Repost: Livin' In The U Ass A

 U! ASS! A! U! ASS! A!
The land where fundaments hold sway. 
Take Kansass. Just you "ass" around:
gluteus maximi abound. 

In Texass...? Duffs 'n' fannies...? Very
commonplace -- cf Rick Perry. 
Arkansass's keister count
has "reared" its head: there, backsides mount.

Alasska's buttocks...? Wall-to-wall.
(Those "cheeky" Palins, you recall.) 
Massachusass derrieres...? 
Excessive. (Please: avert your stare.)

Wassconsin's "ass"ets...? More than few.
They've tails. They've tushes. Rear ends, too.
And Tennassee's not far "behind."
There, beaucoup butts 'n' breeches find. 

Nebrasska's bums 'n' bottoms...? Ample.
Haunches, heinies...just a sample. 
Wasshington, Our Nation's Cap:
of prats a veritable frappe. 

To list’ners who “ha-r-r-r-RUMPh!” I’d say:
“Take stock of your petooties, eh...?”
Yes, every day is "Prat"terday
when livin’ in the U Ass A!  

Prosopogostichs for Louisa May Alcott

Not unpleasant to know...? L. M. Alcott.
Lou (like Anne, Charl and Emily Bronte)
penn'd no tomes treating Jersey Joe Walcott,
Joe's obsessions (Joe loved three-card Monte),
or Joe's sleep habits -- Joe used a small cot,
not a Hollywood King as did Ponti, 
who's been heard to cry, "Let's to bed, Alcott!
Abudanza, Louisa! Avanti!"

     * Italian film producer Carlo Ponti 

Three Exquisite Corpseless Limericks

 I 
There’s this guy, do or die, Bernie Sanders.
Pumpkin pie, ham on rye, Peter panders.

Merwyn Peake, so to speak.
Wednesday week, hide-‘n’-seek.
Please stand by, eye for eye, geese or ganders.

II 
Lived this man, cheek of tan, Don DeLillo.
Spic and Span, Ku Klux Klan, cigarillo.
Come to grief, twelve-mile reef.
Are ye “deef”...? Where’s the beef...?
Or (to pan the Qur’an): “Armadillo!”

III
‘Twas this bloke, country folk, Raul Julia.
Pig-in-poke, Roanoke. (Would I fool ya...?)
Over there, share 'n' share. 
Truth or dare, braid the hair.
Take a toke, have a soak, hallelujah!

Islands In The Stream Of Consciousness

 

Repost: Film Flam or Pointed Digests of Cinema Classics

     1939 The Wizard of Oz
In Oz, your monkeys soar, your wizards roar.
You’re not, young Dot, in Kansas anymore.

     1939 Gone with the Wind
More ante-bellum “bim-bam, thank you, ma’am”...?
Quite frankly, Yankees just don’t give a damn.

     1941 Citizen Kane
What nonsense! “Rosebud!” signifies no sled.
To wit, Kane’s lit. “Rosé, Bud!”’s what he said.

     1942 Casablanca
Though famed for Bogart’s bid, “Again, Sam! Play it!”
the question bides: did Bogie even say it...? 

     1950 All About Eve
A bitter Bette rides the stairs. (Takes flight…?)
“Make fast your 'belts. This bodes a bumpy night.”

     1954 On the Waterfront
Steiger’s Chas “The Gent”; Lee Cobb’s the jerk.
Mauldin’s priest goads Marlon’s brash Young Turk.
Saint, god knows, as good as goes berserk.
But who’s the dude who crows, “Let’s go to work!”...?

     1979 Alien
“Aliens!!” cries poor Sigourney’s team.
(C'est space, alors: c'est none can hear 'em scream.)

Repost: You'd Chase Nice Views...?

You'd chase nice views of northern lights...? 
Aurora Borealphabet.
You'd waste one -- two...? -- licentious nights...? 
Explore the Bacchanalphabet.

An ABC with sage brush in its hair...? 
Hi, Chaparralphabet!
An eighteenth-cent'ry-age salonnière 
you'd tap...? De Staëlphabet.

Who’d brave an ABC with cheese 
needs taste test Ermanthaalphabet.
Who craves a futh of females...? He's 
obsessed! (La Femme Fatal'phabet...?)

This ABC shows war is hell: ye
gads! Guadalcanalphabet!
View Abie's Seafood Smorgas/Deli...? 
Say: “Kogod's Halalphabet.”

Armenian; Cyrillic; Greek...?
In Internationalphabet.
A Montreal Québécois geek 
employs a joyful Joualphabet.

Where letters flourish under stress 
one finds Kilopascalphabet.
Where letters nourish one, repress-
sing calories...? Lo-calphabet.

Where’s “Para toda mal y para toda bien!"...? 
Mezcalphabet.*
Which proto-ABC's from way-back-when...? 
Neanderthalphabet.

     * The Mezcalphabet translates its motto as follows:
"Tis good when things are goin' great and good when
things are not first rate."

