"You Are Old, Father William..." Variations (cont'd)

"'Tis with Gold (Sherwin-Williams)," 

 the young man said,
"that you've painted, Herr Drumpf, 

 all your buildings.

      With most people in need, 

 how's your lunatic greed 
 still allow such 

 extravagant gildings...?"

     "In my youth," said the fellow,

"I'd often heard tell o'

 King Midus's Touch 

'n' such hype.

      So I said to myself, 

'Oro's my brand o' pelf.

 As for people... 

 ...they're -- meh! -- not my type."

"They're still sold -- Whip-Poor-Will Yums --

that once-trendy bird feed...?"

ask'd Oz of the pet-shop 

proprietor.

     "If they are, Whip and I

shall buy all you'll supply. 

Nowt but Whip-Poor-Will Yums seem to 

quiet her."

     "In my youth," said the salesman,

my appetite angled towards 

dog biscuit, bird seed 

and kibble.

     Now grown older, I still

can't get hands on my fill.

So, when Yums clog the stockroom...

...I nibble.

Runcibl'd Spooner: GOAT

 We love Federer: 

 so, frickin' sue us!
 Game, set, match.
    Patrick Dennis begs his aunt, 

"Hire Louis!"
"Mame! Get Satch!"

     Moral:

Dennis; Tennis: One's a menace.

A is for A: An Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters N. E & I

      N is for N:

     If numbers I would specify,

     though nothing too specific, 

     an 'N' you'd see -- like "...Nth degree"

    (though Ns can be horrific).

     E is for E:

   

     An 'E' he pair'd with 'm c squar'd,'

     then mark'd, with care, them equal.

     Since, mathmen hath mimed Albert's math,

     tho' none claim, "Here's its sequel."

              I is for I:

 

            

             As egos vie, each gal 'n' guy

             feels (s)he's the primo person.

            "Who's first...? Me!" (My response is "I...

             ...else why keep Nonsense versin'...?")

A is for A: An illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters B & A

        B is for B:

     

     For 'semisphere of lead' (one mere-
     ly micrometers wide) --
     I'd pen a 'B.' (Half-BB, si...? --
     though Bs ain't bonafide.)

     A is for A:

     If I'd I.D. generic'lly

     one man, one can-, one plan...,

     I'd jot an 'A.' (Jot 'the'...? No way!)

     Don't say I can't: I can!

A is for A: An Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters C & D

           C is for C:

       

       Whenever youse would croon a blues,
      'tis best to choose a Duke's.
       Make sure the key you note is 'C' --
       lest earn you stern rebukes.

       D is for D: 

       

       I took the test (I did my best)
       Herr Teach return'd today.
       What did I see...? I've earn'd a D...?
       I disagree: an A!!

Toothache Tally

I 

won-
-der how many days a sore

tooth re-
-mains bearable be-
-fore 
I should begin to worry i-
-f I've 
waited too long to visit the dentist.

A is for A: An Illuminated Alphabet in Verse: Letters H & G

       H is for H:

    

    

    No taste; no smell...nor can one tell
    the color of this stuff. 

    As H it's known; this table's shown
    the world can't have enough.

    G is for G:

    

    

    Though gravity reads '1' at sea

    inside my centrifuge,

    I'll crank up 'G's (a prank!) by threes

    and emulate a luge.

MAGA 2024 Campaign Song #1 (Sung to the Tune of "I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl that Married Dear Old Dad")

We-e-e-e 
want a dic-
-tatohead just 

like the dick
who slew six million Jews.
We-e-e-e
need a prick,
one who'd 

interdict
the people's right to choose.

A tyrant -- 

Putin/Hitler/

Franco-style -- 

a guy who'd 

rape your sister...

with a smile.

We-e-e-e

want this dic-

tatohead, al-

tho' he's sick.

Hey! What have we to lose...? 

Wiffle; or, The Prayer of David N. Mullany

O Deity Who Shapes Our Ends:
reshape this orb so, pitch'd, it bends.

'Twould make our land's, Divine Creator, 

greatest pastime even greater.

     Pair with balls You've thus begat

a lightweight hollow plastic bat.

This double play I pray of You

so dwell I might 'mongst well-to-do. 

From the Archive: Vanity Fair...

Vanity Fair On Yet Another Drumpf Conspiracy Theory 

Conspiracy theories...? No new thing from Drumpf.
They're ever away but a hop, skip 'n' jumpf.
Drumpf's latest...? To do with a world-wide cabal
run by Wall Street 'n' Washington, D.C. -- et al.
Drumpf's 'et al's are Communists Joe 'n' "Hussein":
"Joe nods while "Hussein" calls the shots; it's so-o-o plain."
And (according to Drumpf) this cabal can but widen:
"It's one whose Barack's even worse than its Biden."

OuLiPo Anagram Search

 To French soldat in First World War: 
     "O, Poilu!"
 Lord Zeus gives former love 'what for':
     "Up ol' Io!"

 With senator create rapport:

     "Oui, pol."

 You'll Chef Lou's taro dish adore:

      Poi Lou.

 There may be some beyond these four,

 though I've not thought of any more.

      OuLiPo