TrueSpoons & FauxSpoons

what in French is la noisette : hazel nut :: 

charming rhino-maisonette : nasal hut 

     A SuperSpoon

which '30s flick did Gable star in...? 

(answer not if 'twere a flop) : 

in Mutiny on the Bounty ::  

where near Belt* did I ride Sam,** 

my bro aboard Quebecois Cop *** :

in Butte -- 'n' he on the Mounty

     * Town in Montana  

     ** Olympic title-holding horse

     *** Famous imaginary Canadian nag 

*  *  *  *  *

foremost of Br'er Rabbit's homes : briar patch ::

anthology of Matthew's poems : Prior batch 

GK's priest; he'll solve the case : Father Brown ::

grimace shown when's pull'd this face : bother frown

fiction penn'd by piece o' shit : The Art of the Deal ::

conger's unexpected flit : the dart of the eel

this contest's over, we believe : game, set, match! ::

Ms. Dennis! Armstrong please retrieve! : Mame! Get Satch!

Chicago's metaphoric name : Windy City ::

Cynthia's one waggish dame : witty Cindy 

*  *  *  *  *

Spoonsong for Tallulah Boone 

Me and cousin Lou Baboon, 

our vests festoon'd in blue galloon,

while Charlestonin' and boogalooin'

climb aboard our gules balloon

to set out for the Blue Lagoon. 

     (a work in progress) 

Dante's Infernal Review

     Into which circle of hell should the ex-POTUS be plunged...?

It seems a case can be made for every one of the nine.

     Canto I 

Death don't heel for no schlemiel,

nor'll do She so for Don der Drumpf.

What's left...? To seal this deal: which wheel

of Dante's Hell Judge Doom should dumpf

this boob whose crime blooms overtime --

in Oval Off 'n' on the stumpf.

     Canto II 

"Such pests shan't rest in Limbo's Ring,"

Gehenna's Prosecutor states.

"Though Hell's First Ring be just the thing

some classic Attic odist rates,

still, Drumpf's "pest werds" (sic)...? For the birds!

(Plus, reading anything Drumpf hates)."

     Canto III 

"Does Drumpf not bust a gut with lust

as sure as Hombergs drop...?" asks Doom,

"...though, charged with rape, Drumpf purrs, non-pluss'd..."

"Drumpf hump'd me in a dressing room,"

notes E. Jean Carroll.* "Di'n't he just!"

adds Doom. "Thus Circle Two's his tomb."

     * Journalist who accused Drumpf 

of sexually assaulting her in a Bergdorf 

Goodman changing facility. 

     Canto IV 

"Hush your fuss," fumes Cerberus.*

"That Drumpf's a glutton nurse no doubt.

Big Macs, Drumpf Steaks, whole choc'late cakes

Drumpf stuffs into his MAGA mout.'

'Tis Circle Three, let's all agree,

edacious Donald's all about."

     * The ravenous three-headed dog who 

guards Hell's Circus of Gluttons.

     Canto V

Half of Circuit-Four's for spenders;

half's," drawls Doom, "for hoods who'd hoard.

Clearly Drumpf's not 'mongst the lenders;

Herr Drumpf hoards -- across-the-board.

'Tis only just that Drumpf surrenders,

letting his Scrooged soul be Four'd!"

     Canto VI

 

     (more cantos to come: a work in progress)

As 'New Spur' Is To 'Spooner,' So 'Pooh's Snurr' Is to 'Snooper': Risible Ratios & Pretentious Proportions from Ron 'n' Sibyl Spoon

 

Deal thy tush a mortal blow : kiss your butt adieu ::

as above, now so below : dish your butt a coup 

God said, "Don't dare touch that tree" : sin, the sin of Adam ::

Hussein Hotel -- "Where kids stay free" : in the Inn of Saddam

One arises, t'other one descends : dove 'n' the lark :: 

"Do you like to watch...?" "Well...that depends..." : love in the dark

Grabb'd the famous Swedish prize : won Nobel ::

"Merry Xmas, Gordà guys!" : Bonne Noël!

Hebrew legend disses Savior : Wandering Jew ::  

hooker's client's lewd behavior : john during woo 

Blighter needs some Shojo Zen : lost soul ::

newsman Thomas...? Drunk again : sauced Lowell

Atheists and Near-Atheists Celebrated in Limericks & Normal or Nashesque Clerihews

Mr. Ron Reagan 

ain't pullin' our leg, un-

afraid as he is to make hash of the spell 

cast by dead-end religionists -- nor does the Great Communicator's son 

"fear burning in hell."

 

Sir Philip Pullman CBE --

an atheist a la the C of E.

Reared in The Book of Common Prayer,

it's the Anglican God he doubts is there.

Mrs. Madalyn Murray O'Hair

is emphatic that God isn't there:

"God the Father...? Erased!

God the Son can't be traced.

And that Holy Ghost...? Wholly hot air!"

Mr. F. Nietzsche,

appears led to reach a

paradigm-shifting conclusion -- specific'lly, God is now dead --

but, since too few believe him, Fred fosters the concept of the ubermensch instead.

Mr. Tom Paine

is heard to complain,

"Mine's a Deist, no godless-type 'creed.'

