Poet Poe pens nonsense verse. "Plus...phun," puns Uly, "I disburse." Its gamut runs from spam to worse. The po'sy posted...? Poe's diverse -- most, postcards from his universe, replies to grudges he must nurse. My summary...? Let me be terse: a mitzva, mostly. (Not a curse.)
Friday, October 17, 2025
Thursday, October 16, 2025
Damp Hen Nonsense Apothems & Daffy Digressions
Some hens are born damp, some hens achieve dampness and some hens have dampness thrust upon them.
A damp hen by any other name would smell as ripe.
There is a tide in the affairs of hens when taken at the flood leaves them thoroughly damp.
A hen in the hand is worth two in a puddle.
No hen is a (Rhode) Island.
'Twas the night before last.
Throughout bathrooms and dens
not a creature was purring --
not even damp hens.
Song for "No Kings" Saturday
We want no Greenland-buyin' kings.
No Mayan or Hawaiian kings.
No Mayan or Hawaiian kings.
We want no young-girl-eyein' kings.
No Qatar-bribe-jet-flyin' kings.
No Qatar-bribe-jet-flyin' kings.
We want no vote-denyin' kings.
No "I've-the-best-words"-cryin' kings.
No "I've-the-best-words"-cryin' kings.
We want no faux-Versaillesin' kings.
No fast-food-amplifyin' kings.
We want no Captain-Blighin' kings.
No Vladimir-allyin' kings.
No Bibi-arms-supplyin' kings.
(We're not averse to dyin' kings.)
No research-falsifyin' kings.
No on-opponents-spyin' kings.
We want no hair-piece-dyein' kings...
...and, fin'lly, no damn lyin' kings.
...and, fin'lly, no damn lyin' kings.
Coda
(We jeer the toads seen kissin' rings,
but cheer for Martin Luthur Kings.)
Monday, October 13, 2025
Name That Composers; or, Who ARE These People...?
The Song
You and the Night and the Music (Fill Me with Flaming Desire)
The Words
Hugh and Dean Knight / Andy "Moose" Hick
The Music
Phil Smee / Whit Vlaye / Meg deZyre
"Ladies First" Revisited: A Nonsense
Might a new word order not result in a new world order...?
Why always 'Adam and Eve'...?
How's a-
bout, just for once, 'Eve and Adam'...?
Would such
Would such
switcheroo, do you believe,
not ex-
not ex-
uberate She Who begat 'em...?
Why hear we always 'Babe Ruth'...?
Seldom
mention'd -- alas! -- is 'Ruth Babe.'
She'd have
sent home runs flyin,' caus'd fans (I ain't lyin'),
like
Jabberwock's raths, to outgrabe.
Why always 'Ozzie and Harriet,'
never
'Harriet' followed by 'Oz'...?
Would trans-
posing pair'd names tend to bum dudes and dames,
dooming
both to a spate of the blahs...?
Why must it be 'Ralph and Alice'...?
Might we
never hear 'Alice and Ralph'...?
The
latter's preferr'd, while the former -- my word! --
remains
too chauvinistic...by half!
Mother
Goose sings of Jack and his Jill.
Mother:
choose a new tack! Jill and Jack
could still
tackle that hill. (If some water they spill,
they'd re-
fill those two buckets they pack.
(more to come)
Abelard and Eloise
Butterbeans and Susie
Nichols and May
Roy and Dale
Pyramus and Thisbe
Cadmus and Harmony
Nick and Nora
When Harry Met Sally
Archy and Mehitabel
Guys and Dolls
"Romeo and Juliet"
"Caesar and Cleopatra"
"Ike and Mamie"
"William and Mary"
"Stiller and Meara"
"The Captain and Tenille"
"Sonny and Cher"
"Boris and Natasha"
"Heathcliff and Cathy"
"Ferdinand and Isabella"
"Tarzan and Jane"
"Mork and Mindy"
"Tommy and Tuppence"
"Steve and Edie"
"Burns and Allen"
"Samson and Delilah"
"Dick and Jane"
Sunday, October 12, 2025
Saturday, October 4, 2025
Distichs: A Nonsense Alphabet of Unpublished Pairs of Couplets -- Some Rhymed -- Excerpted from Imaginary Poetry
Prelude
Stichs aren't stones;
they break no bones.
