win at Acey-Deucey,
hang loose! Play loosey-goosey!
Such
state’s achiev’d, it’s now believ’d, binge-viewing “I Love Lucy.”
Who’d
play great games of Bocce first must migrate to Karachi.
There
register as one “Monsieur Wladziu Liberace.”
One’s
dominance in Chess (chess is a challenge, I confess)
requires, first
off, that rivals doff unpleasant Chechen peasant dress.
Who’d
call the shots at Draughts shall swipe some decommission’d rafts,
or purchase
some from my old chum who works as counterman at Schraft’s.
A
Euchre win’s your goal…? Abandon random rigmarole.
Begin by
sitting, briskly knitting, ‘neath a Tlingit totem pole.
Your
kids you’d beat at Fish…?
Just repeat, times three, this wish:
“You lot shall
play like Helen Hayes, nor not like Dot or Lill’an Gish.”
Who’d
stop his Go defeats,needs to monitor three meets,
and needs to
know the rules of Go.(The truly ruthless player cheats.)
To
“first” in Hare and Hounds takes more than six or seven rounds.
If you’re the
hare, exhibit flair: railroad all rivals out of bounds!
When you hear
“I Spy something yellow,”
play it cool: just coo (don't bellow),
“What’s that
in your hand…? A Krugerrand…? Good Lord! It’s Limoncello!”
No
proper Janggi tourney may be won without a journey.
You are
not Korean…? I’m foreseein’ hirein’ an attorney.
Who
loves Kings in the Corner must (unless he’s born a fore’gner)
learn the
state of play while watching (say) Miss Muffet or Jack Horner.
You’ll
like relearning Ludo. First, though, take a class in judo.
Then (though
it’s not nice) nick both the dice – lest mucho ‘scudo you’d owe.
Were
mastering Mahjong to sound its sighing siren song,
grab sev’ral
tiles – indeed, grab piles and piles! (Would I direct you wrong…?)
Who’d
shine at Nine Men’s Morris, while avoiding suff’ring tsoris,
merely
needs to own: “I’m not alone.” Relax, bro! Join the chorus!
To
medal in Othello calls for top-notch personnel. Oh,
yeah! (And
ev’ryone, when all is done, says you’re one med’lin’ fellow.)
To
mold Parcheesi mavens, certain states establish havens.
Just check
into one! Before you’re done you’ll quench Parcheesi cravin’s.
You’d
take the cup at Quoits (which first-place trophy was Detroit’s)…?
You’ll first re-
place the trophy case (which case was formerly Jon Voigt’s).
One’s
best approach to Risk…? Keep all your operations brisk!
Each piece a-
pace you must deploy – and then destroy the royal fisc!
The
winning round in Scrabble will attract no hacks or rabble
And the
dudes who win all go “all in.” It’s only duds who dabble.
You’d
mess about with Twister….? You had better watch it, mister!
Your poor
threadbare bott be not the spot to cultivate a blister.
Your
Uncle Wigg’ly player (nor be none known to me feyer)
wanders
in a rut, and’s nutty – but…I’ll neither “Yea!” nor “Nay!” ‘er.
Who
likes Paletti, Villa (or vice versa) often will a-
pprove some
other games with stranger names – 'Charibdis,' (say)…or ‘Scylla.’
Who’d
set his sights on War…? None but a nincompoop, Señor,
would grab a
gun. He’ll find no fun gets won upon a foreign shore.
Who
wins her “ins” in Xeko sleeps on sheets by Marimekko.
Plus, she
also owns five valve trombones and keeps a speckl’d gecko.
You
wish to win at Yahtzee…? First, avoid the paparazzi:
They’re so-o-o-o
hotsy-totsy, and ex-Nazi! Join your local ROT-C!
Zoom
Schwartz Profigliano. Is this game for real…or guano…?
It’s for
real – no schmooze – play’d best with booze.
(Do not play man’-a-mano.)
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