"Dump Don Drumpf? Hip-hip-hooray!" You've Gotta Pay to "Nay!": A Constrained Solicitation in Rhyme

Dump Don Drumpf? Hip-hip-hooray!
Who'll deed Drumpf dough to go away?
Each man, each child, each woman should
who fathoms what for them is good!

Which voter 'cross this USA

would not dump Drumpf this way...today? 
Each patriot could rave, "I gave
to save the homeland from that knave."

Each citizen could send a buck

to silence Daffy Donald Duck.
I'll send a buck. Hey! I'll send two.
I'll send a fiver! (So should you.)

"Who's busy dropping aitches? Some horse revealing raches?" Rarely Rhymes: Constrained Nonsense

I 'Rachel Maddow' Rhymes with ‘Aitches’

Who's busy dropping aitches...? 
Some horse revealing raches...?*
Some cow concealing naches...?**
No: Maddow (i.e., "Rache") is!***

 
     * A streak on the beak
    ** A bump on the rump 
    *** Rachel did study at Oxford.



II 'Michael Pollan' Rhymes with ‘Arugula’

That's rich – buying rhymes for 'arugula.'
Mr. Pollan’s both lavish and frugal, huh...?


III 'Sancho and the Don' Rhymes with ‘Purple’

I'm quizzing Quixote, "What rhymes, Don, with 'purple'...?"
When suddenly Sancho, astride Dapple's curple,*
opines, "Don’t ask Don: his brain's halt; he'll but hirple.**
Adds Don: "Pace, Panza, or suffer my nurple!"***

     * The hindquarters of a horse or, in this case, 
a very gentle donkey. 
     ** To walk with a limp; to drag a limb; to hobble 
     *** A portmanteau of 'purple' and 'nipple' 
(Clearly the Don is a bully.)


IV 'Faegheh Atashin' Rhymes with ‘Woman’

Googoosh: you're rife with rhymes for 'woman' -- 
you who weighs your wage in toman.*

 
     * Iranian singer Ms Atashin, aka Googoosh, 
surely remembers the toman, a Persian gold coin.


V 'William Inge' Rhymes with ‘Orange’

Say it once more, Inge:
"There are rhymes for 'orange.'"*

     * One is 'Blorenge,' referring to a hill 
in southeast Wales.


VI 'Sir William Walton' Rhymes with ‘Silver’

You'll search – oh, yes, you will -- fer
more words to rhyme with 'silver.' *

     * There is, of course, 'chilver,' referring 
to a ewe lamb.


VII 'A. A. Milne and Winnie the Pooh' Rhymes with ‘Kiln’

I can find no rhymes for 'kiln.'*
Does your bear know any, Milne...?

 
     * If 'kiln' is pronounced with the 'n' silent, 
a partially similar versified query can be addressed 
to young Till Eulenspiegel of musical merry pranks fame:
"Does Herr Straus know any, Till...?" 


VIII 'Tom Brokaw' Rhymes with ‘Plankton’

He who'd find a rhyme for 'plankton'
quizzes Brokaw, bloke from Yankton.


IX 'Genesis’s Noah' Rhymes with ‘Midst’

Pair the rhymeless word 'midst'...?
Surely, Noah, thou didst. 


X 'Robert Moog aka Rob the Builder' Rhymes with 'Plinth' 

Do you need a rhyme for 'plinth'...?
Rob will build one...on his synth.

"My claim? Names of Jameses, through historyspeak..." Rhymes with 'Jimmy the Greek': Constrained Nonsense

My claim? Names of Jameses, through historyspeak,
in due time wind up rhyming with ‘Jimmy the Greek.’

Who is James, King of Scotland, but Jimmy Antique?
Who is Jimmy Durante but Jimmy the Beak?

Isn’t James Joyce the novelist Jimmy Oblique?
Ain’t the Good Book’s James Lesser just Jimmy the Meek?

