KATS IN KAPS: A HIS-S-S-STORY IN PURR-R-R-R-OSE

HERE'S A LIPOGRAM WRAPP'D IN A GRAPHIK NOVELETTE EMBODYING 
AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE SWADDL'D WITHIN A SELEBRATION OF A 
SYMBOLIKAL 69 (THROUGH ITS NUMBER OF KAPTIONS) ARRAY'D 
IN AN ALMOST-ALPHABET UNHANK'D AND ROLL'D INTO ONE 
YARNBALL OF KOSMOLOGIKAL NONSENSE.

A

THE SO-KALL’D “BIG BANGORA” KREATES AN EXPANDING
KATSMOS KOMPOSED OF QUANKITTIES OF SEVERAL ELEMENTS,
INKLUDING KATMIUM, FELINEIUM AND KALIKOMIUM.

THE SO-KALL’D “MILKY WHEY” GENERATES A TINY

KLASS K STAR (KNOWN AS KAY STARR) SIRKLED BY AN 
UNREMARKABLE PLANET KALL’D SKATURN, IN TURN 
SIRKLED BY ITS SO-KALL’D “MEWNS.”

AN ASTROIDAL KATASTROPHE EXTINGUISHES EARLY LIFE

FORMS ON SKATURN, INKLUDING SO-KALL’D “DINAHSHORES.”
KATS’ MULTIPLE LIVES KIKK IN AND THEY SURVIVE.

B 

ONE SURVIVOR IS THE SO-KALL’D “MISSING LYNX,”
LATER RESKUED FROM UP A BIZARRE-LOOKING TREE BY FAMED
PALEOBIOLOGIST DOKTOR JULES “LOUIE-LOUIE” DREIPUSS.

THE EARLY KULTURE OF MESSOPOTABBYA PROVIDES A 

HOME TO THE SO-KALL’D “KATS KRADLE OF KIVETILIZATION.”

EGYPT’S QUEEN KLEOKATRA EREKTS SEVERAL 
SO-KALL’D “PUR-R-R-RAMIDS” WITH HELP FROM HER 
SO-KALL’D “KAT-O’-NINE-TAILS.”

C 

A GREEK LITTER OF SO-KALL’D “NINE MEWSES”
INKLUDES YOWLER, MISS MITTENS, JAMOKA, KAP’N HOOKS,
JEMIMA. RUMPUSS AND OTHER IMPRAKTIKAL KATS.

THE PROPHET MEOWSES REVEALS A PAIR OF SO-KALL’D

“TABBYLETS OF STONE” HE KLAIMS TO HAVE DISKOVER’D
UNDER AN INSENDIARY SHRUB ATOP MT. ERRORWRIT.

NATIVES IN KATHAY INVENT SO-KALL’D “SPAGATTO”

AND “KROQETTES,” DELIKASIES WHITSH THEY SERVE WITH
“A NISE KIANTE” (AKTUALLY A NISE KATAWBA).

D

THE KUNTRY OF KATNIPPON IS DISKOVER’D 
BY NATIVES OF KATHAY EXKURSIONNG NEARBY 
IN SO-KALL’D “KATAMARANS.” 

THE GODDESS HEKITTY ORDERS HERE PAL 
DAEDALUS TO BUILD THE SO-KALL’D “TABBYRINTH” 
TO IMPRISON AN UNRULY TIGERWOODTIK.

THE SO KALL’D “PANTHORA’S LITTERBOX”

OPENS, PROMPTING SKAREDYKATS TO KATERWAUL,
“WHO LET THE KATAKLISMS OUT?”

E

THE SAGE ARISTODDLER KOMPOSES THE LOGIK
TREATISE “KATAGORIAE.” HS PAL SOKRATEASE INVENTS
AND PAKAGES PLAYDOH, A TOY MARKETED TO KITS.

THE SLAVE SPARTAKATZ GETS HIMSELFWELL 
AND TRULY KRUSI-FIX’D ATOP KORINTHIAN KOLUMNS, 
THE SO-KALL’D “KAT-HURT PILLARS.”

