Caption ISO Image: Purchase Price of Indian Bread or Complete Absurdity

 PuriNaan¢¢¢ 

Portrait of Artist as Blind Seer

"Forever Jung" Infinity Bracelet

 

Xmas gift from JB
(one size, of course, fits all)

Alpha Betes: a Disordered ABC of Supreme Beasties Claiming Superiority

     Original Alpha Betes (from AmalgaMates by Ulysses Poe) 

The Apogeeraffe, the Boffolo, the Chargé d'aFerret, the Deep Seal,

the Emperorang, the First Plaice, the Genuinocerous, the Higheenah,

the Inside Trackoon, the Jupitern, the Keytiwake, the Lezzruff-Tew Weevils

the Magnacum Louse, the Notbadger, the Optimuskrat, the Parve Gnu, 

the Qualiteal, the Reagle, the Staytodee Hart, the Topadee Lion, the Übear

the VIPeacock, the Wowl, the Xanadugong, the Yakohinoor and the Zebravo

     New Alpha Betes 

     One: The EgotisTick

The EgotisTick, to be chosen top pick,

pushes lunatic schtick. (His routines make me sick.)

     Two: The Notoriole

Notoriole's smarm...? Her attempts to disarm

all who'd cause undue harm to the City of Charm.

     Three: The UpperCrustacean 

The Upper Crustacean plies troth to a Haitian

who, choosing migration, flees Drumpf's "shithole nation."

     Four: The Well-EduKatydid 

The Well-EduKatydid, pregnant (tho' keepin' hid),

travels far off the grid, has her kid, names 'im Sid.

     Five: The Tsardine

Do Tsardines court friends who will go to all ends

to establish new trends...? That, or course, all depends...

     Six: The Maxolotl 

The young Maxolotl sips pop from a bottle.

Adult Maxoes waddle. (Some won't. Still, a lot'll.)

     Seven: The StrawMandrill

The Straw Mandrill stars in B movies where czars

manage wine bars on Mars. (No: no Oscars. Yes: scars.) 

     Eight: The Acmeerkat 

The Acmeerkat clan...? Erect -- to a man.
Their gals also can -- phase two of The Plan.

     Nine: The Biguana

The beastie we call the Biguana is small.

He's more pint-size than tall. (It's the name's 'big' is all.)

     Ten: The Best-in-Shoat

The Best-in-Shoat's haut: she sports (and I quote)

"a Porky-pink coat." But that's all she wrote.

     Eleven: The Camelflage

The Camelflage hide appears multichrome-dyed.

Her inside's likewise pied. (Those insisting not lied.)

     Twelve: The Dynamoray

The Dynamoray can't but have the last say,

adding, "Do it my way: you'll keep troubles at bay."

     Thirteen: The Ritzetze

In Ritzetze's maws lie a pair of great jaws

where grin teeth much like saws. (Did I mention the claws...?)

     Fourteen: The GentEel

With no white tie or topper, GentEel comes a cropper. 

But with 'em, he's proper -- a real traffic-stopper. 

      Fifteen: The Efferpheasant

The Efferpheasant ain't no peasant.

He, when present, makes life pleasant. 

     Sixteen: The SuperiOrca

"The SuperiOrca inhabits Minorca

and oozes kavorka." -- F. Garcia Lorca 

     

     Seventeen: The Cream-o'-the Crappie

Why's his tongue floppy, its diction so sloppy...?

'Cuz Cream-'o-the Crappie smokes opium poppy.

          (a work in progress)

     Eighteen: The GlitteRat 

     The Kangaruler 

     The ExcellAnt

     The Fabulouse 

     The Flagrant Fowl

     The Gazellionaire

     The GigAnteater 

     

     The Grandrewsarchus

     The GardenWallaby 

     The High-'n'-Mite

     The Infamouse

     The MaCrow

     The MamMoth

     The Masscivet

     The AristoCat

     The PrinciPalomino

     The SizeaBull 

DOJ Spinometer for "Select-Yer-Sentence" Board Game

     As of today it appears likely that Citizen Drumpf will be indicted for one or 

more of a whole host of crimes. Furthermore, based on the Everests of evidence 

gathered and presented by the January 6th Select Committee, it's difficult to 

imagine any scenario in which the former PotUs could be found innocent. 

     Therefore, once the all-but-inevitable guilty verdict is handed down, and in 

light of the fact that The Donald has so often selected his own judges and his 

own facts, surely it would be only fair to afford Herr Hair the opportunity to select 

his own sentence. When sentencing day arrives, then, Mr. D. will be presented by 

the DOJ with a Spinometer similar to the one pictured below. The ex-president 

will be encouraged to twirl the Mashie-Niblick Spinner and discover his fate. (If 

he has been determined to have been at all cooperative, perhaps a best two out 

of three spins will be allowed.)

