The Placozoa Chronicles, Episode 4: Childhood's Wend

"Elfin Elasticity"
by Uly Poe

   Ep. 4: "Coo! La Paz!"

As a child, Pac's exiled to Bolivia,

land of llamas' pyjamas. (Note trivia.)

Purr'd Pac's Pa, "This place...? Ma's."
Remark'd Pac, "Coo! La Paz!"
(Pother not! Now Pac's got his own privy, huh...?)

The Placozoa Chronicles: An Anagrambunctious Rhyme Scheme Utilizing Limerick Stichs & Occupying Umpteen Episodes

"Dartmouth's Dancing Discophile"

    Ep. 1: P R E F A C I O: Prelude

Around 400,000,000 BC

(donkey's years before thee or/and me)

evolved, unknown to Noah, 

ur-primitive zoa.
Attend, all who'd fend off ennui!

     Ep. 2: P L A C O Z O A: Placozoa

Forth first which beast burst...? Placozoa.

Animalia-wise, none so simple.

Flat o' face were these critters...? 

Most recall'd to mind Fritters

comme Prairie -- with nary a dimple.

   

     

     Ep. 3: P A C O O Z A L: Paco O'Zal

Biometricist Paco O'Zal,

from a pier near the Erie Canal,

proved the first to describe

such invertebrates. (Gibe

if you will; Paco's still our best pal.)

     Ep. 4: C O O L A P A Z: "Coo! La Paz!"

As a child, Pac's enisled in Bolivia,

land o' llamas' pyjamas. (Note trivia.)

Purr'd Pac's Pa, "This place...? Ma's."

Remark'd Pac, "Coo! La Paz!"

(Pother not, for Pac got his own privy, huh...?)

     Ep. 5: A Z A C P O O L: A Zac Pool 

Young Paco's enroll'd in a school

wherein students had stock'd a zac pool.

Blue-hue'd zacs attack'd red,

leaving none quick (all dead:

Paco! You'll trump Drumpf, Ghoul of Misrule).

 

    Ep. 6: P O L A A C O Z: Pola Acoz

Paco's madre -- his cadre's tale goes --
was born Quechuan, nee Pola Acoz.
Donning manta 'n' chumpi,
poor Pola 'ppear'd lumpy.

Yo, Paco! Don't mock yo' ma's clothes!     

 

     Ep. 7: P O Z A C O L A: Poza-Cola

(Let's suspend this remembrance of Pola
and grab hold of a cold Poza-Cola.
Why...? Because (so ads say)    
it's the pause that -- ole! --
cools our hot Latin hem'globin. 'Ola!)

     Ep. 8: A L C A P Z O O: Al Cap' Zoo    

I, repressin' digressin,' now  -- nu...? --
amble on 'cross the lawn to...Peru!
Where Pac's back alley ends
view O'Zal's Dogpatch friends,
a tour Cook recommends: Al Cap' Zoo.

    Ep. 9: C P A L O O Z A: C. Palooza 

O'Zal's cousin's call'd Catt. Catt's a juicer.
While thus potted I'll not introduce 'er.
As Ms. Lala she's known. 
Ms. is best left alone.
C. Palooza. (You'd what...?! You'd seduce 'er...?!)

    Ep. 10: A Z A L C O O P: A Zal Coop

Catt's brother and Paco...? Best pals,
they declared that were swear'd to raise zals.
They enroll'd in a group 
who o'erlook'd a zal coop.
But that throng went so-o-o-o wrong. (Zals de Mals...?)

     Ep. 11: P L A Z O O C A: Plazoo, CA 

Near Plazoo, California, last June,
on the eve of a super blue moon,
seven kids caught swine flu.
For those few...? Much ado.
(For Plazoo, CA...? Inopportune.)

    Ep. 12: C A P O Z O L A: Capo Zola

One famiglia ("fam'ly") di crime
were the Smiths, call'd 'Capone' at that time.
In control of payola 

sat ol' Capo Zola,
who'd pocket nine pence of each dime.

     Ep. 13: C A Z A P O L O: Caza Polo 

My Master's "...me tangere, Nolo*"
means, I gather, "I'd rather prance solo."
But whatever it means,
He's seen struttin' His jeans
down at Lauren's saloon, Caza Polo.
    * 'Noli,' strictly speaking.

    

    Ep. 14: Z A P A L O C O: Zap'a: Loco! 

Which musicians' cognitions wax'd broke...? Faux-
belles lett' pennin' John Lennon, his Yoko,
Courtney Love, Johnny Rotten...
So: who've we forgotten...?
Wag/crankchap tagg'd Frank Zap'a: Loco!

