The Audacity of 'Open': an Open Letter to Andre Agassi in Nonsense Verse

Prologue (‘open a’ through ‘open c’)

     "Open"
(Andre's autobio) open’d -- 
in the open air’ll 
     strike so
close to home 
     'twill 
prove one tome 
     you'll 
open at your per’l.

     Just like
open bars, this open book 
     re-
echoes drink reorders.
     Like a
cocktail dress with open back, 
     it 
breaches open borders.

     And in
open cities, books like these 
     flaunt 
open-carry laws, 
     as shut-and- 
open cases lead to loads 
     of 
open-court guffaws. 

End of Prologue

Open Letter, Part the First ('open d' through 'open j')
   
     "Poor 
port-a-janes 
urge open drains," 
     eggs 
Dre. "Ya see? Flow's fine-ish.     
     Open
doors -- set policy! -- stay open 
every night 'til nineish."

     "Open 
fire!" bays Andre, running 
     open 
field. "Give chase...apace! 
     Let's hope no
single sandwich leaves this court -- 
     un-
less it's open-face."

     Ker-
plucking on his open grill 
     in 
open G-string tuning, 
     Dre be-
rates the open grates 
     which open 
government is ru'ning. 

     When
Steffi, spouse, holds open house, 
     her 
manner's open handed: 
     "Eine
open heart -- mit surgery? 
     Nein, 
nein: not 'rekommanded.'"

     It's now 
op'ning day: To open 
     JAR files 
be a jarring need. 
     Let's hope nine
".jars" are open'd in a jiff. 
     (Adds 
Steffi: "Yeff, indeed!") 

End of Open Letter, Part the First

Open Letter, Entr'acte ('open k' through 'open m')

     As Steff's
open kimono breeds open-lip kisses 
     (the
start of a smart open marriage), 
     Dre's open
mouth, unrehears’d, 
     hollers,
"Open me first!" – 
     though they'd
best choose siesta at their age. 

End of Open Letter, Entr'acte

Open Letter, Part the Second ('open n' through 'open y') 

"Open nose; then insert ring!" sings
one. "We're open Sunday!" 
     ''Try the
barbecue," insists the second.
"Best comestible, 'tis reckon’d.
Open pit has never beckon’d
you...? You'll try it...one day!" 

(a work in progress) 

Open quickly
Open road
Open sesame Open season

Open to the public Open the door, Richard 
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in Open 'til 2. 
Open vowel

Open window Open with a bang 
Open Xmas Eve 
Open your wallet 

End of Open Letter, Part the Second

Open Letter, Epilogue ('open z')

     "Andre:
Open ze pie hole und button ze ey'z, 
     eef'n
Steff eez to geev you ze zuper zuprize."