Lavastories Throne Rumors Odes de Commodes Bog Ballades
Latrine Keens Potty Po'try Johnny Jingles "Can"tatas
Privy Po'ms Head Lines Toiletunes Loollabies
RestRhymes CrappaRap Gents Room Gingles Hymnal d'Ur'nal
W. C. Shanties Dunny Ditties Brascorale KhaziKarols
Poet Poe pens nonsense verse. "Plus...phun," puns Uly, "I disburse." Its gamut runs from spam to worse. The po'sy posted...? Poe's diverse -- most, postcards from his universe, replies to grudges he must nurse. My summary...? Let me be terse: a mitzva, mostly. (Not a curse.)
Saturday, January 5, 2019
Amerindian Adages
Amerindian
Adages
"When his arrow's too narrow,"
Apaches observe,
"where's the brave who'll behave
with the requisite nerve?"
"When our clans hatch no plans,"
keen Comanches declare,
"a chief’s daughter courts slaughter –
and death without hair."
Notwithstanding Elk’s* efforts
with soothsayer's sticks,
any finely fletch’d feather
wet weather predicts.
* Not the more famous Black Elk
but his fellow Oglala called simply
Elk. Both men toured with Buffalo
Bill's Wild West in 1887.
"Gitche Manitou gives us
proportionate rope --
hemp to hang ourselves with,"
hold the Hopi. (They cope.)
"Building igloos takes ice,"
elder Inuits drawl;
Jemez* chiefs note, “Al fresco
takes nothing at all.”
* Pronounced "HEY-mesh."
"Our kayaks need keels,"
goes an ancient Kaw fable,
"like lunch on the lawn
needs a one-legged table."
"March a mile in my moccasins,"
Mashpees assert,
“lest you never know nowt
'bout the nature of hurt."
“Once bitten, twice shy,”
say the Osage’s sages.
“Who’s tooth-prick’d three times
is a fool for the ages.”.
“Quick! Picture a number!”
This old Quapaw saw
bodes the run of papooses
you’ll sire with each squaw.
There’s a Seminole saying goes
something like this:
“When the peace pipe’s de trop,
give the pow-wow a miss.”
There used to be Utes
who knew ev’ry Ute dictum.
Oy vay! All turn’d out
to be obiter fictum.
The wise Winnebago chief
whispers, “Smoke tea
if you’d be ke’oke’o-
(e)xtra)-kanaka-free!”*
* ‘Ke’oke’o kanaka’ is Hawaiian for
‘white man.’ Waukesha (Winnebago
stomping ground) is admittedly a ways
further than an arrow’s flight from
Waikiki, but only if audiences won’t
allow for some poetaster’s license.)
"The Yurok’s from Vegas,
so that’s why a Yurok
knows zilch ‘bout a kayak."
(And zip 'bout a currach.)
"When his arrow's too narrow,"
Apaches observe,
"where's the brave who'll behave
with the requisite nerve?"
"When our clans hatch no plans,"
keen Comanches declare,
"a chief’s daughter courts slaughter –
and death without hair."
Notwithstanding Elk’s* efforts
with soothsayer's sticks,
any finely fletch’d feather
wet weather predicts.
* Not the more famous Black Elk
but his fellow Oglala called simply
Elk. Both men toured with Buffalo
Bill's Wild West in 1887.
"Gitche Manitou gives us
proportionate rope --
hemp to hang ourselves with,"
hold the Hopi. (They cope.)
"Building igloos takes ice,"
elder Inuits drawl;
Jemez* chiefs note, “Al fresco
takes nothing at all.”
* Pronounced "HEY-mesh."
"Our kayaks need keels,"
goes an ancient Kaw fable,
"like lunch on the lawn
needs a one-legged table."
"March a mile in my moccasins,"
Mashpees assert,
“lest you never know nowt
'bout the nature of hurt."
“Once bitten, twice shy,”
say the Osage’s sages.
“Who’s tooth-prick’d three times
is a fool for the ages.”.
“Quick! Picture a number!”
This old Quapaw saw
bodes the run of papooses
you’ll sire with each squaw.
There’s a Seminole saying goes
something like this:
“When the peace pipe’s de trop,
give the pow-wow a miss.”
There used to be Utes
who knew ev’ry Ute dictum.
