Spooner Root Beer Float, Walk and Chew & Hands Across

Jerk squirts: soda-fountain treat.
Tush hurts; "so does" pair of feet.
One line enshrines a root beer float.
The second whines, "Ow! Foot/rear bloat."
     Moral:
The (sweet) tooth hurts.
Walk and chew gum: doing both is required.
Gawk and woo, chum! (And in neither get mired!)
     Moral:
Either/or is such a bore.
"Hands across water"...? 
Fragment of Beatlesong (merest of smidgens).
"Wands than cross...? Hotter!":
Magic's more "in" than be Christian religions.
     Moral:
Born again...? Nope: Norns your yen.

A Spoonful of M(i)LK

Martin Luther King: 
Mohan Gandhi-like figure: 
his God keeps an eye on the sparrow.
     Cartin' Luthier Ming...? 
Mongo's maker of mandos 
demands, "Wheel me 'bout in your barrow!"
     Moral:
The People of Clay: ofay...? Or au fait...?

A Double-Dutch Drumpf-rope Off-rhyme Singspiel

      MEMO (RANDOM): To Don-
ald: Dear Don,

     Why’d Fred, Jr., eschew 
Al-Anon…?

     Is that hair straw…? Or rasp-
berried blon’…?

     (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...? 
Quite enoumpf!) 

     Heed this book, you big con: 
The Big Con!

     Why d'you laugh like some Maf-
ia don...?

     Is that hair buff...? Or fluff 
de Dijon...?
     (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...? 
Quite enoumpf!)

     Why d'you rudely rude Ru-
dy egg on...

     ...to the tune “Afternoon 
of a Prawn”...?

    Do you still...with Fred's mill-
ions long gone…?
     (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...?
Quite enoumpf!)

     
     Your tweets honk: "Sure I'd bonk 
Goldie Hawn."

     Tell (or show) Kim Ahn-ro 
‘bout Inchon.

     Your hair: real...? Or Odil-
on Redon...?
    (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...?
Quite enoumpf!)

     Not for shit ist dein mit-
tel name ‘John.’

     You claim “pussy-grab” gab 
is “just jaw’n.’”

     We've been told: you're one mold-
y Don Juan.
     (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...?
Quite enough!)

     Word of mouth on the south 
White House lawn...

     ...is: no longer you'll mong-
er Melan-...

     ...ia: she who's your si-
ne qua non.
     (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...?
Quite enoumpf!)

     Heard you'd had Mme Mad-
eline Kahn. 
     Bigly Shot! I'd have thought 
you’d moved on.

     Pravda’s thrust: you're still just 
Putin’s pawn. 
     (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...?
Quite enoumpf!)

     "Not my fault!" (your assault 
on Quran)...?

     Just you, hummin' some dumb
rigaudon.
     Is it true...? Not one stu-
pid soupçon!
     (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...?
Quite enoumpf!)

     To restore try you Bor-
ges's Tlon...?

     Is that not what your rot's
based upon...?
     Hair too sallow...? Smear Val-
voline on...?
     (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...?
Quite enoumpf!)

     You cry, "Witch hunts!" while Mitch 
shunts you spawn.
     Mitch's badge...? 'Tis his mag-
ical wan,'
     which the pig waves and wig-
gles -- baton!
     (Two-plus-two years of Drumpf...?
Quite enoumpf!) 

     What seems fit...? First, a hit -- 
Bon'...James Bon,'
     or Chuck Schumer, of whom 
I am fon.'
     Or bring on the great Yuan,
Kublai Khan:
     two-plus-two years of Drumpf...?
Quite enoumpf.

     James (LeBron). Warren Spahn.
Paula Zahn. 
     Even Elia Kazan 
from Milan.
     Need you go -- yes or no...? --
thith'r 'n' yon...?
     Yessir! Four years of Drumpf's
quite enoumpf!

Spoona Hakuna

Hakuna matata: Swahili for ‘all’s A-OK!’

Ha! Tuna piccata: swell lemon-ghee-capers sauté.

     Moral:

All’s Swah’l that ends Swah’l.