But priestcraft...? I thoroughly diss that, indeed."

Mr. Chris Hitchens

stays put in all kitchens,

having proved himself able to "handle their heat"

while delivering blinker'd creationists one then another plu-encyclopedic defeat. 

Men o' the Cloth & Material Girls: Dimensional Celebrity Fabricatures Using Acrylics, Colored Pencils, Chemical Markers and Actual Fabrics and Textile Materials on !6" By 20" Canvases. Click on Individual Images to View Larger Reproductions.

Singer
Corduroy Orbison

Comic / Sex Offender
Bill Gauzeby

Folksinger
Burlap Ives

Israeli PM
Bibi Netting-Yahoo

   

Former Fox TV Host
Pillow Reilly
 

Actor
Vellum Dafoe

 

Fidelista
Crochet Guevara

Singer / Ukulelist
Tiny Timfoil

Linguist / Political Gadfly
Foam Chomsky

Ancient Philosopher
Socksrates

GOP Spokesperson
Sarah Huckabee Sandpaper

Comedian
Bill Murraymekko

Actor
Denim Elliott

Actor
Slyrofoam Stallone

Belgian Boy Reporter
Satintin

Popeye's Best Gal
Olive Voile

Dr. Seuss's
Sampler-I-Ampler

PBS's
Robert Coaster

 Russian Dicktatohead
Plaidimir Putin

Physicist
George Gamowflage

  Former Beatle
John Linen

Space Odyssey's
Keir DuLace

NBA Bigman
Kevin Garr-Net

French Actor
Gerard Diaperdoo

Star Wars's
Harrison Furr'd

Impressionist Painter
Henri MaTissue

British Actress 
Fleeceity Kendal

Astronomer 
Fred Hoylecloth

Tease Spooners

Hymn humm'd prostrate on one's knees... 

...let's quit gassing pairs of Bries:

     "Steal Away to Jesus" / we'll, uh, stay two cheeses

Amis, Fry and Rushdie's pal, he's...

...show disdain for harsher galleys:

      Christopher Hitchens / hiss tougher kitchens 

Gnaw on neighbor deeding plaudits...
...beat down brass quintet which audits:
     bite the hand that feeds / fight the band that heeds 

MMXXII or In a Future Dystopian "Amerika," a Senior Citizen Recalls the Former USA's 2022 Midterms (A L'il Limerick for 'Lection Day)

Two M's, two X's, two I's:
first election post MAGA's Big Lies.
I remember it well.
'Twas when states went to hell
as we learn'd how dictatoheads rise.

     Two M's, two X's, two I's,
nor did stuff like such guff cause surprise:

weeds of change long were sewn

and we all should have known

we'd need learn how democracy dies.

Mondo Imperativo Numero Tre or Get in the Mood...Once More: Yet Another Alphabet

Ask again later!
Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia! 
Carry me back to old Virginny!
Do the Mashed Potatoes! 
En garde! 
Fasten your seat belts!
Give us a kiss! 
Hands up! 
Into the breach once more, dear friends!
Just do it! 
King me! 
Lock and load!
Maintain low tones!
Name your poison!
Off with her head! 
Physician, heal thyself!
Quiet down, you lot! 
Row, row, row your boat!
Stop me if you've heard this one! 
Take me out to the ball game!
Unhand that woman!
Venite adoremus!
Walk softly and carry a big stick! 
Xerox your boobs!
You've got to believe me! 
Zamboni this! 

Mondo Imperativo Numero Due or Get in the Mood...Again! Another Alphabet

Ανδρα μοι εννεπεε...!
Burn, baby, burn! 
Come to Marlborough Country!
Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! 
Engage! 
Fuhgeddaboudit! 
Grab your coat and get your hat!
Hold the mayo! 
Into the woods!
Joke if you will! 
Katy bar the door! 
Laugh, clown, laugh!
Make mine a double!
Nota bene! 
Only connect!
Pardon my dust! 
Quit buggin' me!

Read 'em and weep! 
Show me the money! 
Turn on, tune it, drop out! 
Use the stairs!

Vote early and often!

Wait, wait, Mr. Postman!

Xerox your dick!

Yield to traffic in the circle!

Zoom in closer! 

Spoondelayo

The stuff that supports things you've done...
...each fall off a Bronto needs one:
     a leg to stand on / a Steg to land on

Mondo Imperativo Numero Uno or Get In The Mood, Dude! An Alphabet

Abandon hope all ye who enter here! 
Buckle down, Winsocky!
Cherchez la femme! 
Don't make me come in there! 
Eat my shorts! 
Follow the drinking gourd!
Gentlemen, start your engines!
Have some Madeira, m'dear!
Imagine all the people living life in peace!

Join the navy and see the world!

Keep off the grass! 

Leave it to Beaver! 

Mind the gap!

Name that tune!

Open sesame!

Play it again, Sam!

Quit while you're ahead!

Remember the Alamo! 

Smoke if ya' got 'em!

Tell ‘em Groucho sent ya’!

Up and at 'em!

Visit the sick!

Win With Wilkie!

Xerox your butt! 

Yankee go home! 

Zip it!