...?) 

     E 

The walrus and the envelope 

both chose the day to seize. 

Hyena-eyed, the walrus cried, 

"To hell with Qs 'n' Ps!" 

The envelope, tho,' caution'd "Nope! 

Don't push me, if you please." 

     F 

The walrus fancies fingerfood -- 

shrimp canapés, hors d'oeuvres, 

brie quiche, pu pu, stuff'd mushrooms, too 

(such vittles Brit teas serve) --

while steering clear of roach-en-beer. 

(Have YOU sufficient nerve...?)

The Walrus & (ABC)

     A 

The walrus and the ampersand's 

departure caused a fuss. 

"Rock bottom in old ABCs 

is not the spot for us," 
the walrus warn'd. "Our flight's been 

cancelled...? Basta! Board the bus!" 

     B 

The walrus and the bathysphere, 

upon the latter's whim, 

parade along the boardwalk. 

Words absurd are heard from him: 

"Lie near, my dear! Don't veer, d'you hear: 

you know I cannot swim." 

     C 

The walrus and the conflagration 

strode; the walrus spoke: 

"With such a blaze, one seal might raze 

whole burgs, and that's no joke. 

How grand to rid our land of Yid --

yea, ALL unwelcome folk!" 

Name That Loon! (Dynel J. Trompe)

Say Dickens to this day draws breath.

Say Charley never died.

Chuck doubtless still his tales could tell, 

though needing to decide 

what names to name their nemeses --

the villains of each piece. 

A Scrooge, a Heep, a Sikes: his need 

for telling tags ne'er'd cease. 

Say Dickens spawns a scoundrel 

with rococo Day-Glo hair,  

a truth-denying psychopath 

with villainies to spare, 

whose thatch resembles pasturelands 

some jeune fille might marcel:

a faux fox fur of polymer.

He'd dub that dude "Dynel." 

In French, to trompe (with silent e)...? 

To cheat, to fool, to trick. 

A tool who "trompe"'s a mythomaniac, 

a fraud, a dick.

Unfaithful to his missus (nu...?), 

this faux-republican's 

an archetypal Dickens cad:

Dynal J. Trompe's that man. 

More Meigs Mimicry: Flyover Edition

Meet Mildred Plew Meigs's Don Dirk of Dowdee disguised as each of a pair of South Dakota artists.

    Howl "Hi-

yo(lk)!" to the cowpoke 

I've bill'd Black Hills Bill. 
     Jake's pop's  

shtick's makin' pics 

with a Mother Goose quill. 

     Such fine 

art's hard to start  

if one knows not the drill.

     Stroke o'

luck: this bloke DOES!  

Black Hills Bill. 

     Now say 

"Howgh!" to the cowgirl 

Sioux've dubb'd Turning Bull. 

     Ev'ry 

sketch the more fetching -- 

when push comes to pull. 

     Turning's 

palette...? 'Tis empty. 

Portfolio...? Full. 

     I'm in 

awe of the squaw 

Turning Bull. 

     Turning 

Bull, Black Hills Bill: 

as duet, the two share 

    my es-

teem. As a team, 

their collab'rative fare 

     lets this

pair live the dream. 

'Tis a fam'ly affair. 

     Turning 

Bull, Black Hills Bill: 

Buonaser'! 

A Partial List... (cont'd)

      #22 

"Don! Sing with Us Tars!" 

In this tale told in rhyming couplets, 

an octet of jolly sailors, several of 

whom are named Jack, plead with 

POTUS to join them in a chorus of 

"99 Bottles of Coke on the Wall." 

     The verses end on a sad note 

with the president appearing to 

forget most of the words. 

A Partial List of Children's Literature Titles Overlooked by Newbery Medal Award Committee Judges

This tale takes place during the 

caliphate of Harun al-Rashid and 

relates the adventures of a young 

apprentice genie, svelte and 

statuesque, who one day, while 

attempting to assume the shape 

of a roc, instead inexplicably takes 

the form, and begins murmuring 

the sounds, of a mourning dove.

     #17 

 
"D'Litt: Tall, Lean Djinn That Coo'd"

Next! (The Altar Stones)

     The Altar Stones 

Enfrock'd in aqua doctors' robes, 
the Alts ply lyres astride pied globes, 
then prance past oscillating strobes 
to lays of Leopold's. (Or Loeb's.) 
Each gig ends badly -- as did Job's -- 
once Fatha' Fats, first flute, disrobes. 
The EPA's conducting probes: 
affront, do Alts, fans' frontal lobes. 

    

This incomplete illustration of the   
band shows several pied globes, 
one with its saddle, astride which 
band members make their entrance 
playing their vintage Martin lyres. 
It also captures the moment in the 
band's  performance when Jimmie 
(Fatha' Fats") Nicklewicz, flutist and 
lead singer, begins his signature 
striptease. 