     If the Spinometer points to Adolf, Drumpf will be shot in the head and his body

burned. The ceremonial gun used will be one provided by Marjorie Taylor Greene, 

drawn from the stash featured in several of her campaign videos. If Benito is 

selected, Drumpf will be hung upside-down (ideally with one or several of his 

mistresses alongside). In place of the traditional rope, one of The Donald's 

lengthy MAGA-red neckties will serve. 

     If Uncle Joe comes up, Mr. Drumpf will breathe his last lying in a pool of his 

own urine. To insure sufficient volumes of fluid are forthcoming, the disgraced ex-

president will be force fed from a dozen or so two-liter bottles of Diet Coke prior 

to execution. And if the Drumpf spin lands on Idi, Donald will finish his days in 

exile in Saudi Arabia playing a minimum of 36 holes of golf per day -- on a 

course consisting entirely of sand traps. 

Flummoxing Day: an Etymological Dialogue 'Twixt Ed and Amahl on the 26th of December

     Ed's observations appear in this > > > typeface. 

Amahl's look like this < < < . 

"I've got no clue. I'm flummox'd! You...?"

"With flum I'm, too, replete." 
"Why's Boxing Day so named that way...?"
"I'm flummox'd, I repeat."

"To blunt that flum, let's hunt for some..."

"What . . . ? " "...lexical approach

which, once deploy'd, will void this void."

"Which modus do you broach . . . ?"

"At school..." "Heart-Knox . . .?" "...'twas cool to box..."

". . . unorthodox albeit." 

"Back thar' we'd seek to spar all week..."

"Did sadists swarm to see it . . . ?" 

"Sure!" "No way , fool ! The season's Yule :

Weren't boxing duels verboten . . . ?"

"They toxic were. But boxes...?" " 'Twere

poor's alms . . ." "...read:'balms'!" ". . . they're totin' .

"Their beds they've made." "Still, they need aid,

and boxes carry care, 

bein' fill'd with gifts." "...and gifting lifts

poor spirits..." ". . . everywhere!" 

     (a work in progress)

Merry Xmas from Merryland

     A shivering Judy and Jim channel Durante to sing: 

"Didja ever get the feelin' that ya want it to snow

but still have the feelin' that ya wish'd it were May...?"

 

Banal Approach to Hal Roach

I saw some silent cinema,
a storm-sown tale o' wind-blown brollies.
Were it rainin' cats 'n' dogs...?
Much more: 'twere pourin' Stans 'n' Ollies!

A Duet of Derivative Durantes

     Conscientious quarterback Colin Kaepernick sings: 
"Didja ever get the feelin' you could 'go with the flow'
but still have the feelin' you should call a new play...?" 

     Golf-Cheat-in-Chief Donald Drumpf sings:
"Didja ever get the feelin' that ya coulda turn'd pro
but still felt, 'not if made to play my balls as they lay'..?" 

His Christmas Ballismus: Noelly Nonsense from a Christmas Card

     Come 

Christmas, his lim'ricks turn Yuley

     while his 

bodily moves turn unruly.

     Such 

jolts 'n' convulses,

     such 

shudders 'n' pulses

     turn 

wintertides turbulent, truly.

     Uly 

limns Yuley lim'ricks come Christmas,

     whether 

housed high on hill, isle or isthmus.
     As he 

shapes 'em he shakes,  
     shivers, 

quivers 'n' quakes.
     (Mustn't 

miss this, this Christmas: Ballismus!)

     The Uly of these verses is obscure Nonsense 

author/illustrator Ulysses Poe, whereas to limn 

is to illustrate or describe in images or words. 

The adjective-forming suffix '-y' added to 'Yule' 

characterizes Poe's verse as being associated 

with the winter holiday season, while 'ballismus,' 

in addition to referencing certain involuntary 

movements manifesting themselves as violent 

jerking spasms, happens also to be the only 

other word widely recognized as rhyming 

with 'Christmas' and 'isthmus.' Incidently, 

the poet's wife wishes to record her disavowal 

of the thought expressed in these verses as

being wholly inappropriate to what should be 

the true spirit of the season.

     Notwithstanding all of the above, here's 

wishing you and your lot a peaceful Christmas 

and a prosperous and hope-filled New Year.