Its E's for 'Earp.' Its D's for 'Doc.' Its O's...? 
OK Corralphabet.
"Outstanding...and they're mild..." -- 'cept up your nose: 
the vile Pall Mallphabet.

You favor glyphs o'er runes and letters...? 

Quetzalcoatlphabet.
You savor stiffs who moon their betters...? 

Have a go at Ralphabet!

For barnacles and salps...and oysters, too...? 

Sublittoralphabet.
South Africans....? there's but one choice for you. 

Ta-da! Transvaalphabet.

Type 'h, t, t, p, colon, double slash...' 

Get URLphabet.
If you love knights, round tables, swords with swash, 

you’ll love the 'Val'phabet!

Mmm...mmm...an ABC in cans of Campbell's soup...? 

Warholphabet.
Oh-oh! Another -- in Iran's "encounter group": 

Xalaalphabet.

In southern climes, y’all take yer time 'n' all...

to drawl y’all’s Y'allphabet.
An ABC for Jerry, Izzy...all the Zals...? 

Ze Zalphabet.

Repost: Abecedarial Celebrity/Verbal Meme Pairs, Constrained (Incomplete)

       [AZ: Absolute Zero, Alexis Zorba]

"Absolute Zero's one get-go,* albeit a bleak..." 

specs Alexis, who's married, with children, and shrugs, "Hey! I'm Greek.

   
     * I.e., a get-go like the Great Get-Go, sometimes mistaken for the Big Bangle.


     [BY: Be Yourself, Boris Yeltsin]

"Be Yourself! (HO* whom else would you be...?" asks (rhetoric'lly) Boris.  
"To be somebody else might cause Mother** some serious tsoris.*

     * Russian Cyrillics for 'but' and pronounced (roughly) 'noh.'  ** I.e., Mother Russia, of course.

     [CX: Contemn Xenophobes, Cugat, Xavier]
     

"Contemn Xenophobes! Contemn..." Rhumba King Cugat repeats.  
(Just as he would be treated, each stranger this vir bonus* treats.)

  
     * What the good man does is always right, or so suggest the Grimms.

     [DW: Do Without, Dionne Warwick]
     

"Do Without! Pledge thy pounds to the poor," warbles Dionne (the song bird) --  
though it's Bacharach (Burt) who'll at last teach her right word from wrong word.

  

     [EV: Every Valley, Edward Villella]
     

"’Every valley exhaulted shall be; every rough place made plain...’:   
I shall dance thee that text," Edward vows, "in a Balanchine vein."

  

     [FU: Fed Up, Felix Unger]
     

"Fed Up! UFOs, URLs, UXBs..." fumes our Felix.
"In the end, all they yield is some abecedarial helix."

 

     [GT: Gin (&) Tonic, Gene Tunney/Tierney]
     

"Gin...and Tonic...and juice of one lime: pour the lot over ice..." 
prescribes Gene.* "Good advice," echoes Gene.** "An innocuous vice!"

 
     * Actress Tierney  ** Pugilist Tunney

     [HS: He (versus) She, Hailie Selassie]
     

"He v. She...? The distinction's ambig," differentiates Hailie. 
"One's call'd Shlomo. But what's in a name...? Life's a Pi; life's a Riley..."

 
     [IR: I, Robot, Irene Ryan]
     

"I, Robot, rest my case," in tones Rumpolean...

roars Irene. "I'd rap it, were I Rock 'n' Rollean."

 

     [JQ: John Quincey, Jose Quintero]
     

"John Quincey's not the seventh Chief Exec," corrects José.
"He's number six, post James Monroe...but what the heck! (More: what the hey!!)

 

     [KP: Key Personnel, Kendrick Perkins]
     

"Key Personnel...? Kevin...? Paul...? Rajon...? Ray...?" Kendrick Wonders.*

Then Perk's traded, which trade shall yet prove Boston's biggest of blunders. 

     * Garnett, Pierce, Rondo, Allen, kendrick: all former Celtics.

     [LO: Leigh/Olivier, Laugh Out (Loud) 
      

Leigh/Olivier, Lunt/Fontaine: which duo's dropp'd from the list 
of best thespian pairs...? Jolie/Pitt...? LOL! They’d be miss'd...?

 

     [MN: Machiavellian...? Not, Mike Nichols]
     

"Mach'avellian, not to say cynical: 'twas just her way," 
muses Mike, as he pegs one-time partner, the late Elaine May.

 

     [NM: Not Much, Norman Mailer]
     

"Not much!" mutters Norman, when asked if he liked married life. 
"Good when naked, far less good when dead: much depends on the wife."

 

     [OL: Ozymandias: Look, Orlando Lasso]
   

Ozymandias: "Look on my burg, Mr. Big, and despair!"
(Or Orlando: "Give ear to my music...or not -- I don't care.") 

     (a work in progress) 


[PK: P. Kilbride]

[QJ: Q. Jones]

[RI: R. Ingersoll]

[SH: S. Houston]

[TG: T. Geisel]

[UF:   ]  

[VE: V. Emmanuel]

[WP: W. Demarest]

[XC: Xavier Cugat (again)]

[YB:   You Bet!]

