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Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Aesop Channel'd 'n' Chopp'd: Array Seven
Commentary
The Perry Index number for this fable is #285.
The text for the second panel in this array has puzzled many a critic. Why "Shan't be troll'd"? What sort of diety would it be who would consider prayer addressed to it as trolling? Alternate texts are found in various earlier mss of the whole composition -- "Uncajoled," "Remains cold," and "You're on hold" being but a few of the less outre. In any case, on what basis the selection extant was ultimately made remains something of a mystery.
Sunday, April 21, 2019
Aesop Channel'd 'n' Chopp'd: Array Six
Commentary
The Perry Index number for this fable is #226.
That there appears to be no data provided in any of the several available vitae of Justice Fortas suggesting or even implying that the caveat "Never sleep!" was or should have been applied to the Justice tends to suggest that the original line for the fourth panel of this array, "Not before rigor mortis," is to be preferred as the wrap-up text for the array. However, there remain extant no mss featuring that line. Thus the editors felt compelled to instruct the illustrator to provide a visual reflecting the text ending with Homer's query concerning the scandal-plagued jurist.
Saturday, April 20, 2019
Colloquialisms Gone Awry: a New Poetic Form (and an Aside)
This historical archetype, composed by an anonymous six-year-old at some point during the 50s, has been referred to in certain quarters as a "knock-sequitur." It may also in time become recognized as one pre-Oulipian example of anticipatory plagiarism.
Knock, knock! Who's there?
Chair. Chair who?
Chair table.
(To meander from the subject at hand for a brief moment: one is left wondering what young Anon, had he or she been old enough or savvy enough to grasp how knock-knock jokes work, might have originally had in mind.
Chair-...dar Cheese?
Chair-...choslovakia?
Chair-...ries Jubilee?
Chair-...istiction?
Chair-...assic Park?
Chair-...on Osbourne?
Chair-...man Mao?
Chair-...(and Sonny)?
Chair-...okee?
Chair-...ismatic?
Chair-...ibdis (and Scylla)?
Chair-...red Kushner?
Chair-...nobyl?
Chair-...ry Lee Lewis?
Chair-...ity stripe?
Chair-...'n' chair alike?
Chair-...ubim and Seraphim?
Chair-...iff of Nottingham?
Chair-...che la femme?
Chair-...ley's Aunt?
But I digress.)
Recent examples:
(To meander from the subject at hand for a brief moment: one is left wondering what young Anon, had he or she been old enough or savvy enough to grasp how knock-knock jokes work, might have originally had in mind.
Chair-...dar Cheese?
Chair-...choslovakia?
Chair-...ries Jubilee?
Chair-...istiction?
Chair-...assic Park?
Chair-...on Osbourne?
Chair-...man Mao?
Chair-...(and Sonny)?
Chair-...okee?
Chair-...ismatic?
Chair-...ibdis (and Scylla)?
Chair-...red Kushner?
Chair-...nobyl?
Chair-...ry Lee Lewis?
Chair-...ity stripe?
Chair-...'n' chair alike?
Chair-...ubim and Seraphim?
Chair-...iff of Nottingham?
Chair-...che la femme?
Chair-...ley's Aunt?
But I digress.)
Recent examples:
Workin' hard? Or barely workin'?
Hey! This isn't rocket surgery.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Thirteen and Six BotchuLits (aka Reopening Gambits)
The world is so full of a number of things.
But lufteleformofishornoshwaldings...?
A slap-happy thought from RLS. -- GFH
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree
But, alas, opiate receded, kinky sex mandala hauled under.
(Person from Porlock punctures pipe-dream pagodas.) -- GFH
Now is the winter of our discontent
A slap-happy thought from RLS. -- GFH
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree
But, alas, opiate receded, kinky sex mandala hauled under.
(Person from Porlock punctures pipe-dream pagodas.) -- GFH
Now is the winter of our discontent
with two countertenors done -- finis!
("The Falsettos in the Tower" or "Gloucester Doesn't Go for Baroque.") -- GFH
When in April the sweet showers fall,
herself wilts; whiner aslop; a wet hen.
(The Wife takes a Bath) -- GFH
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,
when Father's big car met its host, he won the URL "Hugo's Health."
(This year, St. Nick's gifting every Mother's child with the web address it's always wanted.)
"They had a house of crystal pillars on the planet Mars:
In the beginning God created
bengo diced thin 'n' ginger tea.
(Ginger and bengo being plants which thrive in gardens east of Eden.)
Once upon a time
out pie men a con
did play on a trio of bears (some stories substitute pigs for bears) the pie men had met while attending a gay pride fair.
