Spoon Fed

No! You bit the hand that feeds you...?
Such behavior ain't so nice.
Besides, you laugh'd off circumspection. 
So: you'd fit the band that heeds you...?
Give 'em rock-'n'-roll advice
and they'll approve your groove direction.
     Moral:
And a-one...and a-two...and a-you know what to do.

Spooner the Beautiful

For wheat, US has got a Jones:

amber waves of grain.

Mad Tony and Duke’s dusk-lit stones...?

Amber graves of Wayne.

     Moral:

Sarcophagi…? Superflui!

Spartan Spoonin'

Go tell the Spartans, 
“Boys, your battle plaids lay ready.

Nowt's left to do 
but to coat them kilts with jam."

So: gel the tartans! 
(Wow! 'Tis leavin’ me unsteady,

all this marmalade. Are you light-headed…?

Yowza! I sure am.)

     Moral:

Race war…? No, Moor!

Conchie Spooner

One hears of battles won upon 
the playing fields of Eton,

but ne’er of bloodbaths’ aftermaths:

the flaying peels, half eaten.

     Moral:

“Into the breach”…? F**k that speech!

Degrees (Positive, Comparative, Superlative)

Degrees
Begin by printing a hard copy of this image. 
Next, using scissors or a razor blade, cut carefully 
along the dotted line. Remove the USA-shaped paper scrap,
then Scotch tape the entire remaining sheet to your bathroom mirror 
and, while looking into the USA-shaped negative space...
reflect. 

Second Sunday Spooner

Lyin' dog-faced pony soldier
Dyin' fog-laced Sony poldier*

     A multinat 
(one Asian-based) 
ecdysiast,

enmask’d in mists, 
her days here lists 
(her time now past) --

while Uncle Joe 
lets fly with, lo, 
another blast.

     Moral:

Who’d be POTUS lives on notice.

     * A poldier is either one who 
postpones indefinitely a bowel 
movement or a hardworking 
stripper, depending upon which 
urban dictionary is relied upon. 
Here the latter definition is 
selected.  

Sunday Spooner

The Waltz of the Flowers
& the Faults of the "Wow!"ers
     Mr. and Mrs. O. Meig-Hahsh
know nada from "To Floss"
so the kids in family O. Meig-Hahsh
know nada from "To Rinse"
while Padrino makes her* present
of a Nutcracker/Prince. 
     Moral:
Tell us which is Ilyitch's!
     * Clara, heroine of Tchaikovsky's
best-known ballet, and her gift-giving 
godfather Herr Drosselmeyer

Two Spooners

 "The Man Who Would Be King": 
a blip in Kipling's data base.
The Khan who would be Ming...?
Chas Middleton: Archfiend from Space.
     Moral:
Din, Din, Din! No jive: bring me Flash...alive!
  That legumes grow that tall 
young Jack couldn't know.
"Hey, Fatso! Your denims...? 
Untactfully low!"
     (Jack and the Beanstalk
& Back and the Jeans Talk.)
     Moral:
Make sure your slacks expose no cracks!

Runcibl'd Spooner

You've reach'd a parting of the ways.
Just one you now must choose.
Croaks Lawn Care worker M. Francaise,"
"Comb grassplots...? Je refuse'!"
      (The Road Not Taken 
& The Toad Not Rakin.')
     Moral:
Ape Yogi: when you meet a fork,
take it! (How I ♥ New York!)

"Gone with the Wind" Wannabes

Jawin' Wid Amin: 
Conversations with the 
Ugandan Dictator About 
Life, Love & Whatnot
by Gaby "Mugabby" Mitchell
"'Idiot Idi' 
your critics have call'd you,"
Ms. Gaby Mugabby 
addresses Amin.
"Show me those shitheads," 
the dictator dictates.
"They've exited -- they and 
their fam'lies -- the scene."
"So, Id': have you anyone 
new in your life...?"
pivots Mitchell. "New soulmate...? 
New girlfriend...? New wife...?"
"I confess I've no time 
for careers of such kind...
what with slaughterin' subjects
post robbin' 'em blind." 

Dawn at de Winter's: 
A Rebecca Prequel 
for Young Naïfs
by Daphne du Mitchell 
Here, Manderley calls to mind 
Sunnybrook Farm.
Here, Danvers is ducky, 
nor does none no harm.
Here, Maxim's a barefoot boy
riding his bike.
Here, wife number two's
but a two-year-old tyke.
And Rebecca, before
Daphne's novel is done,
is seen taking the veil:
Bec's becoming a nun!

Gun Wit That Wins: 
Antic Firearm Anecdotes 
for Successful Public Speakers
by Maggie "Magnum" Mitchell 
(Forward by C. Heston)
"A funny thing happen'd 
while making my way toward
the range: I got shot  
by a rogue NRA board..."
"A rabbi, a priest 
and a heat-packin' minister
into a bar stroll 
(one dubb'd The Bar Sinister!).."
"Take my wife...please, 
but git mitts off my guns,
'cuz my Second Amendment..." -- 
plus hundreds like puns. 

Gownwyth: a Twin: 
The New Morality Play 
for the Younger Reader

by Morganette le Mitchelle
In Arthurian days, 
Sir Gawayne sires twins.
(Just imagine the hijinks 
enjoin’d by those sibs!)
Squire Gownwyth (the male child) -- 
a dwarf for his sins --
needles Gwinfrith (the female) 
with fibs he ad libs.
Younger readers who fish through 
the 50-cent bins
may this volume unearth. 
(Should you do, do shout "Dibs!")

Goin' With a Houyhnhnm: 
A Cross-Cultural Dating Manual 
for the Twee ‘Tween
by Jonathan "Swifty" Mitchell
'Tain't no cinch datin' horses, 
no matter your class.
They'll remind you (your parents 
who’re Yahoos) how grass
grows sufficiently green 
in those pastures where graze
colts with few'r "foalish features": 
“'Tis but a brief phase,
this -- your passion for ponies – 
which, doubtless, shall pass.”
(Never let on 'tis known 
you've walk'd out with an ass.)

Kong Mit Der Kind': 
Filmdom’s Gargantuan Gorilla 
Joins Hitler Youth
in German, with parallel English translation, 
by Frau Eva von Mitchell
Who's the chimp wearin' lightning bolts 
on his lapels...?
And black jackboots, size 600 
sextuple Ls...?
Nene...? An ape-steppin' goose...?
Nein! A goose-steppin' ape --
one who's sued by Ms. Wray 
for some statut'ry rape.
Now, with swastikas, Tyr runes --
the whole damn megillah --
Large-Lemur-In-Love's 
gone all Girl-Guide Gorilla.

Jong With Derwent: 
Fear Of Flying Author 
Pens Book Containing 
Private Pencil Sketches
by Margaret Mitchell 
(channeling Ms. Jong)

Drawin' Theo Wynne: 
Van Gogh's Caricatures of 
His Arles Next-Door Neighbor, 
Most Suitable for Framing
by Simone "Schama" Mitchell

Yawn, Widdl' Winkie: 
Twee Tales for Toddlers' Naptimes 
by Nanny Mitch

Corn With That Weiner?: 
Hot Dogs & Other 
Cuisine Characteristic of 
the Old Confederacy
by Magnolia ("Auntie Bellum") Mitchell

Pawin' Misty Wynde: 
Confessions of a Serial 
Sex Addict (Inflatable 
Companion Not Included)
by Anonymous as told to 
Truman Capeeshell

G'won, Widow Prynne! Or,
The Scarlet Alphabet: A Restoration-
Era Romance/Coloring Book
by LaVyrle Mitchell-Chiqlytt

Cordwainer's Window: 
The Science Fiction 
of Paul M. A. Linebarger
by Arthur C. Mitchell and 
Marsula Le Guin

Canning with Vin:
A Gastro-Geek's Guide 
to Preserving Fruit in Spirits
by Julia Childe-Mitchell

Brawny the Wimp: 
Bounty Towel Icon’s 
Fragile Twin Tells All: 
a Graphic Novella
by Anon as told to M. Mitchell 
(ill'd by Moe Reese-Endaque)

Pawn'd For a Fin: 
Making Big $$$ in the 
Short-Term Loan Business 
by Illona "Sharky" Mitchell

Go, Hawn! (Whither Wynn?): 
Goldie’s With Us Still, But 
Whatever Happened to 
The Perfect Fool"…?
by Goldie Mitchell 
(as told to Robert Osborne)

World's Shortest Word Ladder

SEAN > Delete S > SEAN > EAN > Insert B > BEAN