In the Spirit of the Sprats

         (0)

     The Archetype:

      Mother Goose's 

      Jack Sprat 

      & His Wife 

Jack Sprat 
could eat no fat.
His wife*
could eat no lean. 
   And so, betwixt

the two of 'em, 
they lick'd the platter
clean. 

     *In some sources, Jull; 

      in others, Jill.

     The Knockoffs: 

     Nine Songs 

     (Including Their Subjects' 

     Authors & Sources)

     in the Spirit of the Sprats.

          (Explanatory Notes -- 

          Where Deemed Necessary -- 

          Will Be Forthcoming.)

          (1) 

     The Laughing Buddha 

     & the Fasting Buddha 

The Fasting Buddha 

lasts on, you'd-a 

thought, one grain 

of rice.*

   The Laughing Buddha 

binges food. A

virtue...? 

Or a vice...? 

     *This tale, in which Gautama 

survives each day of a fast on but 

a single grain of rice, appears in 

several Indian sources, including 

the Pali Canon. 

          (2) 

     Edwin Abbott Abbott's

     A Line Segment

     & A Sphere 

     (From "Flatland")

Dimensions...? One 

(one's next to none!) 

each "Flatland" Line

has got, 

   whereas each Sphere 

boasts three, we hear -- 

which makes 'em 

tough to spot.* 

     *In each moment it passes 

through a world of two dimensions, 

the three-dimensional sphere 

appears as one or another circular 

section of itself.

          (3) 

     E.C. Segar's 

     Olive Oyl 

     & Bluto 

     (From "Thimble Theatre") 

 

No zaftig goil, 

our Olive Oyl: 

she's trying 

Oprah's diet. 

   Should Bluto choose 

some pounds to lose...? 

Indeed! He needs 

to try it.

          (4) 

     Jackie Gleason's 

     Ralph Kramden 

     & Ed Norton 

     (From "The Honeymooners") 

He drives a bus -- 

Ralph Kramden does. 

Long sitting 

leaves him fat, 

   while Norton's slim. 

What's up with him...? 

No perchin' 

on his prat.

          (5) 

     Hal Roach's 

     Stanley Laurel 

     & Oliver Norville Hardy 

     (From "Way Out West" et al.) 

Mr. Hardy 

(nicknamed "Lardy"): 

broad of butt 

and bust, 

  while breeze, tho' soft, 

lifts Stan aloft -- 

albeit just 

a gust.

          (6)

     Miguel de Cervantes's 

     Don Quixote 

     & Sancho Panza 

Slim horse, slim rider, 

neither wider 

than Quixote's 

lance, 

   whereas Don's chum's

so plump of bum 

he's cursed: 

he'll burst his pants.

          (7) 

     Washington Irving's 

     Ichabod Crane 

     & Baltus Van Tassel 

     (From "The Legend 

     of Sleepy Hollow")

A stick, a rod:

that's Ichabod, 

who scorns 

the dinner bell. 

   Von Tassel, though, 

devours fried dough. 

(Resembles it 

as well.)

          (8) 

     Jean de Brunhoff's 

     Babar the Elephant 

     & the Rich Old Lady 

     (From "Histoire de Babar")

This thin old crone's

but skin 'n' bones, 

while Babar's 

plu-obese.

   That pachyderm 

grows fat 'n' firm 

by scarfin'

sans surcease. 

          (9) 

     Andre Maurois's 

     King Plumpapuff the Patapouf 

     & the King of the Filifers 

     (From "Patapoufs et Filifers")

King Plumpapuff 

can't get enough 

of eat et drink...

...et joie.

   The Filifer 

cries, "Non, monsieur! 

No Crêpes Suzettes 

pour moi."