THE SAGE KATULLUS PENS HIS “KARMINA KATULLI.”

HIS PAL KATO ENTERS A SO-KALL’D “KAT-ON-TONIK STATE.”

F

THE TSHEWISH PROPHET AND SOON-TO-BE 
DIVINE BEING JESUS H. KATZ IS BORN IN A CHEAP 
LITTERBOX NEAR BETHLEHEM OF TSHEWTOYA.

ON THE ROAD TO DAMASKATS, OSZEALOT

SAWL AKA PAWL INVENTS NEW RELIGION, THE SO-KALL’D
“KATZIANITY,” THUS LETTING THE PROVERBIAL
REVEAL'D RELIGION KAT OUT OF THE BAG.

EARLY KATZIANS, THE SO-KALL’D “KATZEKUMENS,”

HOWL GREGORIAN KANT IN SUBURBAN KAVES KALL’D
KATAKOMBS.

G

IN FAR OFF MEWSO-AMERIKAT, SERPENT DIETY
QUETZALKATL MEWSMORIZES FOLLOWERS BY DANSING
THE ALLEY KAT.

ANG-ORAL EPIK YARNBALL “MEOWULF,” ALONG

WITH MANY OTHER KAT TALES, ARE FINALLY WRITTEN DOWN.
ENTHUSING HIGHSKOOL ENGLISH TEATSHERS.

THE ARABIK PROPHET MOSHORTHAIR INITIATES

MOUSELEM EMPIRE BY GOING ON HIS NOW FAMOUS
HEJIRATION AKA THE KATWALK.

H

ROMANX KONSUL KATSSIODORUS VIEWS
FALL OF ROMANX EMPIRE, WHICH TUMBLE USHERS IN
THE SO-KALL’D “DARK KAGES.”

KATZIANS AND MOUSELEMS WAGE KONTINUAL

WARFARE USING KANNONS, KATAPULTS AND MUSKITTS
IMPORTED FROM KATHAY.

FRANKISH KING KAROLUS (SHOWN WEARING 
ASKAT) HAS HIMSELF KROWN’D THE SO-KALL’D 
“HOLY ROMANX EMPURR-R-R-ROR."

I

THOMAS BEKATT, DROPP’D FROM
KATTERBURY KATHEDRAL KATAFALQUE, UNWISELY (AND
FATALLY) FAILS TO LAND ON HIS FEET.

THE TUSKATTY POET DANTY PUBLISHES

POEM HE KALLS “PURR-R-R-R-R-R-GATORIO” IN 99
SO-KALL’D “KATTOS.”

THE EXPLORER KRISTOFURBALL KOLUMPUSS KLAIMS SO-KALL’D

“MEW WORLD” (DUBB’D “NEUTER’D WORLD” BY KRUSI-FIX’D
NATIVES) FOR BELLA, QUEEN OF SPAYIN.’ (SHOWN OBSERV’D BY
MILLENNIAL E.T.S WHO ARRIVE IN “MEW WORLD”
MILLENNIA EARLIER.)

J

THE NOTORIOUS ALLEY KAT KATSANOVA GRIMALKIN
WRITES OF HIS SEXPLOITS IN HIS BIOGRAPHIKAL TELL-ALL,
THE SO-KALL’D “TOM KAT.”

SYENTS GUY GALILEO THE LION SMITH, AT

URGING OF KATZOLIK POPE, RELUKTANTLY DEKLARES THE SUN
TO BE IN FAKT “A FLAMING YARN BALL.”

PLAYWRIGHT W. SHAKESPURR PENS FAMOUS

LINES: “TABBY OR NOT TABBY, THAT IS THE LASERPOINTER”
AND “ALAS PUR-R-RR YORIK.”

K

THE GERMANX PHILOSOPHER IMMANUEL KATT
WRITES HIS SO-KALL’D “KATEGORIKAL IMPUR-R-RATIVE.”
FEW KATS KARE.