Isn’t Bond…James Bond…aka Jimmy the Chic?
(As for Susan Saint James, ain’t she Jim So-to-Speak.)

Who are Jones, Beam and Watt? Aren’t they Jimmy the Clique?
Who’s the Godfather (James Brown) but Jimmy the Shriek?

Isn’t James Beard the chef Jimmy Bubble and Squeak?
(When he’s sautéing onions, he’s Jimmy the Leek.)

Isn’t James Earl Ray actu’lly Jimmy the Bleak?
Shouldn’t teamster James Hoffa be Jim Up-the-Creek?

Isn’t James the Fat (Mor Stewart) Jim Chubby Cheek?
Harvard’s James D. G. Wood? Who but Jimmy Critique?

Jimmy Carl Black? Who but Jimmy the Freak?
And James MacNeill Whistler’s just Jimmy Technique!

John Lennon’s real name? Jimmy Eight-Days-a-Week.
(And somewhere there stands a James taking a leak.)

In Melbourne, ’07, there’s Jimmy the Streak.
Isn’t fashion’s James Galanos Jimmy Boutique?

(Jamie Harris the glass artist’s Jimmy Lalique
and each blackbird you see might be Jimmy Cacique.

Some note: “Jimmy Marlu’s not Jim Martinique,
but I think Lizha James might be Jim Mozambique.”

Jesse James assumes names: ain’t one Jimmy the Sneak?
And the West’s Edwin James: ain’t he Jim of Pike’s Peak?

Flautist James Galway passes as Jimmy the Squeak.
Author P. D. James has to be Jim Hide-and-Seek.

(Or perhaps P.D.’s actu’lly Jimmy Mystique.
Jimmy Shergill of Bollywood’s Jimmy the Sikh.)

Isn’t James Earl Jones oftentimes Jim Vaderspeak?
Surely Javans are fond of their Jimmy Batik!

And there’s, somewhere, some Arab called Jimmy the Sheik.
(None are easy to find. Still, to find you must seek.)

Isn’t Baldwin, occasion’lly, Jim Fit-of-Pique?
James Kisiki of films: Jimmy Diabolique?

Dennis James, bodybuilder: not Jimmy Physique?
(Ain’t Ezekiel aka Jimmy the Zeke?)

Where’s the card-playing James known as Jimmy Bezique? 
One more James whose geek name rhymes with ’Jimmy the Greek.’

"Piper Spighpin and others..." Dames & Days of Xmas (Illustrated Images)

PIPER SPIGHPINN

GISELE LAYEN

MAE D'ZAMILKEN

CAL ("INGA") BERDZ

GOLDA WRYNX

FRAN CHENZ

TUR ("DOLL") DOFFS

LADY STANZING

LOURDES-LEE PING

REGINA PEARTREE

"How did words originate? What theories chart their birth...?" In Theory or The Corey Lewandowski Approach to Language Origin: A Constrained Nonsense Rhyme

How did words originate? What theories chart their birth?

In bow-wow theory, Man apes sounds all ‘round -- for all he’s worth. 
In pooh-pooh theory, Man responds to worry or surprise
or pain or fear. (Says pooh-pooh theory, "That’s how words arise.")

In ding-dong theory, Man reverberates with Nature’s tone.
(Of all these theories, ding-dong seems most largely overblown.)
In ta-ta theory – one the linguists know as yo-heave-ho – 
Man’s tongue mimes gestures made while he hoes yet another row.

In la-la-theory, Man’s inspired by playfulness and love.
But one new theory’s superseded all of the above.
In womp-womp theory, language starts when certain soulless men
poke fun at children’s suffering. It’s happening again.

"Tommy Tuna and others..." A Further Five Poissons of Interest (Illustrated Images)

TOMMY TUNA

NEWTON MINNOW

PIERRE TEILHARD DE SHARK

THE BLUEFIN BROTHERS

ELON MUSKELLUNGE

"To win at Acey-Deucy, hang loose! Play loosey-goosey!" The Rules of the Games: A Constrained Nonsense Alphabet

To win at Acey-Deucey, 
hang loose! Play loosey-goosey!

