Gamut Lichkeit

     From 
A to zed. From famish’d to fed.
     From the 
tip of my toe to the top of your head.
     From 
my ultravi'let to your infrared.
     From My 
Dinner With Andre to breakfast in bed.

     From 
bad to worse. From dogg'rel to verse.
     From 
Grisi (Carlotta) to Cunningham (Merce).
     From 
doctor to nurse. From pocket to purse.
     From Al-
gonquian Sioux to Sahaptian Nez Perce.

     From 
coast to coast. From pillar to post.
     From 
alla Romana to sardines on toast.
     From 
guest to host. From least to most.
     From 
Kilimanjaro to Ivory Coast.

     From 
door to door. From ship to shore.
     From 
"either" ('n' "and/or") to "neither" ('n' "nor").
     From 
"Less..." to "...is more." From in pieces to war.
     From 
"Thanks...but no thank you!" to "Si, si, Senor!"

     From 
east to west. From curs’d to blest.
     From 
nuclear family to empty nest.
     From 
worst to best. From thigh to breast.
     From 
serio-comic to genuine jest.

     From 
first to last. From future to past.
     From my 
flying jib boom to your main skysail mast.
     From 
slow to fast. From garrotted to gass’d.
     From 
your Cathy Wilcox to my Thomas Nast.

     From 
God to man. From pat to pan.
     From 
Jewish Defense League to Ku Klux Klan.
     From 
bottle to can. From albino to tan.
     From Cos-
tello and Abbott to Ollie and Stan.

     From 
head to tail. From rail to sail.
     From a 
slap on the wrist to a fortnight in gaol.
     From 
hammer to nail. From pass to fail.
     From 
Niag'ra Falls to the Sante Fe Trail.

     From 
inside out. From nort' to sout'.
     From 
seven bean salad to knockwurst ‘n’ kraut.
     From 
flood to drought. From pilsner to stout.
     From 
"Come up 'n' see me!" to "Go on...get out!"

     From 
jazz to pop. From pop to op-.
     From 
get-go to stop. From bottom to top.
       From 
robber to cop. From ragtime to bop.
     From 
underachieving to over-the-top.

       From 
Kings to plebes. From idols to dweebs.
     From 
valets de chambres to burra sahibs. 
     From 
griffins to grebes. From goyim to Hebes.
     From 
400 Spartans to Seven 'gainst Thebes.

     From 
low to high. From "Howdy!" to "Bye!"
     From De-
cember the Seventh to Fourth of July.
     From 
wet to dry. From "True!" to "You lie!"
     From a 
bird in the hand to a pie in the sky.

     From 
Maine to Cal. From Falstaff to Hal.
     From 
woman of virtue to femme fatale. 
     From 
capriccioso to pastorale.
     From the 
New York Trade Center to Guadalcanal.

     From 
now to then. From women to men.
     From 
Barbi to Ken. From the sword to the pen.
     From 
zero to ten. From Glenda to Glen.
     From 
Rodeo Drive to the five-'n'-ten.

     From 
old to new. "From Santa to you."
     From 
Steinway piano to didgeridoo.
     From 
red to blue. From "Don't!" to "I do."
     From The 
Last King of Scotland to Brian Boru.

     From 
Pole to pole. From codex to (sc)roll.
     From 
body to soul. From the part to the whole.
     From 
Irving to Cole. From the tee to the hole.
     From 
Franz Joseph Land to the Costa del Sol.

     From the 
quick to the dead. From the leech’d to the bled.
     From 
Nike to Ked. From "too" to "instead."
     From 
single to wed. From Desi to Fred.
     From 
My Blue Heaven to fire engine red.

     From 
right to left. From awkward to deft.
     From 
lightness to heft. From Mutted to Jeff'd.
       From
organized crime to white-collar theft.
     From 
Marlene Dietrich'd to Hildegard Neff'd.