Ulysses Poe aka Jim Higgins

Resp: El, BF, Er, DP,

A Trio of Derivative Durantes and a Solitary Surrogate Cerf

     Beckett's Estragon sings to his friend Vladimir: 
"Didja ever get the feelin' you must wait for Godot
but still have the feelin' he ain't comin' today...?"

     Dancer Clayton Bates sings: 
"Didja ever lose the feelin' in yer left pinkie toe
but still have the feelin' that the rest were okay...?"

     Anonymous consumer of anabolic steroids sings: 

"Didja ever get the feelin' that yer get-up-'n'-go

instills in you a feelin' that'll lead you astray...?"

Language...? Three kinds spring to mind.
Some's written; some's spoken; some's sign'd.
The first employs notes. 

The second...? Folks' throats.
The third's thing...? Bring words to the blind.

Array "A Is For 'A'": An Illuminated Alphabet in Rhyme

 

Chemical markers and colored pencils
on photocopy paper glued to 40" x 40" foam core
(pictured with artist for size reference)

47 Derivative Durantes or 36+ Views of Mount Banjo

     Many are the Nonsense afficionados who 

have enjoyed Il Schnozzola belting out what 

PWWL considers that singular vaudevillian's 

signature musical shtick -- the tune beginning 

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted 

to go but still have the feeling that you wanted 

to stay...?" -- most memorably, perhaps, in his 

star turn as the mummy-case-gifting Banjo in

the Warner Bros.' winter holiday classic film 

"The Man Who Came to Dinner." And yet who 

among them have acquainted themselves with 

the performances of several almost identical 

texts by the host of celebrities who, as Jimmy 

would doubtless suggest, "just wanna get 

into the act"...?

     A shivering Xmas Eve Judy and Jim sing: 

"Didja ever get the feelin' that ya wanted some snow

but still have the feelin' that ya wish'd it were May...?"

     Conscientious quarterback Colin Kaepernick sings: 
"Didja ever get the feelin' you should 'go with the flow'
but still have the feelin' you should call a new play...?" 

     Golf cheat Donald Drumpf sings:
"Didja ever get the feelin' that you coulda turn'd pro
but still felt, 'Not if made to play my balls as they lay'..?" 

     Beckett's Estragon sings to his friend Vladimir: 
"Didja ever get the feelin' you must wait for Godot
but still have the feelin' he ain't comin' today...?"

     Dancer Clayton Bates sings: 
"Didja ever lose the feelin' in yer left pinkie toe
but still have the feelin' that the rest were okay...?"

     Anonymous consumer of anabolic steroids sings: 

"Didja ever get the feelin' that yer get-up-'n'-go

instills in you a feelin' that'll lead you astray...?"

     Old Cowhand Bing Crosby sings:

"Didja ever get the feelin' that ya wanna '-ya-yo-...'

but still have the feelin' that ya wanna '-kayay!'...?"

     House Speaker wannabe Kevin McCarthy sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling you're the beau-est-in-show

but still have the feeling you're a Nancy manqué...?"

     Aesop's hare-racing tortoise sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that your pace is too slow

but still have the feeling you can yet win the day...?

      Sgt. N. ("Jim") Smithe-Magee (the N stands for 'Nonsense') sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling I'm the devil you know

but still feel the need to shout, 'The devil, you say!'..."

     West Bank' resident Mahmoud Abbas sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you're now PLO

but still have the feeling that you're ex-CIA...?"

      Scots poet Bobbie Burns sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted 'my jo'

but still have the feeling that you wanted a brae...?"

     Arctic explorer Admiral Robert Peary sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted a floe

but still have the feeling that you wanted a sleigh...?"

     Former richest man in world Elon Musk sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling you're the new CEO

but still have the feeling that you're just a TA...?"

     Editorial assistant for Q&A at "Ask an Agnostic" website sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want to ''Tis so-o-o!'

but still have the feeling that you want to "No wa-a-ay!'...?"

     Failed religious postulant Maria von Trapp sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted 'sol-do'

but still have the feeling that you wanted 'fa-re'...?"

     Actress Josette Day sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted Cocteau

but still have the feeling that you wanted Marais...?"

     Korean American restauranteur David Chang sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted kung po

but still have the feeling that you wanted satay...?"

     Anonymous Franco-Japanese dance instructor sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted buyo

but still have the feeling that you wanted ballet...?"

     Divine Sarah Bernhardt sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted Pierrot

but still have the feeling that you want Salomé...?"

     Aussie-UK stage success Barry Humphries sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted 'Hello'

but still have the feeling that you wanted 'Gedday'...?"