(Such state’s achieved, 
it’s now believed, 
binge-viewing “I Love Lucy.”)

You'd play great games of Bocce? 
First, migrate to Karachi.
There, register 
as one “Monsieur 
Wladziu Liberace.”

A dominance in Chess 
(a challenge, I confess),
requires, first off, 
that rivals doff 
all peasant Chechen dress.

You'd call the shots at Draughts? 
Swipe decommissioned rafts –
or purchase some 
from my old chum, 
ex-counterman at Schraft’s.

A Euchre win’s your goal? 
Abandon rigmarole.
Begin by sitting, 
briskly knitting, 
‘neath yon totem pole.

Pre-teens you’d beat at Fish? 
Repeat three times this wish:
“That each kid plays 
like Helen Hayes, 
not Dot or Lill’an Gish.”

To “first” in Hare and Hounds 
may take you sev'ral rounds.
If you’re the hare, 
exhibit flair: 
run rivals out of bounds!

Hear “I Spy something yellow”? 
All's cool if you’ll but bellow:
“What’s in your hand? 
A Krugerrand? 
Oh, Lord! It’s Limoncello!”

No winning Janggi tourney 
was won without a journey.
You're not Korean? 
I’m foreseein’ 
hirein’ an attorney.

Who loves Kings in the Corner 
(unless he’s born a fore’gner)
must learn to play 
while sitting (say) 
with Muffet...or young Horner.

You’ll like relearning Ludo. 
First, take a class in judo.
Then my advice
is: nick both dice -- 
lest mucho ‘scudo you’d owe.

Were mastering Mahjong 
to sound its siren song,
grab sev’ral tiles – 
indeed, grab piles! 
(Hey! Would I steer you wrong?)

Who’d shine at Nine Men’s Morris, 
avoiding suff’ring tsoris,
just needs to own, 
“I’m not alone.” 
(Relax, man! Join the chorus!)

To medal in Othello 
needs top-notch personnel. Oh,
and ev’ryone, 
when all is done, 
says you’re one med’lin’ fellow.

To mold Parcheesi mavens, 
eight states establish havens.
Check into one! 
Before you’re done
you’ll quench Parcheesi cravin’s.

You’d take the cup at Quoits, 
which trophy was Detroit’s?
You’ll first replace 
the trophy case, 
one formerly Jon Voigt’s.

One’s best approach to Risk? 
Keep operations brisk!
Each piece deploy,
thereby destroy-
ing rivals' royal fisc!

A "going out" in Scrabble 
attracts no hacks nor rabble.
The dudes who win 
all go “all in.” 
It’s just the duds who dabble.

You’d mess about with Twister? 
You'd better watch it, mister!
Your threadbare bott' 
be not the spot 
to cultivate a blister.

Your Uncle Wigg’ly player 
(no players known are feyer)
abides a rut 
and’s nutty – but…
I’ll neither “Yea!” nor “Nay!” her.

Who likes Paletti, Villa 
(or else vice versa) will a-
pprove more games 
with lamer names – 
‘Charibdis,” say…or ‘Scylla.’

Who’d set his sights on War? 
A nincompoops, Senor, 
might grab a gun 
but find no fun 
upon a foreign shore.

Who wins her “ins” in Xeko 
boasts sheets of Marimekko.
She also owns 
five valve trombones 
and runs a speckl’d gecko.

You wish to win at Yahtzee? 
Avoid the paparazzi:
They’re hotsy-totsy, 
and ex-Nazi! 
Join your local ROT-C!

Zoom Schwartz Profigliano! 
A game for real…or guano?
It’s real, no schmooze: 
best play'd with booze. 
(Do not play man’-a-mano.)

