The Hypochondriac (Unpub)

I’ve been ass-over-teakettl'd, beat all to hell,

been collaps’d, crush’d 'n' crumpl’d...demolish’d as well.
 
I'm exhausted, enfragmented, fallin’ apart,

gone to pieces, gumm’d up, hosed. (I'm hurt to the heart.)
 
I’m injur’d, inop’rable, jackknifed ‘n’ janky,
kaput, knacker’d, k-o'd. (Please, lend me a hanky.)
 
I’m lousy 'n' limpin’. I’m muck’d, mess’d about. 

I'm nail’d, on the outs, out o’ whack. (I’m just out.)
 
I’m plumb pulverized, quash’d. I'm rack'd, ruptured 'n' rent. 

I am run-down 'n' riven. I’m screw’d up. I’m spent...
 
...topsy-turvy 'n' totally trash’d, tucker'd out, 

tango-uniform’d, unglued, unhing’d. (I’m a lout.)
 
I’ve been voided 'n' vanquish’d. I’m wither'd 'n' weak.
I've been X’d out. I’m yucky. Been zapp’d.                         
                                                               (I’m unique.)