Oy vay! All turn’d out
to be obiter fictum.
The wise Winnebago chief
whispers, “Smoke tea
if you’d be ke’oke’o-
(e)xtra)-kanaka-free!”*
* ‘Ke’oke’o kanaka’ is Hawaiian for
‘white man.’ Waukesha (Winnebago
stomping ground) is admittedly a ways
further than an arrow’s flight from
Waikiki, but only if audiences won’t
allow for some poetaster’s license.)
"The Yurok’s from Vegas,
so that’s why a Yurok
knows zilch ‘bout a kayak."
(And zip 'bout a currach.)
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
Six Potus Tweets (Once Subconscious, Thus Left Untweeted) or I Know What I Know
"...I love The Stars ‘n’ Stripes. I love ‘em.
Billowing or Furled.
I know much more about The Flag than anyone in the world..."
"...I love The Mind. I love the Brain Stem. Love the Frontal Lobe.
I know much more about The Mind than anyone on the globe..."
"...I love Christianity. The Cross. The Virgin Birth.
I know much more about The Lord than anyone on earth..."
"...I love Mineralogy. Love Quartz. Love Tuff. Love Granite.
I know much more about The Rock than anyone on the planet..."
"...I love the Giant Panda Bear. I love its Black Eyes, Paws, Nose…
I know much more about The Bear than anyone in the cosmos..."
(I love the Lie. I love the Guile. I love Prevarication.
I know much less about The Truth than anyone in creation.)
I know much more about The Flag than anyone in the world..."
"...I love The Mind. I love the Brain Stem. Love the Frontal Lobe.
I know much more about The Mind than anyone on the globe..."
"...I love Christianity. The Cross. The Virgin Birth.
I know much more about The Lord than anyone on earth..."
"...I love Mineralogy. Love Quartz. Love Tuff. Love Granite.
I know much more about The Rock than anyone on the planet..."
"...I love the Giant Panda Bear. I love its Black Eyes, Paws, Nose…
I know much more about The Bear than anyone in the cosmos..."
(I love the Lie. I love the Guile. I love Prevarication.
I know much less about The Truth than anyone in creation.)
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
Out With '18, In With '19
Though our losses outnumber our wins
and our forfeitures outpace our pins
and our outs have the jump on our ins,
once again, the megillah* begins.
* Some mss show "Armageddon" here.
Which reading will prove definitive? As Lucky
says in Waiting for Godot, …"time will tell...
quaquaqua…"
and our forfeitures outpace our pins
and our outs have the jump on our ins,
once again, the megillah* begins.
* Some mss show "Armageddon" here.
Which reading will prove definitive? As Lucky
says in Waiting for Godot, …"time will tell...
quaquaqua…"
Monday, December 24, 2018
Two Poems
Love Poem
Do you love me?
Yes.
Do you?
Yes.
Do!
Yes!
Lust Poem
Speak now
or forever
hold your piece!
Do you love me?
Yes.
Do you?
Yes.
Do!
Yes!
Lust Poem
Speak now
or forever
hold your piece!
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
Eggcentric Artists
Classeggs: Coroet, Caviareggio, El Greggo, Leonardo d'Oeufinci, Meggalangelo
Romanteggs: Ceggsanne, Eggkins, Roedin, Monegg, Toulouse-Lautregg, Van Eggogh, Deggas
Fresh Eggs: Jeggson Pollock, Robert Roeufsenberg, Lucian Fried, Aleggsander Coddler, Joan Miroe, Roy Leggtenstein, Norman Roeckwell, Salvador Dalegg, Marc Cheggall, Rene Meggritte, Dieggo Roeufira, Friedegg Kahlo, Pablo Peggasso, Georges “Eggo” Keefe
Romanteggs: Ceggsanne, Eggkins, Roedin, Monegg, Toulouse-Lautregg, Van Eggogh, Deggas
Fresh Eggs: Jeggson Pollock, Robert Roeufsenberg, Lucian Fried, Aleggsander Coddler, Joan Miroe, Roy Leggtenstein, Norman Roeckwell, Salvador Dalegg, Marc Cheggall, Rene Meggritte, Dieggo Roeufira, Friedegg Kahlo, Pablo Peggasso, Georges “Eggo” Keefe
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
Shakespurious or First-Night Folderol
New drama traces production mix-up surrounding “Get Out Drumpf Vote” support package and "Get Out, Drumpf!" impeachment ballot initiative:
“Ass You Lick” Kit
In this slapstick comedy, self-styled King of Beasts tweets on and on -- and on -- about all and nothing.
