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Wednesday, January 31, 2024

A is for A: An Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters H & G

       H is for H:








    
    
    No taste; no smell...nor can one tell
    the color of this stuff. 
    As H it's known; this table's shown
    the world can't have enough.


    G is for G:











    

    
    Though gravity reads '1' at sea
    inside my centrifuge,
    I'll crank up 'G's (a prank!) by threes
    and emulate a luge.

MAGA 2024 Campaign Song #1 (Sung to the Tune of "I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl that Married Dear Old Dad")

We-e-e-e 
want a dic-
-
tatohead just 
like the dick
who slew six million Jews.
We-e-e-e
need a prick,
one who'd 
interdict
the people's right to choose.
A tyrant -- 
Putin/Hitler/
Franco-style -- 
a guy who'd 
rape your sister...
with a smile.
We-e-e-e
want this dic-
tatohead, al-
tho' he's sick.
Hey! What have we to lose...? 

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

Wiffle; or, The Prayer of David N. Mullany

O Deity Who Shapes Our Ends:
reshape this orb so, pitch'd, it bends.
'Twould make our land's, Divine Creator, 
greatest pastime even greater.
     Pair with balls You've thus begat
a lightweight hollow plastic bat.
This double play I pray of You
so dwell I might 'mongst well-to-do. 

Monday, January 29, 2024

From the Archive: Vanity Fair...

Vanity Fair On Yet Another Drumpf Conspiracy Theory 

Conspiracy theories...? No new thing from Drumpf.
They're ever away but a hop, skip 'n' jumpf.
Drumpf's latest...? To do with a world-wide cabal
run by Wall Street 'n' Washington, D.C. -- et al.
Drumpf's 'et al's are Communists Joe 'n' "Hussein":
"Joe nods while "Hussein" calls the shots; it's so-o-o plain."
And (according to Drumpf) this cabal can but widen:
"It's one whose Barack's even worse than its Biden."

OuLiPo Anagram Search

 To French soldat in First World War: 
     "O, Poilu!"
 Lord Zeus gives former love 'what for':
     "Up ol' Io!"
 With senator create rapport:
     "Oui, pol."
 You'll Chef Lou's taro dish adore:
      Poi Lou.
 There may be some beyond these four,
 though I've not thought of any more.
      OuLiPo

Sunday, January 28, 2024

A is for A: An Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters K & R

         K is for K:










     

     "I've built a Vitamin!" "That right...?
      So: whatcha gonna call it...?" 
     "Kalloo, kallay! I'll call it 'K.'
      With koin 'twill fill my wallet."


      R is for R:













       Readin.' 'Rightin.' 'Rithmetic: Aren't
      'R's the starts of these...?
       Not true; not true: the final two
       show, first, apostrophes!

A is for A: An Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters L & Q

         L is for L







         
         Chicago's got (as Nome has not)
         an elevated Metro,
         one written 'L.' (I know it well:
         it's 'Loop'y, loud...and retro!)


         Q is for Q












         Intelligence -- i.e., good sense -- 
         one measures using 'Q.'
         Here's all you do: to age times 2 
         add... (I've no clue! Have you...?)

The Punday Funnies: Lt. Joe

Lieutenant Joe: remember him...?*
"You've got to be taught."
I pray for muscles firm 'n' trim:
"O, Gott! To be taut!"
     *Joseph Cable is the character 
       in Rodgers and Hammerstein's 
     "South Pacific" who sings the 
      lyric mentioned above.

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

Runcibl'd Spooner: Hunter

Drumpf wants Joe's kid 
gagg'd 'n' bound:
"Vermin...? Hunter Biden!"
     Wimsey's valet's 
gone to ground: 
Mervyn Bunter,* hidin.' 
     Moral:
"The prey's afoot."
(Most aptly put.)
     *Bunter is Lord Peter Wimsey's valet 
in a series of novels by Dorothy Sayers.

Monday, January 22, 2024

A is for A: An Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters X, Y & Z

            X is for X:









           
           "If you'd commit some unknown bit 
            to paper doing math,
            just write an 'X,'" advise most techs.
           "Elect no other path."


            Y is for Y:














           When needing space to park thy face,
           but not some place prestigious,
           'tis best to hie thee to the Y,
           tho' y'all be irreligious.


           Z is for Z:













          A doze, a rest, three winks, siest-
         -a, nap, a nod, a trance
          be what's required. In short: I'm tired!
        (At least one Z, perchance...?)

A is for A: An Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters U & T

        T is for T:








     
     Ask'd "True or false: The Skaters' Waltz
     was done by one Waldteufel...?" 
     I'd answer 'T.' ('F,' 'N,' you see,
     or 'B' leave me annoyful.)


     U is for U:
 












     Burmese PM (une homme, non femme),
     their very first: U Nu.
     U Thant...? Not so; nor Goryeo.*
    (A playwright, too: who knew...?)**

          *A Korean dynasty from 918 to 1392 with
           no significant relation to Burma now known 
           as Myanmar.
           **U Nu wrote several plays, among them 
           The Sound of the People Victorious.

