Lincoln* and Mencken** and God,*** untight,
have book'd passage 'board Titanic II.
Honest Abe chides The Diety: "Bollocks 'sobreeity'!
Let's all get chock-a-block, nu...?"
* Neither Elmo the actor nor Tribich the con, but
Abraham the POTUS.
** Neither August, Sr., the tobacconist nor August, Jr.,
the engineer but H.L., the journalist.
*** Neither Allah the Muslim nor Krishna the Hindu
but Yahweh the Jew.
The Jehovah's all for it: "Teetot'lers deplore it,
no doubt, though I shout, 'Have you tried it?
Let me slip you this tip. Cup to lip! Take a nip!
'Less I'm wrong, you'll no longer deride it.'"
Now half in his cups, H.L.M. interrupts:
"Listen, Jew! When you're through, read my two lips:
Since we're all call'd 'ombibulous'* (which is no fib), you'll as-
sent to my bent for mint julips."**
* One who'll drink anything alcoholic. Mencken lists
himself in that category.
** Mencken voices a preference for julips over beer.
Answers God through His squint, "Though not partial to mint,
as My Bible plugs hyssop and wormwood,
still a julip or two would go down a treat. Do
you agree...? Si! You both, I affirm, would."
(More to come: a work in progress.)
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Wednesday, August 29, 2018
"My dream? I tune to breaking news..." Been Shot: An Oneirology
My dream? I tune to breaking news:
"The President's Been Shot!"
My nightmare? Same old same old. Damn!
The President's still NOT...
"The President's Been Shot!"
My nightmare? Same old same old. Damn!
The President's still NOT...
Monday, August 27, 2018
Another Man of the Cloth: Henri Matissue
"Curly, Moe; Larry, Shemp: all devolved to room temp..." Shuffling Off Our Mortal Coil; or, What Say Let's Live Forever!: A Constrained Nonsense Necrologue
Curly, Moe; Larry,
Shemp: all devolved to room temp.
Sharp cartoonist Thom Nast wound up breathing his last.
Sharp cartoonist Thom Nast wound up breathing his last.
Colin’s grandfather
Firth has departed this earth
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Codicology's Morse rides – behold! – a pale horse.
Culture icon Joan Quarm, late last year, bought the farm.
Mogul Friedrich (“Fritz”) Krupp found his number was up.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Poet John Albert Macy’s now pushing up daisies.
One Solomon Phipps fin’lly cashed in his chips.
Mr. Morrison Waite simply slid off the plate.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
All (well: most) of the Bysshes now sleep with the fishes.
St. Christopher Wade? Made to drink the Kool aid.
Herr Hermanus van’t Hoff softly exited off.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Jazz fervent Rudi Blesh went the way of all flesh.
Ms. Elizabeth Baker en fin met her maker.
Li’l Abner’s Al Capp took a final dirt nap.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Couple Carl and Blanche Jost gravely gave up the ghost.
Poet Julia Ward Howe waved, then took her last bow.
Joseph Smith and his wives? All of them lost their lives.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Far-right-winger John Birch leaned, then fell off his perch.
Charles Caldwell McCabe? In the bosom of Abe.
Both E. and K Wynn (dad and son) packed it in.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Rufus, Tom and John Choates all donned pine overcoats.
Kicked the bucket did Boggs: popped (did Samu'l) his clogs.
Even "Prosp" Merimee, in the end, passed away.
Still, we'll not say, "Amen!" till we're five score and ten!
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Codicology's Morse rides – behold! – a pale horse.
Culture icon Joan Quarm, late last year, bought the farm.
Mogul Friedrich (“Fritz”) Krupp found his number was up.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Poet John Albert Macy’s now pushing up daisies.
One Solomon Phipps fin’lly cashed in his chips.
Mr. Morrison Waite simply slid off the plate.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
All (well: most) of the Bysshes now sleep with the fishes.
St. Christopher Wade? Made to drink the Kool aid.