Spooner Knees & Cocks

Trick knees: patella luxation.
Knick'd trees: white pine pilferation.
     Moral:
Bend 'em or lend 'em!
Ride a cock horse: 
an occurrence you brave in life 
when, a young gent, on Da's
bent knee you're set.
     "Hide a rock...? 'Course!": 
an assurance to knave cum wife, 
"I'll bury baubles you 
burglarize, Pet." 
     Moral:
Mind your hubby! Find your hobby!

Forecasting a Fake Faqir's Fate

His news is fake.

His nous is fake.

(His gnus…?

Fake too, folks feel.)

Now he, with

(thanks to Yiddish kin)

fake “…nu…?”s

may daily deal.

Still, we’ll make sure,

impeachin’ him,

the douche’s noose

is real.

Understudies

     “Ladies and gentlemen, in tonight’s performance of 
“Tintin Tours Tartarus II,” the roles of Thompson and Thomson 
will be played by…

…Ms. Theda Bara and Mr. Yogi Berra.”

…Mrs. Laura Bush and Mr. August Busch.”

…Ms. Willow Bay and Mr. Turhan Bey.”

…Mme. Marie Curie and Mr. Finlay Currie.”

…Senora Celia Cruz and Mr. Tom Cruise.”

…Ms. Jeanne Crain and Mr. Hart Crane.”

…Ms. Barbie Doll and Mr. Roald Dahl.”

…Little Miss Echo and Mr. Umberto Eco.”

…Ms. Tina Fey and Mr. Michael Faye.”

…Ms. Nadia Gray and Mr. Zane Grey.”

…Ms. Lena Horne and Mr. Paul Horn.”

…Mr. Harold Ickes and Mr. Dave Hickey.”

…Dick’s sister Jane and Alan Ladd’s Shane.”

…Herr Helmut Kohl and Ms. Natalie Cole.”

…Ms. Lois Lane and Mr. Frankie Laine.”

…Ms. Mary Lamb and Mr. Wifredo Lam.”

…Ms. Vivien Leigh and Mr. Pinky Lee.”

…Ms. Mary Tyler Moore and Sir Thomas More.”

…Mr. Louie Nye and Mr. Bill Nighy.”

…Ms. Tatum O’Neal and Mr. Eugene O’Neill.”

…Ms. Kimberley Po and Mr. Edgar Allan Poe.”

….Mr. Anthony Quinn and Ms. Butterfly McQueen.”

…Mr. John Rambo and M. Arthur Rimbaud.”

…Ms. Rene Russo and M. Jean Jacques Rousseau.”

…Ms. Rachel Ray and Mr. Alvino Rey.”

…Ms. Patti Smith and Mr. Ronald Eustace Psmith.”

...Ms. Sada Thompson and Mr. Virgil Thomson."

...Ms. Tori Amos and Mr. Kingsley Amis."

…Mr. Louis Untermeyer and Mr. Samuel Untermeier “

…Ms. Missouri Vaun and Mr. Robert Vaughn.”

…Ms. Fay Wray and Mr. Man Ray.”

…Ms. Kelly Winn and Mr. Keenan Wynn.”

…Herr Max Weber and Mr. Andrew Lloyd Webber.”

…Ms. Loretta Young and Herr Carl Gustav Jung.”

…Senor El Zorro and Mrs. George Soros.”

Spoonani Magnani

Magnani stars with you-know-who*
(* Burt Lancaster): The Rose Tattoo.
     What follows on "the knees knit, Pooh, 
the heels braid, Owl"...? "The toes tat, Roo"...?
     Moral:
Tho' Tennessee (or A. A.) wrote it,
'tain't barbaric to misquote it. 

Spoon: Guns, Mobys, Days

Guns and knives...? Some gear retrieved 
from enemy incursion.
Nuns and gyves...? Some kinky brand 
of sexual perversion.
     Moral:
Don't fire until...(you know the drill).
Moby Dick's one tar's tall tale 
of eggshell whales I've read.
In Dough Be Mick, one Gael named Michael's 
made of gingerbread.
     Moral:
When Ahab preys, when Ahab slays,
when Ahab flays, lose "mild, mild day"s.
In The Days of Wine and Roses, 
alcoholics air their ills
while The Ways of Rhine and Doses
plies its path through plonk and pills.
     Moral:
Ope' not the door 
not there before.