KING LOUIE QATTORZE POPULARIZES JEANS JAKKETS

AND SO-KALL’D “KAT’S PAJAMAS” BEFORE SUKKUMBING
TO RINGWORM IN VERSAILLES KAT BED.

THE FAMED KATSTRATTUM FURRANELLI MAMBO,

RIDIKULED BY MUSIK KRITIKS AS “BUT A KATTERWALLERER,”
GOES OFF HIS FOOD FOR SEVERAL WEEKS.

L

IN HIS NOVEL “TAILS OF TWO KITTIES,”
MISTER DIKKENS PENS FAMOUS LINES, “’TIS A FUR, FUR
BETTER THING I DO…”

NOTED KOMPOSER SORBANIK SHOWPANTHER

WOWS HIS LISTENERS WITH A RENDITION OF “KITTEN
BAKK ON HIS KEYSTER.”

AUTHOR EDGAR ALLEN PURR PENS “THE PUR-R-R-R-LOIN’D
LITTER” AND “THE KATZES FROM AMONTILLADO.”

M

AUTHOR SUERTE DUMAS’S FIKTIONAL KARIKTERS
KATHOS, PURRTHOS AND ARAMOUSE TAKE ON/IN FELLOW
MOUSEKETEER KATT KALLOWAY.

KLEVERLY DISGUISED KONFEDERATE ROBT E. LYNX
ORGANIZES VERY FIRST SO-KALL’D “MARSH ON WASHANTUNG,”

BEKOMMING THAT YEAR’S WWD “MAN OF THE KLOTH.”

PRESIDENT ABE LYNXOLN KAT SKRATSHES “FOUR SKORE AND

NINE LIVES AGO…” ON BAKK OF WHISKAS KAT FOOD LABEL,
THUS KREATING SO-KALL’D “GATTOSBIRG  ADDRESS.”

N

PAINTER DEKLAW’D MEOWNET INVENTS PAINT-BY-NUMBERS
KONSEPT WITH HIS POPULAR “RUIN’D KATHEDRAL.”

JAMES MKNEIL WHISKER FAMOUSLY KALLS HIS PAINTING 
OF ELDERLY FEMALE KAT “WHISKAS MOUSER.”

LONG-FORGATTON AKTOR PORTRAYS SO-KALL’D

“SEKOND TROMBONE” NANKI-POO IN PYWAKKET & TABITHA
OPERETTA “THE MIGATTO.”

O

THE KANINE KATNIPPER BEKOMES IKONOGRAPHIK 
LOGO FOR VIKTOR REKORDS, ILLUSTRATING THE PHRASE 
“HIS MASTER’S VOISE.” (IRONIKALLY, KATNIPPER 
TOTALLY IGNORES HIS MASTERS VOISE.) 

LUKKILY FOR FUTURE JAZZ FANS, SKAT SINGER “SKATKSCHMO”

ARMSTRONG SWITSHES FROM KETTLEDRUM TO KORNET.

PSYKOTIK FRANZ KAFKA WRITES OF SKITSOPHRENIK FELINE

WHO WAKES ONE MORNING AS LEOPARDO DE KATTRIO.

P

KOMPOSER IGOR STRAWINSKY’S ORKESTRAL “RITE OF
SPRINKLE” OPENS IN PURRIS TO KAT KALLS AND KAT FIGHTS.

SILENT MEWVIES MAKE STARS OF OTHERWISE UNKNOWN STRAY

KATS RUDY VALENS, TSHARLIE TSHAPLIN AND W. K. FIELINES.

KOWBOYS BUTSH KASSIDY AND HIS PAL THE SUNDANSE

KIT ARE ASSASSINATED IN SOUTH AMERIKAT BY MEXIKAT
FEDERALES ARMED WITH BADMINTON BIRDIES.

Q

FORMER KUBISM ARTIST PABLO PIKASSO PORTRAYS
GENERALISSIMO FRANKO’S ATTAKK ON INNOSENT SIVILIAN
SEVILLIAN BOVINES AND FELINES.

ROARING TWENTIES INVENTS DANSE KRAZES LIKE

THE BLAKK BOTTOM AND REVITALIZES EARLIER KATSH PHRASES
SUTSH AS “TWENTY-THREE SKIDOO.”

