MAGA Wish Upon A Star; Or, Once Orange Jesus...

Once Orange Jesus gets his way, we lot become elite. 

Once we're elite, we march to no egalitarian beat.

Once we're elite, we sucker punch each stable soul we meet...

...nor leave our 6th of January love-in incomplete.

Once Orange J is holdin' sway, we lot become elite.

Once we're elite, we exile ev'ry immigrant to Crete.

Once we're elite, we cherish chaff; we 86 our wheat...

...and national abortion bans we -- finally --  complete. 

Once Orange J has had his say, we lot become elite. 

Once we're elite, we back the Klan...nor do we need a sheet.

Once we're elite, mass shootings wane (each citizen packs heat)...

...and children see they're free to be a lyin,' thievin' cheat.

Once Orange J has seized the day, we lot become elite.

Males (christian, white and far, far right) shall dwell on Easy Street.

We womanize 'n' chew our plug 'n' chug Wild Turkey neat.

We do all this 'n' more: we be the GOP elite!

"Che"mical Wedding: Another Twelve Iconic Cuban Revolutionaries

      Ur-"Che"

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary 

Ernesto "Che" Guevara 

     Twelve "Che"quivalents

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Final Act Resolution Device 

Deus Ex Ma"Che"na 

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Dancing Shark Moll 

"Che"ta Rivera 

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Hollywood Simian 

"Che" Fred Muggs 

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Rumpolesque Pulp Immortal 

"Che" Who Must Be Obeyed 

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Female Tarzan  

"Che"na Queen of the Jungle 

    Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Nihilist 

Frederick Nietz"Che" 

    Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Literary Bedevil'd Soul 

"Che"bez Stone 

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Irish Poet 

"Che"mus Heaney 

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Hopheads 

"Che"ch & Chong 

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Old Bag 

Gu"Che" 

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Borscht Belt Regular 

"Che"cky Greene 

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Zappa Arabian

"Che"ik Yerbouti 

"Che" Per By The Dozen: Twelve Iconic Cuban Revolutionaries

      Ur-"Che"

     Iconic Cuban Revolutionary 

Ernesto "Che" Guevara 

     Twelve "Che"quivalents

   Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Barber
"Che" van O'Hayerkutt

   Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Recluse
"Che" DeSalinger

   Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Eager Beaver 
"Che" Phinghatt-d'Bitt

  Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Regency Author 
"Che" Naughston

   Iconic Cuban Revolutionary GodMother 
Regina "Che" Lorum

   Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Split Personality Half 
Dr. "Che"kyl

   Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Singing Cowboy 
"Che" Naughtry

  Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Irish Operatic Hero 
Don "Che" O'Vanney

  Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Big Easy Jazz Great 
Sidney Be"Che"

  Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Blonde Bombshell 
"Che"yne Mansfield

  Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Godson 
Al Pa"Che"no

  Iconic Cuban Revolutionary Tycoon
"Che" P. Morgan 

Mondo Moodo Imperativo; Or, Get In The Mood! An Alphabet (With A Codetta)

   In-

dicative, subjunctive, inter-

rogative: three moods. 

   As  

moods grammatical, I'd grade 'em 

"fair."

   When 

task at hand's, tho', grabbin' folks' at-

tention 'n' such, 

   the 

mood imperative just can't com-

pare.

   A-

bandon hope all ye who enter!

Ask the man who owns one!

   Blast off! 

Baciami, bambino! Break a 

leg!

   Cher-

chez la femme! Cut! Curb your pet! Con-

fess! Cross at the light!

   Dive! Di-

vide 'n' conquer! Duck! Don't make me 

beg!

 

   Ex-

eunt! Enter laughing! Eat my 

shorts! En Garde! Enjoy!

   Fug-

gedaboudit! Fear the Turtle! 

Freeze!

   Gag me!

Gent'men...start your engines! Go to 

hell! Gimme a viskey!

   Hi-yo, 

Silver! Help me! Hold the mayo...

...please!

   In-

to the breach once more! Imagine! 

If ya got 'em, smoke 'em!

   Join the 

Navy...(Jump!)...

...and see the world! Just 

do it!

   Kill 'em! 

Katy bar the door! Keep off the 

grass! Kiss me goodbye!

   Laugh, clown, 

laugh! Look out below! Let go! In-

tuit!

   Move it!

Mind the gap! Make mine a double! 

Merge! Mail in your answers!

   No 

swimming! Nota bene! Name that 

tune!

   Out! 

Onward, Christian soldiers! Open 

fire! Off with his head!

   Pass that 

peace pipe! Piss off! Promise her the 

Moon!

 

   Quit 

buggin' me, man! Quote the Bible! 

Quiet your preschooler! 

   Re-

lax! Run for your life! Reach for the 

sky!

   So: 

stop me if you've heard this one! Sell 

short! Stand by your man!