Herr Hermanus van’t Hoff softly exited off.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Jazz fervent Rudi Blesh went the way of all flesh.
Ms. Elizabeth Baker en fin met her maker.
Li’l Abner’s Al Capp took a final dirt nap.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Couple Carl and Blanche Jost gravely gave up the ghost.
Poet Julia Ward Howe waved, then took her last bow.
Joseph Smith and his wives? All of them lost their lives.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Far-right-winger John Birch leaned, then fell off his perch.
Charles Caldwell McCabe? In the bosom of Abe.
Both E. and K Wynn (dad and son) packed it in.
When shall we – you 'n' me -- shuffle off this m. c.?
Rufus, Tom and John Choates all donned pine overcoats.
Kicked the bucket did Boggs: popped (did Samu'l) his clogs.
Even "Prosp" Merimee, in the end, passed away.
Still, we'll not say, "Amen!" till we're five score and ten!
Sunday, August 26, 2018
"So: who -- Lord forfend! -- pinned the Palin on Don Qui...?" Remembering Quixote, Warts & All: A Maverick Take (A Tenth -- the Tin One! -- Anniversary Waltz for September 3rd)
The good man may sometimes do the deed deemed less than good. Recently there died one such good man. A quality demonstrating his goodness? He refused to lie to himself about misdeeds he'd done. On September 3, 2008 -- ten years ago almost exactly -- Sarah Palin accepted nomination as John McCain's running mate, he and the GOP having bypassed Pawlenty, Romney, Crist, Jindal, Lieberman and others in favor of Mrs. P.
Remembering Quixote, Warts & All: A Maverick Take
So: who, 'round the bend, pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
But who, not yet Zen'd, pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
So: who (may we mend!) pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
Remembering Quixote, Warts & All: A Maverick Take
So: who -- Lord forfend! -- pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
But who -- some fine friend! -- pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
But who -- some fine friend! -- pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
Republican
pols smell'd political dawn. Key
to win? Pick as Veep not some male grey-maned honky.
So: who, 'round the bend, pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
But who, not yet Zen'd, pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
The
Pachyderm long'd for a candidate wonky:
“No green nominee’ll help Mac hobble
the Donkey.”
So: who (may we mend!) pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
But who, in the end, pinn'd the Palin on Don Qui?
‘Twas you, John, who sounded the gong in the wrong key.
‘Twas you, John, who sounded the gong in the wrong key.
The Palin you pinn'd on your own coattails, Don Qui!
(A good man, McCain: upon hearing this song, he
will own to its truth. 'Tis what makes him our Don Qui.)
(A good man, McCain: upon hearing this song, he
will own to its truth. 'Tis what makes him our Don Qui.)
Presidential candidate McCain shown circa September, 2008
having just pinned one from a selection of Palin buttons near his lapel.
(Dimensional illustration by the author.)
|
Saturday, August 25, 2018
New Installation: 3 Men and a Girl
The newest installation at the Sudbury Road Textile Museum is being called "3 Men (of the Cloth) and a (Material) Girl." It features a quartet of caricatured celebrities whose pun'd names reflect each individual's special relationship with some fabric or other. Pictured here, along with the artist, are: (upper left) Foam Chomsky; (upper right) Kevin GarNet; (lower left) Corduroy Orbison; and (lower right) Olive Voile. To view additional Men of the Cloth, scroll down or visit the site's archive which sits at the bottom of this home page and select from items listed there.
Friday, August 24, 2018
men cloth list
Men of the Cloth completed thus far:
(To view images of all finished 16" x 20" canvases, scroll down below this post or visit blog archive at bottom of home page and select specific items.)