     From 
Stern to stem. From l'homme to femme.
     From 
en to em. From Japeth to Shem.
     From 
probe to LEM. From choler to phlegm.
     From 
pauvre diable to creme de la creme.

     From 
treasure to trash. From Zarkov to Flash.
     From 
credit to cash. From bangers to mash.
     From Hun-
garian Goulash to heavenly hash.
     From your 
Ma's army boots to your Father's mustache.

     From 
us to them. From acquit to condemn.
     From 
Rep to Dem. From fix’d to pro tem. 
     From 
term'nus a quo to term'nus ad quem. 
     From
 breech-loading musket to ICBM.

     From 
vale to hill. From hale to ill.
     From 
ballpoint to quill. From parsley to dill.
     From 
all to nil. From lung to gill.
     From 
Eleanor's Franklin to Hillary's Bill.

     From 
win to lose. From seltzer to booze.
     From 
running amok to a march two-by-twos.
     From 
"Born Again Christian" to "Right To Choose."
     From the 
Queen of the Spades to the King of the Jews.

     From 
Xs to Os. From sucks to blows.
     From 
allies to foes. From buttons to bows.
     From 
comes to goes. From virgins to 'ho's.
     From 
where babies come from to God only knows!

     From 
yin to yang. From syntactic to slang.
     From 
guttural utt'rance to nasally twang.
     From 
Phyllis to Fang. From fresh-squeez’d to Tang.
     From 
sev'ral elipses (...) to interobang (!)

     From 
zag to zig. From little to big.
     From 
hippie to pig. From jeté to jig.
     From 
Tory to Whig. From raisin to fig.
     From 
someone specific to thingamajig.

Abecedarial Aspects of '-Chi'

Dapper Don Ameche dotes on floatin' Ed Balducci.
Campo (yum!) di Bocce’s haut -- to fascist fop Il Duce.

Ignorat’ Elenchi quotes sequential Fibonnacci.

Soprano Galli-Curci curtsies, dancin' Hootchie-Kootchie.

Matthew Groening’s Itchy aches, "I'm judgin' Jughead’s Archie."

Pakistan’s Karachi fatwas glitt’rin' Liberace.

Happy-New-Year, Mochi? “Not if Gott ist tot!” notes Nietzsche.

In Nevil’s On the Beach, he cites how Aussie cits grow paunchy.

Accupressure’s Qu-Chi chews up Justis playin' “Raunchy.”

Big Night’s Stanley Tucci brews up martial art form Tai Chi.

“…cedeme Un Chi Chi...” croon collaborees from Vichy.

Maids from Weeki-Watchee swoon for frat boys’ Beta Xi Chi.

Shirley Yamaguchi soon licks Dragonball Z Chi Chi.

My Trilby's tipp'd to ev’ry ‘chi.’ To each: "Arrivederci, ‘-chi’!"

Guest Blogger's Book Blurb

Among poets dubb'd Po(e), I'd note three
One's Ulysses. One's Edgar. One's Li.
Li impress'd Ezra Pound.
Edgar's mind grew unsound.
(I forget who Ulyss-... Wait! That's me!)

Texts I Probably Won't Read

Alumni donation solicitation letter including multiple enclosures on which my name is misspelt – each time differently -- and on which my assigned graduation class is incorrectly indicated

Blog entry posted by Ms. Mittens, Aunt Hortense's uppity angora 

Credits following any of the last several Rocky movies 

Doctoral dissertation rigorously detailing certain modal irregularities observed by the candidate in several medieval Frankish Kyries 

Edda designed for freshman Medieval English Lit class, entitled "Eigil's Eighty Eight Epic Exploits"

Fortune cookie insert employing typeface designed to look like Chinese characters

Government warning label outlining penalties for its removal sewn onto new rumpus room throw pillows

Hate mail addressed to 'Current Occupant'

Instruction manual (in German) for my ex-wife’s deceased Uncle Carl's reel-to-reel wire recorder 

