Jesuses, Gentle & Orange: (Pray Do Not Get 'Em Confused!) An Agony In Three Fits

     I 

Say "Hey!" to Gentle Jesus aka The Nazarene.
Don't pray to Orange Jesus aka The Tangerine. 

The first one's in a manger born (no rooms left at the inn).

The second one is born in Queens and sports an orange skin.

Say "Hi!" to Gentle Jesus who turns water into wine.

Bid "Bye!" to Orange Jesus, who's with grabbin' pussy "fine."

The first's a man of faith and hope -- and charity to boot.

The second launches charities then pockets all the loot. 

Say "Yes!" to Gentle Jesus, him who makes the blind to see.

A mess is Orange Jesus; lives there none as blind as he.

The first one also makes the deaf to hear, the lame to walk.

The other touts expensive bibles, books he looks to hawk.

     II 

Say "Yo!" to Gentle Jesus; he's a healer of the sick. 

Say "No!" to Orange Jesus, wheeler-dealer. (And a dick!) 

The first's a Jewish carpenter who some say walks on water. 

The second carps that, if he could, he'd doubtless date his daughter.

Say "Yah!" to Gentle Jesus; heed his "Children, come to me." 

Say "Nah!" to Orange Jesus and his university.   

The first's call'd Mighty Counselor, My Lord, the Prince of Peace.

The second's a misogynist -- who'd love to date his niece. 

Say "Oui!" to G! He feeds good folks with sev'ral fish 'n' loaves. 

Bend knee to O (or just say "No!") who exiles folks in droves. 

The first one is a friend to all; he's ev'rybody's brother.

The other (Vay! I'm sad to say) would even date his mother. 

     III

Say "Yay!" to Gentle Jesus. Lamb of God he's also call'd.

The other guy, call'd Ham of God (who'll ne'er admit he's bald)

is likewise known as Scam of God. (His shakedowns sometimes stall'd,

where 'pon he's call'd The Sham of God, tho' God's, no doubt, appall'd.) 

Say "Howdy, Gentle Jesus." He's the Way, the Truth, the Life. 

Kow-tow to Orange Jesus: he's with narcissism rife.

The first, who perish'd for our sins, tells followers he'll rise.

The next, a pear-shaped sinner, caught in 30,000 lies.

Say "Stet!" to Gentle Jesus. (Am I running short of rhymes...?) 

Say "Nyet!" to Orange Jesus who's the Hitler of our times.

So: which loves folks who after justice hunger, yearn and thirst...?

It ain't the guy exclaiming, "I should be Pope Don the First." 

     Fin     

The Final Four of "What A's NOT For...Still" Letters W Through Z

Winking Wilbur Wrights...? 

 

Wait, Watt.* No way's W** for four

winking Wilbur Wrights whilst wicked
warlocks -- wan-wigg'd -- wildly wave one's
worthless warrantee: 

*George D. Watt, together with iso-initial'd fellow Mormon Parley P. Pratt (see lines for letter P above), develops Deseret alphabet c. 1855. 

**Pronounced in two syllables, as in "Dub-yah." 

Xerox'd xerophytes...? 

 

   

X...? No, Xaver,* X ain't for four

Xerox'd xerophytes. X is...? (E)x-

actly: "ximply xwarmin'" xanthic

xylocopidae: 

 

 

*Franz Xaver Gabelsberger invents a shorthand and tags it with his own name c. 1817. 

Yakitori'd yaks...? 

 

Y...? No, Yeli,* Y's NOT for four

yakitori'd yaks. Yeah, yeah, you

you-know-what: Y's yakISH, yet's your

yashmak'd young'un's yak:

 

 

*Xia dynasty scholar Yeli Renrong invents Tangut script in 1036. 

Zipper'd zodiacs...? 
 

 

Z...? No, Zobo,* Z's NOT for four

zipper'd zodiacs. Zorillas...?