Roy Orbison + wide-wale corduroy = Corduroy Orbison
Antonio Banderes + neckerchief and bandana = Antonio Bandanas
Gerard Depardieu + adult diaper = Gerard Diaperdieu
Bill Cosby + piece of non-medical gauze = Bill Gauzeby
Edgar Allan Poe + khaki-color'd peau de soie = Edgar Allan Peau de Soie
Burl Ives + burlap coffee sack = Burlap Ives
Fiorello La Guardia + Old Glory-motif'd cotton bunting = Fiorello Flaguardia
Ker Dullea + lace table runner = Kier Du Lace
Tiny Tim + Reynolds aluminum foil = Tiny Timfoil
Harrison Ford + faux bearskin = Harrison Fur'd
Noam Chomsky + 6-inch upholstery foam = Foam Chomsky
Tintin + remnant of shiny-surfaced cotton = Satintin
John Lennon + linen tablecloth = John Linen
Bill Murray + Marimekko-style cotton sheet = Bill Murrimekko
Kevin Garnet + NBA basketball net = Kevin GarNet
Bill O'Reilly + bed pillow = Pillow Riley
Denholm Elliott + stressed blue jeans = Denim Elliott
Che Guevara + crochet'd tablecloth = Crochet Guevara
Sir Fred Hoyle + section of oilcloth = Sir Fred Hoylecloth
George Gamow + piece of camouflage-pattern'd cotton = George Gamowflage
Sam-I-Am + embroidery sampler = Sampler-I-Ampler
(Other samplers not drawn on: Little Black Sampler, Son of Sampler, Uncle Sampler, Yosemite Sampler and Sampler the Shampler (and the Pharaohs)
Henri Matisse + pieces of wrapping tissue = Henri MaTissue
Vladimir Putin + tartan pattern'd plaid = Plaidimir Putin
Material Girls completed thus far:
Olive Oyl + a batiste remnant = Olive Voile
Men of the Cloth in progress:
Hermann Hessian
Franz Kalfskin
Sackrates
Denzel Washantung
David Ogden Stiersucker
Eamon de Valoura
Clark Sable
Clauth Rains
Chiang kai Check
Cheesecloth of Nazareth
Chenille deGrasse Tyson
Cisco Kidskin
Calvin Crewelidge
Cho En-Lycra
Cheviot Chase
Chenille O'Neill
ChifFonzie
Captain Hookrug
Casey Stencil
Charlie "Yardbird" Parquet
Cotton Mather
Arthur Conan Doily
Sackclotherell Sitwell
Bath Matsterson
Arthur Vinyl Davis
Audie Mufti
Alexander Gingham Bell
Alan Jay Velourner
Al Gore-Tex
Angora Vidal
Material Girls in progress:
Organdeedee Myers
Sarah Palint
Penelope Crewels
Jutey Garland
Acetatum O'Neal
(To view images of all finished 16" x 20" canvases, scroll down below this post or visit blog archive at bottom of home page and select specific items.)
Roy Orbison + wide-wale corduroy = Corduroy Orbison
Antonio Banderes + neckerchief and bandana = Antonio Bandanas
Gerard Depardieu + adult diaper = Gerard Diaperdieu
Bill Cosby + piece of non-medical gauze = Bill Gauzeby
Edgar Allan Poe + khaki-color'd peau de soie = Edgar Allan Peau de Soie
Burl Ives + burlap coffee sack = Burlap Ives
Fiorello La Guardia + Old Glory-motif'd cotton bunting = Fiorello Flaguardia
Ker Dullea + lace table runner = Kier Du Lace
Tiny Tim + Reynolds aluminum foil = Tiny Timfoil
Harrison Ford + faux bearskin = Harrison Fur'd
Noam Chomsky + 6-inch upholstery foam = Foam Chomsky
Tintin + remnant of shiny-surfaced cotton = Satintin
John Lennon + linen tablecloth = John Linen
Bill Murray + Marimekko-style cotton sheet = Bill Murrimekko
Kevin Garnet + NBA basketball net = Kevin GarNet
Bill O'Reilly + bed pillow = Pillow Riley
Denholm Elliott + stressed blue jeans = Denim Elliott
Che Guevara + crochet'd tablecloth = Crochet Guevara
Sir Fred Hoyle + section of oilcloth = Sir Fred Hoylecloth
George Gamow + piece of camouflage-pattern'd cotton = George Gamowflage
Sam-I-Am + embroidery sampler = Sampler-I-Ampler
(Other samplers not drawn on: Little Black Sampler, Son of Sampler, Uncle Sampler, Yosemite Sampler and Sampler the Shampler (and the Pharaohs)
Henri Matisse + pieces of wrapping tissue = Henri MaTissue
Vladimir Putin + tartan pattern'd plaid = Plaidimir Putin
Material Girls completed thus far:
Olive Oyl + a batiste remnant = Olive Voile
Men of the Cloth in progress:
Hermann Hessian
Franz Kalfskin
Sackrates
Denzel Washantung
David Ogden Stiersucker
Eamon de Valoura
Clark Sable
Clauth Rains
Chiang kai Check
Cheesecloth of Nazareth
Chenille deGrasse Tyson
Cisco Kidskin
Calvin Crewelidge
Cho En-Lycra
Cheviot Chase
Chenille O'Neill
ChifFonzie
Captain Hookrug
Casey Stencil
Charlie "Yardbird" Parquet
Cotton Mather
Arthur Conan Doily
Sackclotherell Sitwell
Bath Matsterson
Arthur Vinyl Davis
Audie Mufti
Alexander Gingham Bell
Alan Jay Velourner
Al Gore-Tex
Angora Vidal
Franklin
Delano Roosefelt
Feodor ChiliaPinstripe
Fustian
Fleming
Fabricky
Gervaise
Fur de Grofe
Ferlin Husk
Felton John
General Curtis Lame
General Curtis Lame
James “Mad
Dog” Mattress
Gilgamesh
George
Szellophane
Gay Celise
George
Bernard Shawl
George Twill
Gaberdine
Martin
Hopsack Braff
Hopalong
Tappestry
IsSackcloth
Hayes
I. M.
Paisley
Iggy Poplin
Jack
Kerouwax Paper
J. L.
Ackrillic
James K.
Polkadot
Jack
Lemonate
Jay Lenolium
Jack
Elaminate
Jimmy
DurAntimacassar
Jack Paarchment
John
Toweling
Jack Web
Jose
Fleeceiano
James
Calicoco
Jute Law
Johnny
Cashmere
Jean-Michel
Basquiatweave
Jersey
Kosinski
Knit Romney
Khaki Chan
Kevlar
Burton
Kapok Shakur
Linen
Johnson
The Lone
Raingear
Lionel
Hempton
Louis
Farrakhanvas
Leathurgood
Marshall
Mink the
Merciless
Monty Wooly
Martin
Loofah King, Jr.
Mattress
McConaughey
Marlon
Bandeau
Martin
Screen
Man Rayon
Mr. T-Shirt
Muhammadras
Ali
Maurice
Ravelveteen
Morgandy
Freeman
Mark Twine
Mohairy
Pottter
Neil Patrick
Harris Tweed
Noel Cowhide
Orlon Chaney
Paul Kleenex
Poncho Villa
Pincushion
Zukerman
Plush
Limbaugh
Pat Buckram
Porky
Pigskin
Peter
O’Tulle
Papierre
Beaumache
Percale
Roberts
Quilt
Chamberlain
Raffia Nadal
Ragamemnon
Richie
Veilens
Robert
Shroud
Salvador
Doily
Spiro Ragnew
Steve
Mnuchintz
Serge
Koussevitski
Saran Paul
Sherlock
Homespun
Sir John
Falstaffeta
Stitch
Henderson
Tom Hankies
Tick Cheney
Ty-Dye Cobb
Tarpo Marx
Terrycloth-Thomas
Ultrasuede
Boggs
Vellum
Shakespeare
Vincent Van
Gauze
Velvets
Presley
Woodrow
Woolson
William
Howard Taffeta
Warren Spahnhdex
Worsted Cruz
Xinjiango
Reinhardt
Yosemite
Sampler
Zane Crepe
Alpaca ChinoMaterial Girls in progress:
Organdeedee Myers
Sarah Palint
Penelope Crewels
Jutey Garland
Acetatum O'Neal
Sarah
Huckabee Sandpaper
Margaret
Thatch
Lame West
Britney
Spearsucker
Canvas
Bergen
Lady
Caroline Lambinate
Condoleezza
Rice Paper
Doily Parton Divinyl
Flannelly
O’Connor
Joan Baeze
Fleece
Witherspoon
Janet Muslin
Jane Curtain
Cate
Blankett
Patti Label
Miss Jane
Marble
Meryl Stripe
Nylonia
Trump
Polyester
Williams
Prunella
Scales
Susan
Saranwrap
Cameron
Diazo
Sheet a
Rivera
Silka Chase
Torigami
Spelling
Dustcloth Springfield
Rugs' Gallery candidates in progress:
Pontius Pile
Samuel Berber
Shaguille O'Neill
Edward Tufted
Monty Wool
Rya Cooder
Don Knotted
JeThrow Tull
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
Another Man of the Cloth: Sampler-I-Ampler
Sunday, August 19, 2018
"Some watercress with (can't you guess?)..." Pairs Paired with Parallel Pairings: Famous Pairs (& Trios) of Comics Paired with Their Favorite Feasts, Foodstuffs & Fodders
The Form:
Some watercress
with (can't you guess?)…
some Swiss chard, too,
with "you-know-who."
The Pairings:
A true cantaloupe
with comic Bob Hope...
one Buffalo wing
with "Road" crony Bing.
Fried eggs -- yolks runny,
whites cooked -- with Bugs Bunny...
a Scotch chased with Bud
with bete noir Elmer Fudd.
Cucumber Crunch
in a cone with young Punch...
some cool tutti-frutti --
two scoops! -- with jeune Judy.
A Pepsi Free
and a large fries with Key...
a Happy Meal
and a Coke with Peele.
A few sauternes
with comic George Burns...
Shiraz (a gallon)
with wife Gracie Allen.
A bagel, half-eaten,
with mute Buster Keaton...
a pickled pig's knuckle
with Roscoe Arbuckle.
Some six Rockefeller-
type Oysters with Teller...
bok choy vinaigrette
with his pal Penn Jillette.
Pineapple pickles
with comic Mike Nichols...
some crabs in Old Bay
with his gal Elaine May.
A goulash of sorrel
with Brit Stanley Laurel...
one chocolate Smartie
with Oliver Hardy.
Some corn on the cob,
lightly butter'd, with Bob...
a crème fraiche parfait
without nuts with pal Ray.
A well-brandied peach
with that Marin boy Cheech...
one ripe scuppernong
with his chum Tommy Chong.
A Cheddar Welsh rabbit
with William "Bud" Abbott...
Pistachio Jello
with foil Lou Costello.
The cheap house merlot
with Curly and Mo...
a large box of wine
with stooge Larry Fine.
Pastrami on rye
with the wry Stephen Fry...
wild rice in nori
with crony Hugh Laurie.
A salt-free filbert
with Billy Gilbert...
Taleggio cheese
with Dom Deluise.
Oysters in season
with Jackie Gleason...
a stale Pecan Sandie
with comrade John Candy.
Some Non-Comedic Pairs:
Bistecca Florence with singer Steve Lawrence... a creme brulee with Edie Gorme.
A stale corn dog with Phileas Fogg...warm Mountain Dew with Jean Passepartout.
Chicken breast (bone-in) with Hume Cronyn...quail poach'd in brandy with Jessica Tandy.
Shrimp quesadilla with Pancho Villa; mushroom frittata with Emiliano Zapata.
Mulligatawny with Squire Trelawney; chowder from cans with Israel Hands.
Yak's milk brie with Laotzi; artisanal cheeses with Baby Jesus.
Waffle cones with Precious Jones; Marshmallow Fluff with Howard Duff.
Medjool dates with Kathy Bates; a drawn tench with Dawn French.
The vegetable medley with Jos Sedley; mugs of Bosco with Count Fosco.
A morel with Adele; some copra with Oprah.
Flounder en plat with Mrs. Jack Spratt; Coke (en carafe) with John Falstaff.
Pasta shells with Orson Welles; liver fluke with King Farouk.
One jawbreaker with Two Ton Baker; a blacken'd sprat with Oliver Platt.
(More pairings to come: a work in progress)
Some watercress
with (can't you guess?)…
some Swiss chard, too,
with "you-know-who."
The Pairings:
A true cantaloupe
with comic Bob Hope...
one Buffalo wing
with "Road" crony Bing.
Fried eggs -- yolks runny,
whites cooked -- with Bugs Bunny...
a Scotch chased with Bud
with bete noir Elmer Fudd.
Cucumber Crunch
in a cone with young Punch...
some cool tutti-frutti --
two scoops! -- with jeune Judy.
A Pepsi Free
and a large fries with Key...
a Happy Meal
and a Coke with Peele.
A few sauternes
with comic George Burns...
Shiraz (a gallon)
with wife Gracie Allen.
A bagel, half-eaten,
with mute Buster Keaton...
a pickled pig's knuckle
with Roscoe Arbuckle.
Some six Rockefeller-
type Oysters with Teller...
bok choy vinaigrette
with his pal Penn Jillette.
Pineapple pickles
with comic Mike Nichols...
some crabs in Old Bay
with his gal Elaine May.
A goulash of sorrel
with Brit Stanley Laurel...
one chocolate Smartie
with Oliver Hardy.
Some corn on the cob,
lightly butter'd, with Bob...
a crème fraiche parfait
without nuts with pal Ray.
A well-brandied peach
with that Marin boy Cheech...
one ripe scuppernong
with his chum Tommy Chong.
A Cheddar Welsh rabbit
with William "Bud" Abbott...
Pistachio Jello
with foil Lou Costello.
The cheap house merlot
with Curly and Mo...
a large box of wine
with stooge Larry Fine.
Pastrami on rye
with the wry Stephen Fry...
wild rice in nori
with crony Hugh Laurie.
A salt-free filbert
with Billy Gilbert...
Taleggio cheese
with Dom Deluise.
Oysters in season
with Jackie Gleason...
a stale Pecan Sandie
with comrade John Candy.
Some Non-Comedic Pairs:
Bistecca Florence with singer Steve Lawrence... a creme brulee with Edie Gorme.
A stale corn dog with Phileas Fogg...warm Mountain Dew with Jean Passepartout.
Chicken breast (bone-in) with Hume Cronyn...quail poach'd in brandy with Jessica Tandy.
Shrimp quesadilla with Pancho Villa; mushroom frittata with Emiliano Zapata.
Mulligatawny with Squire Trelawney; chowder from cans with Israel Hands.
Yak's milk brie with Laotzi; artisanal cheeses with Baby Jesus.
Waffle cones with Precious Jones; Marshmallow Fluff with Howard Duff.
Medjool dates with Kathy Bates; a drawn tench with Dawn French.
The vegetable medley with Jos Sedley; mugs of Bosco with Count Fosco.
A morel with Adele; some copra with Oprah.
Flounder en plat with Mrs. Jack Spratt; Coke (en carafe) with John Falstaff.
Pasta shells with Orson Welles; liver fluke with King Farouk.
One jawbreaker with Two Ton Baker; a blacken'd sprat with Oliver Platt.
(More pairings to come: a work in progress)
Saturday, August 18, 2018
Another Man of the Cloth: Pillow Reilly
Another Man of the Cloth: Satintin
Another Man of the Cloth: Kevin GarNet
Another Man of the Cloth: John Linen
Another Man of the Cloth: Denim Elliott
Another Man of the Cloth: Crochet Guevara
Another Man of the Cloth: Fiorello Flaguardia
Another Man of the Cloth: Antonio Bandanas
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