Prelude
Stichs aren't stones;
they break no bones.
Their words, though, may divert you
Acrostichs from "Ante Up!" by Bunk & Tosh
Both you and Auntie PetticoaT,
Uncle EnriquillO,
Need on the double (take a guesS)
Kick in a bit more REAL dougH.
Broomstichs from "Dust" by Thom Swiffer
Tweedle the Sweep, who scrubs smokestacks in Bantry,
would waltz with his broom 'round my grandmother's pantry.
He'd char neighbors' chimneys, enduring their dirt. He
abided alone. (Tweedle died shy of thirty.)
Chopstichs from "In a Chinese Workhouse" by Colum May
Toothpicks, Sino-sages say,
as whopping chopsticks start their day.
But woodworks' loppers, led astray,
all parts superfluo'us shave away.
Dipstichs from "Moyshe Mans the Motor Pool" by Yehuda Teer
Your crankcase craves a log* of motor oil.
Flush fluids so your AC won't o'erboil.
A hin* or two should lubricate your brakes.
(A hemi-hin is, maybe, all it takes.)
*Logs and hins are Yiddish liquid measures.
Elastichs from "Stretch!" by Speed O'Banlon
As ev'ning stretches out against the sky,
a limo looms, the length of sev'ral Fords.
Its chauffeur snaps her bubblegum, while I
unload my months' supply of bungee cords.
Fiddlestichs from "Ecphonesis" by E. "Jack" Hoffman
O
Grandma whispers "Pish!"
Grandpa gripes "Begorrah!"
The aunties add "I wish!"
while I reply, "The Horrah!"
Gnostichs from "Godspell 2 1/3" by Jesus of Kalamazoo
There's Thomasines, Mandaeans, Carpocratians, Simonians,
Corinthians, Cleobians, Perates and Cerdonians:
"There's some things WE know," all insist, "that YOU maroons DON'T know."
They then set out delivering a tiresome blow-by-blow.
Hockeystichs from "On noThin Ice" by Frank 'Li'l Black' Zamboni as told to Gosta Ryder
I'll flout the Fates and don used skates
to brave the dicey ice.
But once I do, I pledge to you
I'll never do so twice.
Impressionistichs from "Uly's Piano Recital" by Ulysses Poe
My piece debuts with Debussy.
What follows...? M. Ravel,
three measures miming E. Satie,
and Brahms...with none play'd well.
Joystichs from "Do You Vant Go Blind...?" by Sigfried Freud
Chimps employ 'em, twistin, 'em about.
Pigs enjoy 'em -- nudge 'em with their snout.
Pilots use 'em navigatin' planes.
Does Drumpf abuse 'em...? Mary Trump explains.
Knobstichs from "Solidarity Forever" by Mother Jones
Billy Bob's a blackleg. I shall never marry him.
James...? A rat fink and a scab. I won't be wed to Jim..
Jack's been spotted lickin' boots. How treach'rous can you get...?
And Dick's just cross'd yon picket line: I'll die a bachelorette.
Lipstichs from "Butterflies, Beestings 'n' Botox...Oh, My!" by Don "Nutella" Versace
Tony Lip drives Cherry; he's the doctor's new chauffeur.
Libby vexes Brenda, an antagonist to her.
Joey Fagan's horn makes The Commitments much more hip.
And don't forget Durocher: no one's botherin' the Lip.
Matchstichs from "Den Lille Pige med Svovlstikkerne" by H. Christian Wright
Start from scratch: Paris Match. Orrin Hatch: Booby Hatch!
Swing it, Satch! One-hand catch. Briar patch...? Not a scratch.
Coffee klatsch: bake a batch. Cumberbatch: top-draw'r...? Natch!
Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Tell me: have we met our match...?
Nightstichs from "God o' Dance" by Freda Stare
Crips 'n ' Bloods 'n' police: what's your hurry...? Do the Fly; forget Arthur Murray!
Irish Jig...? Don't fret! Not to worry: When you've binged...just...stop!
Orgiastichs from "Absurdist-in-Chief" by Anon
You socialists are hedonists; you communists are, too.
You're anarchists, abortionists --
I've bullied more than few.
You're masochists; You're narcissists. You're pessimists as well.
You're all those "-ist"s I've doubtless miss'd:
I'll see you lot in hell.
Popsiclestichs from "Ice Lolly Palooza" by Arthur Freeze
Whose dream is of a Popsicle a cult'ral meme enjoys.
Whose dream is of a Creamsicle all lactose dread destroys.
Whose dream is of a Fudgsicle a chocoholic be.
Whose dream is of a Dreamsicle endures redundancy.
Queuestichs from "Blackball Boogie" by Montana O'Beece
Rack 'em, Fats, and pass that chalk.
Then watch me masse, bank 'n' baulk.
YOU talk some talk; I walk the walk.
So, settle back; prepare to gawk.
Rustichs from "The Gift to be Simpleminded" by Manon Knight
The farmer takes a wife.
The wife mistakes the child
for a single-bottom'd "sulky" plow
because that gal's beguiled.
Ì
Swizzlestichs from "Doin' the Chartreuse Swizzle" by Mick Sahl-O'Gist
Take one-point-five ounces Chartreuse;
add some lime juice and pineapple juice.
Pour it all in a tall Collins glass.
Add crushed ice...and then swizzle en masse...
Thunderstichs from "Make Good Noise" by Cholly Bickerknocker
Conf'rence playoffs, Sixers versus Knicks.
Brunson puts up wa-a-ay too many bricks.
I'm sittin' courtside. What's it take to fix
this situation...? Cue them thundersticks