Zebras...? Zebus...? Zorses...? Zut! Z's

Zizi's** zaftig zack: 

 

*Liberian Wido Zobo invents Loma syllabary c. 1935. ** Oslo Cooper ("Ozzy") Bartholomew, call'd "Zizi" by his grandmother, is fond of his many pet zacks -- one of which is shown here with Ozzy's grandfather.

     Fin 

Coburn Copes: An Alphabet

      "My boy, you see me astonished." 

          -- Charles Coburn 

Hollywood actor Coburn, playing imaginary rococo-tongued con artist "Colonel" Harrington who is paterfamilias to the Eve mentioned in the title of Preston Sturgis's classic screwball comedy "The Lady Eve," delivers the above line to fellow Tinseltown thespian Henry Fonda playing the fictional fall guy Charles Poncefort ("Hopsie") Pike in the selfsame film. In the lines below Coburn's Colonel voices an abecedarial array of reactions, positive and negative, to a selection of famous fictional characters from classic literature and film. 

     "Some folks 

talk to the fauna; he's waltz'd with 'em, too. 

     Oh, yes:

Androcles sees me Astounded. 
     Bloody 

hell! Be there nothing this nothing will do...?

     Perhaps

Bartleby sees me Bemused.
     I am 

sadden'd: the Sagamore's last in his line.
     Oh, yes: 

Chingachgook sees me Confounded. 
     Reading 

Joyce, I suppose erudition is mine.
     Ah, but 

Dedalus sees me Disused."

 

Androcles and the Lion by G.B. Shaw; Bartleby the Scrivener by Herman Melville; The Last of the Mohicans by James Fennimore Cooper and Ulysses 

by James Joyce 

     (More to come; a work in progress)

  

Eglentyne sees me...   

     (The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer)  

Frandaboo (?) sees me... 

Gilgamesh sees me...

     (Gilgamesh by Anonymous) 

Hannibal sees me... 

          (The Silence of the Lambs) 

Ishmael sees me... 

     (Moby Dick by Herman Melville)

Jabberwock sees me... 

     (Alice Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll)

Katisha sees me... 

     (The Mikado by Gilbert and Sullivan)

Lemini sees me... 

     (Black Narcissus by Rumer Godden)

Michaeleen sees me...

     (The Quiet Man from John Ford) 

Nicholas sees me... 

     (Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens)

Oliver sees me... 

     (Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens)

Passepartout sees me... 

     (Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne) 

Quatermass sees me...

Robin Hood sees me...

Sherlock Holmes sees me... 

     (The Holmes stories by Arthur Conan Doyle) 

Turandot sees me...

Undershaft sees me... 

     (Major Barbara by G. B Shaw)

Voldemort sees me... 

     (The Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling)

Wigglemuch sees me...

     (The Wiggelnuch by Herbert Crowley)

Xavier sees me...

Yellowrock sees me...

     (Skinwalker by Faith Hunter)

Zampano sees me...

     (La Strada from Federico Fellini)

Even More "What A's NOT For...Still" Letters S Through V

Saccharine serapes...? 

S, Sequoyah*...? No, NOT for four 
saccharine serapes. Simply
stated: Swirlin' Swami's somewhat
silly silken sash: 

 

 

*Native American polymath aka George Guess invents Cherokee syllabary c. 1819. 

 Turreted Topkapis...? 

 

T...? No, no, Thoth.* T's NOT for four-
turreted Topkapis.** Ten to
two 'tis tireless Ted ("The Toiler")
truckin' ten-ton trash: 

 

 

*According to tradition, to this mythical deity is ascribed invention of Egyptian hieroglyphics c. 3000 BC. **The gate to Topkapi palace, of course, bears only two turrets. 

Unshorn Ursulines...? 

 

 

U...Ufilas*...? No, NOT for four 
unshorn Ursulines. U's undress'd
uptight Uncle Uly's** (ugh!) un-
sightly underpants: 

 

*This Cappadocian missionary is believed to have invented Gothic alphabet c. 350 AD. **Poetaster Poe is the younger brother of this poem's narrator's mother. 

