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"Dartmouth's Dancing Discophile"
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Ep. 1: P R E F A C I O: Prelude
Around 400,000,000 BC
(donkey's years before thee or/and me)
evolved, unknown to Noah,
ur-primitive zoa.
Attend, all who'd fend off ennui!
Ep. 2: P L A C O Z O A: Placozoa
Forth first which beast burst...? Placozoa.
Animalia-wise, none so simple.
Flat o' face were these critters...?
Most recall'd to mind Fritters
comme Prairie -- with nary a dimple.
Ep. 3: P A C O O Z A L: Paco O'Zal
Biometricist Paco O'Zal,
from a pier near the Erie Canal,
proved the first to describe
such invertebrates. (Gibe
if you will; Paco's still our best pal.)
Ep. 4: C O O L A P A Z: "Coo! La Paz!"
As a child, Pac's enisled in Bolivia,
land o' llamas' pyjamas. (Note trivia.)
Purr'd Pac's Pa, "This place...? Ma's."
Remark'd Pac, "Coo! La Paz!"
(Pother not, for Pac got his own privy, huh...?)
Ep. 5: A Z A C P O O L: A Zac Pool
Young Paco's enroll'd in a school
wherein students had stock'd a zac pool.
Blue-hue'd zacs attack'd red,
leaving none quick (all dead:
Paco! You'll trump Drumpf, Ghoul of Misrule).
Ep. 6: P O L A A C O Z: Pola Acoz
Paco's madre -- his cadre's tale goes --
was born Quechuan, nee Pola Acoz.
Donning manta 'n' chumpi,
poor Pola 'ppear'd lumpy.
Yo, Paco! Don't mock yo' ma's clothes!
Ep. 7: P O Z A C O L A: Poza-Cola
(Let's suspend this remembrance of Pola
and grab hold of a cold Poza-Cola.
Why...? Because (so ads say)
it's the pause that -- ole! --
cools our hot Latin hem'globin. 'Ola!)
Ep. 8: A L C A P Z O O: Al Cap' Zoo
I, repressin' digressin,' now -- nu...? --
amble on 'cross the lawn to...Peru!
Where Pac's back alley ends
view O'Zal's Dogpatch friends,
a tour Cook recommends: Al Cap' Zoo.
Ep. 9: C P A L O O Z A: C. Palooza
O'Zal's cousin's call'd Catt. Catt's a juicer.
While thus potted I'll not introduce 'er.
As Ms. Lala she's known.
Ms. is best left alone.
C. Palooza. (You'd what...?! You'd seduce 'er...?!)
Ep. 10: A Z A L C O O P: A Zal Coop
Catt's brother and Paco...? Best pals,
they declared that were swear'd to raise zals.
They enroll'd in a group
who o'erlook'd a zal coop.
But that throng went so-o-o-o wrong. (Zals de Mals...?)
Ep. 11: P L A Z O O C A: Plazoo, CA
Near Plazoo, California, last June,
on the eve of a super blue moon,
seven kids caught swine flu.
For those few...? Much ado.
(For Plazoo, CA...? Inopportune.)
Ep. 12: C A P O Z O L A: Capo Zola
One famiglia ("fam'ly") di crime
were the Smiths, call'd 'Capone' at that time.
In control of payola
sat ol' Capo Zola,
who'd pocket nine pence of each dime.
Ep. 13: C A Z A P O L O: Caza Polo
My Master's "...me tangere, Nolo*"
means, I gather, "I'd rather prance solo."
But whatever it means,
He's seen struttin' His jeans
down at Lauren's saloon, Caza Polo.
* 'Noli,' strictly speaking.
Ep. 14: Z A P A L O C O: Zap'a: Loco!
Which musicians' cognitions wax'd broke...? Faux-
belles lett' pennin' John Lennon, his Yoko,
Courtney Love, Johnny Rotten...
So: who've we forgotten...?
Wag/crankchap tagg'd Frank Zap'a: Loco!
Ep. 15: A L A P O Z O C: Ala Pózoç
Lest th'Abyss, with linguistical hopscotch,
wrest your etymological wristwatch,
do as Pózoçes do --
true Albanians, nu...?