Their words, though, may divert you
Acrostichs from "Ante Up!" by Bunk & Tosh
Both you and Auntie PetticoaT,
Uncle EnriquillO,
Need on the double (take a guesS)
Kick in a bit more REAL dougH.
Broomstichs from "Dust" by Thom Swiffer
Tweedle the Sweep, who scrubs smokestacks in Bantry,
would waltz with his broom 'round my grandmother's pantry.
He'd char neighbors' chimneys, enduring their dirt. He
abided alone. (Tweedle died shy of thirty.)
Chopstichs from "In a Chinese Workhouse" by Colum May
Toothpicks, Sino-sages say,
as whopping chopsticks start their day.
But woodworks' whittlers, led astray,
all parts superfluo'us shave away.
Dipstichs from "Moyshe Mans the Motor Pool" by Yehuda Teer
Your crankcase craves a log* of motor oil.
Flush fluids so your AC won' o'erboil.
A hin* or two should lubricate your brakes.
(A hemi-hin is, maybe, all it takes.)
*Logs and hins are Yiddish liquid measures.
Elastichs from "Stretch!" by Speed O'Banlon
As ev'ning stretches out against the sky,
a limo looms, the length of sev'ral Fords.
Its chauffeur snaps her bubblegum, while I
unload my months' supply of bungee cords.
Fiddlestichs from "Ecphonesis" by E. "Jack" Hoffman
O
Grandma whispers "Pish!"
Grandpa gripes "Begorrah!"
The aunties add "I wish!"
while I reply, "The Horrah!"
Gnostichs from "Godspell 2 1/3" by Jesus of Kalamazoo
There's Thomasines, Mandaeans, Carpocratians, Simonians,
Corinthians, Cleobians, Perates and Cerdonians:
"There's some things WE know," all insist, "that YOU maroons DON'T know."
They then set out delivering a tiresome blow-by-blow.
Hockeystichs from "On noThin Ice" by Frank 'Li'l Black' Zamboni as told to Gosta Ryder
I'll flout the Fates and don used skates
to brave the dicey ice.
But once I do, I pledge to you
I'll never do so twice.
Impressionistichs from "Uly's Piano Recital" by Ulysses Poe
My piece debuts with Debussy.
What follows...? M. Ravel,
three measures miming E. Satie,
and Brahms...with none play'd well.
Joystichs from "Do You Vant Go Blind...?" by Sigfried Freud
Chimps employ 'em, twistin, 'em about.
Pigs enjoy 'em -- nudge 'em with their snout.
Pilots use 'em navigatin' planes.
Does Drumpf abuse 'em...? Mary Trump explains.
Knobstichs from "Solidarity Forever" by Mother Jones
Billy Bob's a blackleg. I shall never marry him.
James...? A rat fink and a scab. I won't be wed to Jim..
Jack's been spotted lickin' boots. How treach'rous can you get...?
And Dick's just cross'd yon picket line: I'll die a bachelorette.
Lipstichs from "Butterflies, Beestings 'n' Botox...Oh, My!" by Don "Nutella" Versace
Tony Lip drives Cherry; he's the doctor's new chauffeur.
Libby vexes Brenda, an antagonist to her.
Joey Fagan's horn makes The Commitments much more hip.
And don't forget Durocher: no one's botherin' the Lip.
Matchstichs from "Den Lille Pige med Svovlstikkerne" by H. Christian Wright
Start from scratch: Paris Match. Orrin Hatch: Booby Hatch!
Swing it, Satch! One-hand catch. Briar patch...? Not a scratch.
Coffee klatsch: bake a batch. Cumberbatch: top-draw'r...? Natch!
Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Tell me: have we met our match...?