[ZA:   ]

Repost: There's A 'Y' In My 'Eye"

I spy an 'a'...down at the far end of 'our sofa.'
Some spot a second at the bottom of 'the sea.'
One more (a third) makes an appearance in the middle of each 'day.'
(One marks the end of every 'era,' b'lieve you me.)

Three 'b's lie sleeping -- sleeping b(ee)s...? -- inside each 'baby's crib'...
and on my cousin’s rocking 'zebra,' too, a 'b.'
Somebody thrust -- of all the crust! -- a 'c' in front of Uncle's 'car'...
then added handfuls to Gran's 'chicken cacciatore.' (How bizarre!)
As for the 'c' inside Mum's 'ice,' claims Mum: "'Tis tea!"

Who needs a 'd'...? One's near the bottom of 'our garden.'
A silent 'e's tied to the tail-end of 'my kite.'
An 'f,' demure (though opportune, arriving just before high tea),
comes early in each 'afternoon' -- an ancillary point d'appui...
with neither cosy, cup nor spoon -- all too jejune, it seems to me...
(A giant 'G' lurks in the middle of the 'niGht').

An 'h' floats, freestyle, near the middle of 'my bathtub.'
There sits another, wa-a-a-ay up high -- top o' the 'heap.'
I spot one 'i' (not four, not five) 'bout halfway down our neighbor's 'drive.'
Und Ja! I've seen that 'J' in front of 'Junior's Jeep.'

Look for a 'k' down at the far end of 'the running track.'
Two 'l's -- lost...? -- linger at the far end of 'the hall.'
About those 'l's we've all heard tell lie at the bottom of 'the well'...?
Hell's bells! They're there! (An 'm' looms halfway 'cross 'the mall.')

Note well the 'n': one's at the bottom of 'the ocean.'
Next to the last of 'The Mohicans' stands an 'n.'
And lo! An 'o' sits in the middle of Aunt Violet's 'viola.'
Oops! I missed one 'n': there's one -- behind 'two men.'

How come a pair of 'p's appears inside 'my apple'...?
(One 'p's most prompt, arriving early ev'ry 'Spring.')
And yet, how queer to see a 'q', there in the middle of a 'marquee'...
though an 'r' to start a 'race' seems just the thing.

Some say, "There's 's's at the soul of every 'issue'..."
then shout about one special 's'...back of 'the bus.'
They warn us: "Never drop the 't' from the beginning of 'time'..."
and that a 'u's much like an 's': "Both part of 'us'!"

Then, in 'November' -- on the 3rd -- arrives a 'v.'
Who'll find the 'w' which sits at 'rainbow''s end...?
And, pray tell, who has been the someone hiding 'x's in 'Sox boxes'...?
(Let's assume -- for now! -- that someone is a friend.)

As for the 'y'...? It’s in the middle of my 'eye.'
(One more's midtown -- smack in the middle of 'New York.')
And, fin'lly, 'z's, so good with cheese, adorn the middle of my 'pizza.'
Time to get a life! Come, wife: a knife...a fork!! 

My Message To America

MASK, MAN!

Repost: Losers : A DIY Nonsense

      ABbot's
up in the air, 

     sluggish
out of the box, 

    lax when
after the _____ 

    (unlike 

NFL _____).
                                                         

     CeDric's
earn'd your contempt, 

     ever
down in the dumps, 

     not quite
over the _____, 

    (loath to
taking his _____ ).
                                                        

     EFrem’s
up to his ears, grazes
outside the fence -- months be-
hind with his _____. (Doesn't
rate your two _____.)
                                                        

     GerHardt’s
up to no good, ducks the
top of the heap, won't look
after the _____. (All who
read of him _____.)
                                                       

     IlJa
skates on thin ice, never’s
in on the joke – pig-like,
in his own _____. (Someone
fix him: he's _____.)
                                                       

     KyLe spends
life on his knees, too far
out on a limb, giving
in to each _____. (Captain
Blue-Sky: that's _____.)
                                                       

     MaNute's
lacking a map, won't a-
bandon the nest, last bloke
in on the _____. (Manute!
Give it a _____!)
                                                        

     OPie’s
down – I’d say
"out" -- well be-
yond the perim- ...iter,
nearing his _____-...it. (We
all feel for _____.)
                                                       

     QuaRk keeps
on the QT -- never's
off to the races, ain’t
up to the _____: the
saddest of _____.)
                                                      

     STeve lives
under a spell, always
over the top. Self es-
teem...? Not a _____. (Never 
fails...as a _____!)
                                                      

     UVe’s
down the "up" stair, doesn’t
lower his voice. Options...?
None that are _____. (In breefe:
note very _____.)                                                                                                                 

     WaXman’s
kept under wraps. He's (with-
out the "X" factor) toss'd
under the _____. (His
wife...? Friends bush-_____.)                                                     

     YaZzer’s
"back o' the yards," too far
out of the zone, well be-
yond reach by _____. (Someone!
Throw Yaz a _____!)