Canto I:
Oslo Cooper to Ralph Vaughn & Esther Jane
"You're cajoled, Ralph Vaughn Williams," young Ozzy observes,
"to stop pilfering songs from the folk.
You, from swiped Sussex ballades,
mold musical salads.
We're no way amused by your joke."
"In my youth," tunesmith Williams
replies to our Oz,
"I collected such dreck in this book.
If left unemploy'd now,
'twould be waste (you'll allow...?) --
plus, it's frabjous: do grab jus' one look!"
"Are you cold, Esther Williams...?" the stripling goes on,
quick to yell at sick celluloid sirens.
"Be those goosebumps I spot...?
If your bath were kept hot,
you'd say 'No!' to such frozen
environs."
"In my youth," Ms. Moist Mermaid
responds to the lad,
"I was Chair of the Polar Bear Club.
We'd drill holes in the ice,
then dive down where 'twas nice.
Now I always add cubes to my
tub."
Canto II:
Adrian Zane to Thomas Lanier & Hiram "Hank"
"Left untold, Mr. Williams,"
says Adrian Zane,
"are your plays set in places up North.
(By the by, may I 'Tennessee'
use when I quiz you...?"
"Of courth," lisps Tom Williams: "Of courth!...
...for, as toddler, although
Mississippian-born,
I enraptured of Tennessee was,
so, when opting to pen,
became Tennessee; then,
queried why, I'd reply, 'Jus' becuz.'"
"You seem older, Hank Williams,"
young Adrian scolds,
"than the last time we two honky-tonk'd.
Be you boozin' too much,
usin' moonshine 'n' such
treach'rous tipples...? In short: be you zonk'd...?"
"In my boyhood,"
the Hillbilly Shakespeare rejoin'd,
"I endured an o'erpowering thirst.
Whate'er juice came to hand
I'd ingurgitate...and
from there things went from wetter to worst."
* * * * *
Canto III:
Sebastian James to William Carlos & Theodore Samuel
"Don't dare scold, Doctor Williams,
how so much depends
on red wheelbarrows left in the rain,"
Seb remarks to the bard. "William Carlos: your yard,
with its chickens, just gives me a pain."
"Dearest Seb," says the Doc,
"you've scant reason to mock.
'Tis no business of yours to chastise.
So my jingles 'n' rhymes
fail to tinkle your chimes.
How much cooler's my Pulitzer Prize...?"
"A good soldier, Ted Williams,"
the young man proceeds,
"you who flew as the wingman for Glenn.*
Did your skillset with guns,
downing Nippers 'n' Huns,
help you get to first base now 'n' then...?"
"In my youth," says the Red Sox
left-fielder to Seb,
"I was taught next to nada of Krieg.
But I've said it before:
baseball's not unlike war.
RBIs**...?
Mine were best in the league."
*Navy pilot and future astronaut John Glenn.
**Rascals ('n') Bastards Incinerated.