When pronouncing, pronounce ala Pózoç!
Ep. 16: A C A Z L O O P: A C.Z.A. Loop
Track this Placozoistical scoop:
space-time's squeez'd through a C.Z.A. Loop!
What's the upshot...? Our Moon's
trined albino-hued prunes
and our Milky Way's mock turtle soup.
Ep. 17: C A L Z O O P A: Calzoopa
May Day's menu...? For starters, try yams
topp'd with droplets of bearberry jams.
The entree's a pie --
freeze-dried butterfly's thigh.
What's for pudding...? Calzoopa di clams.
Ep. 18: L A C P O Z O A: Lac Pozao
When "Which playground for comrades of Mao
who've been bann'd from Bill's bar in Bilbao
proves the best for free sex...?"
asks a friend of your ex-,
recommend to that friend Lac Pozao.
Ep. 19: A C A Z O O L P: A Cazoo LP
If your record collection's like mine,
you like grading your discs 1 through 9.
But one pressing's so rare
it scores 10 anywhere:
A Cazoo LP -- IF genuine.
Ep. 20: A A L Z C O L O: Aalz, Colo.
An aal...? Just a dal with bravado,
of a type which tops ripe avocado.
The Centennial State
harvests aals by the crate.
(Empty stalls...? None in Aalz, Colo...?)
Ep. 21: L A C O P A O Z: La Copa...? Oz...?
La
Copa, a sand beach hotel…?
Or
Oz, em’rald city…? Oh, well:
visit
one, meet a wizard;
meet t'other…? "Heil, Lizard!"
La
Copa…? Oz…? Heaven or hell.
Ep. 22: L O O Z A P A C: Looza PAC
If you're running for office, you know
how shocking's a shortage of dough.
So: despite your poor polling
and penchant for trolling,
a Looza PAC cushions each blow.
Ep. 23: O P A L A Z O C: Opal A. Zóç
I'm remembering Opal A. Zóç,
on whose Glock appear'd many a notch.
She'd keep track of each tryst --
for her mill, each one's grist.
Some she'd dominate; others she'd botch.
Ep. 24: Z C O A L O P A: "Z" coal...?! 'Opa!
Burning "A" coal or "B" coal," it sounds,
runs to hundreds -- nay: thousands! -- of pounds.
'Tis the same for coal "G,"
for coal "P" and coal "V."
Why not burn "Z" coal...?! 'Opa! (Yay! Zounds!)
Ep. 25: Z A P A C L O O: Zap! A Cloo!
Do you Plac’zoan Chronicles ken
as you ponder ‘em over again…?
Would fresh clues open doors --
give confusions 'what for's…?
Zap! A cloo! Will that do…? [Say ‘amen.’]
Ep. 26: P L A Z A O C O: Plaza Oç'o
One "ta-dum" from a strumming guitar
cues the ruffian, "Snuff that cigar!"
Let's us meet, por favor,
on the streetcar, Señor:
Plaza Oç'o. We needn't ride far."
Ep. 27: CA L Z A P O O: Cal Z. Apoo
Dead Israeli mime Shai K. Ophir
has point zero to fear, 'twould appear
from quick Cal Z. Apoo.
Cal's a mimicker, too,
but Cal's gimmickry's limbic...and queer.
Ep. 28: P A Z O O L A C: Pa Zoolac
Those naf Zoolacs drive what not a few lack:
a slick racecar, one both me and you lack.
What we need are some carjack plans.
I'll tail the Zoolac clan's
matriarch; you track Pa Zoolac.
Ep. 29: A P L A C O O Z: A Plac...? Ooz'...?
What's that 'round your mouth. Is it...green...?
No, it shows more a Robin's Egg sheen.
Its patina -- a plac...? ooz'...? --
eschews (thank God!) black hues.
In this light, it's...aquamarine!
Ep. 30: C O Z O A P A L: Cozo, a Pal
Steal my lunch money...? Better not try.
I've deploy'd some "security," guy.
Enter Cozo, a pal.
He's my fixer...et al.
Please...don't let us detain you. Bye-bye.