    Ep. 15: A L A P O Z O C: Ala Pózoç 

Lest th'Abyss, with linguistical hopscotch,    

wrest your etymological wristwatch,

do as Pózoçes do -- 
true Albanians, nu...?
When pronouncing, pronounce ala Pózoç!

    Ep. 16: A C A Z L O O P: A C.Z.A. Loop 

Track this Placozoistical scoop:
space-time's squeez'd through a C.Z.A. Loop! 
What's the upshot...? Our Moon's
trined albino-hued prunes
and our Milky Way's mock turtle soup.

     Ep. 17: C A L Z O O P A: Calzoopa

May Day's menu...? For starters, try yams
topp'd with droplets of bearberry jams.
The entree's a pie -- 
freeze-dried butterfly's thigh.
What's for pudding...? Calzoopa di clams.

     Ep. 18: L A C P O Z O A: Lac Pozao

When "Which playground for comrades of Mao
who've been bann'd from Bill's bar in Bilbao
proves the best for free sex...?"
asks a friend of your ex-,
recommend to that friend Lac Pozao.

      Ep. 19: A C A Z O O L P: A Cazoo LP

If your record collection's like mine,

you like grading your discs 1 through 9.

But one pressing's so rare

it scores 10 anywhere:

A Cazoo LP -- IF genuine.

     Ep. 20: A A L Z C O L O: Aalz, Colo.

An aal...? Just a dal with bravado,

of a type which tops ripe avocado.

The Centennial State 

harvests aals by the crate.

(Empty stalls...? None in Aalz, Colo...?) 

     Ep. 21: L A C O P A O Z: La Copa...? Oz...?

La Copa, a sand beach hotel…?

Or Oz, em’rald city…? Oh, well: 

visit one, meet a wizard; 

meet t'other…? "Heil, Lizard!"

La Copa…? Oz…? Heaven or hell.     

     Ep. 22: L O O Z A P A C: Looza PAC

If you're running for office, you know
how shocking's a shortage of dough.
So: despite your poor polling
and penchant for trolling,
a Looza PAC cushions each blow.

     Ep. 23: O P A L A Z O C: Opal A. Zóç

I'm remembering Opal A. Zóç,

on whose Glock appear'd many a notch.

She'd keep track of each tryst --

for her mill, each one's grist.

Some she'd dominate; others she'd botch.

 

     Ep. 24: Z C O A L O P A: "Z" coal...?! 'Opa! 

Burning "A" coal or "B" coal," it sounds,
runs to hundreds -- nay: thousands! -- of pounds.
'Tis the same for coal "G," 
for coal "P" and coal "V."
Why not burn "Z" coal...?! 'Opa! (Yay! Zounds!)

    Ep. 25: Z A P A C L O O: Zap! A Cloo!
 
Do you Plac’zoan Chronicles ken
as you ponder ‘em over again…?
Would fresh clues open doors --
give confusions 'what for's…?
Zap! A cloo! Will that do…? [Say ‘amen.’]

     Ep. 26: P L A Z A O C O: Plaza Oç'o

One "ta-dum" from a strumming guitar
cues the ruffian, "Snuff that cigar!"
Let's us meet, por favor,
on the streetcar, Señor:
Plaza Oç'o. We needn't ride far."

     Ep. 27: CA L Z A P O O: Cal Z. Apoo 

Dead Israeli mime Shai K. Ophir    
has point zero to fear, 'twould appear
from quick Cal Z. Apoo.
Cal's a mimicker, too, 
but Cal's gimmickry's limbic...and queer.

     Ep. 28: P A Z O O L A C: Pa Zoolac

Those naf Zoolacs drive what not a few lack:

a slick racecar, one both me and you lack.
What we need are some carjack plans.
I'll tail the Zoolac clan's
matriarch; you track Pa Zoolac.

    Ep. 29: A P L A C O O Z: A Plac...? Ooz'...?

What's that 'round your mouth. Is it...green...?

No, it shows more a Robin's Egg sheen.
Its patina -- a plac...? ooz'...? --
eschews (thank God!) black hues.
In this light, it's...aquamarine!

     Ep. 30: C O Z O A P A L: Cozo, a Pal 

Steal my lunch money...? Better not try.
I've deploy'd some "security," guy.
Enter Cozo, a pal. 
He's my fixer...et al.
Please...don't let us detain you. Bye-bye.

    Ep. 31: A Z P O O L A C: "Az Poo Lac..."   