"The Bear and others..." Four Animals (Illustrated Images)

Top to bottom: 

Bear; Mandrill; Chimpanzee; Camel

Colored pencils on illustration board

12" x 12"

"Balk'd Dante Gabriel Rossetti: 'Actors all adored Arletty...'" Rossetti Libretti: A Constrained Nonsense Alphabet

  
Balk’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Actors all adored Arletty. 

Buddha bomb'd. Banned’s Bouncing Betty.

Bumm'd? You bet!" 

                                      -- Rossetti 



Squawk’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Calder color codes confetti.

Done to death's damn’d Donizetti.

Paid his debt..." 

                           -- Rossetti.



Blabb’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Each ‘n’ ev'ry etching’s Eddie.

‘Frickin’ fruit,’ foam’d Ferlinghetti.

‘C'est ma fete!’” * 

                             -- Rossetti



      * It's my party -- I'll decry if I want to.


Gabb’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti: 

"Getty's grabb’d my Giacometti. 

Hire some 'hound! hire Wainthropp, Hetty!

('T'swhat I get.)" 

                             -- Rossetti 


Ink’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Imre couldn't swim. Instead, he 

found Bea’s dinghy by the jetty.*

Game and set!" 

                            -- Rossetti



     * Lilly line from film classic “On Approval” 


Wink’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Singer Ketty, scribbler Letty,

thespi'n Freddie, pharaoh Seti:*

tetes-a-tetes!" 

                           -- Rossetti 



     * Lester, Cotton Pogrebin, Prinz, Jr. (sick!),

Menmaatre (sic) 


Mused Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Mis-matched: Mario Andretti's

mash notes (mese, trite, nete...)?*

Get the net!" 

                       -- Rossetti



     * Three pitch indicators from an antique

Greek musical system (as if you didn't know).



Schmoos’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Op-eds? On one's Olivetti? 

Paints a pretty paltry -- petty! --

picture, pet..." 

                         -- Rossetti 



Reel’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Quite the "ultimi quartetti": 

Ax, Bell, Chang, Ma! Are you ready?"* 

(Flag'olet? 

                     ...Rossetti*) 



     * Emanuel on piano, Bell and Chang

on first and second violins, Ma on 'cello...

     * ...and Dante Gabriel himself sitting in

on fipple flute. 


Spiel’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

" Saucers, stalled o'er Serengeti, 

seen by science sods from SETI,

pose no threat..." 

                              -- Rossetti 



Scrawl’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Spermaceti-spiked spaghetti!

Spilt sour sauce all down my teddy...

...need laundrette..." 

                                    -- Rossetti. 


Drawl’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"After Uly'd up and 'e't, he'd 

vomit: veddy viral! Veddy! 

Phone the vet!" 

                           -- Rossetti 


Crack’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti: 

" Wraiths of a monastic Wetti* 

were, for sure, X-rated. Yet he

did not fret..." 

                         -- Rossetti 



     * Wetti's full story can be found

in the Wikipedia article "Visio Wettini."


Yak’d Dante Gabriel Rossetti:

"Yes, I've yearn’d to bag a Yeti 

eatin’ ziti (mispell'd 'zeti')."

(How all wet's

                            Rossetti...?!)

"Once the world was but fire or earth, water or air..." E Equals... or Physics Schmysics!

Once the world was but fire or earth, water or air.
'Twas when He was Head Honcho. Dissenters were rare.
Then a diff’rent reality Albert E. bared:
it seems e equals m times the speed of light squared.

Cast your mind back to Einstein, of mad-as-March hair.
To eschew Albert’s “view of the u”? Who dared dare?
Yet some did disagree: I, for one, bellowed, “Merde!
Are you kiddin’ me? Energy’s m times c squared”?

What else? Dark matter? Black holes? Quarks everywhichwhere?
Leapin’ leptons? Bad bosons? Far fruitier fare? 
My Old Testament cosmos can ne’er be repaired –
not when energy’s mass times the speed of light squared.