Junk mailings mistakenly delivered to neighbor and regularly returned to me by him

KKK regional quarterly newsletter 

Letter from Santa thanking young Timmie for “the yummy milk and cookies”

Message in half-empty Thums Up bottle

Notae bene 

Original Sanskrit vegan recipes listing 99 things to do with chickpeas 

Palimpsests 

Quiz notes found in high-school yearbook from 1947 

Russian translation of…anything 

Secret decoder ring message detailing how to order secret decoder ring

To-do list of mine from last year jotted just prior to my myocardial infarction

Underwater-readable ransom note 

Voyager golden record currently exiting the solar system (facsimile) 

Warning label on edible crayons manufactured in North Korea

“Xmas Greetings from Topeka” family newsletter (in green ink on red stock) from cousin Bela’s black Lab.

“You may already be a winner” direct mail envelope

Zen koan incorporated into geranium tattoo on blind date’s left bicep

The Ballade of the Apatheist or Is It Sorcerers All the Way Down?

Herr Lorre DeBuv,
who's 1/3 dove,
cries, "Knock! Me door’s that open."
(DeBuv's me Guv:
“When push greets shove,"
I sigh. "I live in hopin.'") 

Lords Lorre DeBuv:
"Enuv's enuv,'
thou pest obsess’d wid 'questin'!
Me: “Pander, Bruv'?
I's 'hand'; Thou's 'glove.'
Whate'er the -Show, Thou’s 'Best-In-'."

(Be Lorre deBuv
the Laird o’ Love
or just a hard-nosed hater?
Or be DeBuv
chimera of
Herr Prestidigitator?)

Bumberstuff

Some brolly names open with As, Bs, Cs, Ds.
(The parapleurotic obsesses o'er gamps.)
Some brolly names kick start with Es, Fs or Gs.
(The gamphopath’s gripp’d by dark days’ dews ‘n’ damps.)
Gamp Hs…? Is…? Js, Ks, Ls…? Ms, Ns, Os, Ps…?
(The paraGone anguishes: “Where’s gone me brolly?”)
Gamp Qs, Rs, or Ss. (Nor's skipp'd Us or Vs.)
(All dance the parAgon, when weather turns squally.)
Some brolly initials be Ys. Some be Zs.
(Why do none start with Ws, Xs or Ts?)*

     * Here is a list of some names for umbrella coupled with various geographical locations or cultures with which they are associated (please ignore the inevitable misspellings): Agboorun Yoruba, Ambulera Nyanja, Amburera Shona, Aterkia Basque, Brolly UK, Bumbershoot US, Cador Macedonian, Catr Tajik, Hadur Bulgarian, Chata Bangla Nepali, Chatari Punjabi, Chatra Gujarati, Chatri Kanada Marathi, Chhataree Hindi, Chht Khmer, Dackel Luxembourgish, Dallad Somali, Dazdnik Slovak, Deever Mongolian, Destnik Czech,  Deznik Slovenian, Elo Malagasy, Esernyo Hungarian, Faamalu Samoan, Gamp UK, Godugu Telugu, Guarda-chuva Portuguese, Hovanavor Armenian, Htee Burmese, Isambulela Xhosa Zulu, Jumta Latvian, Kasa Japanese, Kaus Hmong, Kisobran Bosnian Croatian Serbian, Kol Catir Kyrgyz, Kolga Georgian, Kudayak Sinhala, Kuta Malayalam, Kutai Tamil, Laima Hausa, Malu Hawaiian, Mizala Arabic, Mwavuli Swahili, Nche Anwu Igbo, O Vietnamese, Ombrelle Albanian, Ombrello Italian, Omprela Greek, Paraigua Catalan, Parapli Haitian Creole, Paraplu Dutch Western Frisian, Parapluie French, Paraply Danish Norwegian Swedish,  Parasol Polish, Parasol’ka Ukrainian, Parason Belarusian, Paraguas Galician Spanish, Payong Cebuano Filipino Malay, Payung Indonesian Javanese Sudanese, Pluvombrelo Esperanto, Qolsatir Kazakh, Regenshirm German, Regnhlif Icelandic, Rm Thai, Sambreel Afrikaans, Sateenvrjo Finnish, Scath Irish, Sekhele Southern Sotho, Semsiye Azerbaijani Turkish, Sgailean Scottish Gaelic, Shirem Yiddish,Sidank Kurdish, Sketis Lituanian, Soyabon Uzbek, Umanga Maori,Usan Korean, Umbrela Romanian, Vihmavari Estonian, Ymbarel Welsh, Yusan Chinese (Simplified), Zhanit’ila Amharic, Zontik Russian... 