Vowel-free valentines...? 

 

V...? No, Vikulharc,* NOT for four 
vow'l-free v_l_nt_n_s. Vay! Vay! V's
vicious vole's (de-)vouring ver-r-r-ry 
vocal Vivian Vance: 

 

 

*This Albanian scholar invents Vithkuqi alphabet in 1845. 

     (continued elsewhere)

Prognosis Pro POTUS: An Alphabet

      Tumblin'
Ass-over-teatray, he's
Banish'd abroad, whence he's
Cold cock'd then 
Dry dock'd. (Drumpf's
Epic'lly 
Flaw'd. 

     (a work in progress)

More "What A's NOT For...Still" Letters O Through R

Overlapping otters...? 

 

O...? No, Ogma,* O's NOT for four 

overlapping otters: Only 
one, one-octave (often oily) 
orange ocarina: 

*To this legendary Irish chieftain, according to tradition, is ascribed the invention of Ogham writing c. 1875 BC. 

Pharaoh's playful daughters...? 

 

 

P...? Nope, Parley,* P's NOT for four 
Pharaoh's playful daughters: Pin plu-
poorly pleated pants, please, posh pa-
trician Palestrina! 

 

*Mormon Parley P. Pratt co-develops Deseret alphabet c. 1855. 

Quiv'rin' quiff'd Qaddafis...? 

 

 

Q, Quijada*...? No, NOT for four 
quiv'rin' quiff'd Quaddafis. Quare 
quereris, quaint quizzical quin-
duplicated quadrupeds...? 

 

*John Quijada creates experimental constructed language Ithkull between 1978 and 2023. 

Raga-riffin' Rafis...? 

 

 

R, Ron Read...?* No, R's NOT for four 
rag-recordin' Rafis.** Rarer,
really: raging, ruffl'd, rather 
rakish rude Rhode (Ryeland...?) Reds: 

 

*Ronald Kingsley Read shares prize awarded to four contestants designing Shavian alphabet in 1959. 

**Mohammad Rafi, called The Greatest Voice in Hindi Cinema, reigned for 30+ years as a world-famous Bollywood playback singer. 

      (continued elsewhere)

"A's NOT For Four Whatevers": A Revision & Reissue Of An Early Illuminated Alphabet

Composed and illustrated in 2019, each verse of poetaster Ulysses ("Uly") Poe's illuminated nonsense lyric "What A's NOT For," at the time addressed to the poet's neighbor's children, indicated to that pair of anonymous siblings, one at a time in alphabetical order, not only a series of 26 items which A and the other 25 alphabet letters did not initialize but also a second series, every letter of which in each of the 26 multi-word items in that series began with the same key letter. 

The initial of each item named was then illuminated in an image created in colored pencils. 

Uly's revision of that illuminated (and, it's hoped, now illuminating) ABC first widens the scope of its addressees by speaking to a series of individuals drawn from history and legend whose names begin with their verse's key letter and each of whom has proven instrumental in the creation of one or another invention contributing to the evolution of alphabets. 

Additionally, now the items which each letter is shown to be NOT for are also pictured -- in black-and-white line drawings. 

For a detailed view of any of the images, scroll over and click on them. 

     "(Tood-) ay is for Amy."

          -- Sung by Paul in the Sondheim musical "Company."

A is for Apple (as well as for Ape) -- 

also Ant and Antilles and Audiotape. 

A's been for all those for ages, ma bro,

tho' what A AIN'T for: ain't THAT what ya'll yearn to know...?  

Armadillo chips...? 

 

No, Agrippa,* A's NOT for four 

armadillo chips...although al- 

low'd as afterthought's an Appa-

loosan acrobat: 

*Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Nettesheim, Renaissance polymath, creates Celestial Alphabet c. 1525. 

Bien cuit bacon strips...? 