     Master swordsman Cyrano de Bergerac sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted 'ripo'-'

but still have the feeling that you wanted 'touche!'...?"

     Mystery writer Agatha Christie sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted Poirot

but still have the feeling that you wanted Maigret...?"

     Man of a Thousand Voices Mel Blanc sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted to crow

but still have the feeling that you wanted to bray...?

     Postmodern architectural historian Charles Jencks sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want van der Rohe

but still have the feeling that you want I.M. Pei...?"

     Latin grammarian Donatus sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted a 'quo'

but still have the feeling that you wanted a 'que'...?

     French playwright Moliere sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you;d want a bon mot

but still have the feeling that you'd want a cliché...?"

     Bald NBA Hall-of-famer Charles Barkley sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted a 'fro

but still have the feeling that you[d want a toupee...?" 

      Model Parisian Maurice Chevalier sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want a 'Mais non'

but still have the feeling that you want a 'C'est vrai'...?"

     Filmmaker Werner Herzog sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want a Lascaux

but still have the feeling that you want a Chauvet...?"

    Anonymous spelling bee contestant sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted an O

but still have the feeling that you wanted an A...? 

     Johanna Spyri's Swiss miss Heidi sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want a chateau

but still have the feeling that you want a chalet...?

      Capellophile Bartholomew Cubbins sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want a chapeau

but still have the feeling that you want a beret...?"

     Tonto's masked kemo sabe sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want a 'Hi-yo!'

but still have the feeling that you want an '...away!'...?"

     Anonymous credit card applicant sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted to owe

but still have the feeling that you wanted to pay...?

     Globe-trotting chef Anthony Bourdain sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want a shad roe

but still have the feeling that you want a filet...?

     Imagined Aer Lingus beverage service steward sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that they wanted some joe

but still have the feeling that they wanted 'me tay'...?

     Infamous gourmandizer Donald Drumpf sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted gateau

but still have the feeling that you wanted brûlée...?"

     Congressional vote-wrangler Nancy Pelosi sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted a 'no'

but still have the feeling that you wanted a 'yea'...?"

     Star Fleet Captain Jean-Luc Picard sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted pekoe

but still have the feeling that you wanted Earl Grey...?"

    Insatiable art collector Charles Foster Kane sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted Miro

but still have the feeling that you wanted Millet...?

    TV naturalist Steve Irwin sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling you're a modern Thoreau

but still have the feeling you're a modern John Ray...?"

     Broadcast tour guide Rick Steves sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted Bordeaux

but still have the feeling that wanted Marseille...?"

     Self-proclaimed wine maven Orson Welles sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want a merlot

but still have the feeling that you want a tokay...?"

     Linguist Steven Pinker sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want an 'Hello'

but still have the feeling that you want a 'Gule'*...?"

     * Turkish for 'goodbye' 

     Art historian Kenneth Clark sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want a Van Gogh

but still have the feeling that you want a Monet...?"

     Wannabe Nonsense influencer Uly Poe sings:

"Did you ever get the feeling that you want it so-so

but still have the feeling that you want it outré...?"

An Alternate Take in Rhyme on Carroll's Gardener

He thought he saw Sorcha, his sister-in-law,
as she started to swallow her stepchildren -- raw.
He looked again. (Suffer'd his vision some flaw...?)
But, no: that's exactly the slaughter he saw.

An Alternate Take in Rhyme...

     ...on Männ & Wagner, History.com & Willard

 
Hans Castorp's doctors discharge him: "You're fine";
Alberich errs, finds no gold in the Rhine.
On Rushmore the Borglums sculpt drag queen Divine...
and Arch paints "The Spirit of '79." 

Array "Broadsheet Daily" (additional materials: a work in progress)

Imaginary Strip #10 of 12

A Dozen Alternate Takes in Rhyme...

     ...on Puccini & Browning, Evangelist Mark & Swift

 

Pinkerton's hit with paternity suit;

pest-control expert misplaces his flute.

Pregnant young Jewess books Bethlehem inn...

and Lem won't expound on the places he's been.

     ...on Shakespeare & Hart, Dostoyevsky & Hart again

 

"Let bygones be bygones," Othello avers;

she does go to Harlem in jewelry and furs.

F. Karamazov sires nothing but girls...

and she does enjoy crap games with barons and earls.

     ...on Raymond & Khayyam, Trendle/Striker & Austin

 

Emperor Ming Mongo's throne cedes to Flash;

tentmaker Omar writes, "Don't take the cash." 

Tonto rides Silver; the Ranger rides Scout...

and Elizabeth Bennett has fin'lly come out.

