I. Ribbin' Tucker (U. Poe Kids T. Carlson.)
II. Bib 'n' Tucker (Carlson's Cosplay)
III. Cribbin' Tucker (Carlson Quotes Clown Cars.)
IV. Lib 'un, Tucker (Hey, At Least He Wrote for the Beast.*)
V. Sib 'n' tucker (Pater Sired Two, One You-Know-Who.)
VI. Glib 'un, Tucker (Silver Spoon AND Silver Tongue)
VII. Tribun' Tucker (Only T Can fix It.)
VIII. Ibn Tucker ("What is in your heart...?" Qur'an 12:86)
IX. Gibbon Tucker ("Just shut the fuck up and obey.")
X. Fibbin' Tucker (Carlson's Calumnies)
I. Ribbin’ Tucker
The world, this week, shall hear 'n' see
unfurl'd a streak of repartee,
word bouts about a Carlson christen'd Tucker.
And when said hebdomad is done,
I'll tell (Mc)nearly everyone:
"Please understand. There's countless brands of Tucker."
II. Bib ‘n’ Tucker
Like rich, elite, white prep-school guys,
one Tucker wears his share of ties --
some ascots, some cravats, some clubs, some bows.
(Then later on, our boy thinks better,
swaps ‘em for a V-neck sweater,
fabric belts 'n' svelt Caucasian clothes.)
III. Cribbin’ Tucker
One Tuck riles scads of Fox News gangs,
repeating racist rads' harangues,
vile puke from David Duke 'n' Charlie Sheen...
...Hulk Hogan, Nugent, Logan Paul,
Rush, Alex Jones...nor that ain't all;
there's Drumpf...'n' Kanye West...'n' Paula Dean...
IV. Lib ‘un, Tucker
One Tucker -- one Forbes** writes about --
his foes he chose to straignten out:
"If truth be told, I'm actu'lly a Lib.
Who's pro-free-speech, pro-openness...?
True Liberals would be my guess."
(But, f**k: it's known how Tucker's prone to fib.)
* The Daily Beast ** On October 4, 2018
V. Sib 'n' Tucker
One Tucker has a bro named Buckley.
Tuck 'n' Buck -- though "Jim-'n'-Huck-ly"-
-like there's few who'd choose to view this pair:
both far from broke; both loathe "the woke";
both disinclined to take the joke
that neither be the TV-dinner heir.
VI. Glib ‘un, Tucker
One Tucker hints: "Don't dead folk vote...?"
"Is Joe 'of unsound mind' (close quote)...?"
"Has anyone SEEN Donald's indiscretions...?"
"Aren't 'white supremacists' a hoax...?"
"And why can't Fauci take my jokes...?"
"Hey, don't blame me: I'm only asking questions."
VII. Tribun' Tucker
Oh, why cannot the people see
"The People's Tribune"'s Tucker C...?
A passe-partout who'll stick it to the man...?
A hitman for the GOP...?
A bête noire of the pow'rs that be...?
(Who also is a Grand Turk of the Klan...?)
VIII. Ibn Taqir
Last month, on PBS TV,
Skip's* charting Carlson's ancestry --
an episode call'd "Finding Tucker's Roots."
Turns out his fam'ly hides all ties
to certain Kyrgyztani guys
and divers Turks with whom they're in cahoots.
* Henry Louis ("Skip") Gates, moderator of Public
Broadcasting's family history show "Finding Your Roots."
IX. Gibbon Tucker
One Tucker calls Iraqis "monkeys,
primitives who don't use forks
or toilet paper -- semilit'rate, too." *
It's Tucker, though, who's Prince of Flunkys,
Rex of Racists, Duke of Dorks.
The sure-fire gibbon, Tucker...? That be you!
* Slanders Mr. T expressed in one of the oodles
of emails that got him fired from Fox.
X. Fibbin' Tucker
The Tucker, though, that takes the cake,
who's broker of the news that's fake,
of all El Rey whose sobriquet be 'Lyin'...
...I post to that Pooh-bah of Fibs,
my manifesto to His Nibs:
"Though you be sellin,' Tucker, I ain't buyin.'"