   Tell 'em 

Groucho sent ya! Trim the sideburns! 

Try!

   Up 'n' 

at 'em! Use your freakin' brains! Un-

hand that woman, varlet!

   Ve-

nite adoremus! Vamos! 

Vote!

   Wait, 

Mister Postman! Win with Wilkie! 

Watch your hat and coat!

   Xero-

graph and file each promissory 

note!

 

   Yield to 

traffic in the circle! Yerd 'em! 

Yankee go home!

   Zam-

boni this! Zip-lock your chives...o-

kay!?

   (And  

always, always, always let your 

conscience be your guide!

   Now, 

practice more imperatives...to-

day!

   Stop!

*   *   *   *   * 

   Codetta 

   A- 

rise and walk! Brush 

up your Shakespeare!

Call me Ishma-

el! Do not 

do the Mash'd Po-

tato! Earn your 

keep!

   Feed my 

lambs...! Grow where you're 

planted! Hang 'em 

high! Ice that cham-

pagne! (Return to 

"Feed my lambs" and 

tack on "...Feed my 

sheep!")

   Jump for 

joy! Kill all the 

Reds! Leave it to 

Beaver! Marry 

me! Next, name that 

tune! Off with her 

head! Please, play it, 

Sam!

   Quote the 

Second Book of

Kings! Rinse and re-

peat! Send in the 

clowns! Then, tote that 

barge! (And lift that 

bale!) Up yours, Ma-

dame!

   Visit the 

sick! Wake up and 

smell the coffee!

Xerox your left 

thigh! 

   You had 

better neither 

pout nor shout!  

Zamboni this! 

   Goodbye! 

                                        

BotchuLits For Dummies: A Tutorial

Now even you can compose a BotchuLit, the exciting new three-line verse form created by Windy City sonneteer GFH which is taking America's erudite counties (both of 'em) by storm. Just follow the steps listed below.

 
(1) Select a line or phrase from a well-known work of literature -- prose or poetry, fiction or non-, in English or another language. Any such line or phrase will do, though opening lines are preferred. 
(2) Next, compose an anagram using all the letters of the first line and only them. 
(3) Compose a third line of any length to wrap-up the first two.

(4) Compose an appropriate title.

(5) (Optional) Compose your Nobel Prize for Literature acceptance speech.

 
Example:

  
(1) Call me Ishmael. (Opening line of Moby Dick)
(2) I.e., Clamshell, Ma. (Anagram on line one) 
(3) And brother Queequeg christen Dingo Egg. (Wrap-up) 

(4) Mother Melville 

The BotchuLit 

 

Mother Melville 

Call me 'Ishmael,'
i.e., 'Clamshell,' Ma...
...and brother Queequeg christen 'Dingo Egg.' 

Borrownyms For Dummies: A Tutorial

The borrownym is a series of stanzas each of which consists of three pentameter lines. The first line of each stanza is identical or nearly so to some well-known line of canonical poetry. Each of the five accented syllables of its second line rhyme with the five accented syllables of the opening line in order. Its last line’s final accented syllable rhymes with the end rhymes of the first two and scans similarly as they to supply a nonsense summary.

Example:  

(1) Opening line: 

A loaf      of bread,    a jug       of wine    and thou 

long o     short e       short u     long i          ow

(2) Line two with rhyming strong syllables: 

A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou 

on sofa bed we snuggle, kleine frau. 

(3)  Line three with end rhyme: 

From purse of silk we’ll fashion ear of sow.

(4 ) Thus the first stanza of this borronym: 

A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou

on sofa bed we snuggle, Kleine Frau:

from purse of silk we fashion ear of sow. 

(5) Stanza two of this borrownym: 

Come, fill the cup, and in the fire of spring...

(Don't spill! Heads up, you pinhead: wire and string
won't help! First, set aside your teething ring!) 

...and so on. 

Bananagrams For Dummies: A Tutorial

The bananagram, a verse form of Ulysses Poe's own invention, is a poetic elaboration upon a single word, the so-called spring word, which functions as a partial, near- or quasi anagram in that numbers of smaller words can be spelt using one or more of its letters. These single words, so-called sub-words or seed words, are then used as end rhymes in the lines of an extended poetic composition, the final word of which is the spring word.

Example:

 
(1) The spring word: M A C H I N E 

(2) A partial list of seed words derived from the spring word:

Ham, came, am, name, Che, "Ni," CIA, me...

 
(3) The bananagram:

 
Though he claimed, “I’m descended from Ham,”
as he conquered and saw and then came,
he’s descended from Eve, like I am.
Still, I fear I’ve forgotten his name.
   Next, he chanted, “I’m Cuban, like Che.
And you’re right: I’m like knights who says “Ni.”
(I suspect the guy’s gay, or is ex-CIA
on a visit -- or is it just me…?)...