Take a Haiku!

Boco  dofogo,  
ha -- Joka  "lomona"  pa:
quaro  SoTavo!  

Nine ten -- 1312!
Five! For 'three-to-one.' Zero:
Seven eleven!

Waxaya,  Zoba;  
ca  (dabaca) da fago -- 
hajaka loma...? 

Transliterations
are in progress as we speak.
Keep tabs on this space!

No poqorasa,
tova woxo yo zabo: 
codo boca...da.

I come to bury
the quality of mercy.
To be...? Or not to...?

Beboppa, Lula! 
Abadab: a dabadab!
Zizzi. Zizzi-zing...?

Come to the Stable, Jenius or the Oranges of Psychovfefe

     It's reported (perhaps accurately) that
it's reported in "Vanity Fair," 1/10/2020 that
pollster F. Luntz asks POTUS D. Trump what 
the J in his middle name stands for. "'Jenius'," 
POTUS replies. What goes -- again reportedly -- 
unreported...? The unorthodox orthography of 
a self-designated "Chosen One"'s subsequent 
elaborating rodomontade:

That J in my name 
stands for 'jenius.' 
As you know, I've got 
ALL the best words.
Polls are saying I've got 
the best letters as well. 
Dems don't get it: SAD! 
(Neither do Kurds.)

I've got A's, 
like the op'ning of 'ateball.' 
(Speaker P thinks 
she's got me behind it.)
I've got silent B's, 
left off 'subpenis' 
(Did I get one...? 
Who knows! I can't find it.)

I've got C's, 
like the C launching 'ceesick.' 
Silent D's I've got. 
('Wensdee' does, too.)
I've got E's (take 'Eeyago'), 
got F's, like in 'ffegy.' 
(Hey! Let's set Libs alight, 
nu...?)

I've got G's, like in 'Geeves.' 
(I like Brits who are white.) 
I've got H's, 
like ol' 'h-ed' Joe.
I've got I's, like in 'i-sore' -- 
those turbines offshore 
mar my golf course in Scotland. 
They BLOW!

The J, like I said, 
stands for 'jenius.' 
My K's...? For 'KASE KLOSED!,' 
like Barr said.
I've got L's, like in 'll-efant,' 
M's like in 'mm-press.' 
(One oval rooms roams; 
one I wed.)

I've got N's, 
like those kick-starting 'nn-ema,' 
which I need 
post my ninth Happy Meal.
I've got O's, like in 'oh-revwah': 
So long, Iran Deal! 
'Bye, Climate Accord! 
It's been real!

I've got P's -- silent P's! -- 
like in 'pcoup' (not like 'swimming'). 
The Deep State launch'd 
THOUSANDS of those.
I've got Q's like in 'q-tickle,'
R's like in 'rr-dvark.' 
My S...? 
(Where's my ss-kimo...?) 
Froze!

I've got T's, like 'tomane.' 
(Many people don't know this:
you get it 
off small chocolate cakes.)
I've got U's, like in 'ufemist.' 
(Hannity's one. 
Trump-brand purses from sow's ears 
Sean makes.) 

I've got V's, like in 'viener.' 
My viener's so-o-o-o BIG! 
Just ask Marla, 
Ivana et. al.
(Don't bother Melania. 
I tried. Said she, 
"Not tonight, Sir. 
I've got petit mal.")

I've got W's -- 'Dubya,'
world's second-worst POTUS. 
(Obama, of course, 
is the WORST!!
I've got X's, like 'x-it.' 
(Hey! Should I stay on 
post November...? 
I do "unrehears'd"!

I've got Y's, like in 'yysguys.' 
My White House is full of 'em: 
Miller...Pompeo...
Bob Barr... 
Z's in 'rondayzvooz' come. 
Z's in 'rondayzvooz' go. 
Soon I'll not recall 
who those men are. 

But, we'll all see what happens 
(a pluperfect call).
But, we'll all see what happens 
(it's finish'd: my wall).
But, we'll all see what happens 
(my fingers aren't small).
But, we'll all see...covfefe. 
So: thank...thank you...all.