Nightstichs from "God o' Dance" by Freda Stare
Crips 'n ' Bloods 'n' police: what's your hurry...? Do the Fly; forget Arthur Murray!
Irish Jig...? Don't fret! Not to worry: When you've binged...just...stop!
Orgiastichs from "Absurdist-in-Chief" by Anon
You socialists are hedonists; you communists are, too.
You're anarchists, abortionists --
I've bullied more than few.
You're masochists; You're narcissists. You're pessimists as well.
You're all those "-ist"s I've doubtless miss'd:
I'll see you lot in hell.
Popsiclestichs from "Ice Lolly Palooza" by Arthur Freeze
Whose dream is of a Popsicle a cult'ral meme enjoys.
Whose dream is of a Creamsicle all lactose dread destroys.
Whose dream is of a Fudgsicle a chocoholic be.
Whose dream is of a Dreamsicle endures redundancy.
Queuestichs from "Blackball Boogie" by Montana O'Beece
Rack 'em, Fats, and pass that chalk.
Then watch me masse, bank 'n' baulk.
YOU talk some talk; I walk the walk.
So, settle back; prepare to gawk.
Rustichs from "The Gift to be Simpleminded" by Manon Knight
The farmer takes a wife.
The wife mistakes the child
for a single-bottom'd "sulky" plow
because that gal's beguiled.
Ì
Swizzlestichs from "Doin' the Chartreuse Swizzle" by Mick Sahl-O'Gist
Take one-point-five ounces Chartreuse;
add some lime juice and pineapple juice.
Pour it all in a tall Collins glass.
Add crushed ice...and then swizzle en masse...
Thunderstichs from "Make Good Noise" by Cholly Bickerknocker
Conf'rence playoffs, Sixers versus Knicks.
Brunson puts up wa-a-ay too many bricks.
I'm sittin' courtside. What's it take to fix
this situation...? Cue them thundersticks |
Brendan Carr |
Thursday, October 2, 2025
It's Miller Time...But His Time Is Almost Up
 |
| Poster carried at recent Wednesday Wave Protest in Hampden |
Wednesday, October 1, 2025
The MAGAniloquent Seventeen: #8, Brian Kilmeade
Fox's Brian Kilmeade
airs his creed,
proving nowt like excess
does exceed:
"Folk who're mentally ill,
ill and homeless...? Just kill!"
(What we need...? Will to heed
proving nowt like excess
does exceed:
"Folk who're mentally ill,
ill and homeless...? Just kill!"
(What we need...? Will to heed
"Kill Kilmeade!")
 |
| Brian Kilmeade |
Monday, September 29, 2025
"Pronouns, Shmonouns!" Confessions of a Culture-war-weary LGBTQIAphobe
'Til recently,
were one call'd John
or Jack or Joe
or Jim,
the pronouns folk
would call upon
were, as a rule,
he/him.
And we're one's name
were one call'd John
or Jack or Joe
or Jim,
the pronouns folk
would call upon
were, as a rule,
he/him.
And we're one's name
Babette or Bea,
or Biddy call'd
one were,
the pronouns used,
believe you me,
were, on the whole,
she/her.
Now's heard they/them,
one were,
the pronouns used,
believe you me,
were, on the whole,
she/her.
Now's heard they/them,
ze/zir, qui/quem...
All bore me 'til
All bore me 'til
I'm numb.
(You ask me what
MY pronouns are...?
MY pronouns are...?
MY pronouns are
ho/hum.)
ho/hum.)
Thursday, September 25, 2025
Friday, September 19, 2025
Open Letter to Stephen Miller
Multi-millions moving east
to occupy new spaces
mime millions more migrating north
to settle in new places.
Where're you look -- in ev'ry nook --
smile sundry suntanned faces.
Of greeting lines and welcome signs,
though, scarcely any traces.
to settle in new places.
Where're you look -- in ev'ry nook --
smile sundry suntanned faces.
Of greeting lines and welcome signs,
though, scarcely any traces.