(And so on for, in the case of this example's final form, a total of 60 lines) 

The split bananagram is similar to the bananagram except that every other end-rhymed line uses a word derived from the poem’s spring word.

Mageeks For Dummies: A Tutorial

The Mageek begins with an anagram pair and develops from there ala Ogden Nash, arriving finally at a rhyming couplet.    

To create one, first select a subject -- a book, a celebrity, a famous town etc. Second, build a matching anagram by rearranging the letters of the subject selected to form another word, clause or phrase to follow the subject. Together the subject and its anagram line form an opening clause or phrase. Third, compose a line to rhyme with that opening clause or phrase -- ideally one of some length -- as a colloquy on the opening subject/anagram pair.

Example I:

 
(1) Select a subject:

 
The Iliad 

(2a) Build its anagram:

  

THEILIAD

HAITLIED

(2b) Form the opening phrase: 

The Iliad...? Ha! It lied. 

(3) Compose a rhyming line: 

        

‘Twas young Hektor who thrived; 

'twas Achilles who (Homer sang) died. 

(4) Voila! A Mageek! 

The Iliad...? Ha! It lied:

'Twas young Hector who thrived and Achilles who (Home sang) died. 

(As is seen in this example, a mageek 

may not always reflect reality.) 

Example II:

 

The Odyssey doth (yes, yes!)
tells us more about Homer than ill-inform’d readers might guess. 

Hymn To Him: A MAGAn Love Song

Our Deity's Donald M. Drumpf.
(The middle M stands for 'Mendacity.')
How we love each contemptuous "Hrrrumpfff,"
ev'ry Drumpfish disdain for veracity! 

   Lord Drumpf's a perpetual liar.

(Did we mention M'Lord's middle name...?)

In the Oval, Drumpf's pants were on fire.

Now He's out, He rekindles that flame.

   D. M. Drumpf's a Despiser of Women.

(Indeed, M's also short for 'Misogyny,'

a perfection applying to Him 'n' 

ev'ry one of His chauvinist progeny. 

   But mostly that M stands for 'Misanthrope,' 

the Drumpf "asspect" we most highly rate. 

Will we ever abandon or diss Him...? Nope, 

for He hates all the same stuff we hate. 

Speak Absurdish! A Tutorial

Preparing Your Text

(1) Begin by setting out consonants in some regular order -- e.g., standard alphabetical ( b, c, d, f, g...), reverse (z, x, w, v...), alternating between front and back (b, z, c, x, d, w...), center-outward alternating (m, n, l, p, k...) -- or in any desired pattern. Repeat the series as necessary, depending on the proposed length of the text being created -- whether a poetic motto or slogan, a distich or quatrain...or a brief prose epic.

 
(2) Next, insert vowels -- the standard five or the series augmented with 'y' -- in between the consonants at regular or randomly selected intervals, repeating the series as the length of the proposed work proves necessary. Occasionally, double a vowel -- especially the e and the o.
  
(3) Add spaces between word-like letter sequences to form nonsense words. For nonsense verse, the implicit accents of these words should ideally imply some regular meter or other.

  
(4) To demonstrate erudition (genuine or otherwise), introduce diacritical marks -- foreign accents, umlauts etc. -- by replacing selected characters with marked alternates. Disregard the actual linguistic import of such marks.

 
(5) Liberally distribute caps and punctuation at random throughout to establish additional rhythm pattern and meta-meaning.

(6) Attach a fanciful title -- in English (a translation, perhaps...?) and as non-sequiturish as possible, in order to introduce more -- though ultimately meaningless, of course -- connotation.

Examples 

(1) 
bcdfghjklmnpqrstvwxzbcdf...

 
(2a) 
b c d f g h j k l m n p q r s t v w x z... 

              ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   ^   

            aeiouyaeiouyaeiouyaei...

(2b)
b a c e d i f o g u h a j e k i l o m u n a p e q i r o o s u t a v e w i x o y u z b a c...

(3) 
bac edi fogu hajek ilo muna peqiroo sut ave wixo yuz... 

(4) (The keyboard I'm using doesn't provide for alternate characters. Be sure to secure one which does.) 

(5) 
Bac edi -- fogu...?  Hajek ilo muna (peqiroo sut) ave: Wixo yuz!

(6a)

 
Palimpsest 
 
Bac edi -- fogu...? Hajek ilo mun-  *  *  *  *  -a (peqiro sut) 'ave: wix...oyuz!
 
(N.B.: Inserted asterisks indicate missing or illegible text 
in an imagined original.)

(6b) The following is a recent couplet composed by a beginning composition student of Uly Poe's, young Smig E. ("The Jet Man") Smig:

 
Distichy Wicket
 
Malnek pi joquhr, gasfet divoc: wub xayzee:
bad eg, "Jilno qu..." Syvax zec -- fhik! -- mo prutwy!