Somewhere in La Mancha,
a hale Chinese worm-man...
...is heard singing, "To dleem the impossibrer dleem…"
You don't know me without you have read a book
about Woody the Wooky, Han, Outed Auk Ivor...'n' me.
(Not to mention Lord Vader, Miss Watson's Jim and that Sawyer boy.)
"Take my camel, dear," said my Aunt Dot.
"Eat a dread Mummy Lite Snack daily."
(Offbeat amenities in The Towers of Trebizond.) -- GFH
Alice was beginning to get very tired
being given tainted grey-water coils.
("Girls just want to have fun," Miss Liddell clarified.)
On Monday, when the sun is hot...
Oh, no! One's death must whinny?
(Lines Written by a Bear of Very Equine Brain
or, Pooh plus Pooh equals Eeyore.) -- GFH
Oh, East is East, and West is West...
when Father's big car met its host, he won the URL "Hugo's Health."
(This year, St. Nick's gifting every Mother's child with the web address it's always wanted.)
"They had a house of crystal pillars on the planet Mars:
has street appeal; healthy, dry canal; thin, foul rooms."
(Weird real estate listing from Ray Bradbury) -- GFH
In the beginning God created
bengo diced thin 'n' ginger tea.
(Ginger and bengo being plants which thrive in gardens east of Eden.)
Once upon a time
out pie men a con
did play on a trio of bears (some stories substitute pigs for bears) the pie men had met while attending a gay pride fair.
Somewhere in La Mancha,
a hale Chinese worm-man...
...is heard singing, "To dleem the impossibrer dleem…"
You don't know me without you have read a book
about Woody the Wooky, Han, Outed Auk Ivor...'n' me.
(Not to mention Lord Vader, Miss Watson's Jim and that Sawyer boy.)
"Take my camel, dear," said my Aunt Dot.
"Eat a dread Mummy Lite Snack daily."
(Offbeat amenities in The Towers of Trebizond.) -- GFH
Alice was beginning to get very tired
being given tainted grey-water coils.
("Girls just want to have fun," Miss Liddell clarified.)
On Monday, when the sun is hot...
Oh, no! One's death must whinny?
(Lines Written by a Bear of Very Equine Brain
or, Pooh plus Pooh equals Eeyore.) -- GFH
Oh, East is East, and West is West...
Ah, India’s stews taste so sweet!
(Kipling just loved his curry.) -- GFH
(Kipling just loved his curry.) -- GFH
It was the best of times:
I hit me two tsetses. Fab!(I'd just legally purchased my AK-47 swatter.)
Arma virumque cano.
Or, "Quem carmina, Vau?"
(We asked a Portuguese city glee club what they'd chosen to sing.)
Stately, plump Buck Mulligan:
pick up muy-tall nutmeg balls!
(Stephen Dedalus's bodega shopping list.)
For a long time I went to bed early.
Forgotten? My ball...tee...wine...radio...
(Young Marcel possessed more than a few bad habits.)
We the people...in order:
Theo, Pepe, Lew, Dr. Roe 'n' I.
(Followed, several steps behind, of course, by Indira, Miyoshi, Peaches, the current Mrs. Roe and my own ex-.)
Source materials:
"Happy Thought" from A Child's Garden of Verses by Robert Louis Stevenson
"Kubla Khan" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Richard III by William Shakespeare
"The Wife of Bath's Tale" from The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Moore
The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury
The Old Testament by various Hebrews
Nearly every fairy tale ever told, many related by Anon
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
The Towers of Trebizond by Rose Macaulay
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
"Lines Written by a Bear of Very Little Brain" by A. A. Milne
"The Ballad of East and West" by Rudyard Kipling
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
The Aeneid by Vergil
Ulysses by James Joyce
In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
Aesop Channel'd 'n' Chopp'd: Array Three
Commentary
Also called "The Cock and the Pearl," this fable's "frills" are the gleanings of the field, seen by the cock as of value to him. The fool is, of course, the cock himself -- in not recognizing the greater value of his chance discovery.
Its Perry Index number is #503
Like "Belling the Cat," "The Dog in the Manger" is well known, whether as fable, metaphor or meme.
Its Perry Index number is #703.
Tuesday, April 16, 2019
Aesop Channel'd 'n' Chopp'd: Array Two
Monday, April 15, 2019
Aesop Channel'd 'n' Chopp'd: a Constrained Illustrated ABC in Meter and Rhyme Recording an Imagined Conversation Between Aesop the Fabulist and Homer the Bard as Displayed in 17 Four-panel Arrays, Including Commentaries: Array One -- Plus a Cross Reference of the Perry Index Numbers to the Lopp'd Verses
Commentary
If a word or phrase, including the title of a particular fable, is unfamiliar and the commentary adjacent to each array provides no explication, try
Googling the word or phrase.