Simba, Lyin’
Leading actor unleashes pre-dawn tweet shitstorm as sports teams shun Rose Garden photo ops.
The Trump, Piss’d
In a one-hander, evil Treasury Secretary skims sizeable stash, then exits stage right.
Mnuchin Do But Nuttin’
Series of tableaux portrays protagnonist's despicable offspring.
Rich Heirs? They're Turds
Tragedy strikes as golden toilets simultaneously back up in Drumpf Tower bathrooms.
King’s Johns
No synopsis available for:
Kinky Leer, Oaf Fellow, “Cor! He’s All Anus!” or Comedy of “Hair”rrors?
“Ass You Lick” Kit
In this slapstick comedy, self-styled King of Beasts tweets on and on -- and on -- about all and nothing.
Simba, Lyin’
Leading actor unleashes pre-dawn tweet shitstorm as sports teams shun Rose Garden photo ops.
The Trump, Piss’d
In a one-hander, evil Treasury Secretary skims sizeable stash, then exits stage right.
Mnuchin Do But Nuttin’
Series of tableaux portrays protagnonist's despicable offspring.
Rich Heirs? They're Turds
Tragedy strikes as golden toilets simultaneously back up in Drumpf Tower bathrooms.
King’s Johns
No synopsis available for:
Kinky Leer, Oaf Fellow, “Cor! He’s All Anus!” or Comedy of “Hair”rrors?
Monday, December 17, 2018
Graphic Proof
TEMPORARY
PERMANENT
TEMPOR RY
PERM NENT
E MPOR RY
PERM NEN
MPOR RY
P RM N N
M O R RY
RM N N
OR RY
R N N
O Y
N N
O
26 Stupid Things (Albeit Using 140 or Fewer Characters Per Tweet) Characters Have Tweeted Moments After Their Deaths: an ABC
Aamon...? Grim!
(Who'd dance with him...?)
But, as I'm
here,
eBay my bier!
Curse the dark 'n'
Philip Larkin!
Di-
(I fear I
see) -es irae.
Enough's enough!
(Putsch came to 'shuff.'*)
* As in the Bard's “shuffle off this
* As in the Bard's “shuffle off this
mortal coil,” not "Shuffle Off to Buffalo."
Feelin' very
“Alighieri.”
God's call'd Bel.
She's
black as well.
He kindly stopp’d* --
'cuz out I'd opt.
* Cf. Ms. Dickinson’s #479.
* Cf. Ms. Dickinson’s #479.
I died. Mom lied.
Ironicide!
Jus' like they tol' ya:
no magnolia.
Kiss good-bye yer
ass, you liar!
Less is more...?
A metaphor.
Memento
mori.
(Now who's sorry...?)
No sound...? No sight...?
No shit! "Good" night*...?
* As in D. Thomas’s “Do not go gentle…”
* As in D. Thomas’s “Do not go gentle…”
Off blocks, my chips...?
Apocalypse!
Pride had shit
to do with it.
Quite warm for May...?
The hell, you say.
Ripley said...
(But Ripley's dead.)
Suspend the search!
Arrivederch!
To be I'd not.
So: off the
pot.*
* As in “shit or get off…”
* As in “shit or get off…”
"Up, up and a-"...?
Propaganda.
Very well:
so this is hell.
What the fuck!
Of all the luck.
X marks the spot.
(By god, it's hot.)
Yes or no...?
Is that stuff snow...?
Zeus...? Hello.
(But I must go.)
Whoever's Up I'm Up For
Who antes-up post dealing cards, sings backup for the Stones,
bats cleanup down at Camden Yards and digs up ancient bones?
Who loves his Lear 'n' Lewis* -- nearly eats 'em up? (Guess who?)
Whose queries lead with follow-ups when interviewing you?
* Edward 'n' Carroll
Who'd rather fool with fuckups than with grownups, as a rule?