Next! or, Shadowing the Stones: an Alphabet (Prologue)

      Prologue 

Which bands, not now renown'd nor known, 
aspire to R&Rdom's throne...? 
Who's next...? Which Keith 'n' Jagger clones 

shall supersede the Rolling Stones...? 

     (to be continued)

An Early Holiday Greeting

Blue Djinns; or, Blue, Blue, Blue Is the Hue of Maya Truelove's Do & Other Nonsense

     Drei Dry Djinn

     Ein 

One kin's a djinn demonic, 

a Finn whose sins be chronic. 

This thane of earls 

his mane of curls 

in vain unfurls. Sardonic...? 

     Zwei 

Akin's a djinn (clan...? Yanik)

whose binge is gin and tonic. 

This bane of girls 

his rain of pearls 

insanely hurls. Moronic...? 

     Drei 

"En fin"...? A djinn Teutonic -- 

twinn-chinn'd: one's thin, one's conic. 

Mint skeins he purls. 

In pain he twirls, 

this swain of churls. Bubonic...? 

Wednesday Wave Protest Sign 10.29.25

 

Tom Eliot's Year

January's rulest month: 

old New Year's resolutions. 
   February...? Foolest month: 

droll sonnet distributions. 

March is the retoolest month, 

a season of renewal. 
   April's, now, the crew'lest month. 

(We've quite enough of cruel.) 

May's the crepusculest month; 

each dusk starts that much later.

   June's last-day-of-schoolest month. 

Sing "Later, alligator!" 

July's the dunking-stoolest month;

with ice, much more surprising. 

   August is the fuelest month. 

The price of gas keeps rising. 

September is the droolest month: 

the birthrate's up. (Don't ask.)

   October is the ghoulest month. 

You'd don a Donald mask...?

November is the coolest month. 

Eats...? Pumpkin pies. Drinks...?  Nogs.

   December is the yulest month:

King Wenceslaus thinks, "Logs!"

Dithyrambs in D with Denouement on Drumpf of Down D'ere: Homage a Mildred Plew Meigs Brought to You by the Letter D

     Dithyrambs in D

     Here de-

buts (Doh!) Der DOTUS,*

Don Drumpf of Down D'ere,
     of whose 

op'randi modus 
Dems duly forswear.
     Yet one

dares not dismiss  

the despicable hair 
     of the 

dastardly Drumpf of Down 

D'ere. 

          * Destroyer Of The United States

     Dans Drumpf's 

soul (what remains of it's 

black as the night)

     Drumpf en-

lists the fascisti 
who haunt the far right
     as Drumpf 

rants about hand size,  

red ties, weight and height (!) --

     does the 

dim-witted Drumpf of Down 

D'here. 

     During 

Drumpf's premier term 

Drumpf perversions rehears'd. 

     Now Drumpf 

daily distributes 

Drumpf's worst o' the worst. 

     (But what 

motivates Drumpf's 

duodenum to burst...? 

     Double 

cheeseburgers -- dozens! -- down 

dere.)

     Don Drumpf 

claims "the best words" 

though deployin' 'em not. 

     Don Drumpf 

grabs women's p*****s.* 

(Drumpf's earlobe got shot.) 

     Don Drumpf 

lusts after even his daughter -- 

a lot! -- 

     does the 

derelict Drumpf of Down 

D'ere.

          *Puritans read 'privates.' 

     Don Drumpf 

takes to Our House 

his demolishing bat

     as Drumpf 

makes of the U.S. 

persona non grat'...

     ...yet Don 

dons his "Make-Ev'rything-

Great-Again" hat --

     does De-

stroyer Don Drumpf of Down 

D'ere. 

     Denouement 

     But of 

late, concerns great 

Drumpf's deciding to share -- 

     in faint 

hopes of ascending 

God's heavenly stair.*

     Still, Drumpf's 

duly -- though Drumpf will 

construe it "unfair" --

     doom'd to 

dwell, 'til dawns Doomsday, down 

d'ere."**

     *Drumpf imagines, of course, 

a heavenly escalator.* 

     **Hell aka The Inferno (and 

considering the present context, 

doubtless Dante's. Drumpf's 

character qualifies him for 

damnation to every ring.)

Thirds Off Six Views Of South Fiji: a Distressed Sketchbook

Protest Sign for 10.22.25

 

POTUS's MAGAnificient Appointees Weigh In on the Correct Designation for Drumpf's Shit Bombs

     Steven 

Miller calls it 'excrement.' Steve 

Bannon calls it 'feces.' And to 

Rubio, it's 'El Popo' (a 

Cuban caca species.) 