Lines Laid Down Somewhere Between Prattsburg, PA and Seat Pleassant, MD

I’ve sat in Anaheinie, Callipygia.
My butt I've park'd in Arsealona, Spain.
In Bunnsylfannya’s Bethleham I’ve hunker'd down a tad.
My Nana rests in Kinnebuttport, Maine.

In New York, I plop in Pooperstown and Scarstail.

When in Germany, to Dusselduff I trot.
In Canada...? Quebackside. Also, Oniontario.
And in South Africa...? Buttswana – though it’s hot.

In Buttocksi, Mississippi late last week I took a seat.

In Dallass, Texass sev'ral times I’ve tour’d.
In Prairie Tushien, Wisconsin once I took a load off.
It’s asstonishing! Fantasstic! (And assurd!)

I bought a book of photos of the Bottoman Rumpire.

I’d love to perch there, though I never did.
And Hamstead Heath...? And Crackow, Poland...? Malibooty Breach...?
Sure...though Keister Island’s slightly off the grid.

But Derryere in Ireland...? Austailia’s Canberra...?

Kentuchus in the ol’ US of A...?
I’ve squatted in the lot. Are they assinine? You bot!
Ass for the dread Bumuda Triangle...?                      Someday...                                                

How It's Done! Tutorial Tracing the Development of a Set of Constrain'd Color Wheel Elements Initial'd in B

Select Seven Hues:

Red, Orange, Yellow, Blue, Green, Indigo, Violet

Give Ear to Seven “Hue"mophones:

Rhett, Whoreange, Gelho, P’loo, C’reen, Indyco, Violhat

Extract Ten Derivatives:

Rhett, Whore, Angel, Hope, Loo, Careen, Indy, Cove, Viol, Hat

Determine Ten Elements Initial’d in B:

Butler, Babylon, Baradiel, Barack, Bathroom, Bounce, Brickyard, Bay, Bass, Bonnet

DragNot

I'll follow no TV 
police departmental procedural

unless its final episode's 
one neat "who-done-the-deed"-ural.

KATS IN KAPS: A HIS-S-S-STORY IN PURR-R-R-R-OSE

HERE'S A LIPOGRAM WRAPP'D IN A GRAPHIK NOVELETTE EMBODYING 
AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE SWADDL'D WITHIN A SELEBRATION OF A 
SYMBOLIKAL 69 (THROUGH ITS NUMBER OF KAPTIONS) ARRAY'D 
IN AN ALMOST-ALPHABET UNHANK'D AND ROLL'D INTO ONE 
YARNBALL OF KOSMOLOGIKAL NONSENSE.

A

THE SO-KALL’D “BIG BANGORA” KREATES AN EXPANDING
KATSMOS KOMPOSED OF QUANKITTIES OF SEVERAL ELEMENTS,
INKLUDING KATMIUM, FELINEIUM AND KALIKOMIUM.

THE SO-KALL’D “MILKY WHEY” GENERATES A TINY

KLASS K STAR (KNOWN AS KAY STARR) SIRKLED BY AN 
UNREMARKABLE PLANET KALL’D SKATURN, IN TURN 
SIRKLED BY ITS SO-KALL’D “MEWNS.”