Who's, sadly, prone to hiccups and's call'd "Hikkieup" at school?
Whose teachers scold, "Don't interrup'! Stop jumpin' up! Sit down!"
Whose fav'rite lay's "La Marseillaise" -- not "Knees Up, Mother Brown"?
Who lines up at the Hippodrome? Who mops up at the mall?
Who neatens up his room at home, then owns up to it all?
Whose old kit bag he'd pack up long before he'd risk a "quackup”?
And, when traffic tickets rack up, who'd with Captain Jacquie shack up?
[If this goes on, I must throw up: this warning's on the up-'n'-up.
And guess who's left to vacuum up? Who's lent -- for rent -- his wickiup?]
Who, when he'd give a gal some bling, would never gift a Xuping* ring?
Who yacks it up? And, fin'lly, who zips up his fly outside the loo?
* Xuping is a Chinese manufacturer of cheap imitation jewelry.
bats cleanup down at Camden Yards and digs up ancient bones?
Who loves his Lear 'n' Lewis* -- nearly eats 'em up? (Guess who?)
Whose queries lead with follow-ups when interviewing you?
* Edward 'n' Carroll
Who'd rather fool with fuckups than with grownups, as a rule?
Who's, sadly, prone to hiccups and's call'd "Hikkieup" at school?
Whose teachers scold, "Don't interrup'! Stop jumpin' up! Sit down!"
Whose fav'rite lay's "La Marseillaise" -- not "Knees Up, Mother Brown"?
Who lines up at the Hippodrome? Who mops up at the mall?
Who neatens up his room at home, then owns up to it all?
Whose old kit bag he'd pack up long before he'd risk a "quackup”?
And, when traffic tickets rack up, who'd with Captain Jacquie shack up?
[If this goes on, I must throw up: this warning's on the up-'n'-up.
And guess who's left to vacuum up? Who's lent -- for rent -- his wickiup?]
Who, when he'd give a gal some bling, would never gift a Xuping* ring?
Who yacks it up? And, fin'lly, who zips up his fly outside the loo?
* Xuping is a Chinese manufacturer of cheap imitation jewelry.
Sunday, December 16, 2018
Pirates of the Absurdean or Don't Call Me Ishmael!
Call me Ivor! Aye! I liv' 'ere, near the Guadalquivir River.
I'm a reaver ("...an' smokes reefer," whines me wench, nor don't beli'v' 'er).
Long Sean Silver, Jen E. Diver, Herb "Hurt" Hoover and the Beaver,
with yours truly make a fiver: each a thief; each a survivor.
Sails this slaver out o' Dover christen'd good ship Mike L. Deaver
under Captain Nigel Haver. We'd resolv'd to wave 'er over.
"All aboard be down wi' fever," hoots "The Hoov." "We'd best to leave 'er."
Only then d'we spy the silver. "Trove!" trump I. "By Jove, I never!"
Sean palavers: "Gotta have 'er!" "Hand 'er over," shouts the Beaver.
"Shiv' me timber! Stand! Deliver! Silver salvers? I'm a craver,"
joins in Jen. (Har-r-r-r! Heaven save 'er!). "Trays trey? Treasures they'd best give 'er,"
urges Edward, son o' Cleaver, "for she'll not not take 'em wiv' 'er."
(a work in progress)
I'm a reaver ("...an' smokes reefer," whines me wench, nor don't beli'v' 'er).
Long Sean Silver, Jen E. Diver, Herb "Hurt" Hoover and the Beaver,
with yours truly make a fiver: each a thief; each a survivor.
Sails this slaver out o' Dover christen'd good ship Mike L. Deaver
under Captain Nigel Haver. We'd resolv'd to wave 'er over.
"All aboard be down wi' fever," hoots "The Hoov." "We'd best to leave 'er."
Only then d'we spy the silver. "Trove!" trump I. "By Jove, I never!"
Sean palavers: "Gotta have 'er!" "Hand 'er over," shouts the Beaver.
"Shiv' me timber! Stand! Deliver! Silver salvers? I'm a craver,"
joins in Jen. (Har-r-r-r! Heaven save 'er!). "Trays trey? Treasures they'd best give 'er,"
urges Edward, son o' Cleaver, "for she'll not not take 'em wiv' 'er."
(a work in progress)
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