Other cosmoi in parallel? Damn’d if I care!
Does my clock slow the faster I go? C’est la guerre!
I’d prefer Al’d not shared. I’d much rather be spared
each new round that compounds “E be (zounds!) mc²”

"Adieu, au revoir, bat 'n' budgerigar..." Two-By-Two Toodle-oo! or See Ya! A Round

Adieu, au revoir, bat ‘n’ budgerigar. 

But don’t lease no compacts from Hearse Rend-A-Car. 

Bye-bye, bon voyage, fox ‘n’ folles sans la cage. 
Who arrives in a Rolls might depart in a Dodge.

Cha wil’awib, ciao, mink ‘n’ manatee cow. 
Take the A train to Haarlem. (Take our LEM? Nohow!)

Dwell “sweetly at home,” ray ‘n’ rath known as ‘mome.’ 
We know fellas who’ll sell y’as a sled. Get to know’m!

Egogahans, exeunt, dalmatian ‘n’ dachshund. 
Get gas as you pass The Hind Quarter in Dortmund.

Farvael, fare thee well. tit ‘n’ Thompson’s Gazelle. 
If you fail to go ‘way, then (we pray), “Go to hell!”

Gorusaedaek, godspeed, cat ‘n’ centipede. We’d 
rather loudly “ya-wo’d” ye. (What mo’ do yobs need?)

Hasta pronto, ha’uu, gila monster ‘n’ gnu.
Put to sea, mes amis! (Use our racing canoe.)

Ite, te! Missa est, roc ‘n’ robin red breast.
Rockin’ Robin’s your tour guide. Rob’s bromide? “Go west!” 

Je voudrais – oui! -- aller, boar ‘n’ Bichon Frise
“De-“ no “-tour” till we’re sure you’re both far, far away.

Kiss my kisser goodbye, toad ‘n’ tsetse fly. Hie
thyselves hence, b’yond yon fence till you’re where tongues speak Thai.

Lla yhennik und lebewohl, bee ‘n’ B. Oriole.
Gondolas? Coming. Start humming that barcarole.

Mangadem, miss you, too, salamander ‘n’ shrew.
Drive our Daewoo Lacetti. It’s ready: are you?

Ndaga and nighty-night, wombat ‘n’ white-tailed kite.
Your ship has sailed? Hail the mail stage; it’s dynamite!

Onward and ou’ward, cabrilla ‘n’ cowbird.
Please pick our jihrik’sha; it’s not under-powered.

Pothu barp,’ pax vobisc!, bison ‘n’ basilisk
Post haste! Our post chaise is free. (View this compact disc.)

Qaukpattauk, q’ipurkama, leipoa ‘n’ llama.
“Good day!” (We’ve a way with the inverted comma.)

Rononai, ‘rivederch, Pygmy Pig, Yellow Perch.
Run ‘n’ hide! We’re not snide: we’ll be [wink] sure to search.

So long, sayonara, canard, capybara.
They’ve barred your canard? Hire our Proton Tiara.

Ta-ta, tootle-oo, chimp ‘n’ cocka-…yeah: you!
We’ll start countin' to ten: an’ a one, an’ a two…

Up, up ‘n’ away, crow ‘n’ Canada Jay.
Climb aboard our used Ford...but we won't wait all day.

Vaarwel, viva vale, canary ‘n’ collie.
By bus? Aye, you mus.’ Pro hac vice, by golly.

Wog maho, you’re outta here, walrus ‘n’ white-tailed deer.
If you malinger? This finger! (Your souvenir.)

Xu! Xulap knewel, sifaka ‘n’ spoonbill.
Not worn out your welcome yet? Fret not: you soon will.

Yanta kar, yanna, yanna, pouch’d rat ‘n’ piranha.
Don’t sit! Instead, split! (Not banana. Manana!)

Zayt gesunt, ziech lu, kakapo, kangaroo.
Bonne journee! Go away! Catch ya later! Adieu!

(Two by two, toodle-oo!)