AN ASTROIDAL KATASTROPHE EXTINGUISHES EARLY LIFE

FORMS ON SKATURN, INKLUDING SO-KALL’D “DINAHSHORES.”
KATS’ MULTIPLE LIVES KIKK IN AND THEY SURVIVE.

B 

ONE SURVIVOR IS THE SO-KALL’D “MISSING LYNX,”
LATER RESKUED FROM UP A BIZARRE-LOOKING TREE BY FAMED
PALEOBIOLOGIST DOKTOR JULES “LOUIE-LOUIE” DREIPUSS.

THE EARLY KULTURE OF MESSOPOTABBYA PROVIDES A 

HOME TO THE SO-KALL’D “KATS KRADLE OF KIVETILIZATION.”

EGYPT’S QUEEN KLEOKATRA EREKTS SEVERAL 
SO-KALL’D “PUR-R-R-RAMIDS” WITH HELP FROM HER 
SO-KALL’D “KAT-O’-NINE-TAILS.”

C 

A GREEK LITTER OF SO-KALL’D “NINE MEWSES”
INKLUDES YOWLER, MISS MITTENS, JAMOKA, KAP’N HOOKS,
JEMIMA. RUMPUSS AND OTHER IMPRAKTIKAL KATS.

THE PROPHET MEOWSES REVEALS A PAIR OF SO-KALL’D

“TABBYLETS OF STONE” HE KLAIMS TO HAVE DISKOVER’D
UNDER AN INSENDIARY SHRUB ATOP MT. ERRORWRIT.

NATIVES IN KATHAY INVENT SO-KALL’D “SPAGATTO”

AND “KROQETTES,” DELIKASIES WHITSH THEY SERVE WITH
“A NISE KIANTE” (AKTUALLY A NISE KATAWBA).

D

THE KUNTRY OF KATNIPPON IS DISKOVER’D 
BY NATIVES OF KATHAY EXKURSIONNG NEARBY 
IN SO-KALL’D “KATAMARANS.” 

THE GODDESS HEKITTY ORDERS HERE PAL 
DAEDALUS TO BUILD THE SO-KALL’D “TABBYRINTH” 
TO IMPRISON AN UNRULY TIGERWOODTIK.

THE SO KALL’D “PANTHORA’S LITTERBOX”

OPENS, PROMPTING SKAREDYKATS TO KATERWAUL,
“WHO LET THE KATAKLISMS OUT?”

E

THE SAGE ARISTODDLER KOMPOSES THE LOGIK
TREATISE “KATAGORIAE.” HS PAL SOKRATEASE INVENTS
AND PAKAGES PLAYDOH, A TOY MARKETED TO KITS.

THE SLAVE SPARTAKATZ GETS HIMSELFWELL 
AND TRULY KRUSI-FIX’D ATOP KORINTHIAN KOLUMNS, 
THE SO-KALL’D “KAT-HURT PILLARS.”

THE SAGE KATULLUS PENS HIS “KARMINA KATULLI.”

HIS PAL KATO ENTERS A SO-KALL’D “KAT-ON-TONIK STATE.”

F

THE TSHEWISH PROPHET AND SOON-TO-BE 
DIVINE BEING JESUS H. KATZ IS BORN IN A CHEAP 
LITTERBOX NEAR BETHLEHEM OF TSHEWTOYA.

ON THE ROAD TO DAMASKATS, OSZEALOT

SAWL AKA PAWL INVENTS NEW RELIGION, THE SO-KALL’D
“KATZIANITY,” THUS LETTING THE PROVERBIAL
REVEAL'D RELIGION KAT OUT OF THE BAG.

EARLY KATZIANS, THE SO-KALL’D “KATZEKUMENS,”

HOWL GREGORIAN KANT IN SUBURBAN KAVES KALL’D
KATAKOMBS.