     Speaker

Johnson calls it 'night soil,' while Pete 

Hegseth says 'manure.' J.D. 

Vance has call'd it 'coprolite.' Pam 

Bondi's still unsure. 

     Sam A-

lito calls it 'dirt' or 'dung.' John 

Roberts calls it 'stool.' Justice 

Clarence Thomas calls it 'kaka-

poopie.' (Such a tool!)

     Justice 

Amy Coney Barrett calls it

'waste' or 'poop' or 'flit.' Lindsey 

Graham calls it 'slops,' which is a 

fancy word for shit. 

 

    Tulsi 

Gabbard calls it 'midden,'  while Russ

Vought refers to 'spoor.' Ms Mc-

Mahon calls it 'guano,' tho' I 

cannot tell what for. 

     RF-

K just calls it 'doo-doo.' (Bobby's 

that there sorta guy.) And Kristi 

Noem...? She calls it 'loam.' Not even 

she can tell you why. 

     Sean 

Hannity refers to 'mist' -- the 

Nazis did so, too. Meanwhile the 

rest of 'em just call it 'scat.' (That's 

what we wish THEY'D do.) 

     Coda 

     Lastly,

Eric the Dim, his voice 

hoarse, adds 'le merde.' 

     "Disre-

gard! It's just him..." As, of 

course, no one cared. 

POTUS Poops (Though Surges No Troops)

      One 
fact on which the G.O.P. 
      and 
Democrats can both agree: 
     Drumpf 
dropping -- watch the video! -- 
     ma-

nure on New York City. Oh, 

      it's 

Drumpf alright -- "King Drumpf" notes  he,
     re-
posting it himself with glee.
     Says 
Vance, "It's funny. What's the fuss...?" 
     (Who 
hates America...? Not us.)

Sign for Saturday 10.18.25

 

Damp Hen Nonsense Apothems & Daffy Digressions

Some hens are born damp, some hens achieve dampness and some hens have dampness thrust upon them. 

A damp hen by any other name would smell as ripe. 

There is a tide in the affairs of hens when taken at the flood leaves them thoroughly damp. 

A hen in the hand is worth two in a puddle.  

No hen is a (Rhode) Island.

'Twas the night before last.

Throughout bathrooms and dens

not a hen was demurring -- 

not even damp hens. 

Song for "No Kings" Saturday

No lyin'-with-AIin' kings. 

 

No voting-rights-denyin' kings. 

No "Ban-abortion!"-cryin' kings. 

No "Fix-it...?-Only-I..."in' kings.

No "Roy-Cohn-where-be-my...?"in' kings. 

We want no "...grab-'em-by..."in' kings. 

No "bf's...?-Kim-'n'-I"in' kings. 

We want no obese-thighin' kings. 

No "Torture...?-I'm-not-shy"in' kings. 

No bags-o'-Bitcoin-buyin' kings. 

No "Eric-can't-be-my..."in' kings. 

No earlobe's-on-the-li-...in' kings. 

No "...six-six,-one-nine-ni-..."in' kings. 

We want no "...and-stand-by!"in' kings. 

No gut-our-FBIin' kings.  

No "Mike-Pence...?-Hang-'im-high"in' kings.

No "Me-Myself-'n'-I"in' kings. 

No "Tell-Vlad-I-said-'hi'"in' kings. 

No "I-get-extra-pie"in' kings. 

No "Let-go-my-McFry!"in' kings. 

No steal-stuff-on-the-slyin' kings.

No "into-emails-pry"in' kings. 

No never-answers-'why...?'in' kings. 

No "End-of-Days-be-nigh"in' kings. 

No blame-the-other-guyin' kings.

We want no Greenland-buyin' kings. 

No Mayan or Hawaiian kings. 

We want no young-girls-eyein' kings. 
No Qatar-bribe-jet-flyin' kings. 

We want no vote-denyin' kings. 
No "I've-the-best-words"-cryin' kings. 

We want no faux-Versaillesin' kings.

No junk-food-amplifyin' kings. 

No neo-Captain-Blighin' kings.

No Vladimir-allyin' kings. 

No Bibi-arms-supplyin' kings. 

(We're not averse to dyin' kings.) 

We want no alibiin' kings.

No don't-apologi-...in' kings.

No "Nobel-must-be-my"in' kings. 

No "What-could-go-awry...?"in' kings. 

No research-falsifyin' kings. 

No on-opponents-spyin' kings.

No ersatz-hair-piece-dyein' kings... 
...and, fin'lly, no damn lyin' kings. 

     Coda 

     Say 

"Nay!" to stooges kissin' rings, 

     then 

pray: "More Martin Luther Kings."