Opticalloozza #1776 The Phantom Phrankphurter

Hold your hands in front of you, at
20- to 30-cm distance from you, at
eye level. Point your index fingers
towards each other and slowly move
them closer together.

As your index fingers draw closer to
each other, gaze "through" your
fingers into the distance behind them.
The illusion works best when the
background is homogenous and has a
color much different from your fingers.

A hot dog will appear now between the
tips of your index fingers -- pork or all
beef, on a standard bun or Kaiser roll
and with an array of fixin's, depending
upon your religious and gustatory
preferences.

Covidiots' Delight In Seven Fits

Cory caught the COVID.

(He would not wash his hands.)

He cried. (He ached!) His dry skin flaked.

By five he understands:

to last (survive) past five past five,

he'll need to cede his glands.
     Chinese catch the COVID.
The Spanish catch it, too.
Around the globe, folks jaw like Job:
"This frickin' ain't no flu."

     II. 
Cassandra caught the COVID.
(To distance she chose not.)
She gasp'd for air. She lost her hair.
Her plasma would not clot.
We buried her with care -- with myrrh --
within the fam'ly plot.
     Koreans catch the COVID,
as does the New York Jew.
Around the globe, folks jaw like Job:
"The docs ain't got no clue."
     
     III.
Conrad caught the COVID.

(He would not isolate.)

“Funk, that,” he spat. “I’ll don this hat

and make the country great.”

The surgeons said he’ll soon be dead

unless they amputate.
     Caucasians catch the COVID:
can't cats from Katmandu...? 
Around the globe, folks jaw like Job:
"Who spawn'd this...? You know who!"

     IV. 
Candice caught the COVID.

(She would not wear a mask.)

“No way,” shriek'd she, "shall they make me

perform so twee a task.”

Today we’ll tin her ashes in 
this crematory cask.
     Creationists catch COVID.
Darwinians do, too.
Around the globe, folks jaw like Job:
"Just bid your bod adieu."

     V. 
Cosmo caught the COVID.
He heard on Murdoch News:
"You've nowt to fear. Toss out that gear!
Excrete elitists's views!"
Once Cosmo pass'd, schmuck Tucker gass'd
re nitwits' right to choose.
     Chileans catch the COVID;
ditto persons from Peru.
Around the globe, folks jaw like Job:
"Who prays that we pull through...?"

     VI. 
To coves who've caught the COVID:

note caref’lly what’s been done.

Who was it said the guff which led

to ends fa-a-a-a-ar short of fun...?

What's next in line post COVID-19…?

-20…? -21…?
     There's none don't catch the COVID.
(Has COVID devil'd you...?)
Around the globe, folks jaw like Job:

"This frickin' ain't no flu." 

     Coda:

(Once a vaccine is available, a final verse -- 
a coda -- will be composed featuring the 1/3 
of Americans who will boycott vaccination
citing as justification one myth or another.)

Early Portrait of Author at Work

A is for 'A'! Letter I

"I is for 'I'!"

As egos vie,
each gal 'n' guy
feels (s)he's the fly-
est person.
"'The Most'...?"
Well...my 
reposte goes "I!
If not, why ply
this versin'...?"

< A rarity: a pic of me,
le bel esprit N. Smithe-Magee.

A is for 'A'! Letter H

"H is for 'H'!"

     No 
taste, no smell...
nor none can tell
its hue. (Is't yel-
low stuff...?)
As H it's known.
(This table's shown:
the world can't own 
enough.)

A is for 'A'! Letter C

"C is for 'C'!"

  When-

ever youse 
would croon a blues, 
be sure to choose 
a Duke's;
     plus, 
guarantee 
its key's in C -- 
lest earn you stern 
rebukes.

World Heritage Fruit, Vegetable & Cereal Grain Architectural Sites in Verse: The Wheat House

I.
   Comes 
word you've ne'er heard of the house built of 
wheat.
     Pols and 
pundits who have even call it The 
Wheat House.
     Its 
tenant's a liar, a psycho, a 
cheat,
     a mo-
lester of women -- in short, a com-
plete louse.

II.
     He 
herds his "good words" into long-winded 
tweet-
     storms he 
Twitters most morns from the bowels of The 
Wheat House.
     Thrice 
wedded, he's pull'd an espousal "three-
peat,"
     though each 
bride "Blondel" beds proves but one more ef-
fete spouse.

III.
     Yet 
sleepers awake! Patr'ots take to the 
street
     to pro-
test this tycoon -- nay: tyrant -- of The 
Wheat House.
     Him 
(guilty as sin) they'll soon rightly un-
seat --
     less a 
man [plus his kin!] than a now-obso-
lete mouse.

IV. 
     Let's
do it! (A Weatherman's victory
sweet.)
     Ah-h-h-h...but
how...? Must we now this wimp's fam'ly with 
sleet dowse...?
     Or
hang his whole gang -- cronies, kids -- by their
feet...
     ...and dis-
play 'em across the South Lawn of the 
Wheat House...?

(More of "The Wheat House" -- 
including an image -- to come: 
a work in progress.)

A is for 'A'! Letter A

"A is for 'A'!"

   If 
I'd ID, ge-
neric'lly, __(blank)__ 
man, __(blank)__ plan, __(blank)__ can-...,*
     I'd 
jot an 'a.' (Jot 
'the'...? No wa-a-ay!) Don't 
say I can't, young 
man!

     * Possibly referenced is the 
famed palindrome "A man, a plan, 
a canal: Panama!"

A Is For 'A'! Letter D

"D is for 'D'!"

  I 
took the test (I 
tried my best) Ms. 
Teach return'd to-
day.
     What 
did I see...? I'd 
earn'd a 'D'...? I'd 
disagree: an 
'A'!

A Is For 'A'! Letters F & G

"F Is For 'F'!"

     When 
temp's portray'd in 
Centigrade at 
31 de-
grees,
     if 
'F' I write (for 
'Farenheit'), who'd 
not expect to 
freeze...?!

"G Is For 'G'!"

  Though
gravity reads
'1' at sea, in-
side my centri-
fuge
     I 
crank up 'G's (a 
prank!) by threes and 
simulate a 
luge.

Rhombicubocta-...etc.

"Rhombicuboctahedron ABC"

26 faces, 26 letters:

what aren't they good for?!

Tanish dye, Spanish fly: 

in the sky but hardly pie. 

The color of racial

justice...? 

Black Lives madder,

perhaps...?

What's America if not a barrel of bad apples. 

And we know what those do to the good ones.

"Boy, mash me a niblick!"

"Aung San Suu Kyi Sips Lapsang Souchong": 

say that five times, fast!