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Saturday, July 17, 2021

Who X-rays Your Zucchinis...? (Unpub)

     Anon’s The Epic of Gilgamesh
Anonymous Babylonian cuneiformist describes Enkidu’s friend Gilgamesh horning in, jilting kismet. “Let ‘Mesh nix oblivion, ple-e-ease!” “Quite right,” spouts trickster Utnapishtim. “Vanquish whosoever x-rays your zucchinis.”
 
     Homer’s The Iliad
Achilles balks, cries, “Defrauded!” Exits fray. Gigantic horse is Jerry-rigg’d. King loads mercenaries: No one panics. Quorum ransacks splendiferous Troy until victorious warriors x-ray your zucchinis.
 
     Homer’s The Odyssey
After battles conclude, Daneans, enthusiastic for getting home, initiate journey. Kirke, Lotus-eaters, Maelstroms, noting ominous quest, remit spoilers, troubling Ulysses’s victory-lap while x-raying your zucchinis.
 
     Anon’s The Old Testament
Adam’s bride caves, departs Eden. “Free Goshen,” hollars Israel. Jews kill, later, many neighbors over promised quarters. Rabbinical scribes Torah-rize until Voice warns, "X-ray Your Zucchinis!”
 
     Hesiod’s Works and Days
Almanac by cultivator depicts examples from Greek husbandry. “Idleness jaundices, kiboshing love, marriage: No one profits. Quick riches sully those un'cultivated,' venal wastrels x-raying your zucchinis.”
 
     Aesop’s Fables
Aesop, borrowing classic depictions (epics, fictions, 'grues,' howlers in journals, koans, legends, myths), noting one point, quaintly re-renders stories. These, unusually vivid, will x-ray your zucchinis!
 
     Thomas Mann’s The Magic Mountain
Alpine blizzards chill Davos’s environs, freeze-drying gentleman Hans. Invalid Joachim? Kaput: lung malady. Naphta opines provocatively. “Quiet,” rails Settembrini -- too vehemently? Weimar x-rays your zucchinis.
 
     Marcel Proust’s In Search Of Lost Time
All because cattelyas don’t ever fade, Gilberte, having initiated jealousy kissing little Marcel, needles Odette, pretty quickly ruining Swann -- thereby undermining Vinteuil's waltz “X-raying Yourbeletieff’s Zucchinis.”

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