 

 

B...? No, Byrom,* B's NOT for four

bien cuit bacon strips. Big Brother's

brief...? Be babysitting's bad boys' 

bowler'd bureaucrat:  

*British poet John Byrom invents new system of shorthand c. 1715. 

Cornucopias...?

 

 

C...? No, Cyril,* C's NOT for four 

cornucopias...'cuz (candid-

ly) crisp coatings choke cute chocolate-

cover'd crocodiles: 

*With his brother, Methodius, St. Cyril is credited with devising Glagolithic alphabet used to transcribe Old Church Slavic in 863.  

"Donciad"s Don does...?

D...? No, no, Dee,* D's NOT for four

"Donciad"s Drumpf does. Duets D 

does distinguish...? Dartmouth's dapper 

dancing discophiles: 

 *John Dee, court astronomer to Elizabeth I, invents Enochian alphabet c. 1582. 

Easter Islanders...? 

No, Emmerkar,* E's NOT for four

Easter Islanders. Each earnest 

epileptic elf exhibits 

elasticities: 

*To this legendary Sumerian king (name accented on the second syllable) is ascribed invention of cuneiform c. 2300 BC. 

Four-foot faux fox furs...? 

F...? No, Franklin,* F's NOT for four 

four-foot faux fox furs. Fork'd fins fore-

tell ferocious (fatal...?) feeding-

frenzy fantasies: 

*Ben proposes phonetic alphabet based on Latin ABCs while containing additional letters created by him c. 768. 

Gibbous garden gnomes...? 

No, Gomango,* G's NOT for four

gibbous garden gnomes. Gay gyro- 

geeks grab gravity's gynormous

Gs: Go, galivanters! 

*Indian language activist Mangel Gomango invents Sorang Sompeng script in 1936. 

Hard hats hiding Holmes...?

 

H, Herr Hill*...? No, no, NOT for four

hard hats hiding Holmes. Hot hands held 

high, Huns holler, heartily, "Heil, 

Hitler's hierophanters!" 

 

 

*British stenographer James Hill develops Teeline Shorthand, originally for use by journalists, c. 1968. 

Irish Idahoes...? 

 

I...? No, Ibrahim.* NOT for four

Irish Idahoes, if I in-

stead, indeed, imports illumi-

nated isobars:

 

     

* Ibrahim Njoya, King of Cameroon, invents Bamum script c. 1910. 

Js by Jalen Rose...? 

 

J, Jenticha*...? No, NOT for four

Js by Jalen Rose. Jock Jalen's
joy...? Just jostling jowl-jamm'd jack-o'-
lantern'd jaguars:

 

 

  

*K. B. Jenticha invents Jenticha script for Indian/Nepalese 

Sunwar language in 1942. (Js reference jump-shots in basketball.) 

Kudus kill'd by Rhodes...? 

 

K, Kukai*...? No, K's NOT for four

kudus kill'd by Rhodes. Kan't (sik) kind

kindergarten kids keep keening

kosher katydids...?

*To Japanese monk Kukai is traditionally ascribed invention of Kana syllabary c. 806 AD. 

Lizards' Liebestods...?

 

L, Le Jeune*...? No, L's NOT for four 

lizards' Liebestods. Look! Lanky

lawyer Laughin' Lincoln's left lifts

lofty lilac lids: 

 

     

*Canadian J-M-R Le Jeune creates Chinook writing in 1893. 

Macaroni shapes...?

 

M...? No, Mr. Morse*! NOT for four 

macaroni shapes. Mere mugging -- 

mostly (maybe) miming mad mal-

icious malcontents: 

*American inventor S. F. B. Morse invents code named after himself. 

Nostradamus napes...? 

No, Nurhaci.* N's NOT for four 

Nostradamus napes. Nerds nearly 

never notice nice new neighbor-

ly non-residents:

 

 

*This Manchurian king (or his translators Erdeni and Gagai...?) invents Manchu alphabet in 1599. 

     (continued elsewhere)