Runcibl'd Spooner (Lore & Legend Edition)

     I.
Native princess Pocahontas. 
John Rolfe loved her. (So did Disney.)
Drumpf derides and mocks this woman. 
(Lay’n’ a Hoax Upon Us…isn’ he…?)
     Moral: 
The House of Repre-
sentatives
is right now pondering,
"What gives!?"

     II.
Pecos Bill, ol’ cowpokes say,
broke buckin’ broncs -- tye-yippee-yay! --
while Blake O’Spill gets thrown from bulls
at Lone Star cow-town tractor pulls.
     Moral:
No matter if your nonsense 
be galactic or sublunar,
do not let Herr U'dish'ion 
run away with Rev’d 'Spoon'er!

      III. 
Bunyan...? Giant North Woods lumberjack
who ‘Paul’ was christen’d.
Pun-Yan, nicknamed “Bawl”…? Brash Sino-punster.
(No one listen’d).
     Moral:
Pilgrim’s Progress…
Giant’s Onions...
Wait! Beware 
conflated Bunyans!

     IV.

Casey Jones...? A locomotive driver. 
Crushed! (Too graphic...?)
So: who sets out those orange thingies...? 
J. C. Cones, from Traffic.
     Moral: 
Stay 'tween the cones! 
Stay on the tracks!
'Twill spare you falling 
through the cracks.

     V. 
Hopalong Cassidy: cowpoke on 
horse.
The cop along has a D...? A police officer -- the one 
accompanying me in my squad car -- displays his 
performance report card, noting -- a bit too gleefully, 
if you ask me -- how he narrowly avoided receiving 
a failing grade in this quarter's racial sensitivity
course.
     Moral:
Some Spoonerisms
call for more
than rhyming couplets --
that's for shore. 

     VI. 
Elvis Presley (RIP): 
polemicist in denim tights.
Pelvis S. (like Robert E.): 
supremacist re southern whites. 
     Moral:
To diff'rent drummers do your dance --
nor never do Ulysses Grant's. 

    VII.

Preston Sturges hollers, “Roll!”
Ten thousand ducks (or so ‘twere bill’d),
don hats. Then down they Sunset stroll.
(That screwball’s Stetson Purchase kill’d.)
     Moral:
To win an Oscar now and then
may well depend on gallons ten.

Next up: 

Davy Crockett & K-V'd Rocket 
Watson's Jim & Jots 'n' Whim 
Natty Bumppo & Batty Numppo 
Ichabod Crane & Kick a Bad Reign 
Sweeney Todd & Teenie's Wad 
Rip Van Winkle & Whip Fan Rinkle
Joe Magarac & Moe Jagger...ack!
Old Black Joe & Bold Jack Hoe
Br'er Rabbit & Rare Babbit
Hiawatha & Why A Hatha?
Sam Bass & Ba'am's Ass
Finn Mac Cool & Kin McFool