Spoons of the Misbegotten

Rare gem and goose are both pursued...

...old boy drops hints, some very rude:

     "The Blue Carbuncle" / the "clue-barb" uncle

Another Doyle tale...? Ain't no way...

...my burro's busses make me bray: 
     "The Case of the Missing Fuel" / the face of the kissing mule

The Best Words or One Fine Day During a Former-POTUS's Make-up Cognitive Test

S. Hannity: So, Mr. President: I'll read you a list of four words. I'll then ask you to name a fifth word which correctly completes the pattern established by the first four. Are you ready, sir...? The words are: person, man, woman, camera. And now, Mr. President, the fifth word...?

D. Drumpf: Person, man, woman, camera...Porn! But, by the way, Sean: don't forget that I deserve extra points for repeating the words in order.

Greasy Spooner

Leading man whom Kate ne'er wedded...
...ill at ease or muddleheaded: 
     Spencer Tracy / tense or spacey 

A Hundred and One More (Men o' the Cloth & Material Girls)

Soon Le Textile Musée 

once more open'd will be.

     Soon they'll've hung their new show, 

call'd it "Men o' the Cloth."

     Will it "must see" be...? Oui! 

Plus, entrées will be free.

     Nor'll be any unwelcome – 

unless they're a moth.

                                          -- Uly Poe

Denzel Washantung, Khakie Gleason, Johnny Cashmere, 

Iggy Poplin & George Bernard Shawl... 

     Jean-Claude Van Damask, Flannelly O'Conner, Jay Lenolium, 

Chenille deGrasse Tyson & Jimmy DurAntimacassar... 

     Joan Baeze, Arthur Vinyl Davis, Gaberdine Martin, 

Cho En-Lycra & Condoleezza Ricepaper...

     Chiang Kai-Checks, Margaret Thatch, Patti Label,

Batiki Barber & Polyester Williams...

     Dolly Parchment, Knit Romney, Heath Leather, 

W. C. Handi-Wipe & Cloth Raines... 

     Paul Kleenex, Corduroy Cohn, Suze Orlon, 

Tom Hankies & Henri MaTissue... 

     Louie Nylon, Edgar Allan Peau de Soie, Man Rayon,

Martin Loofah King, Jr. & Mr. Tee...

     Maurice Ravelveteen, Morgandy Freeman, Mark Twine,

Mohairy Potter & Madras Max...

     Milton Burlap, Newt Gingham, Noel Cowhide,

Orlon Chaney & Pontius Pile...

     Porky Pigskin, Pat Buckram, Peter O'Tulle,

Quilt Chamberlain & Raffia Nadal...

     Rya Cooder, Salvador Doily, Samuel Berber,

Shag (Eel) O'Neal & Steve Mnuchintz...

     Saran Paul, Sherlock Homespun, Sir John Falstaffeta,

Sackclotherell Sitwell & Terrycloth Thomas...

     Tarpo Marx, Vincent van Gauze, Velvets Presley,

Woodrow Woolson & William Howard Taffeta...

     Zbig ("Newsprint") Zinski, Zane Crepe, Twilliam Shakespeare,

Spiro Ragnew & Lamé West...

     Maria Von Trappestry, Bernie Macrame, Alan Jay Velourner,

Anais LiNin & Acetatum O'Neal...

     Britney Spearsucker, Barbara Felton, Cate Blanket,

Canvas Bergen & Calicoco Chanel...

     Janet Muslin, Lady Caroline Laminate, Miss Jane Marble,

Meryl Stripe & Divinyl...

     Penelope Crewels, Princess Tie Dye, Sarah Palint,

Susan Saranwrap and Torigami Spelling...

     Alexander the Crepe, Audie Mufti, Al Gore-Tex,

Abraham Linen & Alpaca Chino...

     Brocadrian Cronauer, BombaZeno of Elia, Captain James Cork,

Cisco Kidskin & Cheesecloth of Nazareth

     Ludwig von Beethovenmitt...

     (images to come: a work in progress)

Spooner or Later

Home to 'oui!'s and 'zut alors!'s...
...Fawcett-Majors dubs hers 'drawers':
     Paris, France / Farrah's pants

Spoon Over Miami

What Boy Scouts always strive to do.
First, drop your drawers; then, find a loo.
     Be prepared! / pee, pre-bared 

Spooncero

Board my bronco what's bucking about! 
Shall I stash Sinbad's bird...? Without doubt! 
     Ride a cock horse / hide a roc...? 'Course!

Spoonerama

They're failing! My renals are failing, I fear. 
Did Donald not plant one on emperor's rear...?
     Kidney disease / didn' he kiss Caes'...?

Fortnights in prisons at judge's behest.

Looks for refined man in Haverfordwest. 

     Weeks spent in jails / seeks gent in Wales

Junie Spoons

Trod the boards as femme fatale.*

Diss induced by alcohol. 

     Jane Greer / grain jeer

     * Some mss show 'gangland moll' 

for these final three syllables, notably 

pages inked by scribes who eschewed 

slant rhyme.

Mobs impress'd to guard our flanks.

Clara's chest...? Much better, thanks. 

     Human shield / Schumann heal'd

Half Spooners

Babylon.

Ponce gnaws Don. 

     Where neon lights are bright / 

     where Leon bites our knight

 

Darwin key.

Dark wine sea.*
     Selfish gene / jell'fish scene

          * Oînops póntos to Attic Homer

X Marks the Spoon

Two of Santa's flying deer.
What starts now...? It's puke, I fear.
     Comet, Vixen / vomit kicks in

Halved, then partition'd in three.
VapoRub chooses, agree...?
     Divided by six / decided by Vicks