Sunday, January 21, 2024

A is for A: An Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters V & P

        V is for V:









     There's Wade v. Roe. There's Brown v. Bo-.
     There's Griswold v. Connecticut.
     What's pending...? Me v. Tweedledee
     in re a bouncing check he cut.


               P is for P:












                           
               PE's lead...? 'P'! PC's need...? 'P'!
              'P' kickstarts P&G!
             (Plus, scored in threes, 'P's prompt flutes: "Ple-e-e-ease...
              toot su-per-qui-et-ly!")

Saturday, January 20, 2024

Two Imagist Poems

     I'm an Imagist 

I'm wash'd up on the beach. I'm left out in the rain.
I'm placed, enwrapp'd 'n' ribbon'd, 'neath the tree.
I'm, oarless, up the creek. I'm dribbl'd down the drain.
I'm baked, en croute, with figs, into the brie.
     I've terraform'd the Moon. I've reinvented fire.
I've never met a debt I didn't hike. 
I've misspelt 'pantaloon.' I've drain'd the Grimpen Mire.
I'm introducing yet another Reich.
     I've grown a second head. I've join'd the D.A.R.
I've licensed new translations from the Greek.
I've learn'd to print a gun. I'm soon to cross the bar.
I'm something to behold. Here: take a peek!

     Rhymagism 

          (Pace William Carlos Williams)

So: so much
depends

on my rosy red
gamp

to defend against 
damp 

so no white chickens  
end 

as mad as wet 
hens.

Thursday, January 18, 2024

A is for A: an Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters S & W

        S is for S








     If Fuehrer's faves ('bout whom Herr raves)
     I'd deign to designate, 
     I'd 'S' redact -- 'SS,' in fact --
     for "bruv's we love to hate."


     W is for W:










     Herbert Walker play'd the Hawk. Herr
     Prescott play'd the Banker.
     Jeb play'd Pol, while W,* y'all
     recall, play'd quite the ________.**

            *Pronounced, as does the man himself, in
              two syllables: 'Dubb'-yuh.'
            **'Canker,' 'shanker,' '(blank)er' -- even 
             "stanker" are all correct entries.

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

A is for A: an Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters F & O

                    F is for F:    







             When temp's portray'd in Centigrade 
             @ 31 degrees,
             if 'F' I write (for 'Farenheit'),
             who'd not expect to freeze...?!


                    O is for O:










            "O beautifoo-..."; "O say can you...";
            "O little town o' Beth-...":
             each shows an 'O.' (So, poets know,
             does "Where's thy sting, O Death...?".)

Monday, January 15, 2024

A is for A: an Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters M & J

                M is for M:











                             
                En France, when yer address'd 'Monsieur,' 
                those frogs insert an 'M'
                before yer name. So: what's their game...? 
                Be Brits the same as them...?


                J is for J:
 

                 Giraffes o' Sport break -- fast! -- down court,
                 the net to get the ball in.
                 Their go-to play...? The Jumpshot (J)...
                 ...at least 'til Js stop fallin.'

Thursday, January 11, 2024

Variations on Alice's Recitation to the Caterpillar from Lewis Carroll's "Through the Looking Glass" Reenacted by Oslo Cooper Bartholomew and the Brothers Boyer -- i.e., Adrian Zane and Sebastian James -- and Addressed to a Sextet of Iso-named Celebrities of Whom the Boys Doubtless Have Never Heard

               Canto I: 
          Oslo Cooper to Ralph Vaughn & Esther Jane 

"You're cajoled, Ralph Vaughn Williams," 
 young Ozzy observes,
"to stop pilfering songs from the folk.
 You, from swiped Sussex ballades, 
 mold musical salads.
 We're no way amused by your joke."
     "In my youth," tunesmith Williams 
 replies to our Oz,
 "I collected such dreck in this book.
 If left unemploy'd now
'twould be waste (you'll allow...?) --
 plus, it's frabjous: do grab jus' one look!"

"Are you cold, Esther Williams...?" 
 the stripling goes on,
 quick to yell at sick celluloid sirens.
"Be those goosebumps I spot...? 
 If your bath were kept hot,
 you'd say 'No!' to such frozen
environs."
     "In my youth," Ms. Moist Mermaid 
 responds to the lad,
"I was Chair of the Polar Bear Club.
 We'd drill holes in the ice, 
 then dive down where 'twas nice.
 Now I always add cubes to my
tub."



               Canto II: 
          Adrian Zane to Thomas Lanier & Hiram "Hank" 

"Left untold, Mr. Williams," 
 says Adrian Zane,
"are your plays set in places up North.
(By the by, may I 'Tennessee' 
 use when I quiz you...?"
"Of courth," lisps Tom Williams: "Of courth!...
     ...for, as toddler, although 
 Mississippian-born,
 I enraptured of Tennessee was,
 so, when opting to pen, 
 became Tennessee; then,
 queried why, I'd reply, 'Jus' becuz.'"