G

IN FAR OFF MEWSO-AMERIKAT, SERPENT DIETY
QUETZALKATL MEWSMORIZES FOLLOWERS BY DANSING
THE ALLEY KAT.

ANG-ORAL EPIK YARNBALL “MEOWULF,” ALONG

WITH MANY OTHER KAT TALES, ARE FINALLY WRITTEN DOWN.
ENTHUSING HIGHSKOOL ENGLISH TEATSHERS.

THE ARABIK PROPHET MOSHORTHAIR INITIATES

MOUSELEM EMPIRE BY GOING ON HIS NOW FAMOUS
HEJIRATION AKA THE KATWALK.

H

ROMANX KONSUL KATSSIODORUS VIEWS
FALL OF ROMANX EMPIRE, WHICH TUMBLE USHERS IN
THE SO-KALL’D “DARK KAGES.”

KATZIANS AND MOUSELEMS WAGE KONTINUAL

WARFARE USING KANNONS, KATAPULTS AND MUSKITTS
IMPORTED FROM KATHAY.

FRANKISH KING KAROLUS (SHOWN WEARING 
ASKAT) HAS HIMSELF KROWN’D THE SO-KALL’D 
“HOLY ROMANX EMPURR-R-R-ROR."

I

THOMAS BEKATT, DROPP’D FROM
KATTERBURY KATHEDRAL KATAFALQUE, UNWISELY (AND
FATALLY) FAILS TO LAND ON HIS FEET.

THE TUSKATTY POET DANTY PUBLISHES

POEM HE KALLS “PURR-R-R-R-R-R-GATORIO” IN 99
SO-KALL’D “KATTOS.”

THE EXPLORER KRISTOFURBALL KOLUMPUSS KLAIMS SO-KALL’D

“MEW WORLD” (DUBB’D “NEUTER’D WORLD” BY KRUSI-FIX’D
NATIVES) FOR BELLA, QUEEN OF SPAYIN.’ (SHOWN OBSERV’D BY
MILLENNIAL E.T.S WHO ARRIVE IN “MEW WORLD”
MILLENNIA EARLIER.)

J

THE NOTORIOUS ALLEY KAT KATSANOVA GRIMALKIN
WRITES OF HIS SEXPLOITS IN HIS BIOGRAPHIKAL TELL-ALL,
THE SO-KALL’D “TOM KAT.”

SYENTS GUY GALILEO THE LION SMITH, AT

URGING OF KATZOLIK POPE, RELUKTANTLY DEKLARES THE SUN
TO BE IN FAKT “A FLAMING YARN BALL.”

PLAYWRIGHT W. SHAKESPURR PENS FAMOUS

LINES: “TABBY OR NOT TABBY, THAT IS THE LASERPOINTER”
AND “ALAS PUR-R-RR YORIK.”

K

THE GERMANX PHILOSOPHER IMMANUEL KATT
WRITES HIS SO-KALL’D “KATEGORIKAL IMPUR-R-RATIVE.”
FEW KATS KARE.

KING LOUIE QATTORZE POPULARIZES JEANS JAKKETS

AND SO-KALL’D “KAT’S PAJAMAS” BEFORE SUKKUMBING
TO RINGWORM IN VERSAILLES KAT BED.

THE FAMED KATSTRATTUM FURRANELLI MAMBO,

RIDIKULED BY MUSIK KRITIKS AS “BUT A KATTERWALLERER,”
GOES OFF HIS FOOD FOR SEVERAL WEEKS.

L

IN HIS NOVEL “TAILS OF TWO KITTIES,”
MISTER DIKKENS PENS FAMOUS LINES, “’TIS A FUR, FUR
BETTER THING I DO…”

NOTED KOMPOSER SORBANIK SHOWPANTHER

WOWS HIS LISTENERS WITH A RENDITION OF “KITTEN
BAKK ON HIS KEYSTER.”