 
(a work in progress)

Runcibl'd Spoonerisms For Dummies: A Tutorial

A spoonerism results when a pair of vowels, consonants or morphemes in two syllables or words of a phrase or clause are transposed, creating a second phrase or clause with a different, often comic, meaning. A runcibl'd spoonerism results when each of the two components of the spoonerism (which may rhyme) is preceded by a definition, which two definitions do rhyme. Thus, a runcibl'd spoonerism takes the form of the statement of a proportion similar to 'a' : 'b' :: 'c' : 'd,' where 'a' defines the phrase or clause 'b,' 'c' defines the phrase or clause 'd,' and where 'a' and 'c' rhyme. (In the example below, the two elements themselves of the spoonerism feature an eye rhyme.) 

An example 

('a') Sphynx's riddle...? Snare for fools : 
('b') Pyramids at Giza ::
('c') pepperoni plopp'd near tools :

('d') gear (amid sat pizza)

Another example 

Oz is nice, tho' not this season : 

No place like home ::

Bloody Christ! This joint is freezin'! :

Whole place...? Like Nome 

     Moral:

Don't twisters ride; 

it's cold outside. 

     (A tornado or "twister," of course transports Dorothy to Oz in the Baum classic.)

The second example above is supplemented by a kind of coda, a rhyming couplet, vaguely or tightly attached to the spoonerism, which adds a colloquy or moral message to it.

     An indeterminate number of runcibl'd spoonerisms in series, not necessarily thematically related to one another, are termed a spoondoolix. 

Prosopogostichs For Dummies; A Tutorial

Prosogostichs is the name assigned to the lines, most 

often eight in number, which form a verse parodying 

some limerick-like lines penn'd by poet Edward Lear. 

The verse's opening line, in dactyls as are all the lines, 

mimics the opening line of that poet's "How pleasant 

to know Mr. Lear," substituting the name of the subject 

of the new prosopogostichs for that of the fictionalized 

poet. The remainder of the poem goes on to portray 

aspect(s) of the life and/or character of the subject. 

The rhyme scheme of the stanza is either AbababAb, 

where the seventh line is virtually identical to the first, 

or AaaaaaAa in the case of a rigorously rhyming set of 

prosopogostichs, wherein all the lines rhyme and the 

opening and seventh lines again are virtually identical.

An example 

     Prosopogostichs On Kamala Harris

Not unpleasant to know...? Mrs. Harris.

From another Drumpf term may she spare us!

Unlike Drumpf, she would never embarrass

the U.S. in Beijing, Perth or Paris.

With her jubilant smile matic- charis,

of Joe Biden's agenda she's heiress.

This most-pleasant-to-know Mrs. Harris

is (Confess!) your progressive Polaris. 

WoLaLys For Dummies: A Tutorial

(Various new poetic forms -- i.e., the woLaLy, the to-’n’-froLaly, the mageek, the prosopogostichs, the bananagraffe and its split variant, the borrownym, the fauxmophone, the fifteener, the botchuLit, the haikucento, the runcibl'd spoonerism, the NightM.A.R.E. and the eclipsogram -- will be explained in a series of tutorials beginning with the one for the woLaLy appearing below.) 

* * * * *

 
The woLaLy aka the word ladder lyric begins with the construction of a word ladder string. A word ladder is a sequence of words in which each word changes a single letter to form the word following it and in which the first and the last word have some interesting semantic relationship.  For the woLaLy a sequence is selected for having as many as possible if not all of its items rhyming pairs (or triplets), or one allowing such pairs (or triplets) to be constructed.

An example

REAL>>>FAKE 
 
REAL>SEAL>SEAS>SETS>METS>MATS>

MATE>SATE>SAME>LAME>LAKE>FAKE

real seal (seas) 

sets Mets

(mats) mate sate
same lame
lake fake

After selecting a word ladder sequence, a poem is composed in rhyming couplets (or triolets). Those words having no accompanying rhymes shall be incorporated into the interior of one line or another that positions them between the two items they fall between in the original string.

 
Another example

     Real Fake 

I favor animals who're real --
the manatee, the leopard seal --
who swim the seas in matching sets 
but won't bat cleanup for the Mets
or steal the mats of someone's mate,
their mattress hankerings to sate.
I hope my readers feel the same,
nor don't construe my notions lame.
(The animal whose home's a lake
I don't consider real, but fake.)  

Body Cam Blues

What's the need to snap a pic
once coppers some escapees nick...?
Just mount 'em, trophy-buck style, 'top
a squad car for the photo op.
Or hang them fellows by the knees,
strung up like marlins in the Keys...?
When won't cops show, all ways they can,
man's inhumanity to man...?