TSHIKAGO MOBKAT AL KATTONE ARRESTED, TRIED,

KONVIKTED AND PUT OUT OF THE HOUSE EVERY NIGHT FOR
TSHEETAHING ON HIS INKOME TAXES.

R

RUDE GERT McSPAYIN’ AND GAL PAL ALISE “BEAT” O’KLASS
KONTINUE TO BEHAVE INSKRUTABBYLY.

KATOONIST AL KAPP INVENTS, DRAFTS AND PUR-R-R-FEKTS

THE KARTOON KAPTION.

KOMMUNIST MEOW TSAY TONGUE LEADS

FELLOW KATS ON FAMEOWS SO-KALL’D “LONG KATWALK.”

S

SKOOLKITTIES LEARN TO READ USING BOOK STARRING
PUFFPOPPA  KITTEN. (BOOK ALSO INKLUDES LESS-IMPORTANT
KARAKTERS – INKLUDING A DOG NAMED SNOOP!)

AMERIKAT KATS ENJOY WORLD’S GREATEST

STANDARD OF LIVING – OR SO THEY ARE KONSTANTLY INFORMED
BY AMERIKAT ADVERTISERS.

MEWVIE KLASSIK “THE WHISKERS OF OCELOTS” FEATURES

KATAKLYSMIK SYKLONE.

T

POLITIKAL KATSH PHRASE “I LIKE IKE” BEKOMES POPULAR.
(SIMILARLY KONSTRUKTED OHRASE “I LIKE DIKK” DOESN’T

KITTY-SHOW HOST KATTAIN KANGAROORAT INSTITUTIONALIZED

FOR KIT ABUSE.

PLAYWRIGHT SAMUEL BEKKATT’S DRAMATIK

KHARAKTERS BEKOME EVERYKATS FOR NEW SO-KALL’D
“AGE OF ANXIEKITTY.”

U

PLAYMATE OF KOMMIE FIDEL KATSTRO ASSASSINATED
BY SO-KALL’D RIGHT-WING “FIT-T-T-T SQUAD.”

SYENTS-FIKTION IKONS KOOK AND SPOOK GO

WHERE NO FELINES HAVE GONE BEFORE: PLANET PROKTO
IN THE FIDO GALAXIE.

GREEK NOVELIST KATZ-IN-SOCKIES PENS

“THE LAST DISTEMPER TANTRUM OF KRISTO,” BASED ON
THE LIFE OF THE FAMOUS SWADDLING ARTIST.

V

JOHNNY (“THE KAT IN BLAKK”) AND TSHEWIN’ KARTER KASH
KONTINUE TO BEHAVE INSKRUTABBYLY.

BY MEANS OF A LITTER-DAY DEUS EX MAKKINA,

AKTOR PLAYING PETER PANTHER IN BROADWAY MUSIKAL OF SAME
NAME APPEARS TO FLY ON STAGE. (WHEN DEVISE MAL-
FUNKTIONS, AKTOR FAILS TO LAND ON FEET.)

SO-KALL’D GREATEST SPORTS FIGIRE OF ALL TIME WILDKAT ALI

BEHAVES INSKRUTABBYLY.

W

MEWVIES ABOUT VAMPIRE KATS REGAIN POPULARITY.
NO ONE KNOWS WHY...OR GIVES A KIT'S KEYSTER.

A PRISON LIFER, THE SO-KALL’D “KATMAN OF ALKATRAZ,”

KEEPS OODLES OF FELINES IN HIS SELL, BUILDING HIS
OWN LITTERBOXES AND WINDING HIS OWN YARNBALLS.
STENTSH SOON REQUIRES KLOSURE OF ISLAND LOKKUP.

PREDIKTABBYLY, THE PLANET OF THE KATS

IGNORES KLIMATE TSHANGE, POPULATION EXPLOSION
AND KOMMON KIVILITY, ENDING NOT WITH
A BANGORA BUT A WHISKER.