AUTHOR EDGAR ALLEN PURR PENS “THE PUR-R-R-R-LOIN’D
LITTER” AND “THE KATZES FROM AMONTILLADO.”

M

AUTHOR SUERTE DUMAS’S FIKTIONAL KARIKTERS
KATHOS, PURRTHOS AND ARAMOUSE TAKE ON/IN FELLOW
MOUSEKETEER KATT KALLOWAY.

KLEVERLY DISGUISED KONFEDERATE ROBT E. LYNX
ORGANIZES VERY FIRST SO-KALL’D “MARSH ON WASHANTUNG,”

BEKOMMING THAT YEAR’S WWD “MAN OF THE KLOTH.”

PRESIDENT ABE LYNXOLN KAT SKRATSHES “FOUR SKORE AND

NINE LIVES AGO…” ON BAKK OF WHISKAS KAT FOOD LABEL,
THUS KREATING SO-KALL’D “GATTOSBIRG  ADDRESS.”

N

PAINTER DEKLAW’D MEOWNET INVENTS PAINT-BY-NUMBERS
KONSEPT WITH HIS POPULAR “RUIN’D KATHEDRAL.”

JAMES MKNEIL WHISKER FAMOUSLY KALLS HIS PAINTING 
OF ELDERLY FEMALE KAT “WHISKAS MOUSER.”

LONG-FORGATTON AKTOR PORTRAYS SO-KALL’D

“SEKOND TROMBONE” NANKI-POO IN PYWAKKET & TABITHA
OPERETTA “THE MIGATTO.”

O

THE KANINE KATNIPPER BEKOMES IKONOGRAPHIK 
LOGO FOR VIKTOR REKORDS, ILLUSTRATING THE PHRASE 
“HIS MASTER’S VOISE.” (IRONIKALLY, KATNIPPER 
TOTALLY IGNORES HIS MASTERS VOISE.) 

LUKKILY FOR FUTURE JAZZ FANS, SKAT SINGER “SKATKSCHMO”

ARMSTRONG SWITSHES FROM KETTLEDRUM TO KORNET.

PSYKOTIK FRANZ KAFKA WRITES OF SKITSOPHRENIK FELINE

WHO WAKES ONE MORNING AS LEOPARDO DE KATTRIO.

P

KOMPOSER IGOR STRAWINSKY’S ORKESTRAL “RITE OF
SPRINKLE” OPENS IN PURRIS TO KAT KALLS AND KAT FIGHTS.

SILENT MEWVIES MAKE STARS OF OTHERWISE UNKNOWN STRAY

KATS RUDY VALENS, TSHARLIE TSHAPLIN AND W. K. FIELINES.

KOWBOYS BUTSH KASSIDY AND HIS PAL THE SUNDANSE

KIT ARE ASSASSINATED IN SOUTH AMERIKAT BY MEXIKAT
FEDERALES ARMED WITH BADMINTON BIRDIES.

Q

FORMER KUBISM ARTIST PABLO PIKASSO PORTRAYS
GENERALISSIMO FRANKO’S ATTAKK ON INNOSENT SIVILIAN
SEVILLIAN BOVINES AND FELINES.

ROARING TWENTIES INVENTS DANSE KRAZES LIKE

THE BLAKK BOTTOM AND REVITALIZES EARLIER KATSH PHRASES
SUTSH AS “TWENTY-THREE SKIDOO.”

TSHIKAGO MOBKAT AL KATTONE ARRESTED, TRIED,

KONVIKTED AND PUT OUT OF THE HOUSE EVERY NIGHT FOR
TSHEETAHING ON HIS INKOME TAXES.

R

RUDE GERT McSPAYIN’ AND GAL PAL ALISE “BEAT” O’KLASS
KONTINUE TO BEHAVE INSKRUTABBYLY.

KATOONIST AL KAPP INVENTS, DRAFTS AND PUR-R-R-FEKTS

THE KARTOON KAPTION.

