GashlyPunn'd Obits (Unpub)

     A...? Aloysius who sleeps with the fysius.
A's also for Alfie snuff’d snappin' a salfie. 
     B is for Boris who fell off his horris.
B's also for Bob; he ate tainted kohlrobby. 
     C is for Carla dispatch’d in her parla.' 
C's also for Clyde; 'twas a pact suicyde. 
     D is for David who fail’d to get savid.
D's also for Dale brain’d with golf-ball-sized hale. 
     E is for Evelyn pierc’d by a jevelyn,
and for Elise fin'lly resting in pise. 
     F is for Faust forced to "give up the gaust." 
F is also for Frank – heard the Fat Lady sank. 
     G is for George who ate poisonous porr'ge, 
G is also for Gidget whose body turn’d fridget.
     H is for Harry whose corpse we must barry, 
G's also for Henry who perish’d in pen'ry.
     I's for Ignatius; that cyst prov’d sebatius.
I's also for Ida who’s bit by a spida.
     J is for Jim (surgeons sliced off a lim),
J is also for Judas drown'd in the Bermudas. 
     K is for Keith who waxed wa-a-ay too obeith.
K is also for Keyser who suffer’d a seysier. 
     L is for Lance overrun by red ance, 
L is also for Linda who burn’d to a cinda.
     M is for Modred who ask’d, "Is this loadred...?" 
M’s also for Morris; the levee proved porris.
     N is for Ned; no one knew he was ded.
O is also for Oliver; shot (a revoliver). 
     P's for Pandora who hang’d -- oh, the horra! 
Q's also for Quinn; too much tonicless dginn. 
     R is for Ron who was quarter’d and dron.
S...? For Samantha; thought pills were the antha. 
     T is for Tom; bought a gun; bought the fom. 
U ith altho for Uther, who'th alwayth a luther.
     V is for Victor; dead! (Obiter dictor.)
W…? Wayne who’s most savagely slayne. 
     X is for Xavier; jail’d (bad behavier). 
Y is for Yves; gone...nor's no one who'll gryves.
     Z is for Zeke; just another turn’d cheke.