(more to come; work in progress)
Tuesday, September 16, 2025
Chary Choice; or, A Dozen Cooties in the Lard: Approaches to Chekhov's "The Cherry or Chard?"
(N.B.: The verses below treat only the first play in Chekhov's so-called "Fruits & Veggies" trilogy. The second and third dramas in his series, "La Pear e MusTARD" and "The Berry/ColLARD," will be featured and discussed in later poems.)
Note
world-weary playwright Sir Noël Cow-
ARD,
who
who
not only penn'd 'em: in sev'ral he
STARR'D.
Then
check out top dramatist Czech Tom Stop-
PARD.
Full
Full
five of Tom's plays earn'd a Tony A-
WARD.
No
playwright but poet, Pierre de Ron-
SARD
from
lists of tragedians ought to be
BARR'D.
How-
ever, tragedian Albee, Ed-
WARD
made
hay in the Theatre mis-named Ab-
SARD.
An
Irish librettist was Shaw, George Ber-
NARD.
His
spellings -- eccentric -- caught readers off-
GUARD.
An
actor IN, author OF plays...? Sam Shep-
PARD.
In
In
both fields his work's held in highest re-
GARD.
Most
famous by far, tho'...? Will Shakespeare -- the
BARD.
His
true name's uncertain; his plays live, un-
SCARR'D.
(I'll
sing not of Gilbert the ur-Savo-
YARD
who with
frenemy Sullivan skirmish'd 'n'
SPARR'D.
Nor De-
pardieu, Gerard -- no, nor Cyril Rich-
ARD.
to
pose that pair playwrights would prove a ca-
NARD.
Did
someone cite Shemp, Moe or Curly How-
ARD...?
One
might as well mention Pierre Abe-
LARD...
which
leads me to Chekhov's "The Cherry or
CHARD?"
where's
proffer'd a choice -- tho' that choice isn't
HARD.
All
chaps choosin' 'cherry' best be on their
GUARD.
If
facin' such query, I'll choose to choose
'CHARD.'
Thursday, September 4, 2025
The MAGAniloquentt Seventeen; or, The Cabinuts of Dr Pantload: #1 Thru #7
Here's FCC Chair
Brendan Carr.
Of folks on TV
he's the Czar.
From Face One, "Yay, free speech!"
From Face Two...? Overreach.
And are both faces two-faced...?
They are.
MAGA pundidiot
Bannon,
a short-temper'd, short-fused loose
cannon,
spouts racist remarks
which doubtless cause sparks.
(One shudders to think what Steve's
plannin.')
 |
| Steve Bannon |
New FBI boss Kash
Patel,
a conspiracy the'rist
from hell,
like his prototype Hoover,*
will plot and maneuver.
(Does Clyde Tolson's name
ring no bell...?)
*J. Edgar and his Number 2, Clyde, were regularly -- conspiritorially or factually...?) -- rumored to be much more than co-workers.)
 |
| Kash Patel |
When RFK Jr. talks
"vacs,"
prepare too hear nonsense, not
facts.
And when lies multiply,
no surprise: people die.
Here's the thing: Jr.'s King of the Quacks.
 |
| RFK Jr. |
Pete Hegseth reeks!
Odors galore:
rotten-eggs-breath, leeks, road apples... More...?
Pete leaves shite in his shorts,
while the White House reports
how Pete's gas smells of basilisk spore.
 |
| Pete Hegseth |
The Congress, one arm of Drumpf's Reich,
now's led by a Johnson* call'd
Mike.
Mike's record is vile;
a review of his file
reveals zip, nada, nothing to
like.
*Slang for male genitalia -- or maybe a used condom.
 |
| Mike Johnson |
Drumpf's Chief of Naff Stephen
Miller,
of Drumpf's '25 Project one
pillar,
is Drumpf's clone of Roy Cohn.
Vile behavior he's shown --
while best known as "Community Killer."
 |
| Stephen Miller |
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Composed and illustrated in 2019, each verse of poetaster Ulysses ("Uly") Poe's illuminated nonsense lyric "What A's ...