KOMMUNIST MEOW TSAY TONGUE LEADS

FELLOW KATS ON FAMEOWS SO-KALL’D “LONG KATWALK.”

S

SKOOLKITTIES LEARN TO READ USING BOOK STARRING
PUFFPOPPA  KITTEN. (BOOK ALSO INKLUDES LESS-IMPORTANT
KARAKTERS – INKLUDING A DOG NAMED SNOOP!)

AMERIKAT KATS ENJOY WORLD’S GREATEST

STANDARD OF LIVING – OR SO THEY ARE KONSTANTLY INFORMED
BY AMERIKAT ADVERTISERS.

MEWVIE KLASSIK “THE WHISKERS OF OCELOTS” FEATURES

KATAKLYSMIK SYKLONE.

T

POLITIKAL KATSH PHRASE “I LIKE IKE” BEKOMES POPULAR.
(SIMILARLY KONSTRUKTED OHRASE “I LIKE DIKK” DOESN’T

KITTY-SHOW HOST KATTAIN KANGAROORAT INSTITUTIONALIZED

FOR KIT ABUSE.

PLAYWRIGHT SAMUEL BEKKATT’S DRAMATIK

KHARAKTERS BEKOME EVERYKATS FOR NEW SO-KALL’D
“AGE OF ANXIEKITTY.”

U

PLAYMATE OF KOMMIE FIDEL KATSTRO ASSASSINATED
BY SO-KALL’D RIGHT-WING “FIT-T-T-T SQUAD.”

SYENTS-FIKTION IKONS KOOK AND SPOOK GO

WHERE NO FELINES HAVE GONE BEFORE: PLANET PROKTO
IN THE FIDO GALAXIE.

GREEK NOVELIST KATZ-IN-SOCKIES PENS

“THE LAST DISTEMPER TANTRUM OF KRISTO,” BASED ON
THE LIFE OF THE FAMOUS SWADDLING ARTIST.

V

JOHNNY (“THE KAT IN BLAKK”) AND TSHEWIN’ KARTER KASH
KONTINUE TO BEHAVE INSKRUTABBYLY.

BY MEANS OF A LITTER-DAY DEUS EX MAKKINA,

AKTOR PLAYING PETER PANTHER IN BROADWAY MUSIKAL OF SAME
NAME APPEARS TO FLY ON STAGE. (WHEN DEVISE MAL-
FUNKTIONS, AKTOR FAILS TO LAND ON FEET.)

SO-KALL’D GREATEST SPORTS FIGIRE OF ALL TIME WILDKAT ALI

BEHAVES INSKRUTABBYLY.

W

MEWVIES ABOUT VAMPIRE KATS REGAIN POPULARITY.
NO ONE KNOWS WHY...OR GIVES A KIT'S KEYSTER.

A PRISON LIFER, THE SO-KALL’D “KATMAN OF ALKATRAZ,”

KEEPS OODLES OF FELINES IN HIS SELL, BUILDING HIS
OWN LITTERBOXES AND WINDING HIS OWN YARNBALLS.
STENTSH SOON REQUIRES KLOSURE OF ISLAND LOKKUP.

PREDIKTABBYLY, THE PLANET OF THE KATS

IGNORES KLIMATE TSHANGE, POPULATION EXPLOSION
AND KOMMON KIVILITY, ENDING NOT WITH
A BANGORA BUT A WHISKER.

Oneirology Larder

Whose dream is of lobsters? He'll buckle to mobsters.
Whose dream is of cheese? She'll be cropp'd at the knees.
Whose dream is of eggs gets prosthetics. (Or pegs.)
Whose dream is of bread? He's smack'd upside the head.
Whose dream is of wine? She'll be pickl'd in brine.
Whose dream is of trout? He gets punch'd in the mout.’
But the dreamers whose dreams are of wedgemussel shells
must prepare for subjection to all sorts of hells.