'Multinash' is a newly coined abbreviation of the author's own creation meaning 'multinational.' Such an individual (a multinash, not the author, of course) might well elect to spell 'Aesop' using an Old English ash and a Hebrew shin as his arch accompaniment to a Greek omicron and pi.
The Attic Greek "Andra moi ennepe Mu-" are the opening seven syllables of Homer's epic The Odyssey, an anticipatory plagiarism of the Latin "Arma virumque cano" septet of Vergil's The Aeneid. Both are no-nonsense works of verbal art in contradistinction to the silliness reproduced here.
The German 'mit' and the English abbreviation 'litt' add to the multinational character of this opening array, as the French 'fou' does as well, while standing for 'fun.'
The physiognomy of Aesop's bust is based on a reading the The Aesop Romance, a compilation of several old vitae, which reveals the fabulist to have been one singularly unattractive storyteller. The bust of Homer appears to feature several facial characteristics of a certain animated cartoon personality.
The meter in this and throughout the other arrays is in dactyls, with lots of end- and internal rhymes.
(Appearing below are the Perry Index numbers corresponding to the fables of which the alphabet’s lopp’d verses, also appearing below, are the constrained treatments.)
Array One: A: Aesop the Fabulist, from The Aesop Romance.
A is for Aesop…’tis I!
“Multinash”? Spell it ‘ash, shin’…plus ‘omicron, pi’!
Hear we “Andra moi ennepe Mu-…”?
Not one whit! Here sits lit writ wit’ wit…mit litt’ bits fit for fou.
“Multinash”? Spell it ‘ash, shin’…plus ‘omicron, pi’!
Hear we “Andra moi ennepe Mu-…”?
Not one whit! Here sits lit writ wit’ wit…mit litt’ bits fit for fou.
Array Two: B:
Belling the Cat aka The Mice in Council, from Perry #613.
B’s for my “Belling the Cat.”
Point…?
To say’s
not to do! (Dudes like
you must know that.)
Array Three:
C: The Cock and the Jewel aka The Cock and the Pearl, from Perry #503,
and D: The
Dog in the Manger, from Perry #703.
C…? My “The Cock and the Jew’l.”
What’s its
gist…? Who’d persist fetchin’ frills finds…a fool.
D’s my “The Dog in the Manger.”
Who’d accrue without usin’…? “Gr-r-r-r-!”s any cur stranger…?
Array Four: E:
Ennus, adopted son of Aesop, from The
Aesop Romance.
E is for Ennus, my “scion.”
Me Enn jailed.
Oui!
Enn failed.
Enn’s no gens I’d rely on.
Array Five: F:
The Fawn and his Mother, from Perry #351,
and G: The
Gnat and the Bull, from Perry #137.
F’s my “The Faun and his Mother.”
No raison
favors fight – not when flight be one’s druther.
G’s my “The Gnat and the Bull.
‘Tis too true: you’re just you. Let not
pride pull the wool.
Array Six: H:
The Hare and the Tortoise, from Perry #226.
H…? My “The Hare and the Tortoise.”
Read ‘n’ weep:
Never sleep!
Are we thinkin’ Abe Fortas…?
Array Seven:
I: The Idol of Clay, from Perry #285.
I’s my “The Idol of Clay.”
Shan’t be troll’d, t pot [rau tjpigj upi
,ay.
Pours out gold when you break it one day.
(It appears the god hears – in his
roundabout way.)
Array Eight:
J: Jove and the Monkey, from Perry #364,
and K: The
King of the Frogs, from a later version of Perry #44.
J’s for my “Jove and the Monkey.”
Please to note: one’s son’s haut, be he fair-form’d or funky.
K’s for “The King of the Frogs.”
Lesson…? Don’t for storks sue. Do
make do with god’s logs.
Array Nine: L:
The Lion in Love, from Perry #140.
L’s my “The Lion in Love.”
Be that passion’s
irrational
cognizant of!
Array Ten: M:
The Miser’s Lost Gold, from Perry #225 (?).
M’s my “The Miser’s Lost gold.”
Nick’d: the lot! Nor would Cott* be
cajol’d.
“Still…” folks thought, “naught got
bought, naught got sold…
What’s amiss…?” Merely this: not one
dinar’d he doled!
*
Cotta’s the archetypal miser in A. Pope’s satirical epistle.
Array Eleven:
N: The Neat’s Tongues Adventure, from The
Aesop Romance,
and O: The
Old Man and Death, from Perry #60.
N…? My “The Neats’s Tongues Adventure,”
when our gallant’s droll talents proved
awkward to censure.
O’s my “The Old Man and Death.”
Don’t invite cure by Death. Death’s for
shite. Save your breath.
Array Twelve:
P: The Peacock and Juno, from Perry #509,
and Q: The
Quack Frog: a Fable, from Perry #289.
P…? My “The Peacock and Juno.”
On can’t have it all. Folks will call
one…well…you know.
Q’s my “The Quack Frog: a Fable.”
First, docteur:
thyself
cure – or deserve that ‘quack’ label.
Array
Thirteen: R: The Raven a Swan – from Perry #398,
and S: The
Stag at the Pool – from Perry #73.
R’s my “The Swan and the Raven.”
Change of scene doesn’t mean that one gets
all one’s cravin.’
S…? My “The Stage at the Pool.”
Don’t write off that which oft proves a
life-savin’ tool.
Array
Fourteen: T: The Thieves and a Cock, from Perry #122,
and U: The
United Four Oxen, from Perry #372.
T’s my “The Thieves ‘n’ a Cock.”
Your belief that a thief won’t undo you…?
A crock!
U…? “The Four Oxen, United.”
Graze alone, on your own…? Quick demise
you’re invitin.'
Array
Fifteen: V: The Vine and the Goat, from Perry #374,
and W: Wolf
and the Kid, from Perry #159 (?)
V is “The Vine ‘n’ the Goat.”
Break your fast: who’ll laugh last when’s
laid open your throat…?
W’s “Wolf ‘n’ the Kid”:
Actin’ smart ain’t no art when one’s
cautiously hid.
Array
Sixteen: X: Xanthus, Aesop’s master, from The
Aesop Romance,
and Y: A
Youth and his Mother, from Perry #364.
X is for Xanthus, my Master.
Had slave not been my lotm would’ve
my pastures proved vaster?
Y’s my “A Youth ‘n’ His Mother.”
Raise your child to run wild…? He’ll grow
up as no other.
Array
Seventeen: Z: The Zephyr/Sol War, from The North Wind and the Sun, Perry #46.
Z…? My “The Zephyr/Sol War.”
What beats force…?
Well, of course, exhortation will…
…or…
Monday, April 8, 2019
Bananagraffe on W O R D S
Meet Ms. Diana Dors!
She lives down Rotten Row
and best be censur'd -- or
licentious oats she'll sow.
As flights of ducks (a sord)
ascend as does the Dow,
her passions also do,
as do her hackles. Ow!
Meet Dangerfield -- young Rod --
but credit not his word:
"I'm unlike other Rods."
He'll perish by the sword.
Then, planted in the sod
among long bone-yard rows,
that silly so-'n'-so
shall burst forth. Mark my words!
She lives down Rotten Row
and best be censur'd -- or
licentious oats she'll sow.
As flights of ducks (a sord)
ascend as does the Dow,
her passions also do,
as do her hackles. Ow!
Meet Dangerfield -- young Rod --
but credit not his word:
"I'm unlike other Rods."
He'll perish by the sword.
Then, planted in the sod
among long bone-yard rows,
that silly so-'n'-so
shall burst forth. Mark my words!
Monday, April 1, 2019
A...B...C...D...-ump: Monorhymes & Monomaniacs: a Nonsense Alphabet
"'Til Terminated,
T's Thoughts Turn, Time and Time Again, to Trump" #2 pencil on photocopy paper, cropped and digitally modified 4" x 4" |
A 'toon be Mrs. Andy Gump.
Poor broad's puss? Paw'd by randy Trump.
Behold Beyoncé's baby bump!
Who owns that ova? Maybe Trump?
Can clods compact to form a clump?
They can! They forge abnorma' Trump.
Deck MAGA hats the city dump?
Hell! Hoard$ got hawk'd. Don't pity Trump!
El Presidente's effing plump.
A fool's vain errand: reffing Trump.
Fine frauen? Trump's wed three (no frump).
All speak no...hear no...see no Trump!
"Good golly, Papa's such a grump."
(Young Barron thinks not much o' Trump.)
Hides bigly hair a midget's hump?
Who pillages the fridge? It's Trump!
Ivanka's Da's scores? In a slump.
Says she, "You still my winna,' Trump."
Jared Kushner's cryin,' "Jump!"
At Mueller? Nope! At Lyin' Trump.
Kill the ref! Then kill the ump!
(Then kill, as well, that filthy Trump.)
Lymphoma! Look: a tiny lump.
What's next? Cue weepy, whiney Trump!
Melange o' cysts -- cysts on his rump.
Who owns those mumps? Dishonest Trump.
N
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Q
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T
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