Ep. 31: A Z P O O L A C: "Az Poo Lac..."
In a galaxy far, far away
lives an alternate Shakespeare, they say –
though he’s there call’d Chayqs-Bier.
(Where Ouill dwells, spelling's queer:
“Az Poo Lac It”…? That’s Ouill’s latest play.)
Ep. 32: P O O L A A C Z: Poo!Laacz
Does each bowel movement rate "Not So Swell"…?
Like a brontosaur’s breath does each smell…?
You've but one task to do:
down a Poo!Laacz or two.
They’re prescribed in both tablet and gel.
Ep. 33: A A L Z P O CO: Aalz Poco
Aalz grandé grow massive, like trees,
while the aalz mediaño one sees
grow, at most, knee-cap high.
As for aalz pôco, try
visu’lizin' ‘em pint-size -- like peas.
Ep. 34: A Z C A O O L P: Azc a Oolp
If you want to know where lipos shit,
quiz a lipo: ‘twill say, "Dish year pit.”
To learn more 'bout beasts' dung,
azc a oolp, in the tongue
it speaks: Oolpese. (What's spoken's now writ.)
Ep. 35: L A Z O A C O P: “Lazo a Cop!”
On Antifa’s bandwagon you’d hop…?
All that's lacking's some crack agitprop,
chants which show less caprice
than “Defund the police!”
“Nuke all narks!”…? “Fuck fuzz!”…? “Lazo a cop!”…?
Ep. 36: A P A L O O Z C: Ap’alooz’ “C”
Hot on horses with spots 'cross coats white...?
Appaloosa “A”…? “Zip Cochise”: right…?
Damon’s “Cowboy”’s horse “B.”
“Cojo Rojo”’s steed “D.”
Still, Ap’alooz’ “C” spurs delight!
Ep. 37: A P O C A L O Z: Apocal-…Oz
Revelation’s Four Horsemen…? For kicks
I view each à cheval in the sticks,
somewhere over a rainbow
(it's bodmin, we both know):
Apocal-…Oz! Sans saffron bricks.
Ep. 38: A O C A P L O Z: AOC...Aploz
AOC gives the GOP pause:
"Does she not yet give probable cause...!?
She shall, surely, today."
Sorry: no bleedin' way!
AOC! Hands together!! Aploz!!!
Ep. 39: A P L O O C A Z: A P! Looc! A Z!
People peckish pour pizza agree:
sightin' signs above parlors be key.
Ignore Linear Bs!
Opt for stock ABCs!
Look! An A! Look! A P!! Looc! A Z!!!\
Ep. 40: A L C A P O O Z: Alcapooz
Back in the day, crooks we'd banish.
Onto Alcatraz Island they’d vanish.
Do they still…? They do not.
Alcapooz now’s the spot --
with its name rear half French, front half Spanish.
Ep. 41: Z A L C O O P A: Zal Coopa
Is with Fenimore she eponymic…?
We think not: sounds a lot like some gimmick.
Still, at lip-syncing Don,
she’s Ms. Sine Qua Non.
Slainte, Sarah (“Zal”) Coopa: FemmeMimic!
Ep. 42: A C L O O P A Z: Acloop, AZ
Do you sigh for environs more fun…?
Where folks share your affair with the gun…?
Where abortion’s taboo
and where science is, too…?
Well…Acloop, AZ is one.
Ep. 43: A L O A Z P O C: Alo'a, Zpoç-
Decamping Zpoçlandia...? Pity.
Still, you split...? You submit to this ditty:
"On your mark (it's been swell)...
get set...hula like hell!
So: Alo'a, Zpoçlandia City!"
Ep. 44: L O A A P O C Z: Lo: a…a…pocz!
There once dwelt a flu-bearing fox
who, while otherwise heterodox,
spread his virus through town.
When the whole town came down,
I, immune, shouted, “Lo: a…a…pocz!”
Ep. 45: A Z A P O L O C: As a Poloc
Though I hail not from Warsaw but Nome,
I speak Polish wherever I roam,
nor one damn do I give:
here in LA I live
az a Poloc, and call LA home.