In a galaxy far, far away
lives an alternate Shakespeare, they say –
though he’s there call’d Chayqs-Bier.
(Where Ouill dwells, spelling's queer:
“Az Poo Lac It”…? That’s Ouill’s latest play.)

     Ep. 32: P O O L A A C Z: Poo!Laacz

Does each bowel movement rate "Not So Swell"…?

Like a brontosaur’s breath does each smell…?

You've but one task to do:

down a Poo!Laacz or two.

They’re prescribed in both tablet and gel. 

    Ep. 33: A A L Z P O CO: Aalz Poco

Aalz grandé grow massive, like trees,
while the aalz mediaño one sees
grow, at most, knee-cap high.
As for aalz pôco, try
visu’lizin' ‘em pint-size -- like peas.

     Ep. 34: A Z C A O O L P: Azc a Oolp

If you want to know where lipos shit,
quiz a lipo: ‘twill say, "Dish year pit.”
To learn more 'bout beasts' dung,
azc a oolp, in the tongue
it speaks: Oolpese. (What's spoken's now writ.)

     Ep. 35: L A Z O A C O P: “Lazo a Cop!”
 
On Antifa’s bandwagon you’d hop…?
All that's lacking's some crack agitprop,
chants which show less caprice
than “Defund the police!”
“Nuke all narks!”…? “Fuck fuzz!”…? “Lazo a cop!”…?

     Ep. 36: A P A L O O Z C: Ap’alooz’ “C”

Hot on horses with spots 'cross coats white...?
Appaloosa “A”…? “Zip Cochise”: right…?
Damon’s “Cowboy”’s horse “B.”
“Cojo Rojo”’s steed “D.”
Still, Ap’alooz’ “C” spurs delight!

     Ep. 37: A P O C A L O Z: Apocal-…Oz
 
Revelation’s Four Horsemen…? For kicks
I view each à cheval in the sticks,
somewhere over a rainbow
(it's bodmin, we both know):
Apocal-…Oz! Sans saffron bricks.

    Ep. 38: A O C A P L O Z: AOC...Aploz

AOC gives the GOP pause:
"Does she not yet give probable cause...!?
She shall, surely, today."
Sorry: no bleedin' way!
AOC! Hands together!! Aploz!!!

    Ep. 39: A P L O O C A Z: A P! Looc! A Z!
 

People peckish pour pizza agree:
sightin' signs above parlors be key.
Ignore Linear Bs!
Opt for stock ABCs!
Look! An A! Look! A P!! Looc! A Z!!!\

     Ep. 40: A L C A P O O Z: Alcapooz

Back in the day, crooks we'd banish. 

Onto Alcatraz Island they’d vanish.
Do they still…? They do not.
Alcapooz now’s the spot --
with its name rear half French, front half Spanish.

    Ep. 41: Z A L C O O P A: Zal Coopa

Is with Fenimore she eponymic…?

We think not: sounds a lot like some gimmick.

Still, at lip-syncing Don,

she’s Ms. Sine Qua Non.

Slainte, Sarah (“Zal”) Coopa: FemmeMimic!

     Ep. 42: A C L O O P A Z: Acloop, AZ
 
Do you sigh for environs more fun…?
Where folks share your affair with the gun…?
Where abortion’s taboo
and where science is, too…?
Well…Acloop, AZ is one.

    Ep. 43: A L O A Z P O C: Alo'a, Zpoç-

Decamping Zpoçlandia...? Pity.
Still, you split...? You submit to this ditty:
"On your mark (it's been swell)...
get set...hula like hell!
So: Alo'a, Zpoçlandia City!" 

     Ep. 44: L O A A P O C Z: Lo: a…a…pocz!

There once dwelt a flu-bearing fox

who, while otherwise heterodox,

spread his virus through town.

When the whole town came down,

I, immune, shouted, “Lo: a…a…pocz!”

     Ep. 45: A Z A P O L O C: As a Poloc

Though I hail not from Warsaw but Nome,
I speak Polish wherever I roam,
nor one damn do I give: 
here in LA I live
az a Poloc, and call LA home.

Runcibl'd Stiltskin: A Spooner Selfie

Which nonsense dispenser gives  

good as it gets...?

PlaysWellWithLetters.
     (Then who's least offensive
to lovers of pets…?
LaysWellWithPetters...?)
     Moral:
Carroll 'n' Lear...? 

They've little to fear:

both be biting. 

(Their barks, too: superior, dear.)

"A Chocolate-Coated Crocodile"
by Uly Poe

Runcibl'd Spooner: Three of a Kind

"A Babysitting Bureaucrat"
by Uly Poe

Athos and Porthos -- 

and Aramis, too:

The Three Musketeers.
     Rejoice in teeth triplex...? 

Some Islamists do: 
The Three-tusk Emirs.
     Moral:
One for Allah 'n' Allah for one!

Runcibl'd Spooner: 'Twas brilligISH

"An Appaloosan Acrobat"
by Uly Poe

Rev’s wretched ravens -- 

so skinny, so spare:

all mimsy were 

the borogoves.
     Whose frock did Herr Doktor 

von Bimmelsdorf wear…?
Ol’ Bimms, he wore 

the Moor o’ Gove’s.

     Moral:
Don’t f**k with flocks 

of Jabberwocks

nor mock the frocks 

of Nazi docs.

     (A heartfelt PWWL thankyou to friend of the blog S****H******

for making the alphabet image files available for use on this website.)

A Tale of Three Acting White House Cabinet Secretaries

Make it four Acting White House Cabinet Secretaries.

Antic Anagranimals: the Axolotl

Lox to Al. Smoked 

salmon on a 

bagel, mail'd to 

Aloysius.

     Ax tool L…? Get 

rid of gadget 

twelve! Fresh gear for 

all militias!

Lot-A-Lox. Brand 

new on shelves: ten 

pounds of Nova. 

(Me...? I love it.)

     All too X…? We

don’t know what it 

is, but there’s a 

shitload of it.

To all, XO. I 

close with love and 

kisses. P. S.: 

best to Don.

     Loo talx…? Just the 

stuff lads say, fools’

wisecracks crack’d while 

in the john.

Lola…? Tox! Don’t 

date Dolores – 

she of the con-

tagious lips!  

     Loot LAX! Let’s rob an 

airport. (When…? On 

one of our next 

west-coast trips.)

LX…? O,’ a 

lot. In Roma, 

sixty-some of 

something’s much.

     Axolotl…? 

Salamander 

boasting skin you 

love to touch.

Tax Lolo…? Let O-

bama’s stepdad 

shirk his “duty”…? 

Ain’t no way!

     So 

goes a list of 

anagrams from 

L, T, O, L, 

O, X, A.

Runcibl'd Spooner: iGod

Some folk to old-school networks head for news;

some to the cable.
One day, this wee babe shall be King of Jews.

Come to the stable!

     Moral:
A pearl -- no jive! -- of greatest price is

streaming -- live! -- on all devices.

Runcibl'd Spooner: Booboopedoo!

Chicken noodle,
cream of mushroom,
bean: a bowl of soup.
Neoteny, foun-
dation-free: I’ve
seen the soul of Boop.

     Moral:
Who'll bet me forty – fifty! – quid:
young Betty was a Campbell Kid...?

Limerick Lagniappe or Rhymes Run Riot

There was an old deadbeat from Meath

holding on by the skin of his teeth.

Once those teeth shed their skins

(a) he moved on, towards his shins

(b) he dry shaved all his chins

(c) he sought crowns (Sergey Brin’s...?) 

(d) he whined, “That won’t score wins!”

(e) he scour’d bargain-book bins

(f) he bark’d, “Yangs…? Nada! Yins!"

(g) he’d wet naps tack'd with pins

(h) he’d yell, “Room...? None at inns!”

(i) he gave gums sev’ral spins

(j) he’d rub lamps, rousing djinns

(k) he plied Anais Nin’s

(l) he bought placque – Howard Zinn’s –

(m) he donn'd dentures -- Ed Wynn’s

(n) he’d sigh, “Fresh out of ins…”

(o) he cried, “Had I but fins…”

(p) he’d pour two double gins

(q) he phoned Anthony Quinn’s

(r) he bought false ones – for grins

(s) he employ'd Rin-tin-tin's

(t) he got gout (for his sins)

(u) he'd rent Loretta Lynn's

(v) he'd indulge in Wheat Thins

(w) he'd instruct, "Damp the dins!"

(x) he'd try your next of kin's

(y) he'd collect sardine tins

(z) he consulted with twins

(y) he exhumed Freddie Prinze

(x) he equipp'd the Ashvins

(w) he book'd passage for Linz

(v) he restrung violins

(u) he remark'd, "Thus begins..."

(t) he'd tan elephant skins

(s) he cheer'd might-have-beens

(r) he'd plant chinquapins

(q) he'd raze walls (Berlin's...?)

(p) he'd ____ Ho Chi Minh's 

(o) 

then, indeed, died -- said deadbeat from Meath.

At Direction of President, Pepper Returns to School Without Mask