 

     ...on Proust & Dickens, Alighieri & Milton

 

"What is that smell...?" asks Marcel -- "I forget";

the children of Dorrit pay off Daddy's debt.

Dante can't find his way out of the wood...

and Lucifer backtracks, embracing the good.

     ...on Melville & de Troyes, Seuss & Seurat

 

Ahab retires after killing the whale;

Lancelot pauses his search for the Grail.
"Does anyone still wear a hat...?" asks the Cat...

and Sundays, gendarmes close the Ile de Grande Jatte. 

      ...on Plato & Stow, Baum & Rabelais

Greek sage thinks truth's best observed from a cave;

Robin Hood, yeoman, gets hung as a knave.

Twister kills Kansas girl shelt'ring at home...

and Pantagruel's merely a feeble French gnome.

     ...on Burton & Mother Goose, Scott et al. & Moore

Sheherazade runs short of tales to relate;

Jack Spratt has put on a great deal of weight.

Ginger and Fred dance to waltzes by Strauss...

and creatures are stirring -- yes, even a mouse!

     ...on Hemingway & Mother Goose, Genesis & Ende

 

Elderly angler lands prize-winning fish;

the spoon can't -- or won't -- run away with the dish.
Abel and Cain disagree but part friends...
and that story we thought never-ending...? It ends.

     ...on Bulwer-Lytton & Genesis, Milne & McCarthy/Buchman

 

Weather that night...? Neither stormy nor dark;

sun comes out -- Noah scraps plans for an ark.

Pooh tutors Piglet on gravity waves...

and, though urged to go wild, Theodora behaves.

     ...on Mankiewicz & Evangelist John, Thurber & the OT

 

Charles Foster Kane runs for POTUS -- and wins;

Jesus refuses to die for your sins.

Wallflower Mitty acknowledges truth...

and Boaz won't wed with the Moabite Ruth.

     ...on Borges & Carroll, Eliot/Conrad and Shakespeare

Funes gets Alzheimer's, moves to a home;

there aren't any raths -- leastwise none you'd call 'mome.'

Tom misquotes Joe: "Mistah Kurtz -- he ain't dead"...

and Will wills his widow his second-worst bed.

     ...on Genesis & HIstory.com, Shakespeare & Dickens

Adam tells Eve, "Not now, Darling -- I'm full";

George Armstrong Custer defeats Sitting Bull.

Macbeth runs away from that scrap with McDuff...

and Scrooge won't become a Noël-loving fluff.

A Half Dozen Alternate Takes in Rhyme...

     ...on Burton & Wodehouse, Ryder Haggard & Shakespeare

 

Woodcutter Baba joins two score of thieves;

Wooster sacks gentleman's gentleman Jeeves.

"She" isn't someone who must be obey'd...

and John Falstaff drinks only pink lemonade.

     ...on Defoe & Zinn, Chaucer & Jackson

Robinson Crusoe goes down with the ship;

Columbus gets seasick so cancels his trip.

Alys, a Bath bride, is giving up men...

and never will Destry ride -- ever again.

     ...on Melville & de Troyes, Seuss & Seurat

 

Ahab retires after killing the whale;

Lancelot pauses his search for the Grail.
"Does anyone still wear a hat...?" asks the Cat...

and Sundays, gendarmes close the Ile de Grande Jatte. 

    ...on Joyce & Proust, Cervantes and Fitzgerald

 

Bloom calls in sick on the 16th of June;

Swann sees his therapist each afternoon.
Quixote's dyslexic -- the Don cannot read...

and Gatsby leaves all to his neighbors in need.

     ...on Shakespeare & Rousseau, Twain & Conan Doyle

 

Hamlet, in monologue: "Credit no ghost";

Marie Antoinette counters, "Let 'em eat toast!"

Huck, in the end, elects not to "light out"...

and Holmes fails to learn what that hound's all about.

     ...on Defoe & Zinn, Homer & Vergil 

Friday and friends devour Robinson C;

Grant gets his clock clean'd by Robert E. Lee.

Odysseus determines to ne'er return home...

and it seems that not ev'ry road leads one to Rome.

Arays: "Broadsheet Daily" (additional materials: a work in progress)

Imaginary Strip #3 of 12

 

QuadriSpoon

fishing lure that's hot to trot : bobber, rarin' ::
ne'er content with graft he's got : robber baron ::
clip cute colleen's locks -- a lot : bob our Erin ::

loot Melania's kid (the twat) : rob her Barron

Arrays: "Broadsheet Daily" (some materials: a work in progress)

 

Masthead

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