"You seem older, Hank Williams," 
 young Adrian scolds,
"than the last time we two honky-tonk'd.
 Be you boozin' too much, 
 usin' moonshine 'n' such
 treach'rous tipples...? In short: be you zonk'd...?"
    "In my boyhood," 
 the Hillbilly Shakespeare rejoin'd,
"I endured an o'erpowering thirst.
 Whate'er juice came to hand 
 I'd ingurgitate...and
 from there things went from wetter to worst."

*   *   *   *   *

               Canto III: 
          Sebastian James to William Carlos & Theodore Samuel 

"Don't dare scold, Doctor Williams, 
 how so much depends
 on red wheelbarrows left in the rain,"
 Seb remarks to the bard. "William Carlos: your yard,
 with its chickens, just gives me a pain."
     "Dearest Seb," says the Doc, 
 "you've scant reason to mock.
 'Tis no business of yours to chastise.
  So my jingles 'n' rhymes 
  fail to tinkle your chimes.
  How much cooler's my Pulitzer Prize...?"

"A good soldier, Ted Williams," 
 the young man proceeds,
"you who flew as the wingman for Glenn.*
 Did your skillset with guns, 
 downing Nippers 'n' Huns,
 help you get to first base now 'n' then...?"        
     "In my youth," says the Red Sox 
 left-fielder to Seb,
"I was taught next to nada of Krieg.
 But I've said it before: 
 baseball's not unlike war.
 RBIs**...? 
 Mine were best in the league."
     *Navy pilot and future astronaut John Glenn. 
     **Rascals ('n') Bastards Incinerated.

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

All Cravat and No Shackle

 Obsess'd with the best words...("mine are!"),
 he'll pretend to shoot ten under par. 
 Once TV Reality star, 
 he's well fed...from his own Fixin's Bar. 
 Re-endors'd by (of course) D.A.R.,
 he doles hate from an eighty-ton jar --
 Mr. Would-Be American Czar:
 all cravat. (And no shackle...thus far.)



Monday, January 8, 2024

Hat/Cattle Varia Illustrated

Readers are invited to suggest text variations they 
deem worthy of distichalish treatments and images.


     Theme: 
All hat 'n' no cattle

     Variation #1: 
In a headdress weigh'd down with enamel,
Pharaoh, Jr.'s all hat 'n' no camel.

 







     Variation #2: 
"Building strongholds alone's such a hassle,"
 says this prince, who's all hat 'n' no castle.









    Variation #3:
"Darkling nights of the soul...? Hard to handle,"
 laments Pope who's all hat 'n' no candle.

 



     



     Variation #4:
"Peace takes more than a warmonger's prattle,"
 says this chap who's all hat, no Seattle.*
     *Chief of the Suquamish, Seattle delivers 
 his famous "letter" in 1854 as his plea for 
 ecological responsibility and a respect of 
 Native American land rights.









     Variation #5:
Dublin's marsh makes for harsh, toilsome travel,"
points out Pat. "All mud flat 'n' no gravel."














...and no catalogue 
...and no catalepsis 
...and no catechumins 

All hat and no collateral
All hat and no catch-all
All hat and no Keitel 
 
All hat and no Chaparrel 
All hat and no cap 'n' ball 
All hat and no cable 
All hat and no Gable 

All hat and no cackle
All hat and no cabal
All hat and no catcall
All hat and no catapult

All hat and no canticle
All hat and no Cantinflas
All hat and no catafalque

All hat and no cataleptic
All hat and no caterpillar
All hat and no Catalonia
All hat and no Catalhoyuk

All hat and no chattel
All hat and no cuddle
All hat and no Cathay
All hat and no chasuble

All hat and no cachalots
All hat and no cat at all
All hat and no cachet
All hat and no cadaver

All hat and no cakes 'n' ale
All hat and no campanile
All hat and no-can-do
All hat and no captives

All hat and no casuistry
All hat and no kettle
All hat and no kibble
All hat and no COBOL

All hat and no cue ball
All hat and no curveball 
All hat and no curdle
All hat and no kestrel

All hat and no Cosell
All hat and no gaggle
All hat and no atelier
All hat and no battle

All hat and no Natalie
All hat and no paddle
 
All hat and no rattle

All hat and no saddle
All hat and no tattle
All hat and no wattle
All hat and no Catland

All hat and no Cattle of the Sun
All hat and no cattle prod
All hat and no gaggle
All hat and no kettle

All hat and no kleagle
All hat and no Quetzalcoatl
All hat and no capital
All hat and no caput

All hat and nougat'll
All cat and no haggle 
All bat and no cudgel

Christmas Day: A Mare Egg...

     "A Mare Egg, Her Wrist, "Miss Two 'U'"