Unlikely Last-Minute Theatre Performance Substitutions

“Ladies and gentlemen, in tonight’s performance
the roles of Thompson and Thomson will be played by... 

...Ms. Emma Thompson and Mr. Fred Thompson."
...Ms. Sada Thompson and Mr. Virgil Thomson."
...Miss Kay Thompson and Mr. Hunter S. Thompson."
...Ms. Tori Amos and Mr. Kingsley Amis." 
…Ms. Theda Bara and Mr. Yogi Berra.”
…Mrs. Laura Bush and Mr. August Busch.”
…Mr. Kermit the Frog and Mr. Phileas Fogg." 
…Ms. Willow Bay and Mr. Turhan Bey.”
…Mme. Marie Curie and Mr. Finlay Currie.”
…Ms Celia Cruz and Mr Tom Cruise.” 
…Ms Jeanne Crain and Mr Hart Crane.”
…Ms Barbie Doll and Mr Roald Dahl.”
…Little Miss Echo and Mr Umberto Eco.”
…Ms Tina Fey and Mr Michael Faye.”
…Ms Nadia Gray and Mr Zane Grey.”
…Ms Lena Horne and Mr. Alfred Aloisius "Trader" Horn.”
…Mr Harold Ickes and Mr Dave Hickey
…Brother Dick’s sister Jane and Alan Ladd as Shane.”
…Herr Helmut Kohl and Mr. Nat "King" Cole.”
…Ms Lois Lane and Mr Frankie Laine.”
…Ms Mary Lamb and Mr Wifredo Lam.”
…Ms Vivien Leigh and Mr Pinky Lee.”
…Ms Mary Tyler Moore and Sir Thomas More.”
…Mr Louie Nye and Mr Teddy Nigh.”
…Ms Tatum O’Neal and Mr Eugene O’Neill.”
…Mr Li T'ai-po and Mr Edgar Allan Poe.”
…Mr Anthony Quinn and Ms Butterfly McQueen.”
…Mr John Rambo and Mr Arthur Rimbaud.”
…Ms Rene Russo and M Jean Jacques Rousseau.”
…Ms Rachel Ray and Mr Alvino Rey.”
…Ms Patti Smith and Mr Ronald Eustace Psmith.”
…Ms. Fay Wray and Mr. Man Ray.”
…Herr Max Weber and Mr. Andrew Lloyd Webber.”
…Ms. Loretta Young and Herr Carl Gustav Jung.”
...Senor El Zorro and Mr